In the last hour or so someone has posted messages in a number of threads about using "modified bitumen roofing tar" for various purposes. Some are plausible, others clearly not, but all are written to fit with the previous discussion in the particular thread.

They are using the unregistered name "Hugh Jass" which according to www.urbandictionary.com is "Used as a fake name in any given situations, usually on the internet or a prank, Hugh Jass is meant to sound like "Huge Ass" during when said during everyday speech." It may have originated in a Simpson's episode.

So it looks like someone is really bored, want attention, and/or possibly trying to stir things up.

I guess I need to get my glasses checked... I thought the posts were from "Huge Jackass".

Paul

I hope he is having fun, he is definatly making a HUGE ASS of himself. Dave

I can think of an excellent place for Hugh to pack some of that roofing tar, in fact 2 places. Better yet 3. I've heard it makes great keyboard lubrication.

A guy with the name "Cockey" making fun of someome's last name. Priceless.

Mike,

Now that IS ironic!

Harry

I would say the fellow has the mentality of a small child and is hidden away in some basement where every night he fires up his Mac and becomes whoever he dreamed about the night before be hind the keyboard.
What the heck is bitumen roofing tar anyway?OH, I bet that is what he uses in his hair when he goes out on the town!

I presume Mike, Harry and Hugh are one and the same? Very clever but a bit juvenile on a forum comprised mostly of guys who outgrew this foolishness half a century ago.

Maybe he should smear some modified bitumen roofing tar on his "Hugh Gass" and he wouldn't have so much free time to screw with others.

David, Huge is married to Amanda Hugankiss and I purchased a large antique oak desk from them. It was advertised as being suitable for a woman with big legs and large drawers. So most likely Hugh has a Jr high School education and is rather proud of his abilitly to type but his punctuation is rather poor because he forgot the comma after the word woman. That would change the entire meaning of the advertisement.

I need to find out if Hugh is referring to Asphalt Bitumen, or Coal Tar Bitumen. I think I'll have to ask my old roofing buddy, Al Koholik.

I dont know that I have out grown being goofy and funny once in a while but I keep that side of me under control the best I can.
The world would be a boreing place if we couldnt laugh once a in a while.
I got to thinking while I was eating breakfast a while ago.I bet Hugh is actually a really skinny,bald guy that has a tiny, teeeny,Yugo car in a tiny, teeny house that only wishes he was Hugh!

Come on guys, its funny. Lighten up.

I think Seth must have gotten bored.

No Mike, it isn't me.

Well as long as Ben Dover dont come along we will be ok.
I googled Hugh Jass and came accross a site with all kinds of similar words and about laughed myself out of the chair.

As I recall, that fellow Ben Dover was a friend of Seymour Butz.

Mike Hunt wants to post but is afraid because of all of the attention this site is getting.

Seymour Butz was the author of "Under the Grandstand." His cousin, I. P. Daley wrote "The Yellow River."

Wasn't elementary school grand? <g>

Ben Dover's wife was named Eileen.

We've known a nurse named Klotz, and a doctor named Hakkim. Really.

I knew a woman named Sandy Beech....

I've been waiting for Heywood Jablome to show up,so here he is...

The Race to the Outhouse by Willie Makit and Betty Won't.

Well guys. I gotta come clean. The reason that I go by Thunder is, my real name is Phil McGuddes.

Justin Case ?

How about Richard Holder?

How about Amigone Funeral Home? Actual family, actual business, in the town where I was a teenager.

My mother had some kinfolks in rural Illinois. Because there may be relatives or friends of this man who read this, I'll omit his first name, but his middle initial was "P" and his last name was "Harder".

By the way, I wonder if modified bitumen roofing tar would make a suitable lubricant to prevent bands slippage and chattering, or would I be better off lubricating with some Hugh Jass?

I think the creativeness of our friend Hugh is to be commended. He's got everyone laughing, and he's done it without resorting to toilet humor or profanity. His posts are like pie fights in the old silents: stupid, but funny as heck. I too suspected Seth, but clearly he's not our guy.

I agree Jeffrey

Clearly?

