OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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wayne sheldon
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by wayne sheldon » Sun Feb 02, 2020 4:20 am

I would like to take this moment to wish all our friends of the tri-burg area a very happy International Palindrome Day! The next one will not occur until December 12, of 2121. If I recall correctly, KD himself studied the effects of palindromes after installing the ring gear in his famous speedster backwards, and discovered it went as fast in reverse as it had previously in forward.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Feb 02, 2020 9:33 am

Thanks for remembering Wayne. I have waited.
Richard Boone in ''Have Gun Will Travel'' as I recall.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Feb 03, 2020 12:08 am

In the early days of television, local station KVOM broadcast their own spinoff,
called "Have Mushrooms, Will Travel", starring local celebs de gras Juan Wayne,
Montgomery Clipped, and Hugh G. Rexion. All three had served together during
the Nutmeg Incident and had remained friends and collaborators while working
at the Alphabet Mine and later at the Vestibule factory. For his support, KD got
box seats for each performance.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Feb 03, 2020 2:54 pm

Travellll.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Feb 04, 2020 10:40 am

"Wire Larkvonnet Chugwater!" remains a popular exclamation all around
the area.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Feb 04, 2020 11:35 am

It became necessary after several vonnets came loose and fell off from not being larkwired.
"Live and Learn" as the Commodore always said.
Rich
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Feb 04, 2020 12:52 pm

Yes, it’s one of those quaint colloquial expressions unique to the area. Another one more commonly heard around Medicine Bow is “Root hog or die” but like “Wire Larkvonnet Chugwater” no one seems to know what it means. ?!? Sebastian was running the phrases through the Institute’s Transmogrilator (yet another KD invention) but what came out of the dump feed printout was “Rippin strippin rotten dang fang zarg barg a ding-dong”. A crew of linguists has been called upon to help with the problem. We hope their cunning may provide some claret.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Feb 04, 2020 1:25 pm

The latter was often heard from KD when his pinky got pinched in the kastramifoner. It may have been omitted from the list if there were youngsters present.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Feb 05, 2020 12:29 am

It was heard even louder if he pinched something else.

If I had a wire for every lark I vonneted, I'd be a corn-swooglin' galoot !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Feb 05, 2020 11:38 am

OUCH!

Corn-swooglin' was pretty much necessary back when the corn was full sized. It was difficult to find experienced and hard working galoots who knew what they were doing in later years so the miniature corn we see today became a necessity. Lock-wired or not it wasn't a factor as the mushrooms were most predominant in the Valley at the time.
swooglin.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Wed Feb 05, 2020 12:02 pm

What a bumper crop!
rusty-junk-bumpers-junkyard-scrap-salvage-rusting-abandoned-5538030.jpg

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Feb 05, 2020 2:59 pm

Ah yes, the Bumper Galoots. Not necessarily Ramblin'. Swooglin' Bumpers takes a different skill set. Kalamity employed both from time to time but mentioned "No matter what you Swoogle never trim the cathell, A dead aardvark never rests".
{Buddy did not appear in any Spadaford films that we know of."
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Feb 06, 2020 10:31 am

Interesting to see the "Associated Exhibitors" watermark on that photo. Exhibiting
was banned early in Calhoun County .... 1881, I think. This only drove it underground,
and the exhibiting "speakeasies" sprang up everywhere. Law enforcement and local
newspaper tycoon DaJarvos Readmore crusaded against the AE as the source of all
evil and the decline of modern society. It was quite the drama. The Nutmeg Incident
was, in part, a spin off of the conflict, but the issue finally came to a head during the
1932 election.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Feb 06, 2020 4:18 pm

Exactly! The Nutmeg did spin off of the conflict from not being Larkwired as previously suggested. DaJarvos was a proponent of Lark Washers and Staking but finally convinced by KD and others that wire was American as Mushroom Pie.
The underground exhibitions were dark and damp but an improvement to "picnics under the bridge".
I still have the program from the 43rd Annual one.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Feb 06, 2020 7:47 pm

Did you know there once was a air show under the bridge in town?
Plane under a bridge.jpg


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Feb 07, 2020 2:58 am

There still is.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Feb 07, 2020 11:36 am

Herb’s photo shows Lucius P. Hovershaw at the controls of his “Water Strider”. An early Tri-burg aviation enthusiast, Lucius sought KD’s engineering advice when he set about constructing his craft. A contrarian sort of personality, Hovershaw took issue with nearly all of Dick’s advice and went his own way. The result was a craft that could not fly, but skipped along the surface of the water quite ably. Of course, Lucius maintained he never intended for the machine to fly. Spray and prop-wash made picnicking under the bridge most unpleasant, leading to its decline in popularity.

