OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Herb Iffrig
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Aug 09, 2020 2:55 pm

This brings to mind the discussion earlier regarding the fainting goats. Is there a correlation between them and the barrel group?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Aug 09, 2020 3:34 pm

Top of the screen to ya Herb.
I'm sure Rich and Burger will know more about the the fainting goats that I. All I can offer is this photo of Gustoff and Parnelli fetching the stretcher for fang when he fainted.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Aug 09, 2020 5:37 pm

This just in:

There was a young man named Egbert
Who raced it so hard that his legs hurt
When a speedster came by
with a goat by-and-by
Nevermore did ol' Egbert have to over exert !

Heinrich says this was found written on the underside of the toilet seat
over the 2nd hole at Ernie's privy.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Aug 09, 2020 7:06 pm

That goat is lion on his back.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Aug 10, 2020 11:41 am

Rich Eagle wrote:
Sun Aug 09, 2020 12:54 pm
. . . no songs, ballads or poetry has ever been written about Egbert.
Very true, and a sad comment on an otherwise stellar career. There were, however, several filthy limericks circulating at the time. Only one, scrawled in the outhouse behind Ernie’s has survived, but it would be inappropriate to recount it here. For those interested, a transcript is in the Institute special archives. Contact Heinrich for an appointment if you wish, but trust me, it’s not worth your time.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 10, 2020 12:12 pm

Most of the balladry in Woodbridge Bottom's collection "Looking Up" came from various inscriptions around Ernie's premises.
OutHous.jpg
Binford Schmedley penned several passages there before he became famous. Some of the best was accidentally found scratched inside the larger of the 12 spittoons by Dizzy Larkvonnett on a bad night.
As Rich mentioned it is a shame that little survived except in old photos.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Aug 14, 2020 12:25 pm

I see that this thread has been on vacation for a few days. That is as it should be.
Kalamity Dick seldom took a vacation himself as his work was as relaxing and refreshing as any holiday. One activity he did enjoy away from his regular tasks was arrowhead hunting. He particularly like to find ones that looked like famous Presidents.
Arrroz.jpg
He even found one that looked like Herbert Hoover even years before Hoover was elected. It didn't seen to bother Dick in the least.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Aug 14, 2020 2:31 pm

One reason Dick found respite in continuous work is that his varied endeavors provided endless variety for his agile brain. This interest in “flint napping” is a sterling example of how he found rest and relaxation in his many pursuits so easily.

Footnote: President Hoover also had an arrowhead collection. After he left office, it’s rumored he traded KD a large spear point for the arrowhead with his own likeness. The spear point carried an image of Dizzy Gillespie in diapers.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Aug 15, 2020 2:01 am

Funny you should bring this up. About a year ago, Heinrich came by in
his surrey to farkle through the trunk of values. He was ecstatic to discover
a long lost stone axe head with the likeness of J. Edgar Hoover in drag on
it ! He left the shop like he was walking on air. Apparently the Institute
research team knew this existed, but thought it had been lost to the ages.

Here we see the Director with Mojay Symptoms, famous trunk farkler in the
big leagues, all-star player, 1st chair saxophone, and Hall of Flamer, himself.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Aug 18, 2020 1:23 am

Heinrich notes that a very young Mojay Symptoms made an off-the-cuff
suggestion to Cuthbert Maddox, that was later relayed to KD, that ultimately
led to the revolutionary practice of rolling up the trolley tracks for maintenance
back at the yards. Cut the cost by over a dollar per foot ! Here we see the
tracks notably missing behind the Vestibule Factory. They were back in place
by evening service.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 18, 2020 12:18 pm

I'm often stopped on the street and asked how they managed to roll up the trolley tracks with the ties in place. By rolling them in a slight spiral rather than a uniform roll using theories from the Helix mill solved that problem. KD had noticed while walking from Ernie's at two or three in the morning how an off cant stagger allowed the vernewable stresses to alter the inclination even if only a few degrees. If you place a glass of water on the table and place a dime under one side and look at it long enough you will see how it works.
I believe Merkley Wallbash lived in that third floor apartment just to the left of the window with curtains. Merkley loved the song Casey Jones (Steamin' and a-rollin').
Seemed appropriate.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Aug 18, 2020 12:56 pm

Very much so, Rich. Merkley operated the steam roller used to recondition the track bed each time the tracks were rolled up.

(I tried the glass of water/dime trick but got thirsty and drank it before i could fully grasp the concept. I'll try again after five with a glass of Happy Sally. )
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 18, 2020 5:47 pm

Interesting, I didn't know he could drive a steam roller.
Thanks for that.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Aug 19, 2020 12:37 pm

By the way, if you haven't seen it for a while you might put "Acre of Neglect" on your must see list.
IndyVnt.jpg
The story of High Crimes and Misdemeanors behind the Mill and the Man who vowed to bring the perpetrators to Justice. From the writings and a play of Dagwood Larkvonnet. As a boy he attempted to rid the Helix Mill back lot of quackgrass and yellow toadflax while fending off the Farkus Twins and their black-hearted pranks. While he lacked the motivation to clear much ground his genius and imagination created scores of stories.
Morley Lester was brilliant in the role of Supersleuth as well as performing most of his own stunts.
While Skip Spadaford had no part in the feature he had always admired Poland Starcoughsky's creations on the silver screen.
Much of the action sequences were filmed on the old Maddox properties. Cuthbert had a full album of photos he took during the production that is now on display in the foyer at the Institute. Ask for Heinrich.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Aug 19, 2020 1:49 pm

Rich, thank you for bringing this film classic to our attention. It's definitely one of my favorites. As a "tease" to get folks interested in seeing Cuthbert's album, I'm posting one if the most gripping "stills" from that collection. The sheep sequence was a cinematic triumph at the time. Morley Lester performed his own stunts for the dangerous segment and emerged with a mildly sprained ankle and a hangnail, which he manfully ignored to finish the scene.

