OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Rich Eagle
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Mar 30, 2020 7:11 pm

Dick was so adamant about circle relationships he refused to be circumscribed. In fact he sent Cuthbert to meet with Grunda. He is captured here explaining how to manage a fractious horse or stubborn livestock. The girls were quite intrigued and apparently taking notes.
GrundaF.jpg
After tea they ordered Huckleberry meringue pie. As Cuthbert was pretty much full of it he had only half a slice.
Watching his weight I suppose.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Mar 31, 2020 12:40 am

Lemon meringue was Stefon Wolburnook's solution for turning goat vomit into
a marketable dessert. His storefront was a series of vomit sales failures until he
hit upon this novel idea, even if it was a fraud.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Tue Mar 31, 2020 2:56 am

I may never again eat lemon meringue.
Yes I will. I still eat sugar frosted flakes.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Mar 31, 2020 10:40 am

The contaminated runoff from the Hoonigan Smelter above town caused
Wolburnook's goats to vomit incessantly. Wolburnook had a lot of goats and
the smell was atrocious. However, using the Vernicum Process, Wolburnook
created a tangy tasting dessert that some people like. It sold in greater volumes
that his goats could make, and by 1945 the patents had expired and others
began to give their goats the mercury-laced water to get that rich and zesty
filling and foam on top. It remains a favorite of many.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Mar 31, 2020 1:15 pm

And just when we thought is was safe to return to the Hoonigan Smelter. KD tried to stay away from goat vomit because of the calories. He even stayed away from the Larkvonnets. Probably a subconsciousness thing.
"Sugar Frosted Flakes"!!! How I miss Tony The Tiger. Why did they ever replace him with that Silly Gorilla?
You may remember it was Wolburnook's step-son that scrubbed the pesticide logo from the Massage Bureau. Several of the Corinthian Sisters complained to the Uvula league and also Pastor Pastro. Within weeks he was brought before the board and ordered to walk the plank. Being on dry land didn't see as cruel but still somewhat unusual.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue Mar 31, 2020 2:04 pm

Wolburnook kept his goats out of everyone's reach so they couldn't take his goats and make the desert for themselves.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Mar 31, 2020 2:18 pm

I hope those are not fainting goats! They could faint and fall out of the tree and hurt the goats on the ground.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Mar 31, 2020 4:11 pm

Unlikely, Herb. The closest thing in the basin was a pair of feinting goats Cuthbert owned who kept the sheepherders out of the meringue patch. If the herders approached, the goats would appear to charge them, heads down, horns at the ready. The target could never be sure which way to run. The goats never made contact, though. It was great sport to watch.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Mar 31, 2020 5:16 pm

I thought there was someone in the Tri-Burg are that raised fainting goats way back in KD day. Any I heard something about the f-ing goats in one of the early minutes books at the archives for the Lodge when I was doing some research.
Those old minute books are fascinating.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Mar 31, 2020 5:39 pm

You may be thinking of Fred Ephinghamm. He had some fainting pigs and kept logged-in at the Lodge.
I would suggest Perry's tree in some sort of hybrid and perhaps a figment of our imagination.
As for Pastor Pastro, he is wearing the brown suit.
More Later,
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Mar 31, 2020 5:51 pm

Just to clear things up, Herb, if you’ve ever been around goats and goat owners, you’ll note that more often than not, the goats are referred to as “those f—-ing goats”. Th e “F” referring more often than not to some other modifier than “fainting” or even “feinting”. Entirely understandable really.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Mar 31, 2020 10:14 pm

The word we're looking for here is "FABULOUS!", right ?
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Apr 01, 2020 8:26 am

Among Kalamity Dick's many friends and accomplices was Admirable Pharegut Spoonwistle. The famous seafarer often sailed to Chugwater but usually by mistake. He always relied on his large brass compass but it was the kind with a sharp point on one end and a pencil on the other. Consequently he was always cruising in circles. That may have been what fascinated Dick about him. Hands from the smelter often pitched in to repair the cast iron hull which suffered the rugged terrain.
Spoonwhistle.jpg
The downside of his visits was it brought pirates to the area. Fortunately the Marina police were prepared and kept them at bay.
Get it?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:09 am

Admirable Spoonwhistle was a great seafarer indeed! Not so much on land. The repairs were quit extensive at times. The smelter hands had their hands full repairing the hull during his visits. More than one way to skin a catameran was their motto.
article-0-13551301000005DC-3_634x438.jpg
KD was always involved with the repairs and the herding of cats when the admirable can to town.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Apr 01, 2020 9:16 pm

