OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat May 21, 2022 6:23 pm

The crew is looking into it as we speak Herb.
I was asked several times on the way to Sumo choir "What do the Baby Orchestras have to do with Kalamity Dick?" It seemed this was a good place to answer that.
Orkastraw.jpg
Kalamity Dick sponsored several off the ensembles on his own. Nurturing them as they grew many of them perpetuated their music into later years. Dick's nephew Nimrod became conductor of the Lingle Symphony. Dick took in those who could not afford their own instruments to his shop and they learned to make their own from discarded tin cans, bailing wire and jabuticaba branches. Leonidas Steinway went on to invent the jumbauck didgeridoo and some other instruments and Shagnak Larkvonnett built no less than three factories around the Lagerphone. KD was not musical in his own right but several operas were written from his Suede Guilderfluke specification manual and Windsnuffer instruction book.
July's "Melody's from the behind the apparatuses" has locations to pickup the sheet music.
Don't forget to vaccinate your quokka.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Mon May 23, 2022 5:40 am

On a side note; that new fangled motor sickle as devised by Herr Gottfried Dimmler, verdict is not out if he invented the motor sickle per-se, as by carefull scrutination of said photograph it apears to have four wheels, so arguments could be made that his invention preceded the invention of the automobile as touted by a certain Herr Carl Binge of ill repute.
Herr Binge's reputation was severely damaged by his allowing a woman (supposedly his wife) to drive his car !
On a side note to this side note; Herr Dimmler was credited with the invention of the widely popular butt plug, on account of the use of inferior materials in the construction of his spark plugs intead of using Champion X's
When in trouble, do not fear, blame the second engineer ! 8-)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon May 23, 2022 10:09 pm

night life.JPG
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I won't touch tis one with a ten foot stick.
Anyone got any idea about this one from the files?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Tue May 24, 2022 8:49 am

I believe that is a rare photo of famous Pole Dancer, Bertha Vanation with her manager. It explains how she could stay on the pole for so long.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue May 24, 2022 3:59 pm

Tired of breaking small needles Dr. Dwindiddle attempts to give Bertha her 14th COVID booster shot as required by the pole dancer's union
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue May 24, 2022 4:12 pm

You are correct Mr. Michaelree. Manager Fantamoff Theoppra is encouraging Bertha. Pole dancing became popular in Chugwater during the 1908 election campaigns. Both Taft and Bryan made good use of the 10 foot pole. Interestingly enough Taft's boosters used bigger sticks and the results are history.
TaftBry.jpg
Fantamoff did go by Dr. Dwindiddle and visa versa.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Tue May 24, 2022 8:45 pm

I am familiar with Dr. Dwindiddle's and Bertha's business"arrangement", but the alias of Mr. Theoppra needs more research. Was there some malpractice that is not well known? Certainly it had nothing to do with the ever popular Baby Orchestras?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Wed May 25, 2022 9:53 am

As usual, given the extreme isolation of the Tri-burg Basin, Dr. Dwindiddle conceived the notion after overhearing snatches of a conversation between Kendrick Filstone, a traveling salesman, and Ernie, in the saloon one evening. Filstone had been drumming in Wisconsin, and was regaling Ernie with tales of the jolly times he had at balls held by the Polish immigrant communities there.

Nowadays, Dwindiddle would have been diagnosed with acute Attention Deficit Disorder. His scattered mind leaped from "Poles dancing" to visions of the greased pig contests he'd seen at the Calhoun County Fair, then to greased pole climbing, another fair event. Encouraging Bertha to be the first to engage in his concept of "pole dancing", she refused to try it on a greased pole, saying it was "too icky", but she was a sport, and up to the challenge otherwise, as the foregoing photos attest. As they say, "the rest is history!"
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed May 25, 2022 10:29 am

W.J. Bryan was quite an orator, and would likely have bested the toad-like Taft on the strength of his fiery, gale-force oratory. However, Taft inadvertently (so we're told) poked W.J. with the famous stick, thus letting the air out of him. Bryan recovered fully, but not in time to save his campaign. Those present at the event never forgot the incident, or the unexpected spectacle of the punctured Bryan noisily flying about the podium in the manner of a deflating balloon.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon May 30, 2022 6:50 pm

