Subject: MY WIFE IS MISSING
Only would another Ford man understand his distress.
A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report
that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door. At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.
I had to share that one.
Nice, I see this getting me into trouble already.
How many of you allow your wife to read this forum?
Woops - that doesn't work!
How many of you don't tell your wife what you read on this forum?
How many of you would be banned from this forum if your wife knew what you were reading?
My wife quit reading the forum right after someone on here told me what a poor husband I was for allowing her to crank right handed. Pissed her off and she ain't been back on here since.
No problem here...
I don't allow my wife to drive my Pickup truck!
I have a real story about a man and a stolen Ford Pickup. A friend went to town and when he cam out of the store, he noticed his pickup was not in the parking lot, so he called the cops. They arrived and started to question him about the pickup, color, make etc. and then the asked him where it was parked in the lot. He pointed to the place he remembered parking and said, "right over there by that car...wait a minute, that's my car." He was not much older than I am now when this happened.
These two guys were working on a Model T car in the man's driveway getting it ready for a car show the next day when a funeral procession went by. The one man removed his hat and lowered his head becoming noticeably saddened as the hearse drove by. The gentleman said, I'm sorry Bob did you know the deceased? The man replied, Yes, That was my wife and went back to work on his Model T Ford.
I don't believe that story, you can't get a new F-150 with a manual transmission.
Do people still use CB's?
Man ask wife when he dies will she let a new husband drive my model t. she said probably, how about working in my shop, probably. will you let him use my golf clubs. no. why not? because he is left handed.
Man asks wife, "If I die would you re-marry?" She says, "Yes." He says, "You mean you'd let some other a**ho*e have all my stuff?" She says, "What makes you think I'd marry another a**ho*e?"
I have a Cb radio in all but 1 of my vehicles. That gives me 2 ways of hollering for help if I am broke down. Cell phone and cb. Darn shame about not being able to get a manual transmission anymore to.
I bought a Ford pick up with an automatic transmission once, I drove it about two miles before I pulled it out and by the next day it had a 4 speed in it, I am sure that Ford offered manual transmissions right up until they quit building pickups in 1980.
A wife asks her husband 'if I died, would you find another wife?'
He replies 'I guess so, probably'
And would you let her share this house?'
'I guess so, probably'
And would you let her share our bed?'
'I guess so, probably'
And would you let her use my golf clubs'
'Oh no; she's left handed'
The other side?
Husband... Honey, don't be alarmed but I have been injured! I was leaving work and stepped off the kerb and got hit by a car. Paula ran me to Hospital. I have a suspected cracked skull, three broken ribs, a broken ankle on my left foot and my right leg is so badly mangled they think they may have to amputate....
Wife... Who's Paula?
If only you could get the 5.0 V8 with the turbos and the manual transmission. Oh well, can't use all the power now. Even without turbos, the 5.0 automatic will light up the tires on the run.
"I am sure that Ford offered manual transmissions right up until they quit building pickups in 1980."
I never knew that!
If Ford stopped building pickups in 1980 what do they call all the small trucks they built since then?
I thought Ford quit building vehicles altogether in 1927. (kidding of course)
I shared the joke, but changed the description to match my truck. I did not change anything to match the description of my wife... I may be in trouble for that.
I asked if I could get an F-150 with a 4 speed stick the salesman said no! Can I order the truck without a transmission? Certainly not he said. I asked him if I could order a mustang with a 5 speed stick? he said yes. I told him when you find a way to get the 5 Speed Mustang transmission in the F-150 I'll buy it until then Don't call me I'll call you!
For the tow package in my new Ford, I had to get this transmission. it's pretty cool.
Carl was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry and told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 10 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning Carl got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and saw a gift wrapped package on the driveway. Confuse she put her robe on and brought in the package. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Carl has been missing since Friday.
They do not take ex-wives on trade in ....
I have tried ....
That "PowerShift 6-speed Automatic Transmission" sounds something like the transmission that was in a VW beetle I had one time.
VW called it an "Automatic stick shift" It was a 3 speed w/reverse manual transmission but no clutch pedal. There was a vacuum operated clutch and a torque converter. The clutch was operated by micro switches on the gear selector lever, whenever the lever was pulled a little bit either up or down the clutch would disengage allowing the driver to shift.
Husband and wife go for husband's Dr. Visit. After husband comes out of Dr.'s office, Dr. calls wife in to office to talk. Dr. tells wife that husband has only a few months left unless she pampers him with his favorite foods, and tv programs, and do anything he asks to make him happy. Walking back to the car, husband asks wife what did Dr. have to say?
She said "you're gonna die"
My grandfather had a Plymouth with something called a Hi Drive. I think it was around 1953-4
I think I remember it correctly -It had a clutch that you pressed when stopped but once you were going all you did was shift the transmission.
I was just getting interested in cars but I remember driving it in the driveway. It was a blue 4 door.
This is what Wiki says --
The Hy-Drive was a Chrysler Corporation transmission introduced in August 1940 in Chryslers and DeSotos, Dodges in 1949, and Plymouths in 1953. It was a hybrid manual transmission with a torque converter like an automatic. Although Hy-Drive cars had a clutch pedal like a traditional manual transmission, it was only used put the car in gear. Once underway, the driver could upshift and downshift using the gear shift without using the clutch or even lifting off the accelerator.
It was sold by Plymouth until the fully automatic PowerFlite was available in 1955. About 75,000 cars came equipped with this transmission.
Fred, different Chrysler products had different names for the semi-automatic transmission. When I got my driver's license, our family car was a 1951 Dodge with Gyromatic. It had a clutch and the column shift was an "H" without toward you and down (low in a standard three-speed column). Reverse and neutral were in the same place as in a standard pattern. Where second would be in a standard was Low Range and where high would be was Driving Range. (Even Dodges without Gyromatic had a fluid coupling (Fluid Drive) and could be started in second gear.) Once the car was in drive range, you didn't need the clutch any more. From a stop, you stepped on the gas and started out in the equivalent of second. Once you were up to speed, you let off on the gas until you heard a click. Then you were in high. Sudden flooring of the gas pedal dropped you back into second, as did slowing below a certain speed. The Low Range also had two gears. The lower one was a sort of granny low for, as near as I can figure, pulling out tree stumps. The higher gear in Low Range was a standard low gear. My recollection (I was 16, remember) was the top speed in the granny low was about 15-16 mph, but I could beat the hottest '57 Chevy off the line at a stop light. Once we got up to about 15 mph of course, he left me far behind.
A guy was driving his Model T and got pulled over. The cop said, "Why didn't you pull over as soon as you saw my overhead lights." The T driver says, "Last week a cop ran off with my wife and I thought it was you bringing her back."