Yes I've heard of cats. KD was a Cat o' nine tails and often told them.
Yo ho ho and a bottle of Happy Sally. Shiver me timbers and tickle me elbow, there's a Scalawag on the poop deck.
That photo looks to be taken just south of the sand blaster. All hands on deck.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Apr 01, 2020 11:09 pm

Spoonwistle was quite the character. Another of those with two left feet, he set sail
for the seven seas from the Port of Saddlestring in the spring of '87 and returned an
Admirable. He said the two left feet made sailing in circles a breeze, which was helpful
in keeping the sails full. He once brought the entire fleet into Chugwater for the Regatta
(his official excuse), but later revealed it was for another shot at the goat vomit pie.
He was always a fan.

As a side note, Spoonwistle always boxed outside his weight class, AND he had cats.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:29 am

One thing Spoonwistle particularly enjoyed was a stay at the Stag Hotel. The soft beds and prompt room service were something he missed on his long voyages. They did furnish left handed beds. Something the Gats didn't offer.
spoonstag.jpg
Interestingly, his First Mate was a man named Smee. Normally the the Admirable was an fun loving mild man but often when he asked a member of the crew a question they would answer Beat's me. Miss-hearing the answer he would Beat Smee.
Fortunately Smee was blind as an ox and couldn't feel it.
Lunch at the Galley on me.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Apr 02, 2020 12:11 pm

The above photo shows Spoonwistle’s flagship, “Unthinkable” in Chugwater Bay on the occasion of the ‘92 Regatta. The Admirable had a full cargo of Indonesian crawdads aboard to supply the awards banquet with an exotic supper, but had mis-calculated the traitor winds, and arrived three weeks too early. To preserve the precious live cargo, he scuttled the Unthinkable. Good for the crawdads, but hell on the kitchen staff when it came time for the banquet. Another mis-calculation, the Unthinkable’s bulge pumps were not equal to the task of re-floating the ship when it came time for him to sail away to a new command. With no other transportation available, Admirable Spoonwistle rode off on a camel provided by Cuthbert Maddox. (How Maddox came to be in possession of a camel is an interesting story in itself, but best re-told another time so as not to digress from this account.) Maddox had offered the use of a good saddle horse, but the Admirable declined, saying a “ship of the desert” was more appropriate in every way, especially considering Chugwater’s land-locked location. His crew had to swim.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 02, 2020 4:18 pm

I'm glad to hear that account of what happened Rich. That photoplate has been floating around for years with differing diegesis. The narrative I had heard was that the vessel had stalled in downtown Chugwater and Spoonwistle couldn't get it going. He had assumed it was carburetion as the engine room reported it was flooded.
Another scenario was that flying monkeys had taken command and burrowed through the hold looking for gold.
At any rate, Sebastian now has Smee's journal and is picking his way through.
Thanks as always.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:29 pm

As first officer of the Unthinkable, Smee had an exciting career. I’m looking forward to the excerpts Sebastian contracts from his journal. Regarding Smee’s time in Chugwater, it’s amusing how he came to find romance in the basin. Off-duty, Smee was a regular at Ernie’s saloon, where he would spend an evening quietly drinking alone. No doubt the persistent bruises about his head and shoulders from Admirable Spoonwistle’s regular beatings had made him self-conscious of his appearance and introverted to an extreme.

Sandy Hardtbern, foreman on a moss barge, was smitten with Grunda Fulpants, and monopolized her attentions. “Going steady” was the quaint term back then. They would tryst at Ernie’s at every opportunity. Although Grunda did not respond to Sandy’s advances with mutual ardor, she certainly loved her double shots of Happy Sally chased with generous schooners of Saddlestring Beer, which Sandy was all too willing to pay for. One evening, in a boozey reverie Sandy was affectionately pawing Grunda, and pleading in little sorry tones, “Kiss me !”. Equally tipsy, Grunda processed the request as her foggy gaze focused on Smee, alone in a booth across the crowded barroom. Pushing Sandy off his bar stool, Grunda staggered across the floor and planted a world-class lip lock on the surprised Smee. Those who believe in love at first sight will easily understand how that single encounter blossomed into the love story of the century in the Tri-burgs.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:21 pm

A touching story I'm sure. Sandy often waited on the two during Happy Hour.
How I miss the Pong machine they moved in there in later years.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Thu Apr 02, 2020 8:27 pm

The lard ball chip dip served in the turtle half shell was always a big hit during happy hour. Everyone also wondered why it was known as happy hour when no one would laugh or even smile.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Apr 03, 2020 1:36 am

