OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Sep 25, 2021 3:13 pm

Speaking of which, it was Abner Catamount who came up with the 738 ohm Gallium casks that could resist the static acid inherent in storing the Flimflam Sauce in larger quantities.
FlflmSaus.jpg
Abner, shown in the back at bench H-3, developed much of the maneuvering apparatus and gadgetry for both the Helix Mill and Joe's Demolition Chateau. Not the one on 5th Street but the one north of the hog press.
Yes, we've gone through three bottles this year and it's not even National Apple Betty Day yet.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sat Sep 25, 2021 3:37 pm

They also made a "Shot" Glass size
shot glass size.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Sep 25, 2021 3:49 pm

Well, I've heard of "ladyfingers", but I never realized ... later on, the brass casings were replaced by tight rolls of Chinese newspaper. For a time, schoolteachers had to contend with students whispering in Chinese as well as the horror of the chewing gum rage, which eventually abated only to give way to hula hoops and cinnamon sticks.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Sep 25, 2021 5:45 pm

Regardless of the container size it's hard to find any sauce of that caliber. And it's worth shelling out for it.
YUM!!!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Sep 26, 2021 10:22 am

Right you are, Rich ! Just pop the cap on any size gallium container to release the explosive flavor of Flim-flam Sauce. It's always on target with any meal, in any grouping, and inexpensive too ! Well within range of anyone's pocket-book.

Side note: Abner Catamount is also credited with the development of the five-gallon thermos bottle.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Sep 27, 2021 11:20 am

You just can't beat a big, steaming plate of curried rutabaga with grilled sweet onions topped with a generous splash of Flimflam sauce. It "hits the spot" every time, and prevents frostbite, too!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 29, 2021 1:17 pm

Merkley Pabblefrath claimed to have gotten by without buying gasoline throughout the Nutmeg Incident by using equal parts of either and sarcasm in his fuel tank. Some disputed this saying he bought Flimflam sauce by the case during that period without any of the usual side effects. (and/or odor)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Sep 29, 2021 2:05 pm

The side effects can be unsettling, but they will keep the cats off the bed.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Sep 29, 2021 2:31 pm

That is suspicious, Rich. Especially as Pabbelfrath was the local fishmonger, and during that interval, the local alley-cats gave his delivery van wide berth, which was highly unusual.

Merkley partnered with his cousin Herkimer Larkvonnet making sardine and anchovy flavored candies in capsule form. They called them "Herk & Merk". They were not popular.

Side note: mongrel fish over-populated Lake Chugwater after the first moss famine, but Herkimer's bait shack profited handsomely as a result.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 29, 2021 8:55 pm

Mongering fish endeared him to the masses but decrating windlepiths was his hidden passion. Dressed in a Miller cut vermin blue frock-coat with contrasting burgundy trousers sporting striped pockets and canterberries he was often mistaken for the Duke of Pythagorea on a sunny afternoon in May.
Anchovy was his favorite.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Sep 29, 2021 11:22 pm

Merk was a cutting figure, whether dressed as described above, or the
familiar ruffled abalone tights. Herk & Merk were close friends with the
LaFleur sisters for all those years. They also were active members of the
Uvula League, and close friends with Grunda Fulpants. At the annual banquet,
the flimflam sauce was set at every table, with schifafa on the side.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Oct 01, 2021 2:29 pm

If held a month earlier, the banquet could be held outside. Mosquitoes annihilated by the sauce fumes were often collected for custard seasoning. This accompanied the schifafa on either side to suit.
BangQuit.jpg
Not to worry about Merkley being absent from this version of the photo. He had given chase to a gimblejack over the bulwark. You can make out his silhouette if you squint through the pickets.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Oct 01, 2021 5:04 pm

A wonderful photo of the outing ! Thanks, Rich. Looking toward the top of the photo you can see the effervescent fume cloud emanating from a freshly opened sauce canister. No wonder mosquitoes were dropping like flies !

Morris Lester Alberwode was arrested on several occasions for squinting through the pickets, which earned him the nickname "Molester". His defense was always that he was scouting for gimblejacks, and Judge Crumpetbunch invariably dismissed the charges for lack of oedipus. It's always best to look before leaping the bulwark - or cowark for that matter.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Oct 03, 2021 1:59 pm

It was a well known secret across the Tri-Burg area that keeping
schifafa on the side enhanced the effervescence of the flimflam
sauce. A key process at the Helix mill for separating colons from
the semi-colons in the punctuation ore. In a move of full economy,
the mill used the spent schifafa to lubricate the tram buckets and
cables. In a move of even greater thrift, Wombat Earl and Pinehurst
Doonugget, publishers of Hair & Organs Magazine, paid the local
children to collect the spent schifafa that fell from the tram, and
used it as ink in the printing process. Kalamity Dick came up with the
idea while wongulating with Cuthbert.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Oct 04, 2021 8:13 pm

Few people understand that the novel intricacies of mechanical and scientific discoveries which were Kalamity Dick's bread and butter required a totally new terminological vocabulary to adequately describe them. A cunning linguist in his own right, Cuthbert was the prime mover in coining unique portmanteau terms to identify aspects of the theories and propositions which KD was wont to develop on the occasions when the muse visited his agile brain.

"Wongulation" was one such word, inspired by a Kelpie named Amos, whose tendency to turn the wrong wether when herding sheep bethought Cuthbert that the "wrong ungulate" was an apt description of his attempts to voice his understanding of concepts KD proposed in their lengthy all-night sessions over beakers of Happy Sally when he would put his foot in his mouth, so to speak.