Kalamity Dick took great pleasure in keeping his Racabout in tune and up dated with his latest improvements.
KDr28.jpg
Several suggestions were sent to the Ford plant. His ideas of using spark plugs rather that the friction sticks, metal pistons instead of fibrous sponges and brakes on the rear wheels helped make the Ford competitive with the more expensive vehicles. Other ideas were rejected by Ford and later put in place without giving him any credit. A lesser genius might have felt wronged but KD knew that he was contributing to the well being of the planet just by creating these wonderous things.
How he managed to serenade the West side with evening kazoo concerts and bring Wednesday cake to Ernie's I will never know.
His plethora of attitude and accomplishments give me renewed hope for the coming months.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon May 30, 2022 8:33 pm

The lightweight, quiet-running sponge pistons gave excellent oil control, but durability left something to be desired. This was offset by low replacement cost. A skilled mechanic could replace a set of sponge pistons in 5 minutes flat, deftly working through the friction stick apertures in the cylinder head.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Jun 05, 2022 9:51 pm

It looks like a woman's club was a broom.
womans club.JPG
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Do we know who this is?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Mon Jun 06, 2022 9:47 am

They were so refined and lady-like in New England. In Chugwater, the preferred women's club was a rolling pin. The Ladies in Saddlestring preferred a #8 cast-iron skillet, while the gals in Silverplume were generally wont to employ a bolt of cordwood. Each were equally effective. History records that back-east, many jilted beaux and erring husbands were given "the brush-off", and headed West . . .
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Jun 06, 2022 12:35 pm

Speaking of aggrieved New England ladies, Lizzie Borden took hysteria to a new level with her Forty/Forty One Whacks Protocol. Some experts have suggested that itchy woolen undergarments may have contributed to her touchiness.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Jun 06, 2022 1:17 pm

The nice lady in Herb's photo is Luwitcha Spaydaford of Connecticut, Slug Spaydaford's Aunt. Uncle Jinx took Slug and the boys out West just as Rich B. mentioned after a particularly severe brushing. They did live down the lane from Lizzie but were not there at the time of the Whacky mis-fortune.
Club.jpg
Not to say they didn't get in on several other touchy times.
Luwitcha purchased all of her pomegranates from the Borden Market on Bildge Street.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Mon Jun 06, 2022 2:21 pm

Readers will note that Luwitcha was photographed busily knitting yet another woolen undergarment.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Jun 06, 2022 6:23 pm

Yes, she did love to knit. Despite her differences with Jinx and Slug, she always was fond of Kalamity Dick. Often for Christmas she would knit him a muffler from steel wool.
Muffler.jpg
He retuned the favor with a nice card and box of nibbs.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Mon Jun 06, 2022 8:37 pm

Those hand-knitted mufflers kept the raceabout cozy and warm for easy starting on those cold Wyoming winter nights. KD was especially grateful to Aunt Luwitcha considering the criminally rough treatment he and Cuthbert received at Slug's hands. Truly, it's a long road without a bend !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Jun 17, 2022 11:54 am

Walter Worchester was the first long-distance driver to put string wrapping on a steering wheel. He did so on the advice of Kalamity Dick when he was broke down in Chugwater on his first trans-continental journey. As Dick himself had not done so on his raceabout as yet, folks said he was "stringing Walt along". Interesting side note, Walt's dog Macho was the model for Tige who later appeared inside Buster Brown shoes.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Jun 17, 2022 7:04 pm

I never knew that.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Jun 17, 2022 10:32 pm

How they managed to get that large dog into those kid shoes is beyond me.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Jun 23, 2022 3:03 pm

String wrapped steering wheels have been shown to contribute to Climate Change. If you must wrap your steering wheel, give Mother Gaia a break and use organic, responsibley-sourced shoe lacing. Certified, responsibly-sourced shoe lacing is made from recycled bellybutton lint and is guaranteed to be free from grit, bismuth, and goat hair.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Jun 25, 2022 9:52 am

