OT fun car jokes =)

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Model T Ford Forum: Forum 2014: OT fun car jokes =)
Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Seth from NC on Monday, July 28, 2014 - 12:00 pm:

This is for Burger and anyone else hatin' on Ford. First On Race Day!

Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.

Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.

Q: How much wood could a GM*truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.

Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15 seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.

Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.

Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said, "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade.

Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle?

Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?
A. Customized.

Q. How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?
A. Turn the engine off.


Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.

Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two*Fords

Q. What's the difference between a Chevy and a shopping cart?
A. A shopping cart is easier to push.

Q. Why are the new GM trucks more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.

Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?

Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.


Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.

CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.

CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.

CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.

CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.

CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually Towed

CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet

GMC= Garage Man's Companion

GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company

GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming

GM= General Mistake

GM= Glued Metal

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. If it wasn't for our Chevy's, our tools would rust.

From the past 10 years, about 95% of Chevy trucks are still on the road. The rest made it home.

Buy a Chevy and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the rest.

I could never keep a Chevy under me, I was always under the Chevy.

Speed Kills, Drive a Chevy and live forever.

A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he had, how many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man, growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat and said to the young man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup
at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch and still not get to the other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Chevy truck too"!

"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Dan Killecut on Monday, July 28, 2014 - 09:18 pm:

Gave us a good laugh tonight
Thanks


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By JohnH on Monday, July 28, 2014 - 09:59 pm:

First On Race Day?
I'd always heard the F was for a word I've not seen in this forum.

Alternatively; Found On Rubbish Dump.

BMW = Break My Windows or Bavarian Money Waster.

There was a good Jeep one in another thread recently...something about empty pockets.

For Aussies & Kiwis;
Hope Our Luck Doesn't End Now.
Tons Of Rust And No Acceleration.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Ed in California on Monday, July 28, 2014 - 10:20 pm:

If Chevy is such a bad name on here, why does everyone ooooh and aaahhhh when they see a Frontenac OHV head on a T?


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Jamie Holmes on Monday, July 28, 2014 - 10:26 pm:

BMW- Break my wallet

Jeep-Just empty every pocket

Mazda- Most always zipping dangerously along

Hyundai- Hope you understand that nothing is driveable and inexpensive

Chrysler- Company has recommended you start learning engine repair


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Jamie Holmes on Monday, July 28, 2014 - 10:28 pm:

Ed - cause it takes a Chevy to make a ford go !!

They all have their issues....thankfully

I need to work for a few more years yet


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Ricks - Surf City on Monday, July 28, 2014 - 10:36 pm:

Chrysler now Fix It Again, Tony.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Derek Kiefer - Mantorville, MN on Monday, July 28, 2014 - 11:12 pm:

Ed, I want a Fronty head for that reason. I was born a Chevy guy, but have an unnatural love of pre-war Fords.

A Fronty head would make all right in my world. :-)


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By John P Noonan on Monday, July 28, 2014 - 11:48 pm:

Every manufacturer has had their good, their bad, and their ugly!..before owning my now beloved 25, i was far from a Ford fan. Lots of Chevelle's and GTO'S and a few Corvettes for good measure. Branding any car company bad on its face seems to me ridiculous considering that our T's still have the pleasure of having to share the ford logo with the pinto.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By A. Gustaf Bryngelson on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 12:21 am:

My wife has a GMC pick up, I want to get a bumper sticker for the driver's side that says "I'd rather push of Ford than drive a GM" and for the passenger's says "I'd rather ride in a GM than deal with our local Ford dealer again"


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Tony Bowker on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 12:50 am:

I didn't the two standard ford jokes

Ford Found On Road Dead

Ford Fix Or Repair Daily

there must be more...


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Dennis Seth - Ohio on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 05:38 am:

Ford= First On Race Day

Ford= For Old Retired Drivers


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Willis Jenkins on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 08:12 am:

People that have to make fun of other car makers must certainly have low self esteem for their own cars as a way to make themselves feel good about the cars they drive.

Automobile history is fascinating when looking from one manufacturer to the next as how each came up with their own mode of transportation. That is the great thing about the Old Car Festival. You can see the many makes and models and compare them for how innovated they were back then.

It is such s shame people have to be so closed minded on all sides of the car market.

Willis


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Ricks - Surf City on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 09:08 am:

Willis, it makes about as much sense as identifying with a professional sports team.

Pay to watch somebody else have fun?


