OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Rich Bingham
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:40 pm

That’s a wonderful thought for the season Rich, something we can all take to heart. I’m reminded that Cuthbert had a mockingjay brazed onto the radiator cap of his ‘13 Ford, not quite the same thing, but that’s a story for another time. (It was a pretty unique mascot though)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:45 pm

KDcrows.jpg
Fentmore Google was quite famous around the Chugwater for his trained and tamed
Mockingjays. A close friend of KD, and his father before him, but strictly on a social
basis. Google preferred nature and natural beauties to advancing the progress of
modern techology and science, so the two had little to talk about when it came to
gears, propulsion theory, and kaphistulation.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Nov 27, 2019 8:10 am

It is true that they were fast friends even though Fentmore didn't share the crazy ideas or the loco motives. They enjoyed the fishing trips with Henry Ford, Harvey Fierstein and Alfred Einstein whenever they visited Chugwater. Kd provided cabrilated fish hooks at no charge. The heavy moss often clogged the gears and had to be extrakated from the barbs. Neither Barb or her Sister minded that much but wore the silly hats just the same.
Time to thaw out the Mockingjay.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed Nov 27, 2019 8:57 am

Rich was KD ever in Idaho?
Had he ever tried to make Vodka from the potatoes there?
potato harvest.jpg
Just from the looks of this photo it would seem to have had some influence from him.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Nov 27, 2019 9:13 am

KD loved Idaho and spent a couple years developing equipment to harvest the potatoes from the trees. His headquarters were in a cave near Bone Idaho but the pace was a bit too hectic there. As your pictogram shows the size of the hybrid starchy tubers soon overpowered his devices. Scaling up the drawings worked for a time but lubrication and viosinlaclimates always remained the problem.
He stayed long enough to supervise the filming of "Man without Gingham" and then returned to Tibet.
Thanks for mentioning this as it almost slipped my recollect.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by wayne sheldon » Thu Nov 28, 2019 5:54 am

Was this Harvey Fierstein related to the actor of these todays? I have always enjoyed his wonderful performances and portrayals. There are several movies in which he is merely a supporting actor, yet his brief performances always add such character. In the 1996 "Independence Day", he is working in a newsroom when they find out that the world as we know it is coming to an end as hostile aliens begin attacking. I love the moment he runs off muttering " Oh, my God. I gotta call my brother, my housekeeper, my lawyer. Nah, forget my lawyer." Best two seconds in the whole film!

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And speaking of the future present tense? Happy Thanksgiving!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Nov 28, 2019 11:02 am

Speaking of latter-day actors, it’s interesting to note that Pernicious Pictures began a re-make of “Man Without Gingham” in 1956. Vincent Price was cast in the role of Fentmore Google, with Peter Lorre as Kalamity Dick. The initial “takes” were shot on location near Ozone, Idaho but the project stalled when Google’s descendents objected to the characterization and overall lack of historical accuracy. Too deeply invested to back out, Pernicious Pictures rewrote the script and completed the film which hit the big screen a few years later as “The Raven”, a farcical spin on the Edgar Allen Poe poem of the same name. No mockingjays were harmed in the filming.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Nov 28, 2019 11:49 am

Yes, no Mockingjays but it was the inspiration of the Kellogg's Raven Bran Serial. A weakly series production of a crime fighter named Jed and his improvatical Grandmother who drove an Oldsmobile truck to thwart criminals and evildoers.
As for Harvey Fierstein, he may have been related to the rubber magnet as the later did a cameo appearance in the Emmy winning "The man without Corduroy".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Nov 28, 2019 11:53 am

As for Ozone, turn left at the windmill.
Ozone.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Nov 28, 2019 2:30 pm

It’s possible KD’s association with Fierstein was motivated by Kalamity’s research on controlling rubber maggots. An infestation left most automobile owners in the Tri-Burg basin literally tireless. Dick soon found Cuthbert’s home remedy for thrush (copper sulfate and tobacco juice) solved the problem, and then turned his attention to developing the rubber magnet, which became an effective dampening element on the third generation flackerpoth.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Nov 28, 2019 2:30 pm

Rich Bingham wrote:
Thu Nov 28, 2019 2:30 pm
It’s possible KD’s association with Fierstein was motivated by Kalamity’s research on controlling rubber maggots. An infestation left most automobile owners in the Tri-Burg basin literally tireless. Dick soon found Cuthbert’s home remedy for thrush (copper sulfate and tobacco juice) solved the problem, and then turned his attention to developing the rubber magnet, which later became an effective dampening element on the third generation flackerpoth.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Nov 28, 2019 2:31 pm

?!? Oops !! :oops:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Nov 28, 2019 6:38 pm

It was Whooptard Kellogg that stole the Raven Bran idea from Fentmore Google.
Not that Google minded. In fact, it was his suggestion that others might like it, and
that Kellogg should make it and sell it.