Wheelbarrow.JPG
I think I heard about this a long time ago. The game was to catch a chicken while being pushed in a wheelbarrow. There were teams from each neighborhood in Chugwater. It was kind 'a of sideshow at the Regatta to keep the kids busy. I never thought I would see a photo about it.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue Jun 28, 2022 6:43 pm

Kalamity Dick was very helpful to Chief Iron Tail when he was having trouble starting his car. Kalamity said he would advance the timing for him only if he cranked with his right hand. Kalamity was so helpful that he left the Chief by himself while he ran back to help the young lady set up the teepee. You can see them working in the background...Kalamity was always the gentlemen. The local gossip was that he also supplied them with Happy Sally
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Jun 28, 2022 7:02 pm

Was Chief Irontail a Harley rider?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Jun 28, 2022 8:02 pm

That brings up quite a tail. Chief Iron Tail did ride a two cylinder Harley and challenged Sally Irons to a race on her Indian Chief. Emmett Luwitcha also wanted to get into the contest just to make a point but his Soft Tail Henderson would not kick over. He asked the Pope when he was in Toledo to bless the Henderson and low and behold Emmett Henderson happened by with new points and a condenser. He refused any payment but asked for a shot of Happy Sally at the climax of the race, it being the prize. Sally Irons was not Happy as she intended to win and would not share the bottle if she won. Chief Iron Tail said he was Chiefly interested in the race and not the Happy Sally. Henderson mentioned it wasn't about Race but a question about speed and balance. The race was won by Miles Emmett on his Pope motorcycle and there was no point in opening the bottle for him.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Jun 28, 2022 10:15 pm

Things would have been different had the contest been held up in Connecticut. The False Pope, who maintained his opulent seat at Hartford, had no qualms about "tipping the flowing bowl", no matter the occasion. Indeed, his hearty bellow of "Bottoms up, boys, and let 'er rip!" punctuated most all public gatherings in that region. He was not above competing for speed himself, and he usually made a good showing in his personal vehicle, which was a lightweight spring buggy done up to resemble a Roman chariot, and pulled by two outsized, half-wild black horses.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Tue Jun 28, 2022 10:57 pm

Meanwhile, back in Chugwater Lester Bledslepper beat Clem Fiddlestoff's record for wheelbarrow chicken chasing at the Fourth of July community picnic. Lester was a show-off, snagging speeding hens while seated in the barrow facing his wheelman. No mean feat, that !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Jun 29, 2022 7:49 am

Lester was both long-limbed and double-jointed at the elbow and shoulder. He looked a lot like Olive Oyl as he flailed about, sweeping up chickens by the armload.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jun 29, 2022 5:14 pm

Ernie and MayBelle were interrupted for this photo while debating the value of long-limbs and double-joints of the Bledsleppers and those like them.
Ernie88.jpg
MayBelle pointed out the convenience of reaching condiments on the top shelf while Ernie sympathized with the pain of hiding in a keg. Never the less the advantage in winning those Regatta and July Fourth events proved they were born with benefits far beyond the average valley dweller.
Ernie had stitched the gathered skirt himself on his twin-treadle Rickenbacker.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Jul 02, 2022 3:06 pm

Was KD's dad named Roland?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sat Jul 02, 2022 4:03 pm

I believe that Roland was a distant cousin of KD's but he was the grand marshal in the Chugwater 4th of July parade 4 times in a row!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Jul 02, 2022 10:54 pm

Roland was rumored to be Dr. Timothy Leary's great granfather. Speculation based on his physiognomy that he had some Wookie, or perhaps Bigfoot genes is probably unfounded, but scattered reports of big-footed, Wookie-like creature sightings in the deep woods, some credible, have emerged from the region for many decades. At least one Eastern-based investigator mounted an expedition to the back country with the aim of photographing the creature, or creatures, but he never returned to civilization, as far as anyone knows.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Jul 10, 2022 11:22 am

I can hardly believe it. Another photo of the chicken in the wheelbarrow games. Here we have one of the officials with a chicken crate in a wheelbarrow.
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Would that be Ernie's behind him? Was that before or after the fire?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Jul 11, 2022 4:21 pm

