OT- Wife and dementia
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Topic author - Posts: 401
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OT- Wife and dementia
Man, it has been forever since I have been to the forum (lucky I remembered my user name and password). I'm not mad at anyone nor have I dropped off the face of the earth. About 2 years ago my better half and started having "Nightly Fights" about nothing really but enough that I thought we were headed to the "Big D" after 38 years of marriage. Then she had to have Achilles tendon repair surgery so my Daughter came down to help care for her, after about 3 days my daughter called my mom up and they both sat me down and told me what was happening... did I mention they are both nurses.... they told me that I needed to get her into see a neurologist because she was "sun-downing" her neurologist has narrowed the possibilities to either early onset Alzheimer's or Lewy Body dementia and says he will know for sure when he gets the results of the test back next month. Meanwhile they have started her on some drugs that help (we have some good days now). What got me to thinking about the forum though was she was trying to sing a song of which she only remembered two words so I looked it up on youtube the video that went with it surprised me I think I even saw Henry in there! so grab some popcorn and listen to the harmony of the Chordettes and Mr.Sandman.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2cyFpa0mo8
Enjoy life for what it gives you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2cyFpa0mo8
Enjoy life for what it gives you.
Do it right or do it over,your choice. Drive like everyone is out to get you!
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
That's a cool video !!
Mom and her father both ended up with dementia, both could be quite cantankerous at times.
Mom has the sun downing and before the family decided it was best to put her in a care facility after falling numerous times.
I am the youngest of 3 and had no say in this decision, or she would be living with me.
She would leave for the store at 7-8pm, even though we all agreed she shouldn't be driving at night...
Both were very stubborn also. All we can do is love them.
My with had brain surgery 18 years ago, sometimes old reruns are brand new shows for her.
Mom and her father both ended up with dementia, both could be quite cantankerous at times.
Mom has the sun downing and before the family decided it was best to put her in a care facility after falling numerous times.
I am the youngest of 3 and had no say in this decision, or she would be living with me.
She would leave for the store at 7-8pm, even though we all agreed she shouldn't be driving at night...
Both were very stubborn also. All we can do is love them.
My with had brain surgery 18 years ago, sometimes old reruns are brand new shows for her.
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
That is a most delightful video. Thanks.
We have had several friends go through what you are talking about. It is sad.
My wife and I often wonder if our normal absent mindedness is heading that direction. I suppose many of us worry needlessly.
This is one of the rewards for living so many good years.
Here's wishing the best to everyone.
Rich
We have had several friends go through what you are talking about. It is sad.
My wife and I often wonder if our normal absent mindedness is heading that direction. I suppose many of us worry needlessly.
This is one of the rewards for living so many good years.
Here's wishing the best to everyone.
Rich
When did I do that?
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Sorry to hear about your wife. I’m glad that you found out what was wrong, that she is being treated for it and that you are having better days together, now. There will be some challenging times in the future as it gets worse. You will need to exhibit all the patience and understanding you can muster for at some point, she won’t know what she is doing, saying or why. Nice song and nice video to go with it. Too bad such a happy song was used so prominently in a horror movie (Halloween). Jim Patrick.
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Jim you are right and sometimes she doesn't recognize me as her husband, She will sometimes not recognize our house and wants her father to come pick her up and take her back home (he died 35 years ago) she has conversations with people who aren't there etc. But what frightens me is dare I ask how many long term marriages end up dissolved because no one knew what was happening?
Do it right or do it over,your choice. Drive like everyone is out to get you!
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
She is fortunate to have you and your daughter. It won’t be easy for any of you, but knowing what you are up against gives you an advantage in fighting it. To know your enemy is to know it's’ weakness. I understand that the most recent memories disappear first then gradually, the older memories go. You might be able to use this to determine where she is in terms of what memories from a certain period in her life she is drawing from. If in talking to her, you and your daughter can keep the recent memories alive of your lives together, it might help her to remain in the present for awhile longer instead of living in the past that no longer exists. Pictures and videos might aid in this endeavor. God Bless. Jim Patrick
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Yes, that was Henry himself doing what he liked. fussing with machines.
