What He Really Means

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Model T Ford Forum: Forum 2012: What He Really Means
Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Rick J. Gunter on Tuesday, August 07, 2012 - 05:50 pm:

This is language translation manual for use when buying an old car from a farmer. I've seen lists like this in the past, so it's not completely original. Although, most of these are my own creation:

IF THE SELLER SAYS………………………………IT REALLY MEANS THIS:
===============……………………………….===================

Very rare model…………………………………….Nobody wanted it when it was new.
It’s a classic……………………………………………Aren’t they all?
It has been restored………………………………My nephew painted it with some cans of Krylon.
All original……………………………………………..Except for the paint, upholstery, and that rat-rod engine.
Engine is tight………………………………………..Rusted so tight you can’t turn it.
Price reduced…………………………………………No longer un-reasonable, just way too high.
Original paint…………………………………………I bet you didn’t know they came in that rusty color.
Can’t hold it at this price………………………..I hope you take it before you change your mind.
A great investment………………………………..Got some DeLorean Motor Co. stock I need to sell too.
Easy restoration…………………………………….All it needs is some quilts over the upholstery and
…………………………………………………………………….some roofing tar on the dents.
Parts are easy to find for this model……..You rat-rodders can make anything fit.
Already had three guys look at it today…They drove by slow with the window down and didn’t stop.
It won’t last at this price…………………………Won’t survive another winter in the barn lot.
Car show winner…………………………………….They gave everybody a trophy just for coming.
There’s a lot of history in that car…………..Not sure, but I think it might be haunted.
Was owned by a famous gangster………….Some deer hunters shot holes in it.
In a minor accident a long time ago……….Dents hammered out with a sledge hammer and
………………………………………………………………………filled with roofing tar.
Needs to be aired out……………………………..I think a skunk died in it.
Complete car…………………………………………..I think it’s all there, scattered all over the farm.
Ran when parked…………………………………….A very large tree has grown up through it since.
Runs really quiet……………………………………..I can’t get it started.
Rides real smooth……………………………………when it’s on the trailer being towed.
Don’t turn the key!...................................I’m afraid it will catch on fire.
Has a little flood damage…………………………Rolled off a ferry in 1933 and was on the bottom for 57 years.
Has a little hail damage. ………………………….Looks like it was raining ball-peen hammers that day.
Comes with extra parts. ………………………….Yeah, worn out plugs, piston rings, and a rubber chicken.
Make me an offer…………………………………….Please, I don’t want to haul this thing back home.
Barn find………………………………………………….We found it after the barn collapsed.
A little rusty……………………………………………..It sat in a swamp for about 60 years.
Basket case……………………………………………..What’s left of it is buried somewhere in the barn lot.
Many usable parts. …………………………………Heck there must be something on it that could be used.
Has rare frosted headlight lenses…………….Was abandoned during the dust bowl.
It’s got a few holes in the body………………..The Air Force used it for bombing practice during the war.
Will deliver for expenses………………………….I like vintage wine, lobster, and caviar.
Driven by a little old lady on Sundays………She raced it on a dirt track.
I don’t think that is the original body……….That model didn’t come with a chicken coup for a body.
Be careful, it’s out in the weeds. ………………A man was wasp stung 87 times out there last week.
Watch out for snakes……………………………….Don’t open the door, that old car is full of copperheads.
I need to get it out of here soon. …………….The government is going to arrest me for violation
………………………………………………………………………..of the Beautify America Act.
Needs work………………………………………………I don’t know of anybody who could fix it.
A little rough…………………………………………….Way too bad to lie about.
Very rough……………………………………………….I can’t get the junk man to haul it off.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Wes Nelson ........Bucyrus, MO on Tuesday, August 07, 2012 - 11:22 pm:

"Comes with extra parts. ………………………….Yeah, worn out plugs, piston rings, and a rubber chicken."

I love it...wet my pants laughing

Thanks Rick.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Bill in Adelaida Calif on Tuesday, August 07, 2012 - 11:53 pm:

I have seen an ad that read "original paint-under a fresh re-spray"??!!!

