• Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny go?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
• Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Ken funny stuff I like it!
The old jokes are still the best. I miss Henny Youngman.
Take my wife. Please.
sounds like George Carlins material.
My neighbor complained that my wife made too much noise during sex. I told him, "Send her home".
Rodney Dangerfield
A man was asked what his favorite position was for sex. He said, "The husband on top and the wife at home watching Johnny Carson."
Why is it, your stuff is junk? But my junk is stuff?
George Carlin
Why are they called apartments when they are so close together?
Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
When you raze a building, why is it torn to the ground???
M.
Jay - It's too clean to be George Carlin's material.
I have his red album from the 70s with "Seven Dirty Words".
How can an idea be new if the words to explain it already exist?
Just exactly how far is "too far"? Is it one micron beyond far?