G. R., I once thought my wife was Bi-Polar or deranged but only hormonal challenges back when. It could've ended.
Around the 25 year mark.
(I know a fella in Nebraska who's marriage dissolved. Hormones, 11 year old kids & the whole bit.
Took many conversations to get the story sorted. Younger. Nice guy and wondering what happened.)
I held steadfast and she fought that at times. Most days glad I did. Tough battle and we're young yet. As we age, I watch both of us.
Jim's correct. Not easy. Worth it? Likely.
You may be tougher than the issue at hand.
Love her the more while in-tune and there with you.
Lucky lady to have you by her side perhaps.
Personally, some marriages have ended from your situation.
Do not feel alone either way.
G. R., I once thought my wife was Bi-Polar or deranged but only hormonal challenges back when. It could've ended.
Around the 25 year mark.
(I know a fella in Nebraska who's marriage dissolved. Hormones, 11 year old kids & the whole bit.
Took many conversations to get the story sorted. Younger. Nice guy and wondering what happened.)
I held steadfast and she fought that at times. Most days glad I did. Tough battle and we're young yet. As we age, I watch both of us.
Jim's correct. Not easy. Worth it? Likely.
You may be tougher than the issue at hand.
Love her the more while in-tune and there with you.
Lucky lady to have you by her side perhaps.
Personally, some marriages have ended from your situation.
Do not feel alone either way.
Since I lost my mind mind, I feel more liberated
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Loved the video, Dad's wife has dementia or something, he has been dealing with it for 5 years now. She is combative and her vocabulary is short and loud! Dad is 8 years older and has been able to handle her well. We help where we can. She has never liked any of us kids but is nicer to us now that she don't know us. Dad will be 88 this July. Good luck and God bless.
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Keep it simple and keep a good junk pile if you want to invent something
Keep it simple and keep a good junk pile if you want to invent something
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Dementia is a terrible thing. I hope I never have to deal with it.
I know of three cases.
The first ended with a divorce when the wife tried to kill the husband. The daughter stuck up for the mother. She - the mother - died a few years ago.
The second we know well. The wife was committed to a nursing home after her husband put up with her "stuff" for several years. She was kicked out of several nursing homes because of fighting. She would go for the nurses eyes. She was mean. I think a lot of if was her natural personality. Thankfully, she didn't last to long after she was committed - maybe a couple of years. Life was pure hell for the husband during that time though.
The third is still going on. The wife no longer recognizes the husband or anyone else. She just sits and stares off into space. This has been going on now for maybe ten years and her vital signs are still normal. She could live a long time yet. The husband had to transfer property out of her name and other legal stuff as he couldn't afford the $7k/month. Who could?
Like I said, I hope I never have to deal with it.
I know of three cases.
The first ended with a divorce when the wife tried to kill the husband. The daughter stuck up for the mother. She - the mother - died a few years ago.
The second we know well. The wife was committed to a nursing home after her husband put up with her "stuff" for several years. She was kicked out of several nursing homes because of fighting. She would go for the nurses eyes. She was mean. I think a lot of if was her natural personality. Thankfully, she didn't last to long after she was committed - maybe a couple of years. Life was pure hell for the husband during that time though.
The third is still going on. The wife no longer recognizes the husband or anyone else. She just sits and stares off into space. This has been going on now for maybe ten years and her vital signs are still normal. She could live a long time yet. The husband had to transfer property out of her name and other legal stuff as he couldn't afford the $7k/month. Who could?
Like I said, I hope I never have to deal with it.
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
I have noticed several cases of sudden onset dementia, where a trauma,
such as the loss of the spouse, or a serious heart attack kicked the spouse
over the edge. One survived about a year in a declining state, while the
other lived 10+ years in excellent physical health. Both were calm and
easy to deal with, other than the faded cognative state. I am watching
a longtime client couple deal with his slipping away. Sad, but a sobering
reminder of reality.
such as the loss of the spouse, or a serious heart attack kicked the spouse
over the edge. One survived about a year in a declining state, while the
other lived 10+ years in excellent physical health. Both were calm and
easy to deal with, other than the faded cognative state. I am watching
a longtime client couple deal with his slipping away. Sad, but a sobering
reminder of reality.