Bill


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By kep NZ on Wednesday, August 08, 2012 - 04:52 am:

Sounds a bit like my car.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By John Semprez-Templeton, CA on Wednesday, August 08, 2012 - 10:15 am:

I looked at an older Corvette a few years back. The ad read: Needs a little TLC. Yea, about $10K of body work and a new interior (unless the smell of vomit doesn't bother you).


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Steve in Tennessee on Wednesday, August 08, 2012 - 12:43 pm:

there is I think a set much like this for horse trading. The two that come to mind are:

1. "My wife rides him all the time." - translates to "My wife is one big and tough woman."

2. "He carried a flag in a parade." - Translates to "Thank goodness we tied the rider on."


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Norman T. Kling on Wednesday, August 08, 2012 - 01:45 pm:

Has Orange Peel on paint-----was painted over rust pits.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Fred Wicker on Wednesday, August 08, 2012 - 02:44 pm:

A few more laughs..find the book "Sir,you bought yourself a horse!" Its tales of old Horse Traders,couldent stop laughing. Then theres the Roger Welsh books...Rusty nuckels and busted Tractors.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Steve in Tennessee on Wednesday, August 08, 2012 - 04:55 pm:

I spent my youth riding around Middle Tennessee on weekends with my brother and another guy who were buying up junk horses. Most were going to slaughter but now and then we'd come across one that had some value left in him. At that point my job was to get on him. This was of course well after the two hours of discussion about how Miss Sally was doing since her husband died, who owned the Jones place, the price of feeder pigs, and of course affirmations about someone's wife or daughter riding this horse all the time.

At this point I would be called about to get on the horse. About 70% of the time we would go bucking through a fence, a wall, a pond, whatever...and the price would suddenly drop.

My other job on these forays was to admonish the two horses traders "don't drive through that mud hole" and then try to find a log chain so we could be pulled out.

One night we bought (THEY bought) a mule so old that i would swear she had "CSA" on one hip. They paid $10 for her. On the way home the trailer which was totally crammed with horses and what used to be horses threw a wheel, hub and all. Four miles after I felt the bump I convinced these two brilliant business men to stop. We found the wheel about 1 AM and limped into a bar parking lot where I stood guard over the trailer and its contents while they went to get another trailer. I was 14. The back side of the bar was apparently the entrance for the working girls and those with un-bonded substances, mostly in the "roll your own" variety.

At any rate, we managed at 3AM to get the new trailer backed up to the other and move the contents over. My brother fed the mule several bales of my dad's very good orchard grass hay over a period of some weeks. Her teeth were to the point she couldn't handle grain.

Then the night of the local sale came. I went to watch from a safe distance on the top row in the old sale barn. It was the style where the bidders sit in semi circular theater fashion over the ring where the livestock comes in to the right of the auctioneer, is sold, and goes out on the other side.

In comes the mule. The entire place erupts in laughter, though not without some sympathy. You couldn't grow up in Middle Tennessee back then without learning to respect and appreciate mules, and we all knew this one was going to go out on one of the killer's trucks. Anyway, after a lot of yelling "who brought that mule in here?" the bidding started.

Actually - it didn't start at all. Nobody would offer a bid. Finally, one of the killer buyers offered $15 so the sale wouldn't be stalled all night. The auctioneer - with the mule standing right in front of him in the ring - SLAMMED the gavel down and yelled "SOLD! $15, number 32." At the very moment the gavel fell the mule jerked her head out, stiffened all four legs, and died right there on the spot.

Bein as the bidding had closed at $15 my brother got paid. They drug the mule out with a forklift and as far as I know she arrived at the ALPO plant, though I suspect she was the first one off the trailer. For me it wasn't a bad night all in all. Nobody connected me with my brother at the sale, and the mule - bless her heart - in that way that only mules can, prevented a bunch of stupid people from doing something in a way not on her own terms.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By kep NZ on Thursday, August 09, 2012 - 12:36 am:

Each story reminds one of another story.
A man goes to a sale where an old Maori sat outside a barn with a yard full of horses. The man asks if he can buy the old grey horse. The Maori tells him "Nahh you don't want him, he don't look too good"
The man said "He looks okay to me"
The old Maori eventually gives in and sells the horse to him for cheap.
The next day the man comes back tells the old Maori "This horse you sold me is blind"
The old Maori told him "Yeah, i said he don't look too good".


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