As for Harvey Fierstein, he was quite the minstrel singer and was often called to
play/referee the Chugwater League pointing matches.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Nov 28, 2019 7:13 pm

He stood on the chair to reach the higher notes. Harvey also won many races on his minstrel cycle. The tyres were inflated with Campbell's cream of mushroom soup. Some claim the top hat was just a prop.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Nov 28, 2019 9:27 pm

All of that is true, except the bit about Campbells. It was actually Crampwell's Cream
of Mushroom Soup. Locally grown and locally made. Dinner in the diner, nothing could
be finer.

The Chugwater Co-Ed Pointing Team held the National title for sixteen years.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Nov 28, 2019 9:29 pm

I beg to differ on the top hat was just a prop. Have you heard of the theory on elongated skulls? Look it up. The top hat was necessary to hide the extra cranial capacity of the wearer.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Nov 28, 2019 9:39 pm

The flightline mechanics often sent the new Lances off to find a few gallons of
Prop Wash. Hard to get good prop wash these days.

Supporting Herb's point in his last post, Heinrich sent over this photo of Ersatz
Grumwalder, .... yes, the same Ersatz Grumwalder that raised hootenannies on
the bluff, in his special hat and hootenanny growing gown. Many will remember
Ersatz from his role in Man Without Burlap. He won the McAdamy Award that year
for best use of tumors. His wife Debbie is seen at left.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Nov 29, 2019 11:49 am

Was that the best use of tumors or tubers? See the above posting in a previous page for the best use of burlap, not to be confused with the Man Without Burlap. Don't forget Melba Milquetoast and Marilyn in her burlap dress.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Nov 29, 2019 12:00 pm

It was said amongst oldtimers that Ersatz Grumwalder never took his hat off, leaving
all to speculate as to whether it was because of tumors or tubers. However, the McAdamy
only had an award category for tumors at that time, so that was the award they gave him.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Nov 29, 2019 12:06 pm

.
.
I was always fascinated by how they made Raven Bran:

KDshaft.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Nov 29, 2019 12:45 pm

Yes it is Burger. It was a carefully guarded secret that the Ravens were strangled and the sucked through a Monarch Carberator and sinversated. Some of the nooses can be seen above the temporary housing. Again, the Uvula League protested that it was both cruel and unsuual but after beeing sent to bed without supper they re-quaticulated.
Rravven.jpg
Thanks for the interior shot. It was missing from the cassette.
more at 11.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Nov 29, 2019 1:48 pm

Company literature states the Raven Bran was extracted from carefully heated
nests in the nesting cavern, and that no Ravens were hurt or killed. Is this not
true ? Seems heavy handed to send the Uvula League to bed without supper. Those
were harsh times.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Nov 29, 2019 2:50 pm

From the start the whole Raven Bran history is something of a fiasco. Problems arose early on as few could tell the difference between a raven and a crow. Those tasty dark nuggets of goodness in the Raven Bran were actually “Black Crows” at times, dome shaped licorice flavored gum drops sold only at movie house concessions stands. Few consumers knew the difference or cared.

The sanction against the Uvula League members wasn’t as harsh as it might seem. The League was an early proponent of “second breakfast” and “two hours for lunch” both estimable concepts for keeping one adequately nourished.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Nov 30, 2019 1:54 am

I make it clear from the start, we are a Red Vines family. No Twizzlers in
this house !

Hard to believe how the public could be so apathetic about Black Crows.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Nov 30, 2019 10:38 am

Adding a little aardvark to the black crow mix made it indistinguishable form Raven on the Confabulator papillae test. By straining it through a Stromberg rather than a Monarch Carberator and using spent Ethyl seemed to do the trick.
I salute your choice of Red Vines and all the folks in Union City.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Nov 30, 2019 12:42 pm

To be honest, I gave up the Red Vines and all that sweet stuff years ago. It
just wasn't delivering the taste pleasure it did before. While visiting Aunt Pat
this holiday, even the pies were too sweet, and I tossed out the request that if
they were being made FOR me, to take them off the menu. I'd rather just eat
turkey. Aunt Pat, like KD and Ernie and many of the Tri-Burg clan, tend to do a
lot of fussing about making guests happy. Maybe too much fussing.

Speaking of the holidays, travel has been slow and tedious with all this weather
we've been having.