This posting should end this string so we can get back to Model T Fords. . . . . The open kimono by Seamore Hairs, The Yellow Waters by I.P. Frieghlie, The Russian Boy's Revenge by Itora Titzhoff, The sequel called the Russian Girl's Revenge by Ikutchah kockhoff, The busy but naughty athlete by Buster Cherry, The Specailized book of human anatomy by Jenny Talya, Wearing stylish tight clothing by Mike Rotch, Things to do on a Saturday evening by Moe Lester, Things to do when it's raining by Phil Accio, Games to play in the afternoon by Phil Mehard, Horseback riding out west by Ruben Z. Clitz, Sorority Girls week-end planning booklet by Shara Dick, Things to consider when going on a first date by Wilma Dickfit. How to greet a new neighbor at a block party by Filma Wang. Bothering folks trying to transfer important information by Hugh Jass

The CEO's secretary at our hospital is Eileen List. She's a very talented, hard working, intelligent woman and stands straight.

We had a secretary named Bea Day

I know a man named Dale Buttolph. A very nice man with a very nice family. He has a daughter who is probably in her early 20's by now he named her Terra.

the ragged sign hanging out at the sawmill reads

The head of our credit department is
Helen Waite.
If you want credit,go to Helen Waite.

Sign has been hanging there since the late 70's

Texas had a governor named Ima Hogg. I know it sounds like a joke but here is a link to the facts.........

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ima_Hogg

Paul

This thread could go on forever and Frank attempted to end it. A man in my local is named Carl Weathers. When he ran unsuccessfully for mayor of my town, he claimed he was an actor. A pretend actor, maybe. He's the wrong race to the the famous actor, Carl Weathers. No joking, his son was named Stormey Weathers and his daughter was named Wendy Weathers, but I guess you had guessed that before you read it.

My wife has a doctor named Needles. Really!

Frank, I.P. also wrote The Silver Stream.

Yes Mike, Jeff said "clearly". I've never been able to make many folks laugh here and those folks with a sense of humor are laughing. You'd be laughing too, but only if someone here put me down.

Seth

In Illinois we used to have the "Beecher Tool and Die Company."

In Halifax, Nova Scotia there were two orthodontic surgeons named Precious and Lovely. Real names, Dr. David Precious is still practicing

A real person from my youth: Iona Bull Campbell.

Paul, Ima Hogg was the daughter of one time Governor of Texas Jim Hogg. Her philanthropy and generous contributions to Texas was fenimonal and still lives on today. Anyone who visits Houston, Texas should make the tour of her mansion in the River Oaks part of Houston a must see event especially in the Spring when the grounds are covered in azaleas in full bloom. Her furniture collection in the mansion includes many original pieces made before the American revolution. The Wikipedia page you list above gives some great details of her philanthropic works.....but she was never our governor....Michael Pawelek

My Mother used to go to a podiatrist in Saginaw, named Dr. Foot. There is a dentist in Michigan with the last name of Toothacher. No kidding. I passed an old farm near Grand Rapids a few years ago, the name Toothacher was written on the barn roof with shingles.

What do you wanna bet he's one of us.........just playin' around havin' fun?

The Hoggs were sisters, Miss Ima and Miss Ura.

A traffic reporter in Washington DC goes by the name of Lane Closure.

There's a disc jockey gal locally that goes by Jess Wright.

Fun stuff. David Coco Winchester Va.

I knew a man who's name was Foster Parent.
Norm

Michael,

I was born and raised in Austin. That is why I knew about Ima. I had forgotten that it was her father that was the governor. It has been a few years since I took Texas History in high school. You are correct that her mansion is a must see. I certainly was not trying to dis-respect her in any way.

Paul

When I was stationed at Little Rock AFB in the mid-sixties, two of the officers on the base were Major Mager and Captain Minor. Of course, Captain Minor was promoted, so we then had a Major Mager and a Major Minor. To top it off, Major Minor drove a Morris Minor. (No, I'm not making this up...)

My wife teaches Pharmacy Technology at the local technical college. She likes to use humorous fictious names for patient names when the students are learning to fill prescriptions and such. Unfortunately, most of these are too risque for the classroom.

There is a Mandalay Motel in my town. As far as I know, it is not a hangout for male prostitutes.

I think my 26 Dr's Coupe was originally owned by a Proctologist named Seymour Heine.

I know of a proctologist named Dr. Corn. Yep, he lives an alternate lifestyle, too.

My grandfather, Peter, ran away from home near Goodland, Kansas, when he was 13, and changed his last name from Rick to Ricks. Either way ...

rdr

Ya'll don't know Jack Schitt. Yeah sons Horse and Bull. Married Loda. There's more family if you like.