More people are doing it today than ever before !
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Right now a High School friend of mine is dying in a care facility. Sometimes she knows who we are, actually usually, but has no concept of her condition and usually asks to go home. She can't remember the conversation going on, and will repeat a question multiple times in five minutes. Some of this was brought on by alcoholism, which destroyed organs and brain function. What is likely taking her now is a sepsis infection. They have to be careful what they give her, as she has seizure reactions to many things. When I talked to her the other day she thought she'd just come back from Paris--in the winter, and now it's spring in San Francisco (she used to travel a lot as a tour guide). It's shaking all of us up, as we are only in our mid-60s and watching one of "our gang" going like this is troublesome.
T'ake care,
David Dewey
David Dewey
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
I don't pretend to understand it much. We were invited over to dinner where a lady and her son were guests too. The lady was very pleasant but asked who we were several times and seemed somewhat confused. Eating desert I noticed the son would reach for her pie. She would scowl and nearly stab his hand with her fork. A little game they played I guess.
Rich
Rich
When did I do that?
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Interesting thread. As a soon to be retired physician I've seen it all too often. The kids notice dad or mom can't drive but are afraid to confront them until there is an accident. Dad accuses his 85 year old wife (in a wheelchair) of infidelity with a vague neighbor 40 years her junior and won't let her sleep with constant questions until she "admits it". (Lewy Body dementia with hallucinations that were "real" to him) Wills aren't done as nobody thinks about dying. The family business falls apart as demented dad won't give up the reins, or it goes to Uncle Sam or hospital/nursing home bills. Mom or dad signs over bank accounts, insurance policies, or give large monetary amounts to "friends", visitors, or unscrupulous relatives. I've been suggesting my patients past 60 or 65 to get their will DONE, and prepare a "living will" to assist the future caregivers and physicians on how you want to be cared for if or when you cannot make decisions for yourself. That may be a slow process like Alzheimer's, or sudden brain damage such as may occur with resuscitation or shock. Some won't agree but I see nursing homes (and many are wonderful places) as warehouses for people waiting to die. I'm not afraid of death, but don't want to be kept alive and protected/prevented from a natural death once I can no longer live at home or make my own decisions. I have written in MY living will that "If or when it is determined that I can not return to my own home and family, or make my own decisions, stop all my medications. Don't treat my diabetes, heart disease, blood pressure, renal failure or give me anything aside from care and comfort. Let me eat what I desire and don't force nutritional supplements on me. If I'm hungry, I'll eat. (Weight loss at the end of life is natural and a sign the body is shutting down. You don't have to treat it.) DO NOT treat me with antibiotics for pneumonia or sepsis, or interfere with any life threatening illness. Treat my chest pains with nitroglycerine and morphine. DO NOT take me to the ER or hospital. Pneumonia has been called "the old man's friend". Give me tylenol, morphine, oxygen, and ativan if I'm anxious or scared. Do not prolong my natural death or "save me" so I have to do it all over again in 2 months. I don't desire to spend $10,000/month to be kept alive so that my grandchildren can visit every 6 months and see me drool. Love me and respect me while I'm here. I hope to see you on the other side." I've had attorneys ask for copies of this to discuss with their clients.
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
A short documentary with interesting treatment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnUSNbqtVJI
There is a longer documentary, "Alive Inside" that is truly worth finding and watching.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnUSNbqtVJI
There is a longer documentary, "Alive Inside" that is truly worth finding and watching.
"The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it." -George Orwell
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Wow Dan, Looks like you are on to something. The sound of a well tuned model T is music to my ears as well as any well running engine. Maybe that is why car guys do fairly well. I use to work on huge diesel engines 3500 hp V16's, they were something to hear. Going to the Drags and listening to some of those engines. Even an electric motor has it own sound loading up. The V8 Ford flat head has a sound like no other as with the Wisconsin V4 the Harley Davidson, Hit and miss motors, Radial aircraft engines, the V12 Mustang , combined with the prop noise, a sweet sound indeed, a high winding motorcycle , ....... could go on and on. I love music and should listen to it more. Remarkable study, Thanks jw
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Keep it simple and keep a good junk pile if you want to invent something
Keep it simple and keep a good junk pile if you want to invent something
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
I think this is the video I was trying to link. I don't know what happened last time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyZQf0p73QM
But really, watch "Alive Inside". Find it and watch it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyZQf0p73QM
But really, watch "Alive Inside". Find it and watch it.