KDicestorm.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Nov 30, 2019 3:30 pm

Well I remember the proffered “Nib”. Before I could read I was attracted to that red and yellow box with the camel on it. Harvey Sweetbine, an older, mischievous playmate,ruined them for me forever by informing me they were “camel dung”. Familiar with sheep droppings, I believed him and willingly surrendered my treat to him. His perfidy marked me for life. I often wonder what became of Harvey, but that is beyond the scope of this scholarly forum. My apologies for the digression.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Nov 30, 2019 3:31 pm

I know what you mean Burger. We have cut out a lot of the sweet stuff ourselves.
Speaking of the Holidays here is a photo Sebastain brought in this morning. We believe it is early '30s Thanksgiving at Ernie's.
Anyone recognize the Spamato sauce?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Nov 30, 2019 3:54 pm

Thanks Rich. I missed your comment while composing.
Lest we forget:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Dec 02, 2019 11:45 am

That wonderful photo of the Thanksgiving banquet at Ernie’s in 1931 deserves comment. Thanks to Sebastian for his tireless efforts tracing and re-tracing the aisles of the basement archives. (We really should buy some rubber to put on that tricycle he gets around on. The rims are marking up the parchment floors.)

The Depression hadn’t yet made an impact on the basin moss trade, so the moss workers were still at full force. Ernie always provided a fine dinner for the single laborers who couldn’t get home for the holiday.
Ernie (in a tie) can be seen smiling behind the bar. In the foreground, that’s Spud Kunkleman eating peas from his butter knife. Heinrich has so far been unable to identify the others at table, but that’s Lulu LeBarge in the background, Ernie’s sometime paramour back in ‘31. Of course there was plenty of Happy Sally to go around, and Ernie’s special spamato sauce was more popular than cranberries.

There’s quite a story behind the development of the spamato sauce recipe. Bartholomew is piecing that together as I write. More input would be most welcome.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Dec 02, 2019 11:53 am

Errata:
We’re perplexed by the “Bud Light” sign in the background of that photo, clearly dated as “Thanksgiving, 1931”. Anhauser-Busch didn’t begin marketing Bud Light until 1982. Anyone ? Anyone? Bueller ?!?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Dec 02, 2019 12:02 pm

While I have no hard evidence to prove this, KD was said to be tinkering around
with a futuristic concept, he called "Shoto-phop" that could insert items into, and
modify photographic images. Would the dates of his work have coincided with this
photo ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Dec 02, 2019 1:54 pm

Another instance that proves the necessity of this forum where questionable and spurious historical commentary can be examined and corrected by fact rather than rumor.

Kalamity Dick became reclusive and retired to the basement of Ernie’s Saloon in the early’40s. Sometime before 1950, he and his old friend Cuthbert “Mad Dog” Maddox loaded up the raceabout, headed for the Vedawoo and were never seen nor heard from again. This would have pre-dated Bud Light by over thirty years.

There’s also speculation as to what, exactly “shoto-fop” refers to. KD’s notes on the subject are confusing as they alternate between manipulating photographic images and recipes for a hair dressing pomade. KD was a lifelong faithful user of the preparation marketed as “Dapper Dan”. When it was taken off the market before WWII, he was unsatisfied with the surviving competitive brand, “Fop”.
It appears he was experimenting with amendments to that preparation at the same time he was in the dark room. Montague is trying to sort out the references but it’s sticky work as KD’s working notes on these two very dissimilar projects are pencilled on Black Jack gum wrappers, some of which are folded around a wad of discarded chewing gum. We’ll keep you posted.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Dec 02, 2019 4:27 pm

I'm sure the Bud Light image was due to hacking when the original photo was being Zerogged from the genericizer. The Institute has implemented various security aclopedes but still sees some glitches. Obviously what we think we are seeing isn't there.
Also the numbers of Happy Sally bottles seems light for a Thanksgiving event. The hackers may have snitched some of them while they were at it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Dec 02, 2019 4:29 pm

Keeping the facts straight is certainly a priority here. Even the solid fabrications
can be distorted by rampant hearsay, if we do not remain firm in our diligence.