O K now knock this stuff off ! This one should really end it . . . . There was a lady skunk who had two children One was named In and the other one was named Out. When ever In was in Out was out and when ever Out was in In was out.


One day while In was out and Out was in, Their mother asked Out to go out and get In because she had looked all over for him and he was nowhere to be seen.

Out went out and very quickly brought In back in. Their mother was delighted and asked Out how he had found In so quickly. "It was simple" said Out, "In stinct".

You ole stinker!

I may not know Jack,but I know 1 of his sons,Dip .

I worked at a big dealership in ST, Paul, the newcar sales manager's name was Dick Stith.
Then I moved to Ca.-across the street from Dick Firm.
In San Francisco I had a customer named Nickie Dasher. She drove a Rabbit.
I also had a customer named Peter Rabbit and he drove a Dasher. The two were there both at the same time once, but neither thought much of it.
I also once had an eye doctor customer named Dr. Acura, She drove a Honda. Consatance Ford drove an MGA. What dingbat she was.
I know a guy in Vallajo named Reo DeGinero.

Good night, Rochester. Same here Jack.

I thought it was kinda funny. Guess there are a lot of children on here...I wasn't aware this was the Disney Forum. Good god, grow up. The only ones making asses of themselves are the ones crying about it. Every pissin and moanin post just brings this thread back to the top.

I think I'll try the tar stuff on my cracking leather seats

I thought it might work for my ol' lady's frigidity. Mix it with a bit of vodka nd see what happens

Isn't vodka and asphalt "one for the road"?

Good one Dick.

I have no idea what her shoes were made of but her legs could have been felt.

After she drank two martinis, she could feel it. After two more, anyone could.

Well, I hope the international terrorist Huzbin Farteen does not get ahold of this. Do a look up for the skit done about him on Saterday Night Live by Robert Dinero. Fuuunnnny..

Speaking of drinks, vodka and milk of magnesia is a Philips screwdriver....

Vodka & Prune Juice, a Pile Driver.

Had a friend who's roomate was Peter Eager, looked a little strange in the phonebook, his best friend was Dick Worth.

I thought it was odd to see a woman with a wooden leg, until I saw one with a cedar chest.

Which is cheaper? Beer nuts or deer nuts?

It's deer nuts, they're under a buck!

Infantile. Jejune. Puerile. I love it.

Had a kid in school once whose dad's name was Bob White. They lived on Quail Meadow Drive.

If this thread continues I'll have to contact my attorneys Dewey, Cheatham and Howe

This one is for REAL......A friend of mine canceled his vasectomy (SP) appointment when he saw the Dr's name was Dr. David Nutter---------signed Dr.D.Nutter nuff'said Carl

Check out the law firm "Harness, Dickey & Pierce"

www.hdp.com

I can't believe nobody has mentioned my dear old great aunty because most of you undoubtedly know her. Good old Iona Ford.

I've gotten more laughs out of this thread than I have had anywhere else in days!

The famous author Ben Dover was mentioned way up above. But as I learned in Jr. High, he had a collaborator on most of his books. They were actually written by Ben Dover and C. Howett Fields.

Thanks for the laughs...I sure needed it after the last few days. But I could add my good friend Bill Boards or Jim Nasium also get a laugh from this thread. Oh well I'll go back to reading my book..."Rusty Bed Springs" by I.P. Nightly.

P.S. Jim's sister married Dusty Rhoads.

OK, I have to add; there is a funeral home here in lansing named "Palmer-Bush" even if the names were reversed it still would be odd. I went to school with a girl named Penny Nickles and rented a trailer in Flint from a clerk named "Latrena"


Tim Moore

In San Diego we have a funeral home called "Goodbody Mortuary".

Back in my college days a fraternity brother and I made home brew beer and over the years became very good at it. Even in the begining it actually was pretty good. That’s been 30 years ago and he lives just down the road from me. We still make beer in three flavors, Stout (heavy), Pale ale (light)and diet beer (Hardly) that we give out during Christmas. Back then we both were taking a Russian History course so we named our beer after a famous Russian. The spelling changed for our benefit. In addition to this we had stamps made for our labels that we stamped on paper grocery bags, cut them out and glued them on the sanitized grolsch bottles. Included with the six packs was a brief history of our pretend family brew. The name of our beer "Yankenov" the tradition was passed down by hand from the Patriarch, Iben, to his four sons and daughter, Heben, Theyben, Weben, Uben and Shecantben. In fact this brew has been done by hand from the beginning of time. With three Flavors, Heavy Yankenov, Light Yankenov and the less filling, Hardly Yankenov, In fact if you don't like Yankenov... well you probably haven't tried enough. Limited Quantities are available in some areas. Start slow, finish fast, enjoy the ride.