This rare photo shows Cuthbert and Amos driving to the annual Chugwater Sheep-dipping and Ice-cream Social about 1928.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Oct 04, 2021 10:34 pm

I must say, .... Cuthbert sure had a fine grasp on haberdashery style
at the time this photo was taken. So fitting for the times and perfect
match for his choice in vehicles.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Oct 05, 2021 1:00 pm

The hat was likely specially selected for that trip from several the Cuthbert had found along the dugway from Mt. Stinkmore after Spring Break. Wanting to present the perfect impression at the 1928 Social was important in an election year. He was to present a disquisition on convoluted wordology and it's value in ingeniousness fabrication. Kalamity Dick and he spent months composing the critique after work in Ernie's stock room hoping to reinvent modern technological thinking. "Out of the classroom and into the scrapyard" was a favorite chapter.
However, Cuthbert's slow speech, dyslexia and a spontaneous case of the mumbles left much of the audience confused and mis-directed. Howard Klinkrowwwer blamed the electric pen, Vanadium floss and the Hupmobile meatgrinder as products from this interpretation.
Cuthbert was honored for his classy duds and dynamic wink.
KD regretted not attending but a Croquet contest had also been scheduled that weekend.
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CuthLec.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Oct 06, 2021 1:33 pm

The other Rich seems to have a deeper understanding of Cuthbert's
idiosyncracies than most, but never mentions Cuthbert's fluency in
speaking in secret alphabets. Grunda Fulpants was another master of
the secret alphabets. Carl Casual wrote, in his graduation thesis in
1947, that the origins of the secret alphabets was traced to cast-off
waste at the mine and mill. Local children pieced together miscellaneous
bits and discovered the messages hidden therein. Some were so drawn
into the mysterious bits that they ultimately cracked the code. It is
said that the only language spoken on the Farkle Family Farm was the
secret alphabets. Heinrich spoke of it at one of the Tuesday night meetings
last month.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Oct 06, 2021 3:30 pm

Could this be an oblique link to the lost Alphabets of the Ancients? Is it possible that the Ancients deposited the rich ore veins among the mountains and left complex codes in the mineral molecule matrixes? Inquires directed to Area 54 have not generated a response. Clearly, they are hiding something, because we know they are listening!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Oct 06, 2021 9:51 pm

Among the allusive secret alphabets was the fragmentary syllabary the Pythagoreans used while making soup. A's cut in half and R's half formed diagonally were representative disguises. Cryptographers from the asylum helped round out the porridge assemblage on Precipice Drive behind the clinic. All this was accomplished before the Regatta.
Cuthbert mentions this in his essay "Grubs and Steeple Springs" Volume C Number @.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Oct 06, 2021 11:50 pm

Learned speculators told tale of pre-Nutmeg Incident Chugwater area,
where those falling into the "L" category were required to learn the
secret alphabets. This group largely made up the cryptographer staff
at the asylum, which helped populate the needed chaperones for the
big dance. After the Nutmeg Incident, the stigma seemed to evaporate,
and local children emerged from the waste piles speaking the mysterious
tongue with greater public acceptance and professional promise. Wee
Willie Wanknard was just one of many. Even the Spadaford Gang respected
Willie.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Oct 11, 2021 1:02 am

At the Tuesday night meeting, Heinrich presented this image of
the asylum cryptographer's mobile unit, en route to provide chaperone
oversight at the big dance. Alice Ërgleschnurtz is working the cryptograph,
while younger sister Irma rides pilot, working the Morse Code levers.
The Twolumps Twins provide the motive power.

KDbike1.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Oct 11, 2021 4:10 pm

It was imperative to have quick mobile cryptology on the west side during the pirouette season. The mobile machine shown above was developed by Kilmer Klammerschwinn prior to the Equinox for Ërgleschnurtz and Company. The Syllabary Guild made equal payments on the Kid Shelleen plan.
Shown below is Kilmer demonstrating his Gyrospatcher at the Regatta that same Summer.
Klammerschwinn.jpg
The reverse dynamo gave traction in thick water.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Oct 22, 2021 12:52 pm

Going back to Kalamity Dick's grammar school days at PS 1 in Cootie Hollow, Oklahio, researchers speculate that his first-grade "pinkie-sworn" bosom buddy, Abner Crustbinnet had a profound influence on his developing inventive genius.

An inventor in his own right, Crustbinnet's contributions to modern progress have been lost in obscurity, dismissed as being ridiculously redundant, or universally obvious. Obsessed with preparedness, back-up systems and "fail-safe", Abner is credited with the invention of the spare tire, dual ignition, and wearing suspenders with a belt, among others.