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Chris Bamford, Edmonton AB on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 10:12 am:

Ya gotta be nuts to drive a Stutz!

Oh yeah?

Aint nothin worser than a Mercer!


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Chris Bamford, Edmonton AB on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 10:27 am:

LOTUS

Lots of trouble, usually serious


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Dave Wells on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 10:30 am:

Dodge. Drips oil, drops grease, everywhere. Oh wait, that sounds like my Model T.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Dick Lodge - St Louis MO on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 10:44 am:

There used to be a car in Holland called the Daf. It had the reputation of being a slow car, although that wasn't really fair. Because it had a Variomatic transmission, it tended to be bought by senior citizens who didn't want to have to shift gears. They were usually slow drivers, so the car got its reputation from that.

Anyway, a friend of mine used to say, "Do you know what the advantage of a Daf is?" "In a long line of slow-moving cars, you're always at the front."


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Charlie B actually in Toms River N.J. on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 10:55 am:

In High School (late 60's) a teacher had one. Wasn't the trans belt drive?


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By A. Gustaf Bryngelson on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 11:07 am:

Good one Ricks-Surf City! I do not follow any sports teams, but I am a Ford man, that is because I used Ford pickups starting in the 70s. What I liked about them was that everything was interchangeable. Most of the pickups I bought had V8s,and most were changed out to straight 6s when a new engine was put in. Two had automatic transmissions that were immediately changed to standard. and all were converted to manual steering. It was fun going to get parts, and the parts man would always ask the standard questions, What engine? I would say, Doesn't matter! He would respond I gotta know what engine. I would then tell him it had a V8 but now has a 6. Next question..Automatic or standard. Doesn't matter! It had an automatic but has a standard now, and then Power steering or manual?
To give a comparison between Ford and GM, I was a clueless kid, and in an afternoon, I removed an automatic and installed a 4 speed in the 76 Ford I am still driving. My uncle was a cracker jack mechanic and when my brother-in-laws tranny went out on his GM pickup, my uncle figured that if I can do it in an afternoon, it should not be a hard job. It turned into a job that lasted several weeks. They had to move the brake booster and change the linkage, the steering column mount had to be removed and replaced to accommodate the clutch pedal (on the Ford it was just a matter of adding the clutch pedal) and a hole had to be cut in the floor for the linkage (the hole was already there on the Ford, I just had to replace the rubber plug with the correct grommet), the frame had to be modified to accommodate the transmission mount, the floor boards had to be cut for the gear shift lever, and then the shift lever had to be bent to mist the seat, and bent again to miss the dashboard.
Needless to say, I preferred Fords until I bought an 80 pickup that had holes cut in the frame to save gas, it was a peace of crap and I have not bought another new Ford since.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Dick Lodge - St Louis MO on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 11:13 am:

Charlie, yes, a variable-ratio belt drive. My father-in law had a series of them through the years. He tended to drive fast and I also drove it from time to time. It was a very peppy little car and, as said above, the reputation came from the majority of drivers, not the car itself.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Norman T. Kling on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 11:20 am:

I only had one Chevy. I had traded a Model A for it, in fact the former owner of the Chevy gave me $75 + the Chev for the A. Now this was back about 1956, so you see prices were a bit lower in those days.

The Chevy transmission had gone out and he had removed the transmission and had another one from a wrecking yard ready to install. The driveshaft was wired up under the car. On a 38 Chevy the driveshaft was enclosed very much like the Ford was. Anyway he lived uphill from me and I coasted the Chevy down the hill to our house. When I hit the brake the wire broke and the drive shaft went down. There was a 2" rise where the driveway met the gutter and that is where the car stopped very abruptly. In fact it ripped out the front seat and pinned me against the steering wheel. Fortunately no ribs were broken. The rear axle was bent like a horseshoe. I called Ben's Auto Wrecking who was glad to tow it away free, and that's what happened to my one Chevy. I didn't even get to transfer ownership into my name.
Norm


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Robert Scott Owens on Tuesday, July 29, 2014 - 10:57 pm:

John Noonan, The Pinto motor 2.3 is raced all over the world. turns very high rpms and makes great power. Its been around for a very long time. Has had a turbo put on it and makes great power. Name one 4 cylinder from gm that would make a pimple on the 2.3 rump. Name one gm 4 cylinder that has been around for any length of time. Vega? Chevette? Scott


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Willis Jenkins on Wednesday, July 30, 2014 - 01:32 am:

The Pinto motor was not it's down fall. The Vega motor was not it's down fall.