There were a number of interesting movies made on location on Cuthbert's ranch; he enjoyed providing livestock "extras" to the film makers. "Dollar", the ewe at center in the photo appeared in several of Starcoughsky's major films.

Interestingly, Dagwood Larkvonnet was known in the Tri-burgs as "Injun Larkvonnet" for reasons that remain unclear. Starcoughsky changed that to "Indiana Larkvonnet" as he felt it sounded more romantic. Besides, it avoided the usual confusion between Dagwood and his little brother Elmcroft, who was known in the Basin as "Engine Larkvonnet". Elmcroft worked at the Ford garage in Chugwater and built speedsters in his spare time, notable for occasional collaborations with Kalamity Dick himself. Wonderful, isn't it, when all these strands draw into a central thread ?? (Don't forget to see the movie !)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Aug 20, 2020 12:14 am

That was a real edge-of-your-seat, nailbiter scene, with the sheep and the fence.
I still get goosebumps, just thinking about it ! Miss Maydwell provided grammar
corrections for most, if not all of those movies.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Aug 21, 2020 11:33 am

When I got over the "Chills" from seeing that photo I noticed how much it resembles the field where sheep grazed before they constructed the Helix Mill. Again, most suitable at this time.
HlxMlx92.jpg
When Marvin Scpirahle conceived the idea of gradually winding consonants along a tightening curve around a central point using vanadium as an alloy, he never dreamt of the vast demand for the product. When Kalamity Dick arrived on scene and began using those helix modules in his guilderfuke ratchet production finally became profitable and brought new prosperity to the Valley.
Abigail Van Plitsberg said it best in her best selling novel. "The dreamer has a reputation to uphold. Therefore he or she can only deserve the bottom tranche of the apple. Dedicated followers who will never be overlooked shall enjoy the higher regions."
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Aug 21, 2020 3:53 pm

Abigail Van Plitsberg was one of the deepest thinkers on existentialist philosophy in the early 20th century, although her writings often seem opaque to those who have never sampled Happy Sally. She left her Manhattan penthouse for the Tri-Burg Basin early in 1912, attracted by reports of creative innovations wrought by many inventors there, inspired and guided as they were by Kalamity Dick. Hence the quote about "dreamers' reputations" and their duty.

While her fertile brain produced reams of convoluted abstract theories of philosophy that have left generations of students and professors in awe, she found herself incapable of grasping even the simplest of mechanical principles. It was upon this realization that she left her rooms above Ernie's to share a sheep camp with Cuthbert Maddox for a summer in the Veedawoo. The simplicity of the sheepherder's life gave her respite from the conflict between theory and practice which had confounded her in the Tri-burgs' industrial establishments. Although her liason with Cuthbert was strictly platonic, it was through him she acquired a taste for plug tobacco, Rocky Mountain oysters and how to manage a sheepdog in heavy brush. Scholars have commented how this influenced the philosophical postulates which followed in her later writings.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Aug 21, 2020 4:19 pm

Cuthbert kept a large drum of her philosophical postulates by the back door.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Aug 21, 2020 5:19 pm

Burger, that is true, but he never looked in the barrel. It was only there to keep the back door from blowing closed in hot weather. They were very heavy !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:11 pm

Visiting relatives were quite puzzled when they peeked inside.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Aug 21, 2020 8:01 pm

Cuthbert's cousin Maynard looked in the barrel once and came in the house stating, "I think, therefore I am . . . I think !" Cuthbert responded, "Here, have a piece of sweet 'tater pie." Cuthbert's hearing wasn't the greatest. They had whipped cream on it. Existentialism at its best, I'd guess.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Aug 21, 2020 9:46 pm

What did they see when they peeked in the barrel?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Aug 22, 2020 9:46 am

Above Elmcroft illustrates "the bottom of the barrel" for us. Or bottom in the barrel perhaps. "Half full of postulates, half posterior" was another of Abigail's favorites. Despite being dismissed by some critics as an illywhacker others saw here works as genius. Fertile mind or full of excrement her success throughout the universe cannot be disputed.
Abigail.jpg
As a child she played amongst the sheep her parents raised. Spending time with Cuthbert was natural even though his sheep seemed different.
"Visions of sugar-plums danced in her head".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Aug 22, 2020 12:59 pm

Owing to that timely photo of young Abigail in the family sheepfold, Bartholomew was able to provide an important correction to the above narrative. The Van Piltsbergs raised a peculiar breed of sheep in upstate New York near Buffalo. Unfortunately, their flock only grew wool in a small patch on their heads between wicked horns. The poverty of yield and poor quality of the wool led to bankruptcy and the family landed in the county poorhouse. Penniless and destitute in New York City, Abigail left there for the Tri-Burgs not from a penthouse, but from a pest house. Cuthbert was able to remedy her afflictions by running her through the sheep-dip with the rest of his band.

Thanks, Bartholomew, we're all about an accurate record on these boards.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Aug 22, 2020 1:04 pm

Heinrich often sends out coded messages on his pontagraph on Friday evenings
as a matter of staying sharp with his Loris Code. I mentioned the conversation
regarding Abigail's postulates and this morning an envelope arrived with the
following:

Bob and Wormy Wormwood, ready to embark from the Helix Mill for Saddlestring
with another load of postulates. The RR bridge at Spoozle Creek was out for repair,
so shipping was diverted in the interim, and the Wormwood Brothers got the job.
Both had been retired for several years, but stepped up to cover the emergency.