Yes Herb. "Crated" chickens were "in a League of their Own". The infield fry rule was revised several times each season or seasoning if you will. Notice the Maxwell dash board used to retain the framework.
Near as I can tell that was Ernie's before it was revamped to ground level. The Fire was only a rumor and therefore little was actually burned up at all.
Note the three piece wool tweed suit in small hounds tooth weave and borrowed Homberg from Larkvonnet's.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Mon Jul 11, 2022 4:40 pm

Aficionados of the game of course maintained nothing but free-range chickens would do, and understandably cried "fowl" when that barrow-man arrived with crated birds. Fortunately, the quality weave of his stylish suit forestalled further criticism, and he was reluctantly allowed to compete . He was awarded Maxwell's Silver Hammer as a participation trophy.

Meanwhile, it was Ernie himself who was thoroughly burned up as rumors of a fire that leveled his saloon spread through the Basin. The resulting hiatus in custom had him advertising free homburghers with each pint of Happy Sally. It wasn't long before customers were happily thronging to that popular watering hole once more. Fire Chief Gravus Seymore was pleased to note the incident had not interrupted his game of checkers.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Jul 11, 2022 7:01 pm

Good eye on that dashboard Richard.
And Rich as always thank you for the insightful history lesson.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Jul 12, 2022 1:04 am

I'm always glad to help out Herb. I was reminded by DeVichie of the award winning oil on canvas that Aldo Van Pinksberg did in honor of the contests. Known mainly for his parakeet and goat paintings he deviated to chicks and roosters for this one. Later in life he was well know for his deviations but that's a different story.
VanPinkz.jpg
Sadly, for the sport the finals were moved to Bartlesville and petroleum overshadowed the mixture. A track built around Johnstone Park drew crowds from the far corners of the planet. Even Aldo managed to win a few heats.
chcknBurro.jpg
Lemon Herb Chicken with Couscous and Cucumber Salad will be served at the Regatta this years.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Jul 12, 2022 7:18 am

Critics argue whether some of van Pinksburg's works show influence emanating from Picasso's celebrated Goat Period. So far, the question has evaded a definitive answer, with factions periodically coming to blows over the issue. The art world was shocked when the Momo was out-bid on several significant van Pinksburgs by Joe & Dixie Sugg's Dew Drop Inn of Raytown, Mo. KD's early work with aerial barrows powered by tethered chickens led to a hard landing, but later experimenters extended his pioneering investigations and achieved some limited success with chicken-powered flying lawn chairs, with the Adirondack style gaining favor in the Poconos among vactioning racehorse jockeys. FAA regulations eventually ended the chicken powered flying lawn chair era.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Tue Jul 12, 2022 7:20 am

Credentia Curveball's Cucumber Salad with Croutons ? I'm on my way !
When in trouble, do not fear, blame the second engineer ! 8-)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue Jul 12, 2022 8:02 am

Little Freddie couldn't wait to enter the next race
KDck1.jpg
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Lulu wanted to know if it was OK to enter her turkey
KDplp2.jpg
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Frankie waited for his turn
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Jul 12, 2022 10:47 am

Frankie was a tough little cuss who later found his way to Hollywood, where he played a gangster in several of the more memorable Bugs Bunny cartoons. He acted as his own agent, and made the studio pay him an extra $100.00 a week to dye his hair. After the War, the studio work dried up and he spent his later years on the streets of Bakersfield, peddling Fuller products door to door. A rumored TV comeback as Howdy Doodie never materialized, due to his being allergic to latex, peanuts, and Naugahyde.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Jul 14, 2022 8:50 am

I knew It was around here somewhere. I think this is a photo os the oeiginal KD Mobile..
KD truck.JPG
At least it is an early version of what our hero used to get around to different jobs with.
Man, that guy could build anything.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Jul 14, 2022 9:39 am