The laughs and smiles were held in reserve for the moment someone took a dip off
the old lard ball. Old lard is hard to get and has a rich taste of goat's vomit, with a
subtle tang of urine. Prized by the Pythagorians as a glue and pesticide, it was also
used by the Calhoun County Home for Errant Mothers as a passive "aromatherapy" to
provide protection from conception, especially during those times when the fleet was
in port.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Fri Apr 03, 2020 5:24 am

Did Smee ever find his alarm clock?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:55 am

biker gang.JPG
Does anyone have any information on this incident? It's been rumored that there was a gang of bikers that came through town years ago and caused some trouble. I was wondering if this is from that day. It looks like they are still in town and the fire hose is out on the street.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Apr 03, 2020 9:12 am

I may be mistaken but I thought all the bikers came into town for the big fire sale at the auto co. They said he had some hot deals going.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Apr 03, 2020 9:29 am

The boys are scouring the press releases as we speak for info.
Thanks Wayne for asking about Smee's mislaid alarm clock. It was an interesting chronometer indeed. He had special ordered one with the unique "Kroc-O" dial. It made dozens of voyages with him and he was never late for work except for the incedent with the high heeled shoes.
KrockO.jpg
As far as I know they never did see it again.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Fri Apr 03, 2020 10:44 am

They say Smee's missing alarm clock saga was a krock ! The photo is proof. The biker thing was a miss representation ! It was a group of peddlers that caused the problem. Seems the auto supply store started selling motorized Indians. The purists thought they should be made of wood. They all had a glass of Happy Sally and a big ceegar and it got a little smokey. Not sure where the bear fits into this ?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Apr 03, 2020 11:27 am

Thanks for the clarification Dallas. They will shut down the televax looking for headlines.
While I'm at it I wanted to thanks Merlin for the fruit basket on the porch last knight. It somehow caught fire but I was able to stomp it out. The fruit is still delicious yet unidentifiable now.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Apr 03, 2020 2:33 pm

Well if that isn't a photo of the biker trouble, does anyone know the day the bikers came into town?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Apr 03, 2020 4:48 pm

As close as we can tell from the equipment on hand it was on April 3rd which was a Tuesday.
BikeErzz.jpg
Thanks for asking.
Rumor has it that Elwood, second from the middle, had peddled backwards all the way from St. Louis.
Quite a feet for a Sophomore!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:05 pm

As you cant see in the photo, the 360 degree swivel seat was for the guy with two left feet.
Elwood was not looking to break any records, he was just facing the wrong way at the starting line. The rims wood not be metal as spoke of in the next race.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Apr 03, 2020 11:15 pm

A lot of points we should focus on here:

1. Peg-legged man rescues two of pals

2. Board directs no suppression of fire facts

3. Two left feet

4. 360º swivel seat

5. Back-peddling

Given the current situation, Heinrich asks that we please submit all comments
through the link provided at the bottom corner of the viewing screen.
Last edited by Burger in Spokane on Sat Apr 04, 2020 1:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Sat Apr 04, 2020 4:51 am

Did they look for Smee's alarm clock in the alligator bag? Or how about the crock behind the garage? You know, the one in which they pickled olives?
And who's alligator shoes were those left behind at Ernie's?

I think I need a root beer?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Apr 04, 2020 8:54 am

Alright then, Heinrich has been assigned points 2 and 5. Sebastian will look into 3 and 4. Luther asked to take point one as he also has a peg-legged pal. A team of volunteers was assembled early this morning to check the crock behind the garage and the alligator bags on hand. Some may have sailed with the Unthinkable but it likely didn't get too far away. As for the shoes at Ernie's, could they have been Lizard? Size 9 1/2? If so there isn't much chance of getting the polish off.
By way of updating the Bike incident, let me mention that KD and Cuthbert did ride out to monitor them at the check point. Scores 25 and 72 were reevaluated and KD rode along with them for a few hundred furlongs.
KDnCbikz.jpg
The following October a different bike group arrived using the same route. I am not going to mention them here as I don't believe it is pertinent.
Thanks for your input.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Apr 04, 2020 9:02 am

Thank you Rich for keeping your post limited to just the pertinent information. It is amazing how sometimes people can drift all over and get off track! I have to go now I think I just saw a squirrel in the tree outside my window.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sat Apr 04, 2020 9:41 am