"The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it." -George Orwell
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Just a side note, My neighbors wife started showing signes of dementia some years back. She was arguemenative, forgetfull. Started hording things. Would not leave the house. He tried despartly to take her to the doctor, but she refused to go. One day she had a bad headache and passed out. He called 911 and they transported her to the ER where she died the next day. Turned out she had a brain aneurism that most likely was the cause of the issue. Had she seen a doctor years earlyer she may have been saved. She was in her early 60's. It took me a week to get dad into a doctor to find out he had dementia complicated by a stroke he had that no one knew about. One doctor said had he been treated right away for the stroke he may have been alright for a long while? Sometimes treatment can make a world of differance. Seek treatment for your self & lovedones early.
Craig.
Craig.
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Seeing with the aftermath of this right now. Two weeks ago I was standing in Aunt
Pat's kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. All of a sudden, she got the 1000 yard stare
and was unresponsive. I know the signs, and called 911. We had help there in two
minutes.
3 days in the hospital, and it was determined that a minor stroke in the past had
created a damage that caused this later issue, that they said was similar to a seizure,
but without the physical thrashing .... just sorta skips ya off into a netherspace until
the person just kinda drifts back to reality. The docs said it is very treatable, but we
had to put the ka-bosh on driving, and have implemented power of attorney and some
financial oversight to make sure things don't get too sideways, if an event occurrs again.
Aunt Pat is 87 and in good health, but we may be dealing with a mental decline from
here on out. Just gotta watch and see how it plays out.
Pat's kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. All of a sudden, she got the 1000 yard stare
and was unresponsive. I know the signs, and called 911. We had help there in two
minutes.
3 days in the hospital, and it was determined that a minor stroke in the past had
created a damage that caused this later issue, that they said was similar to a seizure,
but without the physical thrashing .... just sorta skips ya off into a netherspace until
the person just kinda drifts back to reality. The docs said it is very treatable, but we
had to put the ka-bosh on driving, and have implemented power of attorney and some
financial oversight to make sure things don't get too sideways, if an event occurrs again.
Aunt Pat is 87 and in good health, but we may be dealing with a mental decline from
here on out. Just gotta watch and see how it plays out.
More people are doing it today than ever before !
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Great video and is absolutely true IMO.Dan Haynes wrote: ↑Thu Apr 08, 2021 11:30 pmI think this is the video I was trying to link. I don't know what happened last time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyZQf0p73QM
But really, watch "Alive Inside". Find it and watch it.
We heard about studies long ago that music memories were held in part of the brain that was not normally affected by Alzheimer’s and dementia.
When my mother had her second (and serious) stroke in 2009 and dementia started, we bought her an iPod and loaded it up with music from the 40’s and 50’s. (We still have that iPod and the cds that were loaded onto it.) And just like shown in this video, it did wonders for her for the remainder of her life. It seems to keep their brain active and activate memories from their past.
HIGHLY recommend doing this. If they don’t tolerate the headphones, play it on a speaker just loud enough for them to pay attention to it. You will be amazed.
Last edited by PDGx on Fri May 14, 2021 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
THANKS FOR ALL OF THE WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT! It really has helped My wife was formally diagnosed with Alzheimer's last month and they have her on a strict drug regimen and it is helping. The anti-psychotics have almost eliminated the sun-downing and life is returning to something resembling normal. She even has me looking at a Tudor but getting it to Florida might pose a challenge.The Links were wonderful and my wife has shown a real preference for "Christmas music" .
Do it right or do it over,your choice. Drive like everyone is out to get you!