Here we see one of his earliest inventions, a carriage capable of carrying a spare horse. Abner (on the right) demonstrates the vehicle for potential investor Jacob Casterveldt at the Casterveldt estate near Upstitch. (Casterveldt passed on the opportunity).
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Oct 23, 2021 12:31 am

Casterveldt was a principle in the Helix Mill, operated the Humptulips
Junction switching yards, was a major player in the mushroom moss trade.
It is said he was a major consumer of the mushrooms he produced, thereby
producing his own byproduct. Mount Stinkmore was named in tribute to
the man.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Oct 23, 2021 9:16 am

Alice, Irma and the boys attempted to open a sideline business to more fully utilize the expensive and highly technical equipment, but got few customer inquiries regarding their "Ergleschnurtz & Co. Mobile Sewer Services". ATTENTION, GENTLEMEN! A speedy solution to a most embarassing situation is now at hand! Split pantaloons repaired where you stand, no need to disrobe! Expert tailoring, any time, anywhere!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Oct 23, 2021 12:05 pm

In the interview on page 54 (page 53 for those North of the Innerondacks) with Miss Smythe she tells of how proud she was of the accomplishments Dick and Abner made in later life. She felt somewhat responsible for their successes in that she always brought them broken clocks and watches while in her third grade class. (2 ½ years in Abner’s case) The two had fashioned a sanctum under the fire escape and spent recesses working them over. It hasn’t been established that they ever repaired any but took great pride in seeing how fast they could make the hands spin via modifications and addition of parts. Timing was accomplished by a clock that still kept time, however backwards. One particular Waltham burst into flames at an estimated 5200 RPMs.
"Cootie Hollow Fire Escape Ablaze” graced the front page the following Saturday.
Crustbinnet's two-way button hole and the adjustable brick were entirely overlooked during the rest of the century.
Smythe.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Oct 23, 2021 12:16 pm

Dick and Abner's Time-Save-R cut down balance wheel could save considerable time, allowing a normal 24-hour day to be completed in as little as 14 hours. Some side effects were noted....


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Oct 23, 2021 2:26 pm

Miss Smythe was extremely embarrassed by yet another of her students, Bill Brazleton, whose only claim to fame was his sordid criminal career, and the equally criminal introduction of Daylight Saving Time, a concept he developed by stealing the clocks and watches Dick and Abner had modified. This photograph was taken in Tucson after Bill had been hanged for stage coach robbery and horse theiving, which accounts for his pale complexion and lack of eye contact.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Oct 23, 2021 3:45 pm

"Uncle Charlie said, just before they sprung the trap: "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!"
W. C. Fields
Miss Smythe had told both of them that many times for all the good it did.
Dick took the path less patrolled.
Bill looks a little taller there than I remember.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Oct 23, 2021 4:45 pm

Rich Eagle wrote:
Sat Oct 23, 2021 3:45 pm
. . . Dick took the path less patrolled . . .
If memory serves, that's how he met Cuthbert.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Oct 24, 2021 12:59 am

During the period when mushroom stands were a common sight about
the Tri-Burg area, Cuthbert did a lot of patrolling with the zebra dun mule.
The vanadium misted shoes gave the beast a precise grip and sure footing,
ideal for roads less patrolled.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Oct 24, 2021 1:52 am

This was found in a Mason jar on the back porch of Wagnel and Funk's. It's hard to understand what this is all about.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Oct 24, 2021 3:01 am

Thanks Herb. That must be Millie Hendersquatt wearing the fussy hat. She had penned:
"T'were never not to ride that road
Where those who do continue.
Hurrier folks must not be slowed
So take a faster venue.
When I am looking for a pleasant path
A quiet route will suit me.
And if my luck is with me then
The bad guys will not shoot me."
RdLess.jpg
While Funk loved every word, Wagnel found it tedious and droll. The spot was much like the site where Cuthbert Maddox and Kalamity Dick first met save for no trees and rocky ground. Had Millie and her cousin's been there at the time things might have gone differently. But providence knows no rules when it comes to glorious introductions. There lies the beginning that could certainly have been the end.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Oct 24, 2021 9:42 am

That would be the Hendersquatt Triplets, (left to right) Millie, Filly and Tillie. The fact that they were not identical raised some eyebrows in the Basin; Ma Hendersquatt had a reputation as a "friendly gal", albeit with a blunt personality. She saddled Filly with a rather unfortunate name because of her longer face, and a lack of patience to consider a more conventional name. Her husband, Amos, never crossed her. She was "handy" they said, with a skillet or a rolling pin. Anyone seeking Amos had only to follow the trail of blood.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Oct 25, 2021 1:43 pm

It should be mentioned that the bulk of the Hendersquatt ménage were devout Aestheticians and dressed accordingly.
dersquat.jpg
Aunt Gingerslaughter and Uncle Ficshtbert won various awards for habiliments even while scrubbing out the tartwist cellar at the Helix Mill. The cousins often skipped classes and indulged in playing King's Castle at the bungalow on West Larkvonnett. Tillie was taken to the infirmary several times but their parents were never told.
The watchchain worn here by Uncle Ficshtbert held a timepiece that was revamped by Abner Crustbinnet to peel beets and radishes for detachment "G" during the Nutmeg Incident. Heinrich is preparing it for display in the upcoming January exhibit. Plan to attend.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Oct 25, 2021 10:58 pm

Say what you will about the Crustbinnet family, they were definitely unfailingly loyal to family traditions. Bartholomew ran across this photo of Seamus Crustbinnet's Ford, parked outside the Simpson Grocery in Hogwallow, Texas, c. 1927. Abner's firstborn son, Seamus married Aspidistra Larkvonnet in Chugwater in 1924. Their twin sons, Filson and Wilson mind the horse carried as a spare (note the spare lariats) while their parents shop for staples. Double-diapered until the age of seven, these boys were brought up right in the Crustbinnet "fail-safe" mindset.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Oct 26, 2021 3:30 am

The horse T photo was actually taken in Breckenridge, Texas by Basil Clemmons, who was a very interesting character. He took thousands of photos, most of which survive.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Oct 26, 2021 9:28 am

