I got this in an e-mail and found it quite funny - "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."

There are only 3 types of people:

1. Those who can count.

2. those who can't.

National survey reveals 5/4 of the people in America have trouble with fractions.

Thanks Erich, I was trying to remember how that went!

There are three things people like to stare at- a flowing stream, a crackling fire, and a Zamboni clearing the ice.
- Charlie Brown

You don't need a parachute to skydive, unless you want to do it twice.

No, I won't take three fourths, I won't settle for less than half.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Yogi Berra

Did Stan Howe really say that last one? (grin)

You never used to be older...

Be_Zero_Be

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Things are more like they are today than ever before.

Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they are not after you. - unknown

You are only as old as the woman you feel. - Groucho Marx

History shall be kind to me, for I intend to write it. - Winston S Churchill

Where are they? Did they come this way? What direction did they go? I must find them! I am their leader! - a few 2LTs and many politicians

The best thing about shopping at a $.99 cent store is,,,You don't hafta' get all dressed-up like ya' do when ya' go ta' Walmart..........Anon.

Speaking of getting dressed up for Wal-Mart...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvxNgdFeWqM

Speaking of that Steve, check out a site called:
People of Wal Mart. What a scream.

When you make something foolproof you'll run across a very clever fool to prove you wrong.

More proof to never go to wal-mart.

You can't make anything fool proof because fools are so ingenious.

I ran across this one today:
"Americans always do the right thing.....after they exhaust all other possibilities," Winston Churchill 1945
Another of my favorites:
" The only thing that is new in the world is the history you don't know"
And finally:
"If you need a tool and don't buy it, soon you will have paid for it and don't have it" Henry Ford, but I think he stole this one from William Pioch his very talented machine tool designer.
Ron the Coilman

Never argue with an idiot because they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience!

Alan in Western Australia

The world will never run out of Village idiots,there's always another to take his place.

My fav. YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID

I feel more like I do now then I did before.

Be_Zero_Be

"Look Mom, she gave me a chico ! (Peso) Mrs. Kramer is the Nicest person I never met !"

My sister when she was 3.....

I'm looking for myself but am having a hard time finding me.
If you see me please tell me that I'm looking.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

A couple of mine:

1. If things seem to be going really well you've obviously overlooked something.

2. There is a very fine line between making something perfect and screwing it up.

Navy engineering. Measure with a micrometer, mark with chalk, cut with a chain saw.

"There are three kinds of men:

The ones that learn by reading.

The few who learn by observation.

The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence

and find out for themselves."

Will Rogers

Speaking of Will Rogers, my favorite quote from him, "It'll probably take a hundred years to know if Henry Ford helped us or hurt us but he sure didn't leave us where he found us."

Tom - Navy and Air Force had similar thoughts -

Air Force Maintenance (from a buddy who worked on the flight line) - measure with a micrometer, cut with a hack saw, install with a 10 pound hammer.

My favorite Churchill quote: "Often poeple stumble over the truth, but then they pick themselves up and continue on as before."

Churchill is a great source...

"There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result."

"This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read."

"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

One Churchill quote (at least I think it's a quote) was from a formal dinner when Churchill was seated next to Lady Astor. He had consumed quite a bit of brandy that night. She said to him, "Sir, if you were my husband I would poison you!" Whereupon Chruchill replied, "And, madam, if you were my wife I would take it!"

Party hostess: "Oh, Mr. Shaw, I do hope you're enjoying yourself."
GBS: "Madam, that is the only thing I am enjoying."

Along that same line, a woman supposedly said to Churchill, "Sir, you are drunk!" to which he replied, "And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober."

There are two types of people; those who divide humanity into two separate groups and those who do not.

If at first you don't succeed, try again -
if you still fail, give up - no sense being
a d*** fool about it.
-- W.C. Fields

"Familiarity breeds contempt.........and children."
Mark Twain

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS POLITICAL CONTENT

"Hell, I may still have a shot at becoming the Mayor of New York City."

Anthony D. Weiner
US Representative
New York 9th
Congressional District

Churchill quote.

When Winston Churchill visited the White House, he was asked what part of the chicken he liked. He said, "the breast". Eleanor Roosevelt said, "in this country, we call it the white meat". Next day, Mr. Churchill appeared at the White House with a corsage for Mrs. Roosevelt. He said."pin this on your white meat".

Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”
Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill...
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."

Churchill's reply... "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."

"Only fools and women comment on un-finished work".
I attribute this one to Confucious!

Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger, women who are interested in
them?

A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.



Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.






Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.



Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.



Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.



Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.



Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.



Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.



Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.



Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

After a speech by President Harry Truman, Bess Truman was approached by one of her lady friends who remarked, "Why is it that you cannot get President Truman to stop using the term manure? To which Bess Truman replied, "My dear, I'll have you know that it took me several years to get him to START using the term manure".

Don't sweat the petty stuff, and for goodness sake don't pet the sweaty stuff.

I may not be the smartest pumpkin on the wagen, but at least I haven't fallen off yet.

Bob

Don't worry about the mule being blind, just load the wagon. - My father

This is not intended to be political,but just a history related question,with a personal observation.Where is a person like Harry Truman when we need him?No,he wasn't perfect,and he was hated by many,including members of my own family.But he was honest and as well or better qualified for the job as anyone else then.Our society is probably incapable of producing any more leaders like him.It is a shame what we have turned into.

As a side note on Truman, he once said, ""Although I hold the highest civil honor in the world, I have always regarded my rank and title as a Past Grand Master of Masons the greatest honor that had ever come to me."

He was Grand Master of Masons in Missouri in 1940-41, while he was senator from Missouri.

Harry Truman got there by accident, or by devine providence. Mr. Roosevelt had 3 different vice presidents, and Mr. Truman had just been elected the year before. Sometimes, the ones we don't directly choose become better than the ones we elect! As for me, the only thing I thought at the time Harry Truman did wrong, was when he fired General MacArthur. But we might still be fighting the Koreans and the Chinese had he not done what he did.
Norm

The other nite my boss & I stopped at the choke & puke(Waffle House) for a 1am breakfast.

Paying the bill, the waitress asked me if I had 4 cents, I replied "I have no cents"

Realizing what I said and the alternate meaning, when she handed me back some loose change I told her "well it looks like I have some cents now".

My boss added salt to the wound by saying "and to think he works for me."

We all know about the "I miss Ike" bumper stickers in the 50's. An old-timer told me once about seeing one that said, "I miss Ike. Hell, I even miss Harry".

Mike, we had a Missouri version of that about governors many years ago ("I miss Kit Bond. Hell, I even miss Warren Hearnes.") We could revive it now... "I miss George Bush. Hell, I even miss Bill Clinton!"

There are people like Harry around. Only two problems. Either they are too smart to run for public office or too honest to get nominated.

I just finished reading John McCullough's book Truman. Although I do not agree with all his policies and think John was a bit too kind at times Harry was exactly the correct person at the correct time for the country.

But what do I know?

We have at two critical moments in our Nation's history been blessed with exactly the right people at the right time. The first was in Philidelphia at the Constitutional Convention, and the second during WWII.

Or such is my view.

One hopes such a group will again appear when it needs must.

Steve, like, perhaps, now??

Harry Truman 33 Degree Master Mason

The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money. - Alexis de Tocqueville