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
I don't know how to say this, but my wife passed on on Thursday 15th of September the diagnosis had changed from Alzheimer's to Lewy Body. The main difference is that Lewy body is much more aggressive. So now I am alone again After 41 years.
Do it right or do it over,your choice. Drive like everyone is out to get you!
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The only thing I can say is that she is with God and one day you will be with her again.
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
So very sorry to hear this. I remember when you first posted this, and felt terrible for you. Your wife is at peace, and now you have to find some peace for yourself as well and start your recovery from this. All the best and prayers for you as well.
Scott Conger
Tyranny under the guise of law is still Tyranny
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Tyranny under the guise of law is still Tyranny
NH Full Flow Float Valves
Obsolete carburetor parts manufactured
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
So sorry to hear this, we are going through the same with my mother in law, I know you went through some heavy times, keep your head up, and get some T time with your mates.
When in trouble, do not fear, blame the second engineer !
Leo van Stirum, Netherlands
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Leo van Stirum, Netherlands
'23 Huckster, '66 CJ5 daily driver
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
My wife has been in dementia for thirteen years. It can be a very slow process, and each victims seems to go through it differently. For me, one of the biggest disappointments, beyond the serious ones, is that it is no longer possible to tour, or travel anywhere for that matter. Being away from familiar home surroundings brings on serious panic attacks. She loves riding in antique cars, I thought we could just go along the road, but it doesn't work being away over-night.
One item to recommend is buying a book entitled The Thirty-Six Hour Day, written by professionals. It is a very practical, hands-on volume that will detail what you can expect, and how to handle the various aspects of the disease as it progresses. No big words, no weird jargon or vocabulary, just everyday ideas on how to proceed and operate. Available from the great cornucopia of the world, Amazon, at not much money.
One item to recommend is buying a book entitled The Thirty-Six Hour Day, written by professionals. It is a very practical, hands-on volume that will detail what you can expect, and how to handle the various aspects of the disease as it progresses. No big words, no weird jargon or vocabulary, just everyday ideas on how to proceed and operate. Available from the great cornucopia of the world, Amazon, at not much money.
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Prayers for all who are enduring these difficulties. Best wishes.
Get a horse !
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Re: OT- Wife and dementia
I am sorry for your loss sir.
I can relate as my grandmother had Alzheimer's and it was a rough go.
I watched a friend that helped me with my first model T go from a active fellow to laying in the bed with a hollow stare and his mouth wide open all day,gone to the world ,alive as far as a heart beat but not much else.
Another friend that had several falls over the years,hitting his head,had a aneurysm in july and they found evidence that previous issues had happened. Again, laying in the hospital bed,mouth gaped open,wild stare into space. Not the way I want to leave earth that's for sure.
I can relate as my grandmother had Alzheimer's and it was a rough go.
I watched a friend that helped me with my first model T go from a active fellow to laying in the bed with a hollow stare and his mouth wide open all day,gone to the world ,alive as far as a heart beat but not much else.
Another friend that had several falls over the years,hitting his head,had a aneurysm in july and they found evidence that previous issues had happened. Again, laying in the hospital bed,mouth gaped open,wild stare into space. Not the way I want to leave earth that's for sure.
If you can't help em, don't hinder em'
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- Posts: 594
- Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 8:14 pm
- First Name: Dick
- Last Name: Lodge
- * REQUIRED* Type and Year of Model Ts owned: 1924 Touring
- Location: St. Louis MO
- MTFCA Number: 19659
- Board Member Since: 1999
Re: OT- Wife and dementia
I have long thought that husbands should go first. I think wives handle being alone better. After my mother died in 1996, I remember thinking, "At least I will never have to plan another funeral." Yeah, sure. If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans for the next five years. Next July will be ten years since Anja died.
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- Posts: 6443
- Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2021 10:08 pm
- First Name: Pat
- Last Name: McNallen
- * REQUIRED* Type and Year of Model Ts owned: 1926-7 roadster
- Location: Graham, Texas
- MTFCA Number: 51486
- Board Member Since: 2021
Re: OT- Wife and dementia
Dementia seems to strike at random, and even the young are not immune. Schizophrenia is another horror.