Pat, with all due respect for facts, do you really think it's appropriate to gainsay the efforts of Bartholomew, Heinrich and the entire Institute staff who have spent countless hours laboring tirelessly to fabricate the whole reconstruction of Tri-Burg history as it appertains to the massive accomplishments of Richard Q. Klamitboffer, aka Kalamity Dick aka K. D. ? Are you sure there's such a place as Breckenridge Texas ? Sounds phony to me. :lol:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Oct 26, 2021 10:03 am

Clemmons was as eccentric a character as ever lived, whether in fiction or reality. I believe he once owned a photography studio in Washington state. He spent the balance of his life in Breckenridge, living in a sheepherder wagon type structure which sat very close to where that picture was taken. I don't think he had any money, or cared to have any.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Oct 26, 2021 12:42 pm

It's not surprising with so many Model T's on the road in those days that many of the photos would be similar and confused with each other.
SimWyo29.jpg
Case in point is this one of the Appleschmirk twins in the family sedan. The '29 Wyo plate clearly shows it in Chugwater. This time the R. J. Simpson's market is in the background rather that the J. R. Grocery. Heinrich explains the easy way to tell them apart is that the Appleschmirk's had two horses.
Interestingly, Basil spelled Clemons with one "M" while his family spelled it with two.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Oct 26, 2021 2:07 pm

They used to have a cowboy too, but he fell off the auxilliary horse one Saturday night and landed the railroad track and wound up on the cowcatcher of a passing eastbound special. He woke up in Chicago, still drunk, and joined a traveling show where he spent the rest of his working days as the rear portion of a pantomime horse.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Oct 27, 2021 1:36 pm

Ha Ha. "he fell off the auxiliary horse one Saturday night and landed on the railroad track and wound up on the cowcatcher of a passing eastbound special. He woke up in Chicago, still drunk, and joined a traveling show..."
Hasn't that happened to all of us at one time or another? :lol: :lol:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Oct 27, 2021 2:47 pm

It might be worth mentioning that J. R. Simpson sold the Market after a severe skillet and rolling pin incident as noted concerning Abner Crustbinnet that very same year.
simGirf.jpg
If memory serves he traded it to a J & J Spigelmoyer for several hundred shares of Barnum & Bailey stock.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Oct 27, 2021 7:51 pm

One of the more interesting documents in the Institute archives is the notebook KD kept of his travels throughout the West, wherein he noted the better places to camp, which beaneries served the best chow, and where noteworthy delicacies could be purchased. Spigelmoyer's Market was cited as the only place west of the Mississippi where one could buy candied catfish eyeballs. Coincidentally, that seems to be KD's raceabout parked near the market in the above photograph.

Regarding the notebook, it went missing one trip in the late 30's after KD had picked up a hitchhiker who called himself "Dunk". Many years later, an attorney for the Hines estate donated it to the Institute collections.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Wed Oct 27, 2021 8:51 pm

You may call him a Dunk in the states but down under crock dundie called them a donk and everyone knows you don't need a gun when you have a donk!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Nov 06, 2021 11:18 am

The Gingerslaughter girls were very successful breeders of electric cats. However, local officials shut down their operation after unfortunate incidents involving the cats sent several persons to the hospital for treatment of minor burns to the fingers and toes. The ladies' appearance began to return to normal in the weeks following the closure of the electric cat operation. Their stock of electric cats was ordered sold, and was bought out by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. No one knows why.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Nov 06, 2021 2:18 pm

RCMP AFE, dated 10 Sept. 1926, shows 421 electric cats were purchased of
the Gingerslaught Sisters Co. of Chugwater, for purposes of lap warmers for
patrol officers. Invoice amount was $842.00 + tax and duty, indicating a single
unit price of $2 per sleen. Heinrich states that the RCMP Academy in Moose
Twinkle keeps several examples in their historical archives on the 5th Floor.
The Institute has considered exhibit trade, to bring this Chugwater history back
to home soil for a while.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Nov 07, 2021 11:05 am

I'm not sure but I think this is from the when the Vaudeville show was in town.
mike and heiney.JPG
mike and heiney.JPG (50.05 KiB) Viewed 8155 times


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Nov 07, 2021 2:40 pm

Close, but no cigar .....

Mike and Heiney Tapeworm were electric cat handlers all across the
Tri-Burg area, including the upper reaches of the Chugwater drainage
basin. They were inducted into the Electric Cat Handlers Hall of Fame
in 1934. They were also accomplished cat jugglers and often did both
during their yodeling performances. Through the 20's and 30's, they
did two shows every Saturday night at the ferry dock, at the base of
Pispacattiquawtywauken St., much to the delight of revelers.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Nov 08, 2021 1:31 pm

During Mike's recovery after the taffeta escapade, Heiney performed alone for several months. He was able to claim all scratches and bites as his own during that time giving him nearly twice the solicitousness.
Heiney.jpg
Note the cigar was down graded to smaller smoke throughout.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Nov 13, 2021 9:56 am

When the lower Chugwater moss beds were threatened by an infestation of Covert Algae, the Lower Basin Mossgrowers Association appealed to KD for a mechanical solution. Wisely, the intrepid inventor realized a natural, organic solution would be more effective, and referred the growers to Major Bungalow, late of Her Majesty's Royal Hussars. Maj. Bungalow had retired to Saddlestring "for the atmosphere" he claimed, and to pursue his lifelong dream of perfecting the perfect pickle. Long service in Algeria had provided him with an extensive knowledge of Algerian algae; he was able to quell the moss bed infestation with infusions of Perfect Pickle brine #57 and a dash of Worcestershire.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Nov 13, 2021 10:32 am

