" What is most expedient is not always what is best ".
Florida Freighter Jim
Perfect for the model T...
Take your time Jim.
What 'fortune'? I'm so poor, I can't even afford to pay attention!
We used to add -- verbally -- to the end of every fortune cookie "in bed." It almost always works.
So Freighter Jim's fortune cookie would read, "What is most expedient is not always what is best", in bed.
I know, I know. I'm sick, but......
Try it. It can be really funny.
I was hoping others would post their fortunes from cookies but that is an unexpected twist ..
The one I like best I attribute to Confucious, to save my hide.
'Only fools and women comment on unfinished work'
Allan from down under.
Ahhh... Confucius say,"Man who stick head in fruit drink, get punch in nose".
Confucius say " man with hole in pocket"
Confucious say "Man who stand in front of bus get run down"
Also "Man who stand behind bus get exhausted"
And, "He who laughs last is slowest!"
What do you call a Fortune Cookie without a fortune in it?
An Unfortunate Cookie!
Shad a daz daz!
(and if you know what that means, You're OLD! or a Vaudeville nut)
We went to a Chinese restaurant one time. My wife's fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I kidded
her that she had no future. She told the waiter, kinda half joking. He brought her another one. THAT one was missing it's fortune as well. I really ribbed her this time about not having a future. It kinda shook her up. She knew it was just a manufacturing defect, but still......
Anybody else play the game of adding "in bed" to the end of fortunes from cookies?
My favorite is " Never smell the inside of a hat."
Um, does anyone else want to ADMIT to playing that game??
Heh heh heh!
But not when the "little ones" are with us!
Years ago I got a fortune cookie at a restaurant. The fortune in it read, "You will attend a party where strange customs prevail."
(Well, someone had to say it!)
I suspect.....that you can order various "Themed" fortune cookies. I think some are geared explicitly for the 'in bed' game.
Over the years, I've had a couple of friends who had their own little games with fortune cookies. One would always say his said "THAT was NOT chicken." Another would say his read "Learn Chinese".
I have a bad habit with fortune cookies.
I don't break them to remove the fortune.
I carry a Leatherman super tool and a small cheap pocket knife. Between the 2 about 90% of the fortune cookies I get have the fortunes pulled out with pliers thru the gap. People look at me funny but hey, they do that anyway so I am used to it. It is much more challenging than you would think to get that paper turned around and out of there without breaking the cookie.
Help....I am being held prisoner in a Chinese fortune cookie factory.....
Best fortune cookie I ever got in a Chinese restaurant said "You will be hungry in one hour."
Please disregard previous cookie.
Well it wasn't a fortune cookie, it was an old Mexican that told me: Slow down and get finished sooner.
Try it, it works.
Then there was an old Eskimo that told me: When love is good it's wonderful, but when it's bad it's still pretty good.
My story has a sad ending , two days before my mother got sick,(November 12TH )
My cookie said
"expect pennies from Heaven"
Two days later Mom had a stomach ache , went into the Hospital , and never came out ,
Aggressive Cancer , passed January 21
My daughter and her class mostly group-dated at a local Chinese restaurant. They developed the saying that the fortune would not come true unless you ate the whole cookie before reading the fortune.
Our local, been here over 100 years (1912), Chinese Restaurant knows me pretty well, so once I carefully printed on the paper, "You have won a free dinner." Sandy was not amused! She also didn't fall for it. Oh well. . .
I like to claim mine says, "Fortune Cookie writers local 304 on strike"
Also there is, "Sorry please try other cookie"
Fortune cookies followed by in bed got me into big trouble!
That came out wrong.
A Fortune cookie saying followed by "in bed" got me into trouble a long time ago.
Saying in bed after reading a fortune cookie got me in trouble when I was in high school.
"Man with TT truck and bees in cab should stay in bed."
My favorite--He who laughs the longest laughs the most
I stayed at a motel run by Chinese one time, slept real good all night, but an hour after I got up in the morning, I was tired again..
Confusius also say: Man going through airport turnstile sideways, going to -- somewhere in Thailand
"Stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow"
Today's Cookie .....
"That chicken... wasn't chicken."
"You have not yet finished life's journey..keep moving"
one of these days I'll figure that one out, it must have lost something in the translation!
About fifteen years ago, my daughter was wondering if her boyfriend was ever going to pop the question. One evening, he went out to get Chinese food to go. Unbeknownst to her, he had carefully steamed open a fortune cookie, put an engagement ring in it and folded it back together. After the meal, he handed her the fortune cookie....
I have a friend who owns a Thai restaurant. They do fortune cookies too. A customer brought his "fortune" up to my buddy. It read, "Man who go through airport turnstile sideways, going to Bangkok". The customer didn't think it was so funny.
The one you really have to worry about is "May you live in interesting times."
-- It's an old Chinese curse.
(Ending and name in Pinyin Chinese)
You know what you call a fortune cookie without a fortune?
An Unfortunate cookie!
Confusions say, "He who laughs last is slowest!"
Trent, Hmmm, how does that curse work if you add the usual two words mentioned above??
Someone told me to "Smile, things could be worse!"
So I smiled!
Sure enough, things got worse!!
I hope you're all adding "in bed" to these.
40 sayings found in fortune cookies
40. You will find a bushel of money
39. Your smile will tell you what makes you feel good.
38. Don’t panic
37. The best year-round temperature is a warm heart and a cool head
36. It could be better, but it’s good enough.
35. You will find a thing. It may be important
34. Your reality check about to bounce.
33. Two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
32. When chosen for jury duty, tell judge fortune cookie say “guilty!”
31. Stop eating now. Food poisoning no fun.
30. You are cleverly disguised as responsible adult.
29. Drive like hell, you will get there.
28. Person who eat fortune cookie get lousy dessert.
27. Okay to look at past and future. Just don’t stare.
26. Soup was secret family recipe made from toad. Hope you liked!
25. You will soon have an out of money experience.
24. He who dies with most toys, still dies.
23. Person who rests on laurels gets thorn in backside.
22. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
21. Life is a sexually transmitted condition.
20. Give person fish, he eat for day. Teach person to fish, he always smell funny.
19. Person who argues with idiot is taken for fool.
18. Look before you leap. Or wear a parachute.
17. The end is near, might as well have dessert.
16. This fortune no good. Try another.
15. Wise husband is one who thinks twice before saying nothing.
14. Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life
12. Make love, not bugs
11. You will read this and say “Geez! I could come up with better fortunes than that!”
10. I cannot help you, for I’m just a cookie
9. The fortune you seek, is in another cookie
8. Don’t eat any Chinese food today or you’ll be sick!
7 About time I got out of that cookie!
6. Come back later….I’m sleeping (yes, cookies need their sleep too)
5. You will be hungry again in one hour
4. You will die alone and poorly dressed
3. Warning: do not eat your fortune
2. If you can read this, you are literate. Congratulations
1. Made in the USA
0. Your Model T is calling you
I added the last one!
A variation on one of the fortune cookie comments.... Many years ago, if I was in a stall in a men's room, I would sometimes unroll about four feet of toilet paper, write "Help! I am being held prisoner in a toilet paper factory." and then carefully roll it back up again. (I was easily amused in those days. )
David Dewey, your "smile, things could be worse" reminds me of the 1964 presidential election. People were telling me, "If you vote for Goldwater, we'll be at war in Vietnam in a few years." They were right. I voted for Goldwater and a few years later, we were at war in Vietnam....
In bed. See!!! It nearly always works!!!