OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Rich Bingham
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Jul 09, 2021 11:00 am

"Kid" Fiddlestein was a born performer. In his younger days he would ride a bass viol across the stage like a pogo stick to open the show while playing a few bars of "Stars and Stripes Forever" in pizzicato style. Referring to the instrument as his "Straddle-various", he gave over that performance after the end-pin got stuck in a knot-hole at the Medicine Bow Cauliflower Festival in 1908. After the hard winter of '09-'10 he was never without his trademark Fedora with attached ear-flaps, even in 90 degree summer heat. Kid gloves helped with the ruminations, but KD was allergic.
"Get a horse !"

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Rich Eagle
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jul 14, 2021 3:30 pm

I couldn't even imagine such a thing but judging from the audience reaction and letters received it was quite a spectacle.
Kid.jpg
Rinkling Brothers tried it a couple years later with a Grizzly Bear and an Octobass at the Granit Falls Follies but the flatcar floor gave way. Several in the crowd had to have splinters removed and the Bear went on a rampage complaining of insurance issues.
I doubt that the Fiddlestein performance mentioned will ever be eclipsed.
Rich
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Jul 14, 2021 6:48 pm

It's said that the goat could really make the cello bellow.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Jul 15, 2021 1:11 am

At the Tuesday meeting, Heinrich showed that last image around and
said this was the inspiration for Kalamity Dick .... remember Kalamity
Dick ? Yeah, this is a story about Kalamity Dick ! Anyway, this was
what inspired Kalamity Dick to invent the seahorse, which, of course,
has been the Chugwater mascot for over a century now.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Jul 15, 2021 9:37 pm

Try as they might KD's staff couldn't teach the seahorses to ride any stringed instrument.
SeeHorse.jpg
Chestnut managed to ride a didgeridoo a quarter of a mile but slipped out of the stirrups.
Cooked with chicory they tasted a bit like aardvark.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Jul 21, 2021 10:02 pm

Wallowing about in a sea of aardvark filth, Zeb Humptulips practiced his always moving
rendition of Stars and Stripes Forever on his slide keyboard, as Clyde Funkbueller pulled
the mobile stage along the chosen route. Townsfolk had warned the aardvarkers that
the tanks were too full, and leaking at the streptum joints. On the morning of 29 Sept.
1919, Tank 47 burst with a force that inundated the Molassas District, as tank after tank
emptied itself through the common drain system. It was a young Vinnie Tarwinkle that
discovered the filth made a delicious dessert topping, and reclamation efforts were
immediately put into action, before the Chugwater tide turned, saving much of the bonanza
from being swept away.

KDFordson1.jpg
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Herb Iffrig
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Jul 25, 2021 1:21 pm

cat lady.JPG
Found this morning.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Jul 25, 2021 4:04 pm

Why it's Felicia Pantera Catamount, Kalamity Dick's second cousin once removed on his mother's side !

The relationship is rather tenuous, as it goes something like this:
When Felicia's father, Leo Catamount was a young man, he married a widow with a grownup daughter. His widowed father Abner Catamount fell in love with the young lady and married her. In so doing, Leo's stepdaughter became his mother, as she was his father's wife. This also made Abner Leo's son-in-law. Soon, Leo and his wife had a baby girl (who was Felicia). That little baby then became a sister to Abner's wife. She was also was Abner's sister-in-law, and thus, Leo's aunt as well. Then Abner and his young wife had a son and he was Leo's grandchild, as he was his daughter's son. That made Leo's wife his mother's mother, so then Leo was also her grandson. As the husband of his grandmother, he was his own grandpa.

The Catamounts were always noteworthy for being do-it-yourselfers. It's interesting to note that Kalamity Dick was the only one who could keep these relationships straight, but only after a shot or two of Happy Sally and a good night's rest.

Felicia was famous for her perspicacity, and was universally known in the community as "The Sane Cat Lady".
"Get a horse !"

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Jul 25, 2021 6:05 pm

Kalamity Dick referred to that as the Catamount Theory of Relativity. Leo's twin cousin, Valdo, had an electric cat named Ampere.
Valdo.jpg
Careful breeding of various capacitors from the helix mill and parts from an old Stewart Dynamo yielded a facsimile that got along with Felicia's clowder quite well. Sadly, milk tended to interfere with the magnetic flux so the wires were kept short in an effort to keep her from the bowl. Ampere also developed leaking streptum joints and the veterinarian said it was beyond his pay grade.
I recall that Vinnie Tarwinkle had written a sonnet about that too.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jul 25, 2021 7:51 pm

KDshoveling.jpg
KDshoveling.jpg (69.5 KiB) Viewed 290 times

When the milk came in contact with the aardvark filth, a coagulation
was had, that allowed the Pythagorians to collect it for the Pesculation
Process. Kalamity Dick worked tirelessly through the Nutmeg Incident
period to secure the traversing rods, in order to get a good bond and ensure
spark at the amptrodes. Once made functional, he noticed the pescules
in the bottom of the bowl, and hence the process was thusly named. The
Pythagorians favored the idea and perfected it even further, to a point that
they could produce a sleen (cat) for every 20 minutes of broadcast on the
main channels.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Jul 26, 2021 7:07 pm

