Many years ago I was into selling Vintage Auto books on eBay, including Model T Ford Joke books. One of my favorites was a lengthy poem called, 'A Ford Romance'.
Come and listen friends, and I’ll regale
You with a new and untold tale,
Of a modern Knight, who wore no sword,
But won a wife with his little Ford.
Away last spring, I believe in May,
Old Farmer Jones to his boy did say;
“If you can prove you are worth your board,
Help pay the mortgage I’ll buy you a Ford.”
So the boy went to work with a will, you bet
To help the old man pay the debt.
His spirits, at once, had upward soared,
When the old man said he would buy him a Ford.
So he worked all summer in the sun and rain,
His feet and hands oft sore with pain.
But at last crops had all been stored,
And the old man bought him the promised Ford.
He brought it home on a Saturday night….
The boy was up before daylight;
And he felt as big as any lord,
When he’d learned to run that little Ford.
Next week he went to the county fair,
The girls for miles around were there;
Of all the swains, he was the most adored,
As he rambled around in his little Ford.
The boys were jealous of him, you see,
But he was happy as he could be.
And a their jokes he was not bored,
For he was proud of his little Ford.
When the shades of night were coming down,
He chanced to spy Melissa Brown.
So he said to here, “Please step aboard
And I will take you home in my little Ford.”
Then away they went over hill and dale,
He thought that his Ford would never fail.
But a storm came up and the rain just poured,
But it cut no ice with the little Ford.
At last they came to a long steep hill,
When half way up the Ford stood still.
The lightnings flashed, the thunders roared,
But they sat there in the little Ford.
After waiting there for an hour or more,
Until the storm had all passed o’er;
He then examined his machine
And found that he had no gasoline.
He went to a house that was standing near,
And tried to make the farmer hear,
But the louder he yelled the farmer snorted,
So he went back to his little Ford.
So then he tried and with dexterous skill,
Did managed to back it down the hill,
You can imagine how he would feel,
When he had no gas to turn the wheel.
He thought he would have to stay all night,
When looked around and saw a light;
He went to the farmer who said, ‘by Jove,
I have some oil in a gasoline stove’.
When the farmer poured it into a jug
A smile spread over the Jones boy’s mug
He took it to the car, in the tank ‘twas poured,
Then away he went in his little Ford.
And soon they reached the Brown’s farm gate,
He asked to call next Sunday night;
She said, “You may if the Ford is all right”
When he started home he turned it loose,
He’d a long way to go and but little juice;
He paid no heed to the ruts and the stones,
And soon reached the farm of old man Jones.
He put the Ford in the big red barn
And he said that he didn’t care a darn,
If he was tired and hungry too,
He didn’t regret what he’d passed through.
He went to his home and to his bed,
But troubled dreams came to his head;
And as he dreamed he’d toss and roll
While bitter anguish fill his soul.
He dreamed a city chap, Percy McLean,
Came driving by in his big machine;
He watched him as he went down the road,
And turned towards Farmer Brown’s abode.
He saw Miss Brown by the gate ajar,
As Percy drove up and stopped his car.
He was wearing clothes of the latest style,
So he raised his hat and gave her a smile.
He talked of the weather and of the crops,
As often is done by the city fops;
To the country girl, - ‘twas ever thus,
The city chap’s an agreeable cus.
Then he changed the subject to the car,
He said ‘twas better than others by far,
He asked her if she’d take a spin.
A moment she waited and stepped in.
It was a self-starter of latest make;
Miss Brown said, “Well, that takes the cake,
A whole lot better than turning a crank
And I think we’ll have a jolly prank.”
The Jones boy now lay still as a mouse,
He dreamed they were coming right by his house;
Altho they talked in lowest of tones
He heard her say “ she’d a date with Jones.
When he heard these words from his adored,
He went, at once, and cranked his Ford;
And from his eyes the anger flash,
As after them away he dashed.
He made better time is his litter car
Than those who chased young Lochinvar,
For they had gone but a mile or two,
Until they came into his view.
When Percey saw him he laughed and roared
“There’s the Joneses boy in his little Ford.
So we will show him a little speed,
And soon in the distance he’ll recede.”