And while I have little to add to the notes on Shoto-Phop or otherwise, it is of
similar historical record that the Insitute's own tricycle maintenance foreman and
erstwhile research protege, Montague, arrived upon the scene from northern California,
where, much as nearby Tennant is named after George Tennant, logging Supt. for
Long-Bell, Montague was named for Montague (Abner) Weed, who had two towns
named after him. When he inadvertently used the formula for the cure for cancer
as fire starter in the shop, he was forced to slink away under cover of darkness for
parts unknown. But because of his colossal screw up, Montague has dedicated his
life since, to research and document preservation.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Dec 02, 2019 8:29 pm

Are you sure that the Bud Light sign isn't really a Ford blue oval that someone marked over to confuse us? You say that Kalamity Dick was never heard from or seen again. Could it be that he survive until at least 1982 by some device he came up with? Is time travel impossible?
Do we know if KD ever dabbled with quantum physics? Where will all of this lead?
Perhaps KD might be a contributor to this thread!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Mon Dec 02, 2019 9:45 pm

And the little dog laughed to see such a sight and the whale jumped over the moon
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Dec 02, 2019 10:32 pm

A lot of coverage was given to moon jumping during the period when the mushroom
stands were so popular. American Glass Plate & Pipe Journal seemed to follow the
fad closer than most.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by wayne sheldon » Tue Dec 03, 2019 4:07 am

Personally, I like Murray's Hair Dressing Pomade myself. One small "two-finger" gallop with a little warm water and your hair stays nice no matter how fast you drive your speedster!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Dec 03, 2019 9:23 am

Lucky Tiger and Wild Root were what I used when I had hair. It depended how long is was as to which.
It would seem some long cables would be required to jump the moon to me. is it 6 volt or trelve volt?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Dec 03, 2019 3:23 pm

Heinrich had some questions.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Dec 03, 2019 10:35 pm

At the going rate, a rather unhappy Ollie said to Sven, "We're losing $100 on every
load we haul in to town" !

Always the solution seeker, Sven said to Ollie, "That's OK, ... we can just make two
trips !"
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Dec 06, 2019 2:33 am

For those who do not subscribe to the Calhoun Church Supply & Urinary Health Gazette,
this month's historical feature is the wartime efforts of local citizens to do their part in all
things patriotic. Like many areas in the country, Nazi spies were sent to infiltrate the
populace and report back for strategic planning. Keen sensing Tri-Burg residents were
quick to identify this pair and equally quick thinking and an ample supply of Happy Sally
brought the two into the patriotic American fold. Hans and Fritz von Ersatzbrüner were
from Mannhein and recruited for nefarious reasons. Once accustomed to the warm glow
of Happy Sally, the two flipped and became enthusiastic fans of the mushroom moss yodeling
scene. They were forgiven of past sins and welcomed into the Chugwater community, where
they lived out their lives as model citizens. Or so says the article.

The cover photo shows the pair with close friend and fellow German immigrant Raoul von
Scheisssturmfuhrer during a yodeling event.

KDpipandflip.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Dec 06, 2019 9:43 am

The Tri-Burg residents always were gentle, kind and subtly persuasive that way. Most of the unrest in this world could be turned around if only the villains and terrorists could be shown the merits of mushroom moss yodeling. The climate of the Tri-Burg area also was somehow conducive to pleasant attitudes and so forth. A veritable Shangri-la with bogs, marshes and mushroom stands. Only the Spadaford gang seemed to be immune from the charm and magic, but that is another story. No wonder Kalamity Dick could produce such amazing things in that environment. Not to mention the unparalleled elixir, Happy Sally.
Thanks
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Dec 06, 2019 11:33 am

Wonderful shot of people riding the lunch trolley to Ernie's !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Dec 06, 2019 2:54 pm

And it was no accident or coincidence that the Lunch Trolley ran past Ernie's. Simeon Barnswoggle purchased several feet of street between the two from the Larkvonnet estate to install track. Seated just three passengers from the ticket holder reading the Gazette is Simeon's twin sister. The resemblance was astonishing and most couldn't tell the difference other than the Begonia in the buttonhole. I think you can see what I mean. You may recall that the afore mentioned Trolley was also vacuum powered and the model for the one on Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. That one also traveled past Ernie's on occasion but sometimes disguised as a tandem rollerskate.
Watch for the upcoming movie of his life with Kevin Costner and Bobby-Lee Thornton.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Dec 06, 2019 4:14 pm

That’s exciting news for movie fans, Rich ! For anyone wanting to see an advance trailer, the movie is titled “Dances With Moles”. I understand there’s some breathtaking footage of the moss plantations in bloom.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Fri Dec 06, 2019 4:53 pm

Rich, I have heard mixed reviews of Dances with moles ? Some say its the blind directing the blind while others say its mounds of trouble. I guess we can follow the the trail to the moss grubs, what ever that meens?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Dec 07, 2019 11:23 am

Another interesting article was in Chugwater's "MUD" magazine, June i believe. It showcased the Nazi moles who were rehabulated to groom the moss roots during puberty. They were completely ignored in the movie as none of them could really dance. I hadn't realized that many of them made their homes right under those trolley tracks. Never the less enough Happy Sally was spilt outside of Ernie's to keep them in good spirits.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Dec 08, 2019 12:47 am

The German infiltrators were none too subtle in their movements. Again, the
keen eyes and quick minds of Chugwater area residents took no time in putting
a stop to Ernst Schickelgrüber, as he was swimming an ordnance stash ashore from
a U-boat, positioned near the estuary of the Stinkwater River. Hauptman Schickelgrüber
was taken into custody, where he was subjected to a battery of Happy Sally "treatments"
and for the duration of the war, split his days between archival filing at the Institute and
caring for the residents at the Calhoun County Home for the Infirm and Feebleminded.