Major Bungalow was known to regale the locals with astounding tales of his famous 1,000 kilometer forced solo march through the burning sands following the collapse of the Worley-Priddy Expedition, which sought to locate the rumoured lost city of El Calabash. Finding himself the last man standing, and with with no sustenence beyond a half pack of Players and a pint of Gilbey's, as well as lacking any matches, he set out for distant Casblanca, ingeniously lighting his cigarettes by using his monocle to harness the harsh and unrelenting sunlight. As he was fond of saying, "A good smoke and a good stout nip will get you a good long way!" He remained a dedicated hiker and an ardent nipper to the end, and never quite lost his deep tan.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Nov 13, 2021 6:31 pm

In his notes, Major Bungalow said it took 4 days and 7 nights to
cross the Algerian tanning beds.

Seen here in later years, Major Bungalow demonstrates how he was
able to complete the march.

KDMajBungalo.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Nov 14, 2021 10:09 am

The slight bulge in the Major's coat at his right hip confirms the presence of his ever-present Webley Vickers Mk VI, the very one which he carried on his famous desert march, as well as on every one of his numerous mountain goat tipping expeditions during his later years. His musical concerts were always well-attended, and toward the finale of his performances, an assistant would ascend a step ladder and bring a lit taper near the bell of the Major's pedal pflugelhorn, igniting the Gilbey's fumes therein, which caused a jet of blue flame to erupt from the bell of the instrument to a height of several feet and persist to the end of the performance.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Nov 14, 2021 1:25 pm

It's worth mentioning the Major's signature piece was "There'll be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight". Audiences went wild. A persistent rumor that the Major was responsible for the fire that destroyed the Medicine Bow Opera House is a vile calumny. The Major had concluded his performance and was miles away en route to his home in Chugwater when the blaze roared out of control.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Nov 14, 2021 10:15 pm

Builders of the opera house in Medicine Bow were warned of the potential
fire danger, when they chose to build with mushroom moss and cotton candy,
with candy corn accents. The debate over the true use of candy corn has raged
ever since. We all know, the Opera House was rebuilt the following spring, using
the same materials, but with Kalamity Dick's improvised smelt quelcher. Fire
was never an issue again, and the structure and smelt quelcher are on the National
Historic Register.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Nov 17, 2021 3:07 pm

Quenching smelt was something KD even envisioned as a child. Thinking the more it smelt the quencher it should get.
After all, the nose Knows.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Nov 17, 2021 5:00 pm

KD was ever an interested student of semantics* which amplified his penchant for riddles and word games. Smelt quenching developed from simple experiments in deodorants. It seems KDs allergies as well as his olfactory sensibilities acted up fiercely every time he spent more than a couple of days with Cuthbert on his ranch. Cuthbert often remarked, "I thought I smelt sumpin'" which wasn't too surprising given the condition of his corrals, and the lack of a boot-scraper at his back door. Cuthbert had a sheepdog and a gypsy cob pony; both had an uncommonly acute sense of smell (see photo attached). KD would gauge his prospects for the length of his visit by the distance these two animals kept from the house. KD would bring along a variety of his deodorant concoctions which he dubbed "smelt quenchers" in hopes of eliminating his allergic reactions as well as the noisesome odors of Cuthbert's dwelling. No records exist of any successes.

*not to be confused with KD's short infatuation with a burlesque entertainer name of Samantha Strohschlapp who performed at Ernie's for a season before the mildew incident caused a major strike at the mushroom works. Samantha could harmonize with herself, singing both soprano and contralto parts of operatic pieces at the same time. KD studied diligently in an attempt to learn how this was possible. Alas, like the ultimate smelt quencher, the answer to this mystery also eluded him.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Nov 17, 2021 6:15 pm

"Samantha could harmonize with herself, singing both soprano and contralto parts of operatic pieces at the same time. KD studied diligently in an attempt to learn how this was possible. Alas, like the ultimate smelt quencher, the answer to this mystery also eluded him."

............ Difficult, but entirely possible: " (Mongolian)Throat Singing: A unique vocalization from three cultures ...
[Search domain folkways.si.edu] https://folkways.si.edu › throat-singing-unique-vocalization-three-cultures › world › music › article › smithsonian
(Tuvan) throat-singing, a guttural style of singing or chanting, is one of the world's oldest forms of music. For those who think the human voice can produce only one note at a time, the resonant harmonies of throat-singing are surprising. In throat-singing, a singer can produce two or more notes..... " /// Sounds a bit like a dijereedoo, or a dog gargling schnapps .


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:24 am

Improvising the smelt quencher for fire prevention was pure genius.
Irwin Rumptumbler wrote in Hair & Organs magazine that the deodorant,
when steamed with oglethorp rinds, created the perfect paste with
which to wax a dolphin or make the Opera House fireproof. The concoction
proved itself successful on both counts.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Nov 18, 2021 10:38 pm

It all was very successful except when Rumptumbler's oglethorp steamer was out of odor.
Rumptumbler.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Nov 19, 2021 5:19 pm

A chicken-or-egg conundrum; Was the high incidence of inventive genius in the Tri-burgs a synergistic response to the marvelous inventions wrought by Kalamity Dick, or was he the apex example, being himself a product of the Chugwater Basin's wealth of inventive personalities ?