Bob is seen using his shingle hatchet to gauge the plumb drop in the horses' jingle
strings while Wormy waits for the "go" signal. Bob would ride the top of the load
to prevent aerial assault. The hatchet doubled as a weapon.

Once unloaded, the pair would return to Chugwater with a load of cephaleptic
aftermath, which was in short supply, on account of the bridge outage.

KDelm.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Aug 22, 2020 1:14 pm

Also shared, this scene of Abigail working with her postulate press. Safety was
always a big concern for her, and she rarely worked without her safety bonnet.

Note the postulate grips in the foreground. With the complex exterior profiles,
working the postulates to finished form required multiple set ups using the variety
of grips.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Aug 23, 2020 10:22 am

How often a splinter of notion or hunch would ricochet from the task. While dangerous indeed it was always inspiration and some of her beat work was inspired by her best work.

"Press by press we gather the sweeps
Nodding with busy and clone.
When yes willows the compressed heaps
I can wiggle the claw grips alone.

And how I long for the familiar sheeps
Dreaming of clippers and bone.
Machinery chimes the frequent beeps
Lest the slumber be heckled by phone."
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Aug 23, 2020 11:18 am

She kept the postulate shavings curled up in her bonnet, as seen above,
to remind the casual observationist that time too, must be forever in the
turntable of other's wheels, lest they be interminably wont for sacrilege.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Aug 23, 2020 6:05 pm

I see now that postulate shavings they are. My first thought was a hearing affliction. Sacrilege or not, the wain cometh at twilight or vigil smock.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Aug 24, 2020 12:01 am

Such words were often heard in Cuthbert's tongue, when he took
time at the privy for morning constitutional.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 24, 2020 10:05 am

Known for her passion for the written word, Abigail's fondness for teaching frogs to dance went unnoticed by her vast following.
Frggz.jpg
While it annoyed Cuthbert to no end it did relieve a lot of stress from her pressing work. At left is Aldo, named for the famous artist.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Aug 24, 2020 1:48 pm

What annoyed Cuthbert is that she named Aldo's dancing partner Cuthbert in spite of the fact she was a female frog. The pair spawned many of the dancing frogs featured in vaudeville routines for many years throughout the West. They excelled at dancing the polka.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 24, 2020 2:47 pm

Abigail and the frogs might have become world renowned celebrities but for the fact that she began reciting some of her poetry while Aldo and Cuthbert (the frogs) danced. It turns out that folks who enjoy pirouetting amphibians are annoyed but unconventional verse and the crowds diminished.
Cuthbert (the human) was pleased but tried not to show it. After two seasons on the road all four returned to sheeping, pressing and mailing out a few books of writings a month.
Kalamity Dick dropped by quite frequently for a glass of milk and some gingerbread. Usually some Happy Sally was mixed in.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:48 pm

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Aug 24, 2020 4:27 pm

Nice, Herb. Thanks for posting that. Schufeld, one of the first pollywogs Aldo and Cuthbert (the frog) hatched out, was especially talented, and became the model for that Warner Bros. cartoon.

Side note: Milk and Happy Sally is an especially pleasant mix. This holiday season, treat yourselves to a Happy Sally eggnog. You'll be glad you did !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Aug 25, 2020 12:19 am

The guys at the Institute find some amusement in historical notes that indicate
various area residents mentioned Cuthbert's peculiar use of an entire bottle of
Happy Sally to "clean" the privy. No one else ever acknowledged using it as a
cleaner, never mind using a whole bottle ! In spite of everyone being "on to his
game", Cuthbert continued to insist that the contents of a fresh bottle were used
entirely for cleaning. Many mused that it should not take that long to clean a privy
either.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Aug 25, 2020 10:28 am

Nay-sayers may have been suspicious, but the fact remains that Happy Sally is an excellent disinfectant at 180 proof, and Cuthbert was nigh on to obsessive about cleanliness and personal hygiene. Despite the fact he seldom washed his hands after eating, his dogs loved him for himself.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 25, 2020 1:08 pm

Of coarse this was not without precedent. I believe it was Eli Whitney who used a whole bottle of cotton gin and Jim Beam a whole bottle of whiskey when cleaning their outhouses.
"Cleanliness is out back in the little woodshed nestled in the lava rocks and after the fact" was a famous line from Miss Van Plitsberg's second volume. "Sometimes refereed to as a LavaTorie."
And what a smashing day it was when the frogs had triplets.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Aug 25, 2020 8:47 pm

Stu MaGoo shows off the main bearing set used in the final version of Van Plitsberg's
Postulate Press. At 32 microns-per-sectare, the terminal velocity was considered beyond
mathmatical calculation, according to the engineers, and Cuthbert himself even liked the
feel, saying to those who happened by, "I like the feel".