KDbomb.jpg

As side note, Kalamity Dick was named Chief EOD Commander by the War Dept.
for all of Calhoun County, and was said to have had "quite a time" of disposing of
confiscated ordnance with "select friends".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Dec 08, 2019 12:54 pm

I believe it was in MUD Magazine that I first heard of the game of Squamish. Funny how this all ties in.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Dec 08, 2019 1:38 pm

It does tie together Herb. And as Burger mentioned the "select friends" to help dispose, it was the 3rd year Squamish team and associated friends who got the honors during season 5. Melvin Leadbetter lost 3 fingers in the fun but Velma's cat ultimately found them.
The final score was 5 fingers, 2 toes and a half an ear.
The fun was continued the following year after the innertube trials.
Thanks again,
Rich
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Dec 08, 2019 3:53 pm

I love that photo ! It so vibrantly shows the warm glow of Happy Sally on KD's face !

It was KD's connection to Napoleon that led to the celebration of Kalamity Dick as a
national hero in Corsica.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Dec 08, 2019 4:10 pm

The feller on the left side of the photo look familiar. Is that Duke Wain? I think he knew Kid Shaleen.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Dec 08, 2019 4:29 pm

I see a resemblance to Herman Göering. Another wartime infiltrator ? He WAS distantly
related to the Larkvonnets.

Speaking of resemblances, the fellow in the background at center bears a strong resemblance
to the mole photo above.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Dec 08, 2019 4:58 pm

There were some youngsters from mixed marriages between the moles and the VanBriggles but I assure you none were that tall. Herman did make the Squamish squad while at Bundesländer.
Rumor had it that Duke Wain and Kid Shaleen were room mates at Gupton-Jones. A night out with a gallon of glutaraldehyde kept them out of the glee club.
Leo is still reviewing the file on Napoleon but can only find reference to him being composed of three separate flavors (vanilla, chocolate and strawberry).
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Dec 08, 2019 9:19 pm

Such a shame about being kept out of the Glee Club. Such prestigious
institutions MUST keep their standards extremely high. But what a terrible
life mistake for the two boys. Nearly a century gone, and I can feel their
pain.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Dec 08, 2019 11:30 pm

I just noticed the bomb in the foreground of the above photo. Does that give some clue th the event being captured by the camera?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Dec 09, 2019 2:08 am

One of many EOD disposal operations, performed under the direction of Kalamity
DIck, as outlined in a previous post. Remember, it was wartime, and even Calhoun
County saw their share of "action".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Mon Dec 09, 2019 7:43 am

Gee I thought the bomb was in reference to how poor the team did in the Squamish finals and that they "bombed" in the playoffs! I also understood that the loosing team had to try to disarm the bomb and if successful they were allowed to return the next season and if they weren't they fertilized the playing field
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Dec 09, 2019 12:06 pm

Those are "English Rules" squamish. The Tri-Burg Leagues shunned all European
influence, except that one thing.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by wayne sheldon » Tue Dec 10, 2019 5:26 am

If they were unsuccessful in disarming the bomb? Who had to replace their divot?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Dec 10, 2019 8:38 am

They were discouraged from using the word "disarming" for obvious reasons. Happily the accident rate was very low and the divots were always used as settling pools for the pudding mixing. Being this far inland only a couple of hundred torpedoes made it to Chugwater. KD's castrodometricker was able to pinpoint the triggering mechanism and defusing was child's play. At any rate Miss Kimble's kindergarten was most helpful in that regard.
On a happier note the abalone festival was scheduled for the following semester and chrysanthemums were the theme.
Skates were also banned from the corridor during July.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Dec 10, 2019 12:41 pm