So away he went at a reckless pace,
To leave the Jones boy in the race;
But he soon found that he was wrong
For the little Ford kept rambling along.
Then Percy thought he’d be real “slick,”
And learn the county boy a trick;
So down an unusual lane he went
To throw the Jones boy off the scent.
He hadn’t gone far… to his dismay,
He found a bridge had washed away;
The lane so narrow, ‘twas easily seen,
He couldn’t turn around with his machine.
Before he’d fairly got started back,
He found the Jones boy on his track.
His face turned red as if ‘twas slapped,
When he found the Jones boy had him trapped.
“So you’d steal my girl would you, McLean
And run away in your big machine;
But now I’ve got you dead to right,
You’ll giver her up of else you’ll fight.”
But never a word said Percy McLean,
As he sat there in his big machine;
For well he know from what had had heard
That the Jones boy meant every word.
The Jones boy said, “If not too late,
Miss Brown, I’ve come to keep that date.”
Oh, Mr. Jones, don’t you be rude,
Nor charge me with ingratitude.
I wanted to ride in this big car,
I little thought we’d go so far.
And Percy said ‘twould be such fun
To see which one of you outrun.”
“If Percy thought ‘twould be such fun,
He now can see that I have won;
Another thing, I’d have him know,
The race to the swift don’t always go.
And now, Miss Brown, I’ll let you choose,
Which one of these cars you’re going to use.”
She said, ‘Mr. Jones, to you I’ll state,
I’m going to help you keep your date.”
“Then goodbye Percy,” said the little miss,
“I didn’t think our trip would end like this,
Bur Mr. Jones is my old beau,
So I guess, with him, I’d better go.”
The Jones boy turned his Ford around,
And soon with his girl was homeward bound;
He never looked back and did not care
How long it took Percy to got out of there.
He then awoke with a sudden start.
With a very queer feeling around his heart;
But as if was a pleasant pain,
He soon was fast asleep again.
He was up next morn as soon as the sun,
He knew there was work that must be done,
So he went to the barn to clean his machine.
And fill the tank with gasoline.
At breakfast he was called to the house,
And he walked in as meek as a mouse;
The old man said, ‘Where have you been?”
I went to the fair,” he said with a grin.
The old man said, “That may be right,
I didn’t know the fair was held at night.”
The boy then said, (his eyes were lowered,)
“I had some trouble with the little Ford.”
The old man thought of days gone by,
When he was stumped for an alibi,
“That’s right,” he aid, good humor restored,
“You can make a goat of the little Ford.”
The boy then went to the field to work,
He was feeling tough, but he wouldn’t shirk.
It seemed the days were very long,
But he lightened his labor with a song.
The week at last came to an end,
His thoughts then turned to his lady friend.
On Sunday he was feeling gay,
So he got his Ford and he rambled away.
The roads were fine and so was the day.
The Ford was rambling in the same old way,
So he concluded he would go to town,
Before he’d go to see Miss Brown.
And what’s been said of mice an men,
In the Jones boy’s case, was true again,
Although his plans had been well made,
Some broken glass in the road was laid.
He was rambling along at a goodly pace
With a happy smile upon his face,
But his smile soon changed to a look of ire.
When he heard the “pop” of the punctured tire.
Then the air was filled with curses dire,
For he had forgotten his extra tire.
For the next five miles his pace was slow,
He asked a man the place to go.
When he got there he was in the lurch,
For the garage man had gone to church.
Like Mary’s lam, he then waited about,
Until at last the church was out.
The Sunday laws, the man ignored
When he found a boy with a crippled Ford.
He fixed the tire and put in a boot,
Then Joneses boy was ready to scoot.’
‘Twas two o’clock and too late to dine,
He “auto” been at Brown’s by half past nine.
The Brown homestead was soon in sight,
As he approached his heart grew light,
For Melissa met he at the gate,
And didn’t chide him for being late.
She took him to the house where he met her Pa
And then introduced him to her Ma.
“Have you been to dinner?” said Mrs. Brown.
“Oh, yes,” he said, “I dined in town.”
The young folks want to have a chat,
So the Jones boy said as he reached for his hat,
“Why sit on a chair as hard as a board,
When we can ride in the little Ford.”