I see Floyd is in the picture with his older sisters bicycle. She gave him her bike after her recent arrest. She was known as a "lady of the evening" and would ride her bicycle from one engagement to the other and the police decided to put a stop to her adventures and arrested her on her bicycle one night and charged her with "Peddling her a** all over town"
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sat Apr 04, 2020 9:45 am

Heinrich just sent this over via carrier pigeon. KD and Cuthbert did ride with the Monitor named Alamy to the race. Here is we see the size 9 1/2 lizard Alamy they rode with.
Its great to see the hard
20200404_093050.jpg
work at the instatoot paying off.
As a side note, this photo was found under the Krock at Ernies.
Herb, dinner went past your window?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Apr 04, 2020 11:06 am

And those Lizards are tough competition.
Perry, I though I had a photo of her.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Apr 04, 2020 1:40 pm

The cops really come running when some stranger gets his lizard out in public.
Been a real problem, both past and present.

The last photo is a rare shot of the Chugwater Regatta "River Run", where contestants
race their bicycles up the river to Silver Plume and back. This shot, taken at the put-in/
take/out at Wormgear's ranch shows the 1902 entries about to get in the water. The 17
day race is often overlooked by Regatta revelers, on account of difficult access to view
the racers mid-event, and the more glamorous goings-on in and around Chugwater proper,
while the racers are stuggling in the current and over the boulders. At least the current
is with them on the way back. The Chugwater River Run is still considered the most difficult
bicycle race today. Founder and 3-time winner, Allyoop Spanker said "The combination of
wheeled and water sport, with the required mental requirement of dodging moss barges,
makes this event the ultimate challenge to endurance athletes".
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Apr 05, 2020 10:12 am

[attachment=0]trusty kicker.JPG[/attachmen I don't know how this fits in with the biker discussion, but it was right behind the first biker photo in the album.
Attachments
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Apr 05, 2020 11:31 am

While this may be the Tootsie-Trotter entry from Casper it may also be the Clarevo Express accident with the second string lady biker group. The photos are practically interchangeable. Morris Wheeler had been off on one of his Snipe hunting expeditions and was unable to be on hand to explain why.
Meanwhile, Allyoop Spanker was polishing his trophy from the second win and inadvertently polished his thumb off. He had also polished of two bottles of Screaming Viking donated by Ernie's.
The moral being "A monkey that eats grass instead of banana is a goat".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Apr 05, 2020 5:01 pm

Heinrich is out on personal leave, and tasked his cousin Euclid with bringing this
message to me. It reads, "The above photo points out the 'Interscholastic Circus',
which was founded in Paul, Idaho in 1887. Pyroclasties Uvonnovitch and Cyrus Paul
combined their love for boots with athletic skill-building (through kicking) and
dreamed up the circus concept tri-wheeled farm implement kicker. This is a later
version, with the added personnel. The 1910 World Tour ledgers are in the possession
of the Institute and it shows gross revenues for the 1741-town tour at $4125.08, a
tidy sum for a vagabond band of schmoils. Projected earnings through 1987 exceeded
$317,631.16, but a slump in vowel ore production at the Alphabet Mine and the decline
in the mushroom gas business forced the troupe to hang up their boots, clown hats,
and petticoats in 1933."

Euclid passed along Heinrich's request that readers update their scrolls during this
downtime.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Tue Apr 07, 2020 8:39 pm

My scrolls are updated ! Now wich end do I start rolling? I cant beleive it took two days.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Apr 08, 2020 2:09 pm

Start at the end marked "The End" and fasten to the spool using the binder peg. Rotate clockwise if you plan to read later. Don't you feel better having done that?

We found this in the "Advertising in Parades" file. It is most likely a St. Swithin's day Parade but we can't be sure which year.
Johnny had the mumps in '22 so it's probably not that one.
Guilderrr.jpg
"Guilderfluke, Gentle as a Baby" was used for 6 seasons from what Nurse Elspeth told us.
Be careful walking home, the Badger got loose.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Apr 08, 2020 9:41 pm

Badgers ?? We don’ need to show you no steenkin’ badgers !!
"Get a horse !"