Mention of the Abalone Festival brings to mind the Abaloni Festival, that
was a big Chugwater event from 1883 to 1939. Held at the Calhoun County
Fairgrounds on the Upper Terrace, the whole point of the event was its own
undoing. Jasper Abaloni and his sister Putrid were house painters. The event
they dreamed up was to find faster drying paint, and thusly a competition was
held each year to see who could develop the fastest drying paint. In 1883,
it took 6 days to work through the brackets to find a winner, some paints taking
a full 24 hours to cure. By 1939, with the use of acetone and other "hot" solvents,
watching paint dry took mere minutes, and often began to set up before applied
correctly. Ticket sales dropped, and in anticipation of the war, the event was
discontinued after the 1939 celebration. Children disaring bombs in the corridors
had become a safety concern for skaters, and was a contributing factor.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Dec 11, 2019 10:12 pm

With all the snow today, Heinrich was out and about on the Snomoto and shared a
few photos and a story about Kalamity Dick.

As many know, KD's cousin Winston Washington began his professional life alongside
Alfred Einstein in the Major Leagues, but after the accident at the mine, both went
other directions, Alfred into advanced math and Winston into professional tip-toeing.
KD's (large) part in all of this was replacing Winston's mid-body (destroyed in the accident)
with a mechanical unit, made from spares and gubbins scrounged from the basements
of Ernie's, The Uvula League HQ, and the vestibule factory.

Winston at the Awards Banquet:

KDwinston1.jpg
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Winston, mid-stride during the tip-toe championship, 1921:

KDwinston2.jpg

Access panel removed, KD's workmanship and attention to
detail is all too obvious:

KDwinston3.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed Dec 11, 2019 10:52 pm

I had heard that Winston was highly excitable and would get all wound up reminiscing about the good old days when KD was around.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Dec 12, 2019 8:14 am

And as mentioned before, Winston was never able to play the violin after the afore mentioned mine accident. You may notice similarities near or below the gawflathe links. Going a little to the right of item 5, the crandle spring looks to be tightened similarly. Not that I have full knowledge of Zencabulatory practices I would suggest every possibility as mentioned in chapter four A. Stifling valves and condensing tubes were also added. An electro-pringelplat was installed above the right hand breather to avoid static vexing. All reports were that 98.7 miles per hour could be attained at 66° F. Scattered showers and light winds expected later in the day. However, Winston usually drove the Hupmobile on tippy-toes.
Was it third base that Alfred played?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Dec 12, 2019 12:12 pm

It’s interesting to note how far advanced KDs techniques were. It has only been recently that bio-mechanical solutions in the medical field have come to be applied successfully, and nowhere near as invasive as the apparatus he installed for Winston’s betterment.

This ledgermain feat did not go entirely unnoticed by the scientific community: KD was to receive a special award for “Conspicuous Meritrocity” from the Tri-burg Bagel-bakers and Boilermakers Union, but by the time of the appointed banquet, KD had gone over the hill on yet another of his long excursions. The award reverted to Rulon Simpelbrow for his improvements on the cotter pun.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Dec 12, 2019 12:28 pm

Grandpa always made a big deal about how humble and horribly disfigured Winston
was world champion and record holder (a title he still holds to this day) and worked
nights down at the Stinker station. He always expected such celebrity to live behind
gates, throwing lavish parties. Instead, Winston enjoyed watching the trains going
back and forth through town as he pumped gas and washed windshields.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Thu Dec 12, 2019 1:13 pm

Kalamity Dicks scientific mind was decades ahead of everyone else when he proposed his latest project of sending ordinary citizens into space. He first experimented on several groups to insure that there was a genuine interest in seeing the stars before investing in the endeavor. He would wack the test group in the head with a rubber mallet and then ask them if they saw stars. Enough people said yes that they did see stars he built his "Trip to Mars" launch area.
888199.jpg
Some children were just too scared to travel and were left behind.
36a8c3aee41a80f1775584bb57ca534e.jpg
Kalamity did lose a few employees who decided to wait by the control panel for their return.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Dec 12, 2019 1:19 pm

Not enough is said about the pleasures of watching the trains going back and forth through town and pumping gas and washing windshields. A distant cousin of Grampa's was a very wealthy textile merchant. Late in life he told Gramps how he would gladly trade the millions he made for the simple life down at the pumps. He could see that the box of greasy rags, the gas cap collection as well as the daily wave from the brakemen and leftover sandwiches meant more than the palatial mansion and hired girls he grew used to.
Thanks for mentioning it.
Got to catch the 10:05 from Laramie.
Rich

P. S. Nice shot of the kid adjusting his wallet.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Thu Dec 12, 2019 8:18 pm

He only had to adjust his wallet after he left the "Trip to Mars" staging area because he was scared
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Dec 12, 2019 9:49 pm

Grandpa liked Winston. I guess they grew up and went to school together, and
that included Alfred Einstein too. While Einstein went on to great fame and some
fortune, Grandpa and Winston watched the trains and kept up on local gossip at
the Stinker station. Grandpa made his fortune doing a phenomenal public service
during the Spaghetti Crisis. When the cartel stopped all sales of pasta to the Tri-
Burg area, because of who supported whom during the war, Grandpa sprang into
action and grew his own using Kalamity Dick's Cumbrian Theory of horizontal pasta
combulation. Contemporary reports said his selfless actions saved the day and led
to the eventual breakup of the cartel.