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Aug 26, 2020 9:51 am

32 microns? Now that's impressive. KD did some calculations and found the frisbith at the noles end would lean out at that pitch. Surprisingly, they did.
After seeing it in action he was quoted as saying "Hmmm, I like the feel too!"
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Aug 26, 2020 11:37 am

As for the mathematical calculations, refer to Clarvoard Bittlesqick's gearing book "One Tooth is Not Enough".
Clarvoard.jpg
"Velocity is the product of haste plus brawn over pitch diameter squared" per appendix IIIV volume in cubic ohms.
Bittlesqick argued over circular pressure angles with Kalamity but both agreed on volumetric cancelling. Graduating "Tu Stultus es Scientia" from Custer University, he worked for Milborn Meshing and Franklin Fragments for over 25 years as a coggnosticator specialist and thanatologist. Subsequently he opened his own gearing plant and sherbet bar just two blocks from the Helix mill.
Nathan Foulblattz portrayed him in "Acre of Neglect". You will remember the floppy hat.
The Terminal Cafe is closed this afternoon for cleaning.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Aug 28, 2020 1:33 am

Why, just this afternoon, we were working with cubic ohms, per the appendix. Never
thought I'd use that information when Mister Hedtromma bored us all to death in Junior
year Thanatology. Using the postulate process, we were able to lift the flanges and light
all three tubes. The cover just swung into place, and the latching mechanisms lined up
perfectly. Just like in the closing scenes of Acre of Neglect, of course, tying back to the
plot and closing of Man Without Burlap. Funny how history can repeat itself that way.

In spite of our textbook success, a reversal in polarity would have surely resulted in a
condition of postulated metaphors, just as KD predicted in his summary of the Quinine
Relativity Outline, which Cuthbert also liked the feel of. Interviewed by American Thana-
-tologist & Nose Hair Weekly, he said emphatically "If I don't do it, somebody else will !"
I must remind the team during safety training that we must reach up to pick the fruit,
rather than wait for it to fall. Especially in these troubled times.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Aug 29, 2020 9:01 am

Safety was a concern in the pruning annex also. Here we see Alfred Pittswagger testing the lifter with an employee before lifting the valuable flanges themselves.
Pittswagger.jpg
He was also portrayed in "The Saint Swithin's day Massacre" by Parley Stable.
After the accident Fingers Jahndenhouth, shown here enjoying the ride (he liked the feel), studied nozzle management at Spillman sprinklers. Tired of wearing bib overalls the oilskin slicker was much more favorable.
All three of the triplets were boys.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Aug 30, 2020 3:49 pm

Pilsner Wanknard held the local franchise for stewed brains and
traveled the entire Chugwater Basin selling his wares. Wanknard
was a close philosophical associate of Abigail Plintsberg and Kalamity
Dick. Seen here at Nigglepicker Siding (just out of sight to the left),
we see his vat of brains on the the distro craft the three built in the
backshop of the Vestibule factory, between respites at Ernie's.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Aug 30, 2020 8:17 pm

Needless to say Nigglepicker Siding has always been known for the unfortunate events that Abigail Plintsberg chronicled in "After the Stew Hit the Fan".
igglepick.jpg
Banned in Europe and Pathagoria it was hard to find a copy on the planet. Starcoughsky and Spadaford fought ferociously over the rights to get it on the screen. The soles lost and the carnage was more than mankind could talk about for years. I hesitate to mention it even in these more sophisticated times when philosophical skepticism and solipsism allow neurons connected by wires and Hindu Maya illusion, Plato's Allegory of the Cave to be discussed.
Maybe Plintsberg said it best "Destroy the Bathwater and Soil the Rod".
I'm not quite sure of the interpretation but folks all over are saying it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Aug 30, 2020 11:35 pm

The translation is not exact, but it revolves around the idea of the cephaleptic
aftermath, which we know was in short supply, due to the bridge work on the
railroad. Rabbi Schneltberg spent decades working on the translation to Yiddish,
and found the lunch counter at Brenner Brothers' Bakery to be the best option
for mid-day work on this. Pilsner Wanknard's brains were certified kosher.

Great photo, Rich. Did Heinrich bring that by ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 31, 2020 10:33 am

Yes, Heinrich found the photo in the Aug. 1947 "Places to Stay Away From" quarterly. Stippley Haddfroggen took the photo using a 12 X 12 double binflex Stratoglareless 352. A leather case with gold piping and a snakeskin shoulder strap made it ideal for photographing RR sidings. An Uncle had given it to him on his 17th birthday which interestingly enough was on a Tuesday.
Never the less, it does show how the switchhouse looked before the cataclysm. Note the morning glories next to the alameda.

Next time your in Brenner Brothers' Bakery ask to try the Viennoiserie.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Sep 01, 2020 4:24 pm

Only slightly tying in to our discussion of Plintsberg's writings, these two shots show
the road to Silver Plume, just beyond the Upper Terrace, in the place we now call
The Flats. The 1910 shot shows the straight stretch where Abigail frolicked in the
fields. The Helix Mill's retail outlet peeks out from behind the tree at right.

KDflats1910.jpg

The 1918 photo shows a number of interesting details ...

1. The lunch trolley tracks in the road
2. Felix Fuzzbottom's farm and rock fence
3. The influence of Plintsberg's utopian philosophy in the beveled utility pole, with
pedimented base. It is hard to overstate how deeply her influence reached in the
artful expression of even utilitarian things like this.

And just for note, the Juniper tree still stands there next to the road.