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Apr 09, 2020 7:52 am

They are out there.
badger 2.JPG

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 09, 2020 10:16 am

Let's see, if it sees it's shadow there are six more week of smelt.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Apr 09, 2020 11:51 am

I see the Schnitzgriffles filled the sedan with family to make the big event.
Soloman (Sol) Schnitzgriffle made quite a name for himself down at the Chugwater
& Northern roundhouse. His brother Stinky Schnitzgriffle made a whole different
name for himself all over town. What were there, 23 kids in that family ?
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Thu Apr 09, 2020 12:28 pm

Yes, 23 kids. A large herd at that. Some turned out to be quite promenent in the business world. I believe this is stinky after graduation
9a5f4cd9036b28b68a464c4f9a43d46e.jpg
9a5f4cd9036b28b68a464c4f9a43d46e.jpg (27.24 KiB) Viewed 20769 times


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Apr 09, 2020 12:58 pm

Stinky Schnitzgriffle cornered the market for moss seed, making him a very prosperous and respected member of Tri-burg society. In the days before effective herbicides, his seed crops became infested with an especially noxious weed which even today bears the name “goat heads”. Always ahead of the curve, Stinky parlayed his moss seed monopoly into massive investments in bicycle tires and tire patching kits.

No one mentioned that one of the badgers in the above photo us actually a raccoon. Very likely, Cuthbert’s pet coon Alvin. The mischievous pet gave rise to the expression “crazier than a pet coon” which was a little unfair. Alvin always bested KD at chess.
"Get a horse !"


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Apr 09, 2020 1:07 pm

Long before terms like gender dysphoria became commonplace, there were
those that "identified" as things they were not, physically. Things were "different"
on the Upper Terrace, and Momma Schnitzgriffle was oft heard saying "Just because
you eat grass does not mean I am going to call you a cow and send you to slaughter".
Stinky pressed on with his goat identity and today the G in LGBTQ is there because
of his goat identity. Myrtle Fitzenbaum alternately identified as a toaster and a
sombrero and it was said this dual identity confusion caused people to question
her motives and/or mental state. She operated an authentic sombrero toaster
near the top of the hill for years.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 09, 2020 2:34 pm

Some of you may recall from chapter 23 that Aldo Van Pinksgerg did portraits of the whole Schnitzgriffle family in exchange for herbicides, a toaster and a sombrero.
Wasn't it Momma that often wore the Bohemian Argyle Hobble Skirts?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Thu Apr 09, 2020 7:29 pm

I have asked about the hobble skirt but just kept getting badgered.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Apr 11, 2020 1:50 pm

Well Dallas, Badgers can't be choosers. :oops:

KD was constantly making calls to the Pithhole Family Cottage for adjustments to their Flackenpoth Windsnuffer. Marjean had trouble merging the Flagstapple prongs particularly on wash day. By and by Little Tommy would scoot over on his perambulator and begin asking countless questions.
“What does that thing do? Why do you have that funny beard? Isn’t it about time for you to go away?”
“Did you know frogs have a secret compartment in their belly full of gum drops?” KD asked the little tyke.
Tommy scampered outside. Hopefully to try and catch a frog to investigate and stay out of the danger of the reconditioning exercise.
As it turned out the ventriculator coils weren’t even plugged. A small piece of smeplt had shorted out the humexifyer. Three drops of superfil hotcadutenary and a medium tap on the Bornby rod had it back in palaver.
Marjean came in with clockenberry juice and baked snifitts. KD added a little Happy Sally for flavoring and they chatted. “I wonder where Tommy went” Mrs. Pithhole queried. KD felt responsible and searched around the yard. No Tommy. After searching the brook in front of the house he wandered down by the creek. There was Tommy with a basket full of gum drops.
You just never know.
28Brge.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Apr 11, 2020 1:56 pm

It was fun for Tommy, but hell on the frogs.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sat Apr 11, 2020 5:00 pm

What a nice photo of the speedster ! I was going to build a draw bridge, then I remembered I cant draw. The plans are rolled with the scrolls in the draw. Mmmm, gumdrops!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Apr 11, 2020 7:11 pm

What you said KD said to Tommy reminded me of what William Claude Dunkenfield said to another tyke.
Well I found a photo of what I think is Tommy and his basket. What is important about this photo is not Tommy so much but is that the photo shows how fast the photographer was. He got in the photo with the camera too!
boy and basket.JPG
It's amazing what a glass of Happy Sally can do for a fellow.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Apr 11, 2020 7:12 pm

Dallas did you get demoated?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sat Apr 11, 2020 8:55 pm

Yes Herb, and its the pits!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Apr 11, 2020 9:38 pm

Best to be demoated these days. It is illegal in 27 states.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by 46woodduck » Sun Apr 12, 2020 2:09 am

Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers.
Life is good on the lunatic fringe. Tom

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sun Apr 12, 2020 2:12 pm

A few of boys thought that they would tunnel into the Chugwater Bank while everyone was at the Easter play held at the local school every year but no one knew how to read blue prints!