Willis


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By David Stroud on Wednesday, July 30, 2014 - 03:05 am:

Gustaf, I respectfully disagree with you on the interchangeability of Ford parts. Back in the '60's and '70's we did a lot of hot rodding around here. I put a big block 454 Chevy engine and four speed Muncie transmission in my '55 Chevy 210 two door sedan. All I had to do was put a dent in the firewall for head clearance, and get a set of front motor mounts that used the existing 6 cylinder motor mount holes on the frame and mount the radiator in the forward position for a 6 cylinder engine. The bellhousing fit, the flywheel fit(although it had to be for a 454 because it was externally balanced, but that was the only reason, other than that, a 6 cylinder flywheel would work just fine). Even the driveshaft fit. As for the Ford products, EVERY engine, transmission, and rearend used a different configuration, including engine mounts, bellhousing bolt patterns, transmission lengths and tailshaft splines, driveshaft lengths and U joint sizes, not even taking into consideration the four bolt wheels on a 6 cylinder Mustang vs. five bolt wheels for a V8. A friend of mine who had done MANY engine swaps in all kinds of cars in the late '50's to late '60's agreed to swap a 289 into a 6 cylinder '66 or so Mustang for a fellow worker. He thought it would be a very simple swap, it wasn't. NOTHING would interchange. I remember him pulling into our local Dairy Maid in his '58 Chevy, and told all of guys that were hanging out there to come over, he had something to show us. He popped the trunk, and it was FULL of Mustang driveshafts, and not one would work without some kind of modification. Check out the bolt patterns for every Ford basic engine type. As far as I know, NONE have the same pattern. Same for many other things as I have posted. This is just one example of what we ran into back in the day. That is the one thing that put me off of a lot of Fords, and I like a lot of them very much. JMHO. Dave


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Terry Woods, Richmond, Texas on Wednesday, July 30, 2014 - 06:34 am:

The best advertising campaign FoMoCo has had in the last 14 or 15 years has been, not by Ford; but by GM with all their RECALLS. Most people I know are afraid to sink money into a vehicle produced by a company with so many problems. In Texas Ford pickups have always been a #1 seller, but Chevy Suburbans had that market; not anymore.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By samuel pine on Wednesday, July 30, 2014 - 06:38 am:

Gotta give them General Mess of Crap guys credit.

While at Napa a guy needs some tune up stuff for
a late Chevy S10 or something-Napa what size engine
a 239/ say what - well come and see and we all went
out side holy smokes an 8BA 239 flathead mated to
the T5? od tranny. Extremly well done the guy is
a local machinist. Cant here it running real story.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By William L Vanderburg on Wednesday, July 30, 2014 - 07:26 am:

"The new Chevrolet 490.....4 days on the road, 90 days in the shop."


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Willis Jenkins on Wednesday, July 30, 2014 - 08:47 am:

William,

You do know that is BS about the Chevrolet 490, right?
Just as Ford is, Found On Road Dead, is BS too.
It can easily be turned around to the Chevrolet 490,
4 days maintenance = 90 days on the road!
Just as Ford is, First On Race Day!

Willis


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By A. Gustaf Bryngelson on Wednesday, July 30, 2014 - 10:05 am:

Dave, it is true that each engine has a different motor mount configuration, but the frame is drilled and it is a simple matter to move the motor mount. Bear in mind that I was only working on Ford F260s, the comparison was made with a GM Chevy 3/4 ton 4 wheel drive. The point was to show Willis Jenkins that for many people a make preference is an honest opinion. In your case, it would be the other way around.
For a person who just drives to a 9 to 5 job and trades his car often, and does not do any work on it, the biggest factor in what car they would drive is the quality of the dealerships in the area.


Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By A. Gustaf Bryngelson on Wednesday, July 30, 2014 - 10:13 am:

Hey Terry, A few years ago, GMs ad campaign was (and I paraphrase) "We do not suck as much as we used to" It turned out they were stretching the truth.
I had an AMC jeep in the 70s, and it had a fault in the wiring to the coil that would cause the engine to quit. AMC saw that this was a danger and recalled all vehicles that had this problem to be fixed. This only affected the engine, not the steering, brakes or safety devices. The GM ignition fault was know to cause fatalities and GM still covered it up, that says a lot about the company.


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