I'm glad that was mentioned. Bartholomew reminded me of this photo of one of the secondairy channels.
Channel.jpg
Ultimately the coagulation was controlled to 35 cubic myths with a medium fit. Again, Vinnie Tarwinkle was partially responsible.
Were it not for Felicia's sister-in-law lending her transom oil, it may never have happened.
Rich
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Jul 27, 2021 10:57 am

Careful viewers will note the hovering pump at left. Was this
the result of Felicia's sister-in-law lending her transom oil ?
Transoms were much more common at the time, and keeping
them oiled, important. Hence the high demand.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jul 28, 2021 6:06 pm

If memory serves the redeeming quality of the hovering pump is the coagulating gyrator. This is where the transom oil does it's thaumaturgy.
coagulator.jpg
Note the #3 ogee curve on the left spazm lever. This allows the filker to bleed the oil into the inseam chambers before friction can do any harm. I believe there is a chapter about it in "Learned Pigs and Fireproof Women".
Sebastian has Friday off.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Jul 29, 2021 9:12 am

Not a few common ruffians and aimless street urchins went on to become successful Goldbergian engineers after getting their start as oilers assigned to serve the local Coagulating Gyrator. Some of the less ambitious gyrator oilers went on to make names for themselves as contortionists in various traveling carnival shows. A few, unable to stand up to the demanding work and the frequent lashings doled out by grizzled old shop foremen, took to drink and fell into the dark and violent world of politcs.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Jul 29, 2021 9:17 am

Note that the opposed sparking plugs on the combustion de-fribrillators have no high-tension leads. KD was able to apply Tesla's principles of wireless energy transmission to provide exactly 9,408 volts at 16 ohms resistance at spasmodic intervals. The idea came to him after he observed Finster Worschlagle short out a six volt battery with a monkey wrench. The resulting hydrogen explosion sent him airborne into the telegraph wires overhead.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Thu Jul 29, 2021 11:19 am

THANKS for posting a photo of the "coagulating gyrator" I've been wondering what that item was that has been sitting in the corner of my shop for the past 120 years! I at first thought that it was a Farnsbarkle Motor but your photo provided me with the proper ID. This forum is a great help.
1922 Coupe & 1927 Touring


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Jul 29, 2021 11:24 am

Photo taken from Cyrus Buckwhumper's work album, showing a typical junction
pole for the Calhoun County Telephone Co.. This one was located on the Upper Terrace,
just down the road a patch from Slimey McWoozle's place. Buckwhumper hired
on with C. C. Tel. Co. in 1902, and in his journals he noted several instances of
former oilers falling into the dark and violent world of politics. Also several
mentions of fishing bodies out of their wiry entanglements, after explosions sent
them skyward.

Although no mention was made of it, C.C. Tel. Co. used hovering pumps as
winches to tension the lines and to twist the oil out of the sponge poles. Like
wringing out a washcloth, except when held in place, the sponges hardened into
poles, as seen here. The sponges were, of course, harvested from the moss beds
on upper Chugwater Lake, and we all know that story.

crazydistroring.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Jul 29, 2021 2:18 pm

Rare photo... an early rotary-type party line multiplexer... very clever devices which allowed a 7% reduction in the number of lines needed, but they were subject to phase shift errors, which caused considerable confusion and doomed a few marriages when random portions of certain conversations were mis-routed...


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Jul 30, 2021 1:51 am

Kalamity Dick referred to this as the "flexer-plexer", on account of the
twisted pole technology.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 02, 2021 4:34 pm

It reminds me of the telephone pole out behind Ernie's.
ErniPole.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Aug 02, 2021 5:46 pm

To the right sits a despondent Buddy Ebsen, the morning after he was fired from the traveling tent circus for appearing in costume, but without the requisite red rubber nose.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Aug 02, 2021 6:07 pm

Electric cats had a brief vogue, but they began to fall out of favor during the war years. Owing to a general shortage of dry powdered milk due to most powdered milk being diverted "Over There" to support the troops, many persons attempted to feed their electric cats whole milk, which resulted in some nasty shocks as the over-hydrated cats would sometimes discharge upon coming into casual contact with a person or another pet. Besides the nuisance of having to recharge the cats, many people found the risk of being shocked to be more than they cared to put up with. As families began to acquire radio sets, the interference emitted by the cats precipitated a further decline in their popularity, and now only a very few remain. Recent attempts to promote the cats as mobil device chargers have not been successful.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Aug 03, 2021 1:23 am

Unrelated to the Kalamity Dick story, other than this electric cat sideline,
the wife and I opted for solar powered cats this last time around. Apparently,
all the earlier bugs have been worked out. Here we see one at the recharging
station.

DSC05588.JPG
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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