The ever-adventurous KD had the unique vehicle shipped to Australia where he used it to explore the untracked Australian Outback in search of the elusive Fletcher's Wallowit, a legendary eight-legged, crab-like marsupial carnivore. The fearsome creature, if it actually existed, eluded him. However, the machine proved quite capable under the harshest of conditions, and is generally credited with being the inspiration behind both the Australian Ute and the Swiss Army knife.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Thu Jul 14, 2022 10:29 am

A researching breakthrough Herb ! Heinrich has been searching the archives for years hoping to discover an image of this remarkable machine. Notes on the subject indicate all four wheels could turn 90 degrees allowing the machine to travel sideway, thus emulating the crab-like motion of the wallowit, should he encounter one. Although the steel wheels look ungainly, employing them was a pragmatic choice on KDs part. Pneumatic tires simply would not stand the gaff.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Jul 18, 2022 7:07 pm

2 well.JPG
This looks like something KD would have come up with, but I don't think it was his.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Jul 18, 2022 10:02 pm

That's a type of early 20th century exersize machine known as a "Spudder". They came with numerous tools and accessories, none of which weighed less than 150 to 1500 lbs.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jul 20, 2022 12:41 pm

Yes, the "Spudder" became quite popular with the fashion-conscious over-eaters from the terminal café cafeteria set. Fatz Larkvonett had one on each floor of his 8th Street palazzo. Pola Negri would spend hours on it whenever she was in town.
Kalamity Dick's guilderfluke flackerpoth windsnuffer could be quickly modified with a 2" belt and some 12 gage piano wire to do the same work in half the time but the name "Spudder" was catchy and melodious and folks were swayed it's way.
They say Kalamity Dick weighed an average of 145 lbs. on a good Wednesday.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Jul 23, 2022 10:52 am

KD remained fit and lean for his entire life simply by eschewing mayonaise on his BLT sandwiches. He favored an imported French Camargue grey poupon spiked with a stiff shot of brandy. Grilled Canadian bacon on broiled sourdough made for a tasty and substantial entree when augmented with KD's preferred condiment, but obtaining Canadian tomatoes was never easy, and often impossible. In the off season, he often resorted to saurkraut or a locally-famous hot pickle relish in lieu of Canadian tomatoes.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Jul 23, 2022 11:42 am

KD was particularly pleased when the Terminal Café started serving Knurled tomatoes. Lunchtime was often cut in half not waiting for the hot pickle relish to cool. This speeded up the progress on the frmpulayed skywaggler ambulator for the Squalkin's Street project. It also left more time to study the philosophical idiosyncrasies of crapulence at Ernie's.
KnrldTmtoes.jpg
By reducing the pitch angle of the "Spudder's" transvector knurling tomatoes became childs-play.
KDZtom.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Jul 23, 2022 12:56 pm

It's difficult to get a good, deep knurl without breaking the skin, but the result justifies the effort required. Besides helping to clear the air at Ernie's on crowded nights, the knurled tomatoes were much better adapted for Tomato Baseball. Pitchers preferred them, and a good batter could shower half the field with tomato puree. Many fans brought their own salt, oregano, chopped sweet Vidalias, and tortilla chips for the traditional after game feast and dark beer chug-a-lug.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sat Jul 23, 2022 3:30 pm

Kalamity Dick was deeply involved with developing the perfect knurling process for tomatoes. Few people knew he maintained an experimental greenhouse on Cuthbert's ranch, where crossing various tomato varieties with waffles literally "bore fruit". The plants grew over eight fret tall, which made it difficult to find one's way when the tomatoes reached maturity. This photograph of Cuthbert in the experimental greenhouse illustrates the density of the growth. KD once spent three weeks living on waffles and tomatoes in after becoming disoriented in the center of the greenhouse.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Jul 23, 2022 4:04 pm

I am reminded of the treehouse, or vinehouse, the Hennessey and Nimrod built that summer after the run in with Constable Whimpenfarther.
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They were never caught holding cats for ransom again. :lol:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Jul 25, 2022 12:47 am

More about chickens. Here we have a photo of the crew collecting the chickens for the wheelbarrow event. The boy in the white shirt is Tony. He was one of the best in the event. he really could collect the chickens for the competition.
They called him Chicken catcher Tony. I heard his mom was a pretty good cook from the Italian part of town.
chicken catchers.JPG