KDpasta.jpg

Seen in his self-styled spaghetti uniform, this photo was taken during the 2nd year
of the siege, when Grandpa planted the crops below ground level to better facilitate
tertiary embrocation at the roots, which boosted production by 25% ! An idea he
also credited to KD (and Happy Sally).

Many years later, the four men were seen together at Ernie's Saloon one evening,
and found semi-conscious the next morning in Larkvonnet's strawberry patch. They
said they took the flight to Mars and were forced to crash land upon return. All party's
flasks were empty and no injuries were noted.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:59 am

One of many crash landings on return trips from Mars I might add. The boys were pretty tough in those days.
Thanks for the Spaghetti Report. I had been wondering.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Fri Dec 13, 2019 12:13 pm

Nothing noted about the Larkvonets barn being hit be the tornado ??? Word has it that it filled the vertical spagetti grove to the top with 3rd cutting of hay. Chugwater residents still talk about eating spagetti salad for months! Strawberry Mars is still a popular beverage using Happy Sally today!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Dec 13, 2019 4:59 pm

3rd cutting. good for them.
It was about the same time of year that the Hupmobile dealer announced they were having a sale on some of their cars. Not to be outdone Kalamity put one on his Runabout. He could make 42 mph in Chugwater Canyon on a good day but not always in the direction he intended. On two wheels even faster. Sitting backward after mushrooms and beans also helped. Winston rode one trip but the gaff often upset his gyroscope and he abandoned ship. Adding a skeg helped a bit but by then the stifling valves started clogging.
KDsail.jpg
Spaghetti salad for lunch Thursday.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Dec 13, 2019 7:10 pm

Yep. That barn was never the same after the tornado.
barn tornado 2.jpg


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Fri Dec 13, 2019 7:34 pm

Sure made it easy to install new shingles !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Dec 13, 2019 10:37 pm

KDcyclone.jpg
Folks on Hannan Street called it a "cyclone". It made a heck of a lot of
work for the linemen of Tri-Burg Telegraph & Telephone !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Fri Dec 13, 2019 10:50 pm

Is it true TT&T charged by the insulator and not buy the pole ?
images.jpeg-1.jpg
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Back to basics after the cyclone.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Dec 14, 2019 3:31 am

Heinrich reports that, while he has never seen the billing structure of
T.T.&T., he does have a document showing the schedule was devised and
drawn up by Kalamity Dick and Euland Swogglesburg after the Territorial
Governor's Board did that first audit. Swogglesburg had two left feet.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Dec 14, 2019 8:37 am

Euland Swogglesburg . Wasn't he assumed killed in the tornado? All they found of him was his shoes. You got it wrong. He had two feet left.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Dec 14, 2019 1:36 pm

That may have been the case, but I remember the ladies from my Grandma's
generation (and Heinrich says news reports back this up), that Swogglesburg
was quite the "lady's man" on the dance floor, and a photo still hangs on the
wall of the St. Cornelius Church and Dance Hall in Humptulips, with an inscription
that mentions the "left foot two-step".

Some will inevitable comment as to how this "advantage" complicated doing
the Hokey-Pokey for Swogglesburg, another large social event around the Chugwater
Basin.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by tmodeldriver » Sun Dec 15, 2019 12:06 am

I too have two left feet. Sadly, I've never been able to buy a pair of flip flips. :cry:

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sun Dec 15, 2019 10:14 am

While at Ernie's, Kalimity Dick left his glass of Happy Sally unattended which was then enjoyed by two members of Ernie's pest control staff.

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BBXbOoy (2).png (186 KiB) Viewed 72 times

Unfortunately Thelma Largebottom the neighborhood busybody witnessed the incident and called animal control officer who was about to write a ticket for Kalimity's actions but just as officer Puddinghead reached for his ticket book who should burst through the door... none other then...

Will Kalamity get out of paying a ticket?
Will Kalamity go to jail?
Or will Kalamity offer officer Puddinghead a glass of Happy Sally?