Tim,
True story, my High School Spanish teacher was Mrs. Nichols. They named their daughter "Bright"!
Also, there was a family in a nearby town "Horr", their daughter was "Cricket Horr"
T'
DAvid D.

Most of you know Iona Ford, but I feel sorry for her sister, Ivana Ford. She never has a decent car to drive.....

No one has mentioned our Detroit traffic reporter, Barry Cade. Or my dad's urologist, Dr. Peters (true!). I love this thread. But for a great list of names, visit the Cartalk Credits department. http://www.cartalk.com/content/about/credits/credits.html

Norm,
Sorry, meant to call you last night.

We were friends with the Goodbody's, we were member's of St. Patricks Church on 30th. Fact is, I used to date Sue Goodbody, who lived up to the name.

There was a Dentist in Chula Vista named Speedy Nutz

Anyone remember that famous roman centurion, "Biggis Dikkis"

We have a dentist in town named Dr. Payne. I don't go to him.

Seeing that last one made me think of Peter Pain in the old Ben Gay ads. It seems to me that I recall the product name being Bengué at one time, but I didn't find any record of it with google search. Anybody else remember that?

Steve, I found this:

"There’s no doubt about it, products and companies with simpler names have an easier time of it. A good example is the product Bengay, a well-known analgesic heat rub to relieve muscle and joint pain. Previously the product was known as Ben-Gay, but long before that it was marketed as Baume Bengué, named after its French inventor, Jules Bengué. It’s perfectly understandable that the average Joe with an achy shoulder would be hesitant to walk into a pharmacy and ask for a tube of Bomb Bengooey or Bommy Bengway or Bowmy Bengoo. Chances are our average Joe would just order a heat rub with an easier name to pronounce, or maybe even just turn around and walk out of the store and go home and put a heating pad on his shoulder."

Try googling [bengay bengue].

For minor sprains and muscle aches, we recommend a pultice of modified bitumen roofing tar. Works wonders and has a nice, fresh scent.

(Where ARE you, Hugh?)

I'm not proud of myself for continuously returning to this topic.

I asked a doctor friend why nobody seems to prescribe pultices any longer. He agreed that it was a darn shame but had no idea why. Well, time to put on some dungarees and settle into the davenport with an ice cold, lemon phosphate, fresh from the ice box.

Erich, I think I'm a distant relatative of "Biggis Dikkis".

Yes, Eric. "He had a wife, you know?" "Incontinentia, Incontinentia Buttocks"
So glad I'm not the only fan of Monty Python here.

I thought that Incontinentia married her Roman cousin "Silliness Maxumus"

My college roomate was named Richard William. He was forever known as "Dick Bill" for the rest of his life.

So sorry to continue this mess but here are five more. There were the Greek gods; Hercules, Androcles, and Testecles. The two Greek tailors were Youripathem and Wemendothem.

On a cleaner note, there are two streets on Lake Jackson, Texas named "This Way" and "That Way".

My recollection of the Greek tailor was that the customer came in with a torn pair of pants. The tailor asked, "Euripedes?" and the customer answered, "Yes, Eumenides?"

I see most of the names, that are odd in real life, as a gift from the galactic joke writer.
For instance, John Wayne Bobbit, who had an appendage removed by his wife.
When I worked at the Richmond, Missouri paper,"The Daily News," I covered a special fire district election in the small town of Stet, MO.
Stet means "to keep" in newspaper terms and this town was kept stradling the line between two counties, divided north to south through the center of main street.
The winners of the election for the new fire district were three fireman named "Woods, Burns, and Waters."

Joe R.

Speaking of Greeks.
How about I TAPPA KEG and I FELTA THIGH fraternity's?

Or I FELTA DELTA

And the Comoawanalaya and the Hafa Cana Tuna, then there are the Allfor Frees. When I was in College the SAE's were attempting to start a chaper and their temporary name was the Sigma Epselon Chi or in English S E X, they got their charter.