KDflats2.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Tue Sep 01, 2020 9:39 pm

The rock fence is wonderful, but a hard stretch. The Juniper wont leave so it still stands. Its nice to hear the real story on these historic photos.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Wed Sep 02, 2020 6:26 am

What puzzles me in the picture of the road to Silver Plume is there are 50 wires going up the road but only 8 coming back, who or what is using up all that jizz ?
Maybe the members of the Venerable Institution can shine their light on this discrepancy...
When in trouble, do not fear, blame the second engineer ! 8-)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 02, 2020 10:30 am

The old Jones place was just North of the second pole. It had been used as a melon station during the Civil War. Stragglers from both sides would meet there for Tiddlywink tournaments on days off. Sabrina Jones would sketch caricatures of them. Two of her sketchbooks survive in the Museum of Squidger Art.
The Silver Plume Opera managed two of the 50 lines. No return was necessary in their case.
Juniper berry wine from those trees was served at Ernie's but the Sweet Marjoram put some of the customers off.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed Sep 02, 2020 10:45 am

Sweet Marjoram.

I haven't thought about that in years!

What do you remember about that?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 02, 2020 11:01 am

Well Herb, there was the herb, that is often used as an oregano substitute. Also a Marjoram Witherspoon who ran Oldenburger Squirrels between St. Louis and Duggburg in the late teens. She was an angular woman often wearing Snippers Boots.
Not to be confused with Sweet Marmoram, the vanadium solvent.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Sep 02, 2020 11:04 am

Neil Lyman had the hit song by that name. Can't remember the year, but the
Fulpants used to sing it a lot, both with and without the Uvula League Singers.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 02, 2020 11:44 am

Yeh Burger, I don't see a date on it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Sep 02, 2020 1:08 pm

Great to see the Supertone label again. The artful way products were dressed
up is sadly a lost art. Melvin Sears and Schlomo Roebuck met in the U.P. and were
well known Yoopers, even before hooking up with Co. The three often vacationed
in the Chugwater basin after attending the Regatta in 1899, handing out books of
toilet paper with photos and descriptions of their products on the pages. Heinrich
gave a talk about the three to a packed audience about 7 years ago, playing an audio
recording from the archives of them speaking. In that, one could understand that
the proper pronunciation was "SOO-purrtone". All three were very excited to be doing
this new work in SOO-purr electrically recorded format.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Sep 03, 2020 10:40 am

Being the shorter of the three he often took a back seat to the other two. There he could stretch out and relax while the tissue novels were being dispensed.
The excursions in Chugwater were filled with pickup sticks, crockett and hunting wild bores. Still, they missed their rondavel under the Mackinac Bridge. Traveling by Pullman back and forth gave them all time to practice the hydraulophone and lur much to the disappointment of other passengers.
Again, "Those were the Days" :D
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Sep 03, 2020 2:55 pm

Recounting history, it becomes so very important to get the details correct as there are so many coincidental similarities which may confound future generations, leading to false accounts of past events.

For example, about the time Neil Lyman was gaining in popularity, Ernie experimented with home-delivered take-out meals and beverages. To make the home dining experience as close as possible to an evening in the saloon, he included gramophone records along with the meals and drinks to provide authentic "dinner music". To this end, Duke Fitzellwitz recorded his entire repertoire on the "Suppertone" label. (Note the possible confusion with "Supertone") The records were pressed from a master recorded by means of an ingenious coal-fired method which Kalamity Dick had invented specifically for the project at Ernie's request.

Unfortunately, the advantages of Ernie's new offering were lost on Tri-burg patrons who preferred a night out to sitting home. Reports of severe indigestion hastened the end if the fledgling enterprise. Whether it was due to the food arriving cold and the beverages warm, or to the raucous nature of Duke's renditions of popular aires was never fully established.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Sep 03, 2020 5:10 pm

Isn't it interesting how the best-laid plans often get wet and frazzle? Ernie's plan might have been a great success.
I was reminded of this photo of Duke recording "My, How the Anchovies Sting". The acoustics in the abandoned machine chamber delighted him. Fannie found it chilly and complained so only the short versions were lacerated there.
Fritttz.jpg
She would often hum along which helped keep the mice from chewing the cables.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Sep 04, 2020 8:25 am

Duke had a following of young ladies who would swoon over him for hours as he played. This photo was taken as the ladies once more were out of control during one of Dukes concerts

wives.png
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Sep 04, 2020 10:23 am

Heinrich tells me that a whole series of "moving pictures" were made of
these events and sold on late night. The series was called "Girls Gone Mild".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Sep 04, 2020 11:35 am

Often the girls would stay out late with Duke after an afternoon concert, sometimes until after nine o'clock. Often they quibbled over who would get to sit next to him. He certainly enjoyed the attention and often brought daisies to give out. Marleven, sitting left of Joeleapper, kept records at the Bendix Manufactory for Stanuary Flockingswhith who interestingly wore half a mustache during the Winter. His nephew was the one who ran over Kalamity Dick's tool box on Harlequin eve.
Rubeanna Kabbowtz, shown in close-up, raised penguins during the off season.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Sep 04, 2020 9:11 pm

It was said by many that Rubeanna had a "certain glow" about her.

It was also said that she was a sweet-talkin' mama, with a face like a gent.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Sep 08, 2020 9:18 am

Kalamity Dick always liked the drive through Cadootanary Canyon and up Slibber’s hogback to the Ziltchbilster mine. He spotted some chipmunks frolicking that reminded him of Chippley before he was lost in the transmission those few years ago. The rain wet his face just enough to cool him from the sun and the straightpipe. The motor purred from three strong cylinders and a fourth sometimes on the hills. 'Ziltch' was last on the list and the fracklewhabbler was overdue for a relining.
Mollusks had gotten into the jib and confused the applicator. After a couple hours of repairs and tuning the apparatus was singing like a cannary.
Refreshments on the balcony would make it a perfect day.
Zilchbilster.jpg
How he loved those carefree days of inventing and maintenance.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Sep 09, 2020 11:10 am

Zebulon Ziltch was a cousin-in-law of Cuthbert Maddox who often accompanied KD on a run up to the mine. It's true that repairs and adjustments to the raceabout were the fertile ground from whence sprung most of KD's brilliant inventions. What historians have largely missed is how often Cuthbert's inane and totally clueless comments prompted KD's agile brain to confabulate novel and advanced solutions to unrelated problems.