BB122ulN.png
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Apr 12, 2020 2:35 pm

Good photo Perry. Yes several fellows tried to tunnel into the Bank each Easter. It always seemed like a good idea but the authorities foresaw it and removed all funds on Good Friday. The winner was Fletcher Spadaford who cleaned out under the Examiner's mattress. Had the wagon not broken an axle with all the weight he might have retired and joined the circus as he had always wanted to. He was immediately thrown in the slammer and later taken to jail.
Thanks for your report.
Please note the gorilla being prodded, second from the left, in your photo.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Apr 12, 2020 3:52 pm

It’s interesting in that Fletcher’s gang made it an annual event. When arraigned for attempted burglary, the defendants always claimed they had no intention of robbing the bank, but were on an Easter Egg Hunt. The gorilla would beat his chest and glare threateningly at Judge Rutherford, who always dismissed the charges as a harmless mistake. This went on for several years until the judge retired. Justice may not always have been well served in the Tri-burg basin, but at least no one was ever torn limb from limb by an enraged gorilla.

KD always favored a gorilla costume on Halloween, by the way.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sun Apr 12, 2020 4:46 pm

The gorilla named Mr Bolls was completely harmless and everyone knew it. He was a very hard worker and and most called him Harry. He was a prankster tho. He would dig deep and pull off some real pranks. I guess the judge figured that our early. 3am to be exact.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Apr 13, 2020 11:28 am

Krigginhower was certainly a fair Judge. He was awarded the Outstanding Contribution to unwedded Pathagoirin's twice and Best roasting of a marshmallow at the Regatta numerous times. Mr. Bolls did tend to get the better of him. One time he told the Judge that frogs had a secret compartment in their belly full of gum drops.......
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Apr 13, 2020 11:33 am

Will you look at the texture and grain of that wood !
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Apr 13, 2020 2:30 pm

Judge Rutherford Krigginhower ? He pursued wood-working as a hobby and was renowned for his skill. We see him here, seated in the chair he carved from one solid piece of wicker stump. Well worth the second look, Burger. Thanks for pointing this out.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Apr 13, 2020 4:57 pm

That's right Rich. Ruth'd was a whiz at carving and even did a few for friends. Days that Bolls was asleep or in some way dormant and the Spadaford Gang was in another county he could pursue his passion.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Mon Apr 13, 2020 5:14 pm

That shipment of chairs must be for Australia as you can see they are already set up for down under.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Apr 13, 2020 9:49 pm

I think that's pretty obvious, Perry. But you probably know that from all the troubles
Ford had shipping those Canadian T's to Oz. Another connection to KD here, ... the inverse
kaphistulation process, combined with the use of camels and dental floss, made it possible
to ship hundreds, maybe thousands of cars down under. I saw a photo of these camel trains
in a book once. Eunice Wonkbleeter had a hit song about it too.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Tue Apr 14, 2020 7:47 am

KD and the judge loved the rockers and would sit and rock for hours watching the beetles rolling stones and waiting on the Camel train. A glass of Happy Sally on the rocks made them really shine. The beetles didnt mind at all.
7393825710_f5baa22835_b.jpg
Burger, I believe the song you spoke of was " I hear the camel train a commin". The white cliffs to broken hill route was through the black hills. The camels didnt care, as they were color blind and so was the camera. Yes the judge and KD had some good times rockin and rollin and waiting for Camel Joe to go by. He was the guy with the pack of Camels.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:04 am

Josephat “Camel Joe” Hingebotham was legendary among Western teamsters in the days before the railroads came through. Famous in his own time, his exploits are mostly forgotten today, including the influence he had on popular culture and advertising. Almost no one remembers “9 Camel Team Borax Moss” or the slogan, “I’d walk a camel for a mile !” .
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:28 pm

Well that just caused a terrible argument between Sebastian and Snodsbury. Snodsbury was insistent it was 32 oxen team Borax. Several heated hours went by until Verner found the photo. KD preferred the Emperor sized box. This is of coarse the place on 8th Street.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue Apr 14, 2020 7:18 pm

I seem to remember that place from my other life... isn't that where they manufacture Murphy Rods and Muffler Bearings while the enjoy Happy Sally?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Apr 14, 2020 11:06 pm

Hard to make out in the photo, but Higgenbotham came from a long line of
Afghan camel tenders. Born in Qalat in 1872, he was driving teams before his
tenth birthday. In 1887 he drove a team for racing legend Hal Unser from Qandahar
to Paris, boarded the steamer Lymph Node, and continued on to New York. He
pressed on until running out of camel milk in Chugwater, where he regrouped and
decided to settle. His family are still major players in the camel train business,
both in central Asia and the Chugwater basin.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Apr 15, 2020 11:44 am