So they went out and sat in the car’
And Mrs. Brown said, “Now don’t go far,
For troubles, you know, can’t be foreseen,
And you might run out of gasoline.”
But they paid no heed to mother’s fears,
And as he deftly shifts the gears,
Melissa answers with a smile,
“Oh, we’ll be back in a little while.”
The sun had long since been gone down,
When they reached the home of Farmer Brown.
To the miles and time they had given no heed,
As they traveled happily at low speed.
As he said goodbye that Sunday eve,
I’ll come again if you’ll give me leave,
She said, “You may” with sweet accord,
“But don’t forget to bring the Ford.”
Then away he started toward his home,
His heart was light as the ocean foam;
A happier boy was never seen,
Though he owned an eighty horse powered
And so as that night he laid in his bed,
No troubled dreams came to his head,
But he just slept and snored and snored.
And made more noise than his little Ford.
Another week soon passed away
Then he was off for a tete a tete
With his true love, Melissa Brown,
As blithe as a king with a bran’ new crown.
And thus it went until days got cold,
The autumn leaves hod turned to gold,
And every one about the place
Could see he had a serious case.
One Sunday night, too cold to ride,
While he was sitting by Miss Brown side,
He told again that aft told tale,
Tho’ often told, it don’t get stale.
When he asked Miss Brown to be his wife,
She answered him, “ You bet your life,
And everything will be serene,
If we don’t run out of gasoline.
So they agreed the wedding day
Should be the fist of the coming May,
You know it could not be amiss
So they sealed the bargain with a kiss.
You know when a boy’s engaged to a girl,
It gives his brain a peculiar whirl,
So he insists that the kiss be encored
When he starts for home in his little Ford.
Next day the boy, to his mother said,
“Miss Brown and I will soon be wed.”
She said to him, “You’re green as a gourd,
And I wish your Pa hadn’t bought that Ford.
When the old man came to the house at noon,
Mrs. Jones thought the time was opportune
To tell him all about the case.
The old man said with a smiling face:
Why, mother dear, you should not fret,
The boy, you know, helped pay the debt.
And if he wants to wed Miss Brown,
Let’s give him a blessing instead of a frown.”
So Mrs. Jones at last consents,
When she had used all her arguments,
And she told the boy t tell Miss Brown
She’d help her make her wedding gown.
When Mrs. Jones had told the boy,
His heart beat wildly in its joy,
Unbidden tears came to his eyes,
For his feelings, he could not disguise.
So he kissed his mother there and then,
Not only once, but again and again,
She said to him, “You must desist,
Your Pa’s the one that should be kissed.”
The winter, it was long and cold,
A deep snow covered wood an wold.
The boy, his fate he oft deplored,
That kept him home with his little Ford.
One day when he was all alone.
He called Miss Brown by telephone,
Hello! Hello! Is this you, dear”
Don’t you wish that spring would soon appear?
“Indeed I do,” Miss Brown replied,
“Then we could take another ride,
For the happiest hours I’ve ever seen,
Were spent with you in your machine.”
Then everything was going fine,
But Brown’s were on a party line;
To every one, it soon was known,
That they were courting by telephone.
The neighbors would drop everything,
When they would hear the Brown phone ring,
And run to listen, to what was said,
Which shows that some folks are ill-bred.
At last it came the first of May,
Which they had set as their wedding day.
The fields and woods were all abloom,
And the air was filled with a rare perfume.
The morning sun hadn’t risen far,
Till he was in his little car
And on his way to claim his bride.
His hope, his joy, his love, his pride.
When he reached the home of Farmer Brown,
The girl was dressed in her wedding gown,
And was looking very prim,
As she waited patiently for him.
When they stood by the preacher there,
They were, indeed a handsome pair.
“I now pronounce you man and wife,
May you have a long and happy life.
The news soon through the country spread
The Jones boy and Miss Brown were wed.
The friends and neighbors gathered soon
To send them away on their honeymoon.
Then after a very short delay,
They got in their Ford and rambled away.
And let us hope the coming years,
May bring them smiles instead of tears.
Great poem and collection of Joke books. I have 5 or 6 of them only.