For example, on one trip up Slibber's Hogback, the raceabout died on a hairpin switchback requiring Cuthbert to push the machine a hundred yards up an 11% grade to a flat spot where Dick could deal with the problem. His mutterings about spark plugs prompted Cuthbert to ask, "Wal, if them things is plugging up the spark, the gasserine caint ixplode. Why dontcha just open em up stead of having em plugging up the works ?"

As a result of Cuthbert's ridiculously ignorant comment, on the spot KD mentally formulated the Perforated Ionic Diode (PID) that appeared on the next generation of kaphistulators, resulting in a 5% velocity increase and 20% reduction of thermodynamic drag. The PID remains the gold standard in advanced kaphistulation to this very day, in spite of digitized scrambutilization.

As for Cuthbert, while he enjoyed KD's company and the trips through Cadootanary Canyon, the frequency of having to push the Raceabout uphill left him nostalgic for what he referred to as those happy old "carfree" days on the trail. His zebra dun mule didn't understand spark plugs either, but he never quit on a switchback.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 09, 2020 1:46 pm

Abigail Van Plitsberg had said "Delusion is the mumsy of invention". This rang true for the duo of Dick and Cuthbert. As Rich alluded, Cuthbert's rambling interruptions often redirected Dick's assessments to even more brilliant deductions. Perhaps somewhere between the Sherlock and Watson and Martin and Lewis of conception and innovation during the centuries early days.
Konferense.jpg
Dick's office under the bridge on Blithin's Street was the origin of many successful schemes.
An example: "If I reverse the kamafliphier 30 degrees and champher the Hasbronck the device should gain 18 parsecs."
Cuthbert :Well, what's a kamafliphier?"
Dick "You're right Cuthbert, we don't even need the kamafliphier!" "Brilliant!"
It would have been enough for the pair to share time fishing, hiking and an occasional drink together at Ernie's. But fortunately for science, technology and the humor in the Valley the two created endless wonders.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Sep 09, 2020 9:12 pm

Cuthbert, trying to emulate Abigail, once profoundly uttered:

"To gain a parsec, is to know the Pythagorian ways, but without the
mumsies."

This remains the official opening statement for the Regatta, in spite
of the accidental origins, or the mumsies.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Sep 10, 2020 11:33 am

And in these troubled times I can't help but be grateful for those immigrants from Pathagaria during the pandemic in the Valley for bringing us the Pythagoriangorean Serum.
"To find a way through the darkest days one only has to spill milk".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Sep 11, 2020 3:02 am

Didn't KD build a milk spiller ? I seem to remember Heinrich talking about
an article about it in Swollen Gland Quarterly. This led to a discussion about
poor sales/circulation of the magazine until the Beagles released "I Want to
Hold Your Gland". It has been a newstand best seller ever since.

Paul McCarthy and John Lemon got their start in the Tri-Burg area clubs, where
they would later meet George Garrison and Wrinkle Star and form the Beagles.
Ernie booked them to play every 3rd Thursday without an "R".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Sep 11, 2020 12:48 pm

That may have been the machine Abigail was refering to in "Spiller Skelter".
At any rate, Ernie always spilt a glass on those Thusdays in memory of it.
ErnieMay12.jpg
As Ernie didn't keep milk on hand he had it brought in from the dairy in Dumont just for spilling.
For those who haven't heard by now, the Beagles never sang "Cross-eyed Mary" even though she had asked them to.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Fri Sep 11, 2020 2:57 pm

Oh the classics! Who could forget " 99 glasses of milk on the bar" ?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Sep 12, 2020 1:03 pm

Due to the evoncular nature of wombat milk, Kalamity Dick did all his R&D
testing outdoors. Here we see an early test mock up with the milk glass set
in place below the frustrum cones, ready for firing. Previous tests had scorched
all the leaves from nearby trees and blackened the buildings. Plintsberg wrote:
"Woe is unto me, as the dew will kiss the grass, and small mammals will preen
for parasites"

KDmilkspiller.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Sep 12, 2020 2:45 pm

Yea and verily.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Sep 13, 2020 1:48 pm

Combined in carefully measured amounts with wombat milk, yea, and verily
produce an eerie brew, popular with the glassblowers and mineworkers that
occupy the Upper Terrace. Heinrich has all the statistics.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Sep 13, 2020 4:02 pm

Esmeralda Wanknard put wombat milk out on the porch for the moggies when she had it. At dusk you could catch them preening and kissing the grass.
moggies.jpg
She didn't carefully measure the amounts which accounts for the afore mentioned scorching.
On a clear night you could hear Saxophone and kazoo music whistling through the mulberry bushes, all around.
Ahh, the festoons are returning. Winter must be on the way.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Sep 13, 2020 7:54 pm

Winter surely is coming, as seen in this photo from 1895. The festoons having
already come and gone. The location should be obvious to most, as Moss Crossing,
where selected imported mosses were received by rail for production of high end
premium mushrooms, sold in the more swanky mushroom stands. "36B" indicates
the main office of the Mushroom Marketing Council, where business and promotion
centered. The moss cart repair shops were here, for the same reasons outlined in
Section 32 of the by-laws.