The Water Strider did become airborne briefly when the tornado of 1910 demolished the skunk works and then followed the river channel. Some of the wreckage ended up miles away. Cuthbert Maddox later utilized part of a wing frame on his ranch to support a dusting bag for controlling lice in his cow herd. Hovershaw was in Ernie’s when the tornado hit, and luckily avoided injury.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Feb 07, 2020 12:52 pm

There is a rather lengthy list of successful inventions and inventors that disagreed with KD. Pick up a copy of Masterful Engineering Quarterly Vol. XXI Issue 6 if you can. Dick could contradict in the most inspiring manner. Einstein, Edison and Eddie Klauson dominate the "E" section of the list.
There are many misconceptions, however, about the Hovershaw “Water Strider”. Firstly, it was not intended to be a bridge to punctuation for the Pythagoreans. Lucius P. always said "I have nothing against them but you know how they are." While the fabric was woven from spun mushroom fiber it was not successfully edible. I could go on and on but already have.
That was the tornado that took out Smiley's Laundromat according to Ludwig. Time will tell.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Feb 08, 2020 12:58 am

Punctuation for the Pythagorians was a big dance hit for the nation in 1919 and
remained a popular request for all the house bands around the area well past the
war. Other bandleaders wrote spinoff songs that also charted. Doin' the Pythagorian
was a Top 10 hit for 18 weeks, Pythagorian Paw-Paw was another. The cumulative
popularity was credited with ending the Craze of Malaise problem that had settled
over many of the Wednesday evening congregation.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Feb 08, 2020 10:30 pm

From Sebastian's Aunt Maude's collection;
Babyyy.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Feb 09, 2020 11:40 pm

Although he did not consider himself much of a dancer, KD played a big part in
the dance craze, developing some of the earliest forms of what would come to be
known as "hi-fi".

KDhorns.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Feb 11, 2020 10:55 am

The wonderful device shown above was a KD development inspired by Duke Fitzellwitz’ reverse adaptation of his sousaphone. Tragically for a musician, Duke suffered a severe loss of hearing, but found that by plumbing a stethoscope into his instrument his auditory acuity was not only restored, but heightened many times over. Kalamity Dick used the principle as a two-way device when he invented the audio-Telly-o-tally-o-phone shown above in receiving mode. In broadcast mode, citizens of the Tri-burgs could hear dance bands, weather reports, news and dinner music all over the Chugwater basin. Programs were broadcast on a regular schedule, pre-dating radio by nearly twenty years.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Feb 11, 2020 11:57 am

Inscribed on Duke's tombstone was his favorite quote "What did you Say?"
Burger's photo of the apparatus was taken at Prankford Field, where so many of the dances, concerts and social events were hosted. Among them and broadcast over the entanglement were the "LakeStreet Five", a quintet of KD and some close friends. KD could not sing a note but the other four could drowned him out. His twitching to the rhythm was contagious. They entertained for seven of the best seasons until Mumbles lost his voice.
KDQuint.jpg
Angie Larkvonnet wrote a column about them in the "Daily Doggerel".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Feb 12, 2020 11:03 pm

Enrico Forté (5th from left) was fairly well known for making some
stuff. Can't remember what, but it was something.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Feb 13, 2020 11:45 am

Right you are, Burger. The Lake Street Five were all prominent figures in the Chugwater basin in those days. They interacted in their professional lives and found music a common ground where their creative energies could find relaxation. Left to right we see Harvey Fierstein, blacksmith and wheel-wright whose shops produced the ore wagons that served the alphabet mines. Next to him is Juan Muirrieta, ascetic visionary and naturalist whose philosophies heavily influenced the Uvula League in its formative years. His observations on animal behaviors helped shape some of the unusual livestock hybrids KD developed on the Maddox ranch. Next to Juan, Thomas Uvula Headiston, prominent Tri-burg undertaker and funeral director, nick-named “Mumbles” by the group for his long, meandering sotto-voce eulogies. No mistaking Kalamity Dick ! Next in line and last, of course, is Enrico Forte, well known for revolutionizing walking-stick manufacture by implementing a moving assembly line. He was never seen without an example of his production, and heavily promoted the use of walking sticks. Often meeting with sales resistance, Enrico would give a prospect a sound drubbing with his stick until the subject acquiesced. Early brass-mounted Fortes are sought-after collectors’ items today.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Feb 13, 2020 10:30 pm