In any case, reviews of the accomplishments of the lesser geniuses who were KD's contemporaries is certainly an appropriate contribution to these annals. Perhaps one of the more unusual innovators was Albert B. Newsom, Irwin Rumptumbler's laboratory assistant. Plagued by a phobic aversion to nails, Newsom fashioned a "puncture-proof" helmet from a used tire casing, and wore it twenty-four hours a day, week in and week out. So successful was Newsom's invention in preventing injury from ten-penny nails driven into his head, he was able to secure a patent, then sold the rights to a Conshohocken, Pa. tire manufacturer. The agreement was further augmented by payments to Newsom for the use of his image in their advertising.

Late in life, Newsom unsuccessfully sued Mad Magazine for copyright infringements.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Nov 19, 2021 5:31 pm

Some of the older folks can still recall the musical tinkling sounds made by the puncture-proof tires as they rolled along. The sound of a big, 16 cylinder Cadillac equipped with a set of Lee patent tires and rolling on smooth pavement could be mistaken for wind chimes among willow branches caressed by a gentle zephyr.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Nov 19, 2021 7:12 pm

A beautiful, poetic image, Pat. Thank you. Speaking of gentle zippers, KD patented a compressed moss/mushroom-hull fiber compound that made zipper teeth silent in operation and kind to anything that might accidentally become entangled in the zipper teeth when closing the device. The advantage was lost on Cuthbert, who would only wear trousers with a button fly. In spite of KD's admonishments to at least try the silent zipper, Cuthbert remained adamant. His reasoning went thus: "I once seen a feller git his necktie caught in the zipper on his jacket. They had to cut it off'n him to git it out. "
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Nov 19, 2021 7:17 pm

"KD patented a compressed moss/mushroom-hull fiber compound that made zipper teeth silent in operation..."
Henry Ford would have been interested in that, if he had not already committed to soybean-based composites.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Nov 19, 2021 7:28 pm

"KD patented a compressed moss/mushroom-hull fiber compound that made zipper teeth silent in operation..."

Henry Ford would have been interested in that, if he had not already committed to soybean-based composites. He is said to have had some people working on a soybean-based engine which was to be capable of providing its own gas, but big Pennsylania oil interests hired away his engineers and thus derailed the project. General Motors eventually acquired their services, and supposedly sent them to Sweden to study secret Swedish systems of smelting superior Swedish steel. They were reportedly lost in an avalanche while on holiday, but some say they just knew too much. Their papers related to the self-fueling engine, if they ever produced any, have never surfaced.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Nov 20, 2021 9:14 pm

Just weeks ago, this mystery was solved, when documents uncovered by
Heinrich's cousin Heinrich, working at the Swedish Institute, revealed that
the engineers, tired of a lack of fish candy on the market, redirected their
work to create such a confection. Using the out-of-service ponds that had
been employed to make whale's eye mucous for Pringle's fake potato chips,
they raised gelatin-based candy fish that found instant popularity amongst
youth and moviegoers worldwide.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Nov 21, 2021 3:27 am

Old man Pringle's powdered potato experiments ultimately led to the mass production of powdered chickens and powdered pigs, making possible both today's cannister chip industry and the MacRib. Powdered cows were under development, and a viable powdered Hereford/mucilage cross was actually realized, but it proved impossible to prevent them from being eroded by the wind and rain while grazing. The persistent winds on the western grazing lands raised clouds of noxious cow dust, and the poor creatures would lose weight no matter how succulent the grasses, and a passing summer shower could leave the powdered cow ranchers with nothing more than scattered hooves and horns where their herd had been grazing. Some success was achieved with powdered dairy cows, but they had to be kept in dry barns away from drafts, and thus were never really practical.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Mon Nov 22, 2021 7:09 am

Of course there were powdered dairy cows! Where do you think powdered milk comes from! :?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Nov 22, 2021 10:52 am

Powdered milk never really caught on with the public, probably due in part to the near-universal adoption of home refrigeration equipment, but some enterprising powdered cow dairymen were able to hold on by promoting their principle product as a major wallpaper paste ingredient. Unfortunately for them, wallpaper use declined sharply after the war and thus demand for wallpaper paste also faded away. Powdered cow's milk was vigorously promoted by the Powdered Cow Dairymens' Association (PCDA) as a major constituent in a substance known as library paste, which countless schoolchildren consumed avidly during the postwar years. Peppermint flavored library paste was particularly popular. However, by the early 1960s, commercial candy vending machines in elementary schools rapidly displaced library paste as a favorite classroom snack, and the last of the powdered cow operations closed down by 1965. The PCDA collapsed, and many powdered cow dairymen fell into vagrancy.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Nov 25, 2021 10:36 pm

The concept of powdered dairy cows was conceived at the behest of
Chugwater & Northern Ry. management, who sought a better and cheaper
way to ship all livestock. Our man Kalamity Dick took it upon himself to
meet the challenge, and on one the few instances, worked directly with
Cuthbert Maddox, on account of Cuthbert having ample stock to work with.