For sure Burger. If you zoom in you can almost smell the axle syrup.
Perry, not only Murphy Rods and Muffler Bearings but Sintered elbows and Frolic Nibbles. During the mating season they were never able to keep up with demand.
Time to turn the flippnutz over.
stay careful.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:11 pm

Some side notes on the fore-going:
Snodsbury was not entirely wrong. Before Hingebotham’s arrival from Paris, the main plant processing moss and borax did indeed rely on a 32 ox-team transport the first month of production. 9-Camel trains were the norm by the time Labeling and advertising settled on a Name for the brand. Nevertheless, Snodsbury is an annoying little pedant who is more often wrong than not, and has been put on notice for disrespectfully contradicting the senior researchers.

The S. S. Lymph Node was commissioned as a mine sweeper during WW I. It struck a moss flume in Chugwater Bay after the armistice and sank up to the gunwales in the soft mud. The hulk was remodeled into a waterfront dance pavilion for the first post-war regatta in 1919, but no one goes there anymore, it’s too crowded.

Along with beer nuts and pretzels, Ernie offered “camel tenders” as a bar snack for a short time. Some patrons found them delicious, but most couldn’t get past the fact that they smelled like stale cigarettes. Moss chips were a more appealing alternative.
"Get a horse !"

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:53 pm

Yes, the canapés and snackettes at Ernie's made it the place to be. There was always a crowd at Happy Hour (named after Sally of coarse). Even Snodsbury and a date attended and often ahead of time. Pickled squirrel toes were popular when in season. Camel shavings not so much although Bernard did clean them up when offered.
Condomm.jpg
I kind of miss the dances at the S. S. Lymph Node but you're right about the crowds.
Til the scooter gets back.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Apr 16, 2020 12:39 am

Heinrich says the U.S.S. Lymph Node was refloated during WW2 and paraded off the coast
of Normandy, as a distraction to German coastal defenders, who were unable to attend dances
themselves. We all know the rest of the story. After the war, the ship was returned to
Chugwater and put back into local dance service again. Heinrich asks for help in confirming
Higgenbotham's training of camels to dance. Indirect references have been found, but Heinrich
wants harder evidence for the upcoming article in Camel Train Quarterly.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 16, 2020 9:14 am

Well, Higgenbotham did indeed try but training of camels to dance is nearly impossible and frankly pointless. Cuthbert Maddox did get a pair to skip and frolic for the 81st Regatta but only as a joke on the Larkvonnets. KD lent him his hat for the occasion.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Thu Apr 16, 2020 9:29 am

Racing camels was popular but when the spectators sides began to hurt from laughter, it didnt last long. Watch a camel run sometime!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Apr 16, 2020 11:21 am

Snodsbury has been working overtime to avoid suspension. Researching “dancing camels” he found this clipping from the “Saddlestring Tribune”, Sept. 4, 1919:

Chugwater, Saturday last:
Slug Spaydaford, known outlaw and ne’er-do-well, was taken into custody Saturday evening for firing random shots at the feet of Josephat Hingebotham’s lead camel, “Hyperion” in an attempt to make the animal dance. Angered, the camel grabbed Spaydaford by the collar shaking him violently and holding him until the constable arrived. Hingebotham rode his camel to the evening dance at the newly opened pavilion recently constructed over the hull of the S. S. Lymph Node. It is hoped damage to the beautiful parquet dance floor will be repaired before the cotillion that is planned for the twenty-first of this month.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 16, 2020 12:51 pm

Admittedly, Slug was a cheat, a thief and and known to misrepresent the Mother Goose Tales, but I think calling him a ne’er-do-well is crossing the line. Hyperion was thrown a party at Ernie's and to my knowledge the only camel ever invited in. He wasn't treated to spirits though.

Please thank Snodsbury for the chocolates.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Apr 16, 2020 1:11 pm

Snodsbury's paternal Grandfather came from the old country, carrying forth the
family tradition of raising up booger berries for use in Boogerberry Pie. Unlike the
folks from the old country, Calhoun County residents were none too keen on this
idea as an edible, let alone a dessert offering, and Sasquat Snotberry became a
blacksmith in Saddlestring and changed the family name to Snodsbury. The old
booger berry patch up on Slipknot Hill still grows wild. The elder Snotberry converted
the lower section to dental floss bushes and this section is still in production.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Thu Apr 16, 2020 5:27 pm

Im glad someone brought up the Dental Floss Bush. Im sure this Flossificator is still used today. Toss in a few dental floss bushes and a mint moss bush and floss comes out the orher end. Keep the bobbins coming.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Apr 16, 2020 7:59 pm

Yup, .... 1921 model there, with the s-spoked Pelton Wheel. 41hp at 300rpm.
capable of 80,000 square yards of floss per day. Runs on whale eye mucus, kero-
-sene, or dog hair. Ernie still has one in the shed.