The careful study will note the lack of couplers on the gondola, spotted on the
moss receiving house track. Kalamity Dick worked directly with the Chugwater
& Northern on a magnetic coupling system that involved no physical contact between
the cars. This minimized in-shipment shock to the delicate mosses.He used a de-
-kaphistulation orbit manipulator, levitated by pinion gears against a babbit thrust
washer to create the positive and negative magnetic charge.

Of this, Spiltsberg wrote: "The beetle shall roll the dung before the sun emits its
Godly glow".

Remarkable stuff, really.

KDmosscrossing.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 16, 2020 5:43 am

Carleast Footmothal shared this photo of Kalamity Dick and Cuthbert Maddox at Moss Crossing waiting for the trolley to Ernie's. It was most likely on the occasion of Ed Hickey's Birthday. He had several each year. Always an occasion to get spiffed.
KDnCuth.jpg
It may have been at 28B, the pruning emporium. Cuthbert would usually hold one end of the manipulator up whilst KD would sweep underside. There was always an accumulation of magnetic flux after the festoons quietus. For those not studied of the area the Marketing Council office would be beyond and a skibbit to the West. Marsha Febblewinkle had a cloves and konabar shop in between. Most of the brakemen stopped there.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Sep 16, 2020 11:24 am

Funny that this photo would capture these two out front of the office
of Worms Weekly. KD was repeatedly asked by publisher Hans Richtenbrofhaumeister
to be a regular contributor, but KD declined, saying his work and interest
really had nothing to do with worms. He did cite having a bad case as a
child, but a small dose of Bumstead's Worm Syrup took care of that.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Sep 16, 2020 9:25 pm

Richtenbrohaufmeister was a complicated individual. He repeatedly solicited KD for contributions to his periodical in the hope that Dick could be flattered by seeing his name in print. Hans knew that while KD had neither interest in, nor experience with worms of any kind, on the other hand, Cuthbert had extensive experience with all manner of grubs, maggots, ascarids, annelids and like pests which plague crops, livestock and even wild plants and animals. Richtenbrohaufmeister wrongly surmised Dick would tap his friend's store of knowledge and contribute articles for the prestige of being published. He miscalculated both Dick's ambitions and the intensity of his self-imposed work load which left him no time for literary pursuits, to say nothing of the fact his moral code and personal sense of loyalty would never permit using his friend in such a shabby manner.

Why didn't Hans approach Cuthbert directly ? Richtenbrohaufmeister's ill-conceived notions of social class prejudiced him entirely against Maddox, whom he saw as an illiterate peasant, a bumpkin beneath even his contempt, his vast knowledge of worms notwithstanding. Stuffy delusions of superiority were the undoing of "Worms Weekly". For want of any substantive content, the publication folded that same year for lack of content. After all, there are only so many ways to thread an angle worm on a fish hook. Having exhausted Hans' minimal knowledge of worms, the readership promptly lost interest.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Sep 17, 2020 3:22 am

So, the current Worm Weekly magazine is unrelated to Richtenbrohaufmeister's
rag ? I never knew ! The things I learn here are truly amazing !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Sep 17, 2020 9:44 am

Burger, alas, the current magazine, like so many "revival" items the past few years, has no direct descent from the periodical Hans Richtenbrohaufmeister launched. The "Established 1923" on the masthead is another form of stolen valor, if you will. Izzy Shanglup of Piscataway, N. J. revived the brand as an adjunct to his successful mealworm ranch in 2004.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Sep 17, 2020 10:50 am

Any relation to Pizzy Shanglup, the guy who raises lawn trout on the
Upper Terrace ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Sep 17, 2020 11:17 am

Perhaps distantly, and by now many generations back. The Wyoming Shanglups descend from Hebediah Shanglup who headed for California in 1849, but went bust and started for the States in 1866. Hebediah settled in The Basin at the headwaters of Stink Creek where he noticed a promising strain of moss, and could pan enough vowels from the stream bed to keep himself in beans. The New Jersey Shanglups claim there is no connection.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Sep 17, 2020 11:53 am

Perhaps Cuthbert's idea of using worms with tiny hacksaws strapped to their backs for machining the insides of the postulate castings was one Richtenbrohaufmeister hoped to cover. KD and Cuthbert did spend several days on it but the tiny straps did not hold. They had better luck with grasshoppers but were interrupted by the Vanadium Rush.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Sep 17, 2020 12:35 pm

Then again, the Greenhouse at Wafflesville changed many things.
GrnHoss.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Sep 17, 2020 1:26 pm

Heinrich mentioned over crumpets that Pizzy's notes include multiple mentions
of his displeasure over the ratty way in which the Wafflesville greenhouse keepers
let the old plastic sheeting hang from the window jambs.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Sep 17, 2020 1:37 pm

Yes it did, Rich ! For a very short time, the all-vegan alphabets Snavely Wheelcracker harvested in his greenhouse at Wafflesville threatened to close the alphabet mines in the Basin. Two events saved the industry, so vital to the Tri-Burg economy:
First, KD's perforated ionizer (referred to in previous posts) so improved the fourth generation kaphistulators that real, mineral alphabets could be mined cheaply enough to remain competitive with Wheelcracker's vegetable product.

Second, an offer to Wheelcracker from Lydia Pinkham's proved to be more profitable than the alphabet market, and soon, Lydia Pinkham not only absorbed all of his greenhouse production, but the "female remedy" magnate eventually acquired controlling interest in Wheelcracker's greenhouses as well.