At last Tuesday's meeting, Heinrich related that Kalamity Dick's original
idea was to use the spent dihedric capsillary vent compounds from the Helix
Mill to dry and biometrically pulverized the livestock to an easily managed
form, that could be transported over vast distances and time, to be reconstituted
at the end use destination, with no need for frequent feeding and water stops.
With the exception of having to adjust the intake formula on the kaphistulator
drive module to include more nutmeg-derived participles, the idea went from
theory to practice in a mere 3 weeks, and the Chugwater & Northern was able
to dispense with the physical plant and expense of the livestock yards at Silver
Plume, Humptulips Jct. Fecklersburg, Saddlestring, Medicine Bow, and Chugwater.
In their stead, they built the livestock silos that still tower over the railroad
yards at Chugwater.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Nov 26, 2021 9:28 am

KD's conceptualization and development of a cow dessicant/flocculant was one of the 20th Century's most brilliant advances. Far from being outmoded, it may have implications for Human space travel to distant galaxies. Mr. Shatner? They say the Alpha Centauri system is nice this time of year.....


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Nov 26, 2021 10:13 am

You may wonder why cattle are not dessicated and reduced to powder nowadays. It's all tied up in Cuthbert's will. More anon.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Nov 26, 2021 10:50 am

It's known as "Powder of Attorney". Julip Q. Smeegle was appointed to overlook the episodes from a by-elliptic base point. "Flocculant" was his middle name. (I believe the Q. replaced the F. due to a shortage). You may recall it was his daughter who was the stunt double for Mammy Yokum in the comic strip.
Smeegle.jpg
Smeegle.jpg (76.52 KiB) Viewed 7513 times
Kalamity Dick took a neutral position as not to offend the Pythagoreans. Not that there was anything wrong with them but you know how they were.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Nov 27, 2021 3:32 pm

Yankston Pendellcraut, shown here, was a first class krologler twist at the non-ferrous powder mill. Shatner and others tried as they may to hire him on to twist cattle. Being a devout Condiment he couldn't go against his affiliation. It all ended when a mere mosquito bite devoured his left leg and part of his buttock. Standing at the krologler was impossible thereafter.
Yankston.jpg
An entire poem was composed and read on his birthdays but became lost in the nutmeg debacle.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Nov 27, 2021 5:51 pm

Funny that no one has brought up the debacling competitions that
have been a sporting mainstay in the Tri-Burg area since 1891.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Nov 27, 2021 6:36 pm

It may be that nobody wants to remember them like the 1500-meter decapathon. "Squeamish stomachs lie silent."
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Nov 28, 2021 12:16 am

Hubert Cornswoggle (Author of "Squeamish Stomachs Lie Silent) was
born and raised on the Upper Terrace, attending Elbert Schnöz Normal
School, before graduating from Tri-Burg Academy in 1907. His sister
Beulah had breasts on her back, and was very popular at the dances
around the area. Both were champion debaclers, and are in the Hall
of Fame, over on Pispacattiquauttimauken Ave.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Nov 28, 2021 2:54 pm

I believe Uncle Sam put a war tax on bacles for the duration, which put an end to the debacling competitions for several years. By 1918, the tax was rescinded, but most bacle brewers had moved on to making near-beer and pepsin tonics. By '33, canned beer had caught on and movies had caught the public's attention, and bacle brewing and the debacling competitions never really recovered. Once in a while, a set of wickerwork debacling shinguards will turn up in an antique shop.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Nov 28, 2021 3:03 pm

The debacle stadium adjacent to the cowarding shed on Fitstwurht Ave. was first replaced by a drive-in Prune Juice stand before the podium works were built there. Converted to a Southern Fried Pythagorean Hedgehog Sandwich shop and finally The Home for Unwed Helix workers.
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I mention this as it was accidently omitted from the previous "Inventory of the West Side", next to "Squeamish stomachs lie silent" on the bookshelf.
Those not interested need not read.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Nov 28, 2021 5:13 pm

Alas for the debacling games, but we can all look forward to one day roaming the stars as reconstituted powdered persons.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Nov 29, 2021 9:27 am

Early accounts by pioneer settlers reported stampedes of slow
moving wild hedgehogs that stretched from horizon to horizon.
After the taming, domestication, and sandwichmaking of the
Pythagorians, it is now unusual to see a hedgehog in the wild
anywhere in the Chugwater drainage. Jusep Spendtbrau covered
this in his book, Where Have All The Hedgehogs Gone ?, 1971,
Hardcore Press.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Nov 29, 2021 10:07 am

Spendtbrau appropriated his book title from a song of the same name made popular by Peter, Paula and Larry in 1962.
"Get a horse !"

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Nov 29, 2021 1:48 pm

Rich, you're taking me back again. They were my favorites in those years. "If I had a Guilderfluke" and "Puff the magic Helix Hand" nearly wore through the vinyl. Had they only been there for Ernie's heydays they surly would have brought tears to every hear in the place.
PPLry.jpg
Stretching hedgehogs from horizon to horizon was a team sport even before debacling became popular. The same mallets and 4-skins were often used. However, the Pythagorians didn't participate as their beliefs prohibited handling mallets.
As Mentioned before "You know how they were".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Nov 29, 2021 2:29 pm

Reminds me of Marlene Deitrich in a low-ceilinged, smoke-filled club, singing "Where Have All the Flowers Gone" in between bites of a hot hedgehog and horseradish sandwich and slugs of Happy Sally... She was every bit Garbo's equal.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Nov 29, 2021 2:49 pm

Pat, I always preferred the Spike Jones version of each. Was the slug in the Happy Sally like the worm in the tequila?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Nov 29, 2021 4:44 pm

Usually the same, but in the upscale joints you'd get a tomato worm and a slice of avocado.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Nov 29, 2021 7:03 pm

Spike Jones put strawberry mousse in the trombones to good effect. Ray Stevens later revived the practice with his excellent version of "In the Mood", aka "The Chicken song".