Don't forget boys and girls to tune in next week for the exciting conclusion when Mrs Largebottom gets covered with alcohol soaked fur balls!
And don't forget boys and girls to collect those Happy Sally bottle caps because when you collect 870 caps you get your prize of...
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Dec 15, 2019 12:46 pm

Such commercial promotion was rarely seen in and around Chugwater.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Dec 15, 2019 2:25 pm

Interestingly, Bernard phoned in this photo this evening. It not only suggests that officer Puddinghead was subdued with a shot or two of Happy Sally, but demonstrates some of Euland Swogglesburg's agility on the dance floor. Betty Jean Larkvonnet happily keeps up with him. As mentioned before, much of the history of the Tri-Burg area comes round full circle or at least grinds easily into the mix. Betty Jean later had four hansom sons, the youngest becoming foreman over to the Greenhaul Mill on Harrison. Not South Harrison by the Library but Harrison Lane past the Sewage pond. His brother looked more like the twins than either of them. Folks commented to that a lot.
Kalamity was not able to attend the wedding itself but sent a shiny new plunger as a gift.
You may notice the rather heated Canasta game in the background of Bernard's photo. These were common on Wednesday afternoons. Long John Thornberg was caught cheating the previous Summer and throttled by the Biggles Brothers. Sam had a poem entered in the Gattling contest that was quite good. Surprising that he had that temper. At any rate in was the Smithford boy who melded out. The Constable bought him a drink to celebrate and nobody complained.
They planned a picnic under the bridge the following weekend.
What great times those were.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Dec 15, 2019 5:19 pm

Yes, wonderful and interesting times. You’ll note that’s KD at the bar enjoying a large flagon of Happy Sally. The law officer at his left is not constable Puddinghead, however. It appears to be a youthful Cuthbert Maddox; the mustache being an unmistakable element of his identity. He wears the badge of a Calhoun County deputy. This would have been during Sheriff Gilmore Spudwater’s term, when he drafted Maddox as deputy to serve out a community service sentence after that embarrassing incident at the Saddlestring July 4 Rodeo and Easter-egg Hunt.
Ernie prevailed on authorities to provide law enforcement protection 24/7 when it was reported Carrie Nation was in that part of the state. Maddox especially enjoyed the assignment and actually lived in Ernie’s basement for another year and a half after being relieved of his duties as Deputy Sheriff.

The Carrie Nation scare turned out to be a false report. The only unlawful incident to occur at Ernie’s during this time was when Long John’s sixteen year old niece Gerda ran into the bar raving about impending doom from atmospheric CO2 if all the seltzer bottles in the bar were not destroyed. She smashed several before being restrained. The citizens of Medicine Bow were amazed when newspapers reported a geyser eruption of soda water in Soda Springs, Idaho some 450 miles to the west, on the very day Gerda had made herself a nuisance in Ernie’s Saloon. Interesting, no ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Dec 15, 2019 7:32 pm

Making springs out of soda is no small matter of chemistry and physics. Kalamity
Dick managed, with the help of both Einstein and Swogglesworth. It was in this pursuit
that KD stumbled upon the Vanadium vaporization process, which led to his connections
with Highland Park. Canasta is still a popular pastime all over the Tri-Burg area.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Dec 15, 2019 8:50 pm

That does seem to be Cuthbert. I had forgotten his term on the force. I do recall now the Ad-libbing he did at the swearing-in ceremony. Five four letter words and four five letter words were added to demonstrate to the commission he could swear. He also was most adept at gathering the eggs.
As for the Spring Soda, the process eventually required pre-vomitization to get the back load correct. Again Einstein's experience with the Koala came in handy.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Dec 15, 2019 11:26 pm

The geyser eruption in Sodas Springs was not a coincidence per say. It seems that indirectly Kalamity had some thing to do with it.
Here we see a machine that had drawn the plans up for but was being experimented with by others.
Well driller.JPG
The story as conveyed by Hobo Jack who might have been there was that an inexperienced well driller fell asleep at the controls and let the drill bit get too far down. An Artesian well was struck there by causing the incident at Soda Springs. It just goes to show you it's nice to fool with Mother Nature.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Dec 16, 2019 12:10 am

Hobo Jack ! Haven't heard his name in ages ! Hobo kept a shack up in Smelterville,
and in spite of his name, was a wealthy man, on account of holding a 50% grubstake
in the Alphabet claim, that resulted in largest strike in U.S. history. In spite of it all,
he lived life as a pauper, with the exception of never having a want for funds. In 1919
he bought a new car and drove all over, becoming a familiar name and face with everyone
in the Chugwater Basin. He often was found parked down by the tracks, watching the
trains go by, much like the boys down at the Stinker station.

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