End users of traditional mineral alphabets were just as happy. It seems goats had an especial affinity for vegetable alphabets, and multiple editions of many important books had to be re-issued after the Great Cheviot Stampede of '26.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Sep 17, 2020 2:31 pm

Of coarse we have to give Abigail credit to the last line in the song: "Tell me what you think of me".
Animal, vegetable and mineral alphabets, but the animal O's and sometimes Y's often wondered off making them unsuitable for long sentences. The droppings into the extensive peat bog up to 6 feet deep in the Northumberland National Park made for confusion between "aminal and veshtible" according to Cuthbert.
At any rate, the sheeting was finally replaced with linen and it was used as a bowling alley for two seasons.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Sep 17, 2020 8:12 pm

I think I speak for all of us when I say that I am fascinated by Spiltsberg and
her prantanctuary writings. Were I not more senticular myself, I would carry
a half case in my side rack.

Of the cave dwellers she wrote: "Were it not for the dimming of our inner
cheese, those three on horseback would be four !"

When asked by Worm Weekly, on the record she said: "It is not for us to believe,
rather we must forego what we never anticipated on the deathbed of stone"

Japanese grasscloth was a regular theme on Wednesdays. KD waited until
Thursdays to get the day old stuff at half price.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Sep 18, 2020 8:59 am

Don't forget about Miss Penelope who would contribute her recipes to the "Worm Weekly" and the most beloved and copied recipe was Worm alamode pie! and the second most popular was worm soup. I can't locate my copy of the cook book that had the pictures in it so I hope someone can share theirs.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Sep 18, 2020 1:20 pm

I did not know that Perry. I had to scrounge around the undercroft a bit to find a copy. Sure enough.
Penelope.jpg
As if the final dish weren't enough of a treat the wording of the recipe was priceless.
"Bubble, bubble toilet trouble;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wombat milk and tongue of dog,
Cool it with some charming moss,
And then it's just right for the boss."
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Sep 18, 2020 5:15 pm

Ah, the memories ! Sebastian just reminded me of the time Cuthbert prevailed on Miss Penelope to bake a worm cake for Ernie's birthday. After the experiment of strapping tiny hacksaws to the worms for machining the inside of postulate castings failed, Cuthbert hit on the idea of using the harnesses to fit the worms with candles, to celebrate Ernie's birthday. All went well until a few errant worms crawled out of the cake and went slithering down the bar with lighted candles strapped on. A careless patron had spilled his flagon of Happy Sally, and, well, when the worms crawled into the pool of spilled beverage, it really lit up the bar. Happy Sally was notoriously flammable. Ernie was not known as a vindictive person, but he had cultivated a remarkably resplendant handlebar mustache, which took over a year to grow back. Meanwhile, Cuthbert was banned from the premises. Dick was able to intercede on Cuthbert's behalf, so true to form, everyone was able to have a good laugh about it . . . many years later.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Sep 18, 2020 6:04 pm

I believe that was the year Happy Sally's octane rating was 88. Many were temporarily blinded as they would be from the flash powder of a camera. Mrs. Kippenhuaffer was exposed feeding the goat without clothing two blocks away.
KD's solution was to wrap the toasted wrigglers around a sword and call it "Shish Kabob". It did in fact calm Ernie a bit.
Cuthbert took to riding his bicycle by the bar with one of the handlebars sawed off thinking it might sooth Ernie's feelings. It only reminded Ernie of the embarrassment until the mouser grew back evenly.
A whole chapter was added to the fire code regarding "Creeping or burrowing invertebrate animals with long, slender soft bodies and no limbs, anniversaries of the day on which a person was born, and flammable or in inflammable liquids in a public room or building".
Miss Penelope had it amended to include sponge cake but I'm not entirely sure why.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Sep 19, 2020 11:55 am

Sabastian had this in the cloakroom.
ErnieAtWork.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Sep 19, 2020 1:00 pm

From that photo one can readily appreciate Ernie's distress over the loss of the right half of his mustache. In fairness, Cuthbert was mortified by the accident and even sent Ernie a hairpiece he fashioned himself from the tail of his zebra dun mule, to minimize Ernie's embarrassment while his mustache grew out. The suspenders he provided for holding it in place proved problematic in the extreme, however, and Ernie let his cat, Elmo, who mistook it for a rat, play with it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Sep 19, 2020 4:12 pm

Apparently there are a great many things we haven't heard about Ernie's cat, Elmo. Simbad is sifting through the box even as we speak.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Sep 19, 2020 8:47 pm

All over the Tri-Burg area, people did (and still do) refer to cats by
their proper name: Sleen

Ernie had a long line of sleens over the years, as much to keep the
mice down, as to aid in the smelting process. Eunice Bombeck liked to
cook with sleens in her weekly radio show. She said that she felt that
they brought a certain warmth and charm to the radio kitchen. Never
was a vermin found anywhere on the set or nearby area of operations
in the 47 years that the show ran.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Sep 19, 2020 11:38 pm

Heinrich called, after reading the above, to remind me that it
was on Eunice's radio cooking show that Monkberry Moon Delight
was conjured up. We all know the rest of the story. He added
the disclaimer that no sleens were hurt during the making of
Monkberry Moon Delight or the radio show.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Sep 20, 2020 2:04 pm

Yes, 47 years on KDKD and 3 other broadcast frequencies. Through the magic of stereosimplisizing and the Zimbroscky Method we were able to symthesize this from 16mm of that particular show. Property of the Institute so DO NOT REPRODUCE or COPY.
Philco.jpg
Sadly the 16mm camera was not equipped with sound features but we are sure you will enjoy it.
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