Rich, ... you are a credit to the research community when you bring such concise
detail to light, as you did here. I come away with a deep glow of enlightenment.
Thanks so much !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Feb 14, 2020 9:57 am

Thanks for the kind words Burger, but I must give credit where credit is due. I’d be lost without the help of Heinrich, Sebastian and Bartholomew whose intimate knowledge of the Institute’s archives makes it possible to have access to precise references and documents. The board really should raise their hourly wages. It’s tough to make ends meet on thirty cents an hour nowadays.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Fri Feb 14, 2020 10:32 am

Thats only 16.5 hours a day to meet fords standard $5 work day!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Feb 15, 2020 4:36 pm

Thanks for the identifications of the Quintet. I would have thought they were just some workers from the mill. As it turns out, the Fierstein's lived next to the Frog hatchery and my Aunt Wilma baby sat their youngest two. One evening the bottle rolled under the sofa and when Wilma reached under to retrieve it a whole family of Wallabies followed it out. It turned out that the macropods had been left over from the '22 Railroad Strike. Heinrich is looking for the hole story as we speak.
At any rate the milk had started to turn so she poured it down the privy and fetched some fresh.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Feb 15, 2020 8:07 pm

Few things beat digging in a good, old privy pit !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Feb 16, 2020 12:32 pm

Does anyone remember hearing about the rope pushing contests that were held at the river, just down stream from the bridge?
pushing a rope.JPG

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:00 pm

Yes Herb, Rope-pushing was the most popular sport in the valley for several years. Fred Stroschlap, Captain, shown in front, led team West Bunglers to victory five years running. His mother worked at the five and dime during that period and won most improved employee also several times.
These contests were so well known that folks traveled miles to see it, particularly from New England where the sport had been banned by the Trigonometrists.
Of particular interest to me is the crew of the Thomas Flyer Race team stopping to indulge on the New Hampshire to Marseille Race in 1910. (Car appears over Fred's head)
RopePush.jpg
They did not win but were treated to Mushroom meringue pie ala mode.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Feb 17, 2020 12:14 am

Ol' Two-Spoke MaGroo headed up the Mercer race team, but chose to ride a bicycle
ahead of the cars, to scout for imboles and cyathintes. Lack of both is what stopped
the team the year before, somewhere west of Laramie.

The rope pushing contest was the brainchild of Elder Schnüetzhoeckel, escaped German
criminal and mastermind of the Chugwater Water Scandal that rocked Calhoun County
in 1914. The unwitting participants were lured to think they were competing in a great
contest, with valuable cash and prizes. What Schnüetzhoeckel did not reveal was that
the ropes were tied off to the geologic underpinnings of the entire region. The plan was
to lift the area and reverse the watershed. Schnüetzhoeckel then planned to extort the
populace to put it back.

Schnüetzhoeckel grossly overplayed his hand and understanding of physics in several
ways, starting with the pushing of the rope, instead of pulling. The fasteners and connecting
points for the rope were entirely inadequate as well. It was speculated during the trial
that had Schnüetzhoeckel only consulted Kalamity Dick, some of the wrinkles could have
been worked out. Another speculation was Schnüetzhoeckel should have either supplied
ample Happy Sally, OR held the Happy Sally supply for ransom, to reach his end goal. But
KD would never be swayed to the dark side, no matter the level of Happy Sally, and the
rest is just speculation.

Disirregardlessly, the plot never really materialized to the level of Schnüetzhoackel's
threat being taken seriously, and the rope pushing event was just that, .... a high spirited
civic event. Schnüetzhoeckel was convicted on all 17 charges and forced to sit in a sealed
box, pumped full of mushroom gas for three years. He was released 17 October, 1921, and
was run out of town by an angry mob.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Feb 18, 2020 8:09 am

Did you know they filmed the movie The Absent Minded Professor around Chugwater?
nutty professor.JPG
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Seen below are some of the extra cars needed just in case there was a mishap.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Feb 18, 2020 11:20 am

Somehow that had slipped my mind. Thanks Herb for mentioning it.
Thelma Larkvonnet worked in the studio cafeteria at the time and wrote a column in the Chugwater Daily about the filming.
They also used some of KD's old shirts as costumes in the swashbuckling scenes.
Rich
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