Unicycle racers often pulled the floss attachment off and used these for both
straight-line drag racing and ralleye-type road racing.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 16, 2020 8:38 pm

And that is precisely the reason why. Had not it been for the Pelton Wheel Smithers might have gone unnoticed. Twisted counterclockwise floss can be woven into doilies for the rich.( Note the sprocket marked 7-B.)
I rest my case.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Thu Apr 16, 2020 9:10 pm

If ran at high speed on the lowest setting you can make strings for the swinette. This insterment was used in many recordings of the time. Hugely popular in the regatta parade. When the swinette was played live with the big brass bands it was a real joy. Not so much fun for the hog!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Apr 17, 2020 11:58 am

Sheriff Trickle will make an example out of anyone speeding in Calhoun County,
even if it is done on the lowest setting. "Tricky Dick" Trickle was teased to death
growing up, and has a real vengeance to unleash on those who might abuse the
regulations.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Apr 18, 2020 1:03 am

Heinrich reports that Sheriff Trickle's grandfather, Mickey Trickle was the founder
of the Pancake Eaters of America.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Apr 18, 2020 11:05 pm

This may very well be Mickey Trickle at the Regatta breakfast 1924. We can't be sure as the Univex Verifactor is on the blink. "Full of syrup" I believe Emmaline said.
Pnckxx.jpg
Mickey often left the powdered smelt out of the mix.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Apr 19, 2020 1:50 am

Yep, that's Mickey. I'd recognize that trim anywhere. Mickey liked smelt,
but was superstitious about the powdering process. Well, not really SUPER
stitious. More like pretty stitious. Anyway, it had to do with his coming to
America and the cloudiness in the urine. He did like the goat vomit dessert
topping that he and Stefon Wolbernook developed, and was 1/3 partner in the
goat farm. In fact, it was his idea to tap the runoff from the Hoonigan Smelter
to give to the goats. Film at eleven.

The careful study will note Emmaline's prosthetic leg, made of pancakes, in
the above photo.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Apr 19, 2020 9:00 pm

dog carriage.jpg
Spinning wheels keep turning...….


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Apr 19, 2020 9:24 pm

Emmaline lost her leg in a spinning accident, making pancake twine, another KD
invention, this time for the U.S. War Dept. to more easily ship ready-to-make
pancakes to the troops at the front. Giant balls of pancake twine could be rolled
where wheeled vehicles could not go. Heinrich says they made butter out of
toenail clippings and syrup out of meadow smelt.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Apr 20, 2020 3:34 pm

Passing along a memo, Heinrich reminds the research group that COVID does not mean
sitting around playing videos games, and that this down time offers an excellent opportunity
to expand our creative base.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Apr 20, 2020 4:52 pm

What is a video game?
Did KD invent that?
Do you use dice or is that a card game?
I don't get it.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Apr 20, 2020 11:50 pm

The Farkles emigrated from northern Lesbia in 1868 and slowly worked their way west,
before settling in the Chugwater area in 1877. They homesteaded the table plateau area
and valley along what is now called Farkle Creek. They were farkle farmers going back
20 generations, and found the land they settled on to be perfect for raising large, juicy
farkles that they sold far and wide. In 1915, Heptolliod and Zebulon Farkle home built
this farkle harvester. The same one used on the Farkle farm today. Unable to find more
then two lugged drive wheels, they traded a summer's worth of farkles with Kalamity Dick
to perfect a machine that balanced perfectly with the two required operators.

Few things beat a fat stack of farkle cakes with farkle syrup. Even Mickey Trickle thought
so.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Apr 21, 2020 1:17 pm

Farkle cakes, how long has it been? Some said that Dick himself was off-balance. I guess the fact that he could ride a unicycle sideways for 42 furlongs is proof of that.
Farkle.jpg
If I may, Heptolliod and Zebulon were not only successful farklers but managed to wright a book on tying centipedes for catching the Pythagorean Mackerel. While they were not anglers themselves they often daydreamed about it whilst plowing the greensward. Both Schuyler Colfax and Levi Morton visited the plantation for lessons. Not that they really had the time.
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