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Nov 29, 2021 9:05 pm

There's a lot of confusion about the worm in the tequila. For one, south of the border, from whence comes the distilled spirit known as tequila, you will never encounter a bottle of it that contains any form of worm; mezcal, however, a less refined species of "cactus juice" with an alcohol content, is bottled with a single larva of a beastie that afflicts the maguey cactus. Distillers reckon it's a form of poetic justice, and the worm's job is to absorb the fusil oil, apparently a byproduct of crude distillation methods, as the stuff is also present in the fabled moonshine of the Appalachian hill country.

Segue to the early days of Ernie's Saloon: One afternoon in the early "oughts", as Ernie was sweeping the previous night's drunks out of the saloon and onto the boardwalk, he was accosted by a gentleman of the Latin persuasion who was leading a pack burro loaded with two crates of bottle goods. Introducing himself as one Doroteo Arango, late of Chihuahua, he offered the crates which contained an especially evil brand of mezcal to Ernie for the price of a train ticket that would take him at least as far as Douglas, Arizona. Although Ernie had never heard of mezcal, he quickly calculated the profit margin of forty-eight "fifths" of rotgut by the drink against the cost of a ticket, and a deal was made.

Patrons literally went crazy over Ernie's mezcal, the worms became legendary, and barring a couple of homicides and several vicious knife fights, the offering was a great success. Disaster threatened as the supply began to dwindle. Ever the quick-witted entrepreneur, Ernie began offering a wide variety of annelids, ascarids and non-specific larvae to other tipples, including the ever-popular Happy Sally, and tequila as well, and so the seeds of confusion over the proper domain of the worm in the mezcal were sown.

Eventually the worm craze wore out, although some of Ernie's older patrons still order a "Bloody Mary" with a tomato horn worm garnish. They claim it's good for the digestion. (the worm's - not yours)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Nov 29, 2021 11:13 pm

The Pythagorians rejected the mezcal, just as they rejected mallets,
saying both were the work of Beelzebub. They DID find that the horn
worm, when whipped to a bright green paste, added zip to the hedgehog
sandwiches, and prevented corrosion of electrical connections in damp
applications. Kalamity Dick was known to enjoy both. This was also
covered in "Where Have All The Hedgehogs Gone ?"
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Nov 30, 2021 9:56 am

Elmer Zipwaithe of the Royal College of Amateur Artists painted a scene of pigs playing poker which he titled "Hogs Hedging Their Bets" but it wasn't the same thing,
"Get a horse !"

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Nov 30, 2021 8:59 pm

You may recall that painting being in the background at our earlier discussion of Royal College. KD and Cuthbert were discussing whether to have Ham or Hedgehog sandwiches with their mezcal and biscuits.
KDnCart.jpg
Emma Lou Zipwaithe took this with her "Zeiss Ikon" "Ikonta B 520/2", German Folding Camera, Larkvonnet triple pane lens and Winchester shutter.
She was not related to the pole climbing Zipwaithes but several others.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Dec 01, 2021 12:29 am

Just a side note: The LaFleur sisters' secret association with
the Pythagorians, funding their flimflam sauce business, resulted
in the Pythagorians having a steady supply of the sauce for their
hedgehog sandwich chain. Many said the combo was far superior
to bacon-wrapped aardvark snouts. Heinrich cites multiple testi-
-monials.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Dec 01, 2021 10:49 am

The distinked disadvantage was there were no nostrils to stuff with limburger pudding. Alivn suggested as much in " Ragtime Cowboy Joe ".
I forget which LaFleur sisters wore the Ruby Mukluks.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Dec 01, 2021 3:15 pm

Ah, that would have been Dorothy LeFleur. Oddly, when KD's transmigrational tour took him through the Yukon, he dallied for a spell with a chanteuse named Ruby Mukluk. Cuthbert never left the Basin, but one time he dallied up his thumb trying to rope a bighorn sheep. Different strokes they tell me, but in them days they called it apoplexy.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Dec 01, 2021 4:12 pm

It oft" happened that chanteuses philandered with KD. The curvature in the vertical of his stovepipe hat enhanced the warble in their melody to a excitable level of a kid watching a freight train speed by. Of course without the danger of being caught by the draft, sucked under the wheels and ground to a mush like sandwich spread. Though no doubt it could have happened on any St. Swthin's day had the wind been right. That being East on the drier side of the Chugwater as it were.
The X-ray of Cuthberts thumb was on display near the apoplex entrance over to the Institute until June before last.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Dec 02, 2021 1:40 am

Apoplectically speaking, Ruby Mukluk remains an icon in the
chanteusing sciences.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Dec 02, 2021 5:18 pm

In spite of her name, chanteuse was her favorite color - unfortunate in the extreme, as chanteuse and ruby look awful together in spite of being technical complements, as any fan of Red Green's would automatically know.

Heinrich just sent in a memo: Bartholomew has moved the antique duct tape display to Gallery "B" where Professor Mallard holds forth every third Wednesday. See the Institute's prospectus for further contusion.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Dec 02, 2021 10:37 pm

Few have excelled at holding forth like Professor Mallard. The third
Wednesday is a tough slot to hold.
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