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Jul 25, 2022 11:04 am

Tom's mom knew chickens inside and out. She wouldn't settle for ordinary birds. She always demanded the very best, which she knew to be the coop-top chickens. She'd settle for nothing lower on the pecking order.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Jul 26, 2022 2:47 pm

The Ceaser Gang took the Nutmeg Memorial prize in the 5th and 8th sprint's that same year. Tony is shown here wearing the beanie. Points had been deducted for suspected Fowl Pox but on discovering it had merely been vanadium in their lemon juice amends were made and they received their just deserts. Cacciatore was only the half of it.
Ceaser.jpg
I will mention that the Dovetail Huckleberry jam on the second row in the back is well worth trying should you get a chance.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Tue Jul 26, 2022 10:17 pm

Off topic, Herman and Verman Sherman were the first conjoined twins born in the Basin. No one reckoned on infants having conjoined mustaches, but there you have it. When the boys were 32 they opted for separation. Barber Seth Muldoon performed the operation in Silver Plume with a pair of lopping shears. The lads claimed it was painless.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed Jul 27, 2022 12:04 am

Did you know KD spent some time in France? Or was it Canada and designed a carburateur?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jul 27, 2022 11:20 am

Yes Herb, known as Kalamité Dihk he was most beloved by the French for ending their epic toast shortage. He discovered a way to heat bread. Pain Perdu he called it. The carburateur thing was simply a pastime while waiting for the dough to rise. Ed Van Pinksberg, no relation, created that lovely illustration in azure and fuscia for Le Jarnac.
LeJarKD.jpg
You can clearly see in this cutaway the use of filigree mesh to enable static galvanism to permeate the welch passage. Dick had studied wind currents as a boy with his kites when he lived near Venturi Peek. This was second nature to him and several principals are evident in the Kaliptrostmiter design.
Grilling the bread became more thorough using much the same techniques.
Dick spent time in several countries and some statues erected in his honor still stand. Funk and Wagnallz has a section if you can find it.
Thanks for mentioning this. It might not otherwise have come up.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Jul 27, 2022 2:57 pm

KD's pioneering development of the electric nichrome radiant brought the delights of home-toasted leavened breads to the masses. Edison beat him to the patent office, but that in no way diminshes his contribution. The principle is still widely used today. What DeForest was to radio, KD surely was to the thermoelectric toaster and all its many modern variants.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Jul 28, 2022 2:57 pm

It may be well to add that the carburateur jumele was regarded as the Safety carburetor here in the States.
LPetit.jpg
Previously the Leduc Pulverisatuer had been the carburateur of choice but during the Noix de Muscade Incident several soldiers were injured and many had complaints in relation to explosions and frightful detonations from them.
Needles, float fragments and other shrapnel rocketed from under the hood. It was a distraction not needed in the melee.
Several that had been scared out of their witz wrote about it in "Horrendous Interruptions from Under the Bonnet". Alouette de Vonnet Publishing Co Limited, Marseille.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Thu Jul 28, 2022 5:58 pm

Another interesting "French connection" :
Aldo Van Pinksburgh studied under Puvis de Chiffon in his Paris chandelier. Known as "the painter of some obscure parts of France", he was assistant under-secretary to the director of the Academie Nacional.

de Chiffon had little or no influence on Van Pinksburgh's mature style, but he did give credit to his mentor for an extensive and well-rounded art education. Van Pinksburgh was often quoted as saying, "Actually, I know a LOT about art. I just don't know what I like !"
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Thu Jul 28, 2022 7:34 pm

Wasn't he also the fellow who stole the siding off of the Eiffel tower?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Jul 28, 2022 10:27 pm

de Chiffon was no thief! He only borrowed the panels in order to create accurate depictions of their obscure back sides! Unfortunately, ruffians made off with the panels and sold them to a scrap dealer, along with several of de Chiffon's most alluring nude models. And so it goes. The paintings themselves were presumed lost in The War.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Jul 29, 2022 12:57 am

Confusion surrounds the Eiffel Tower siding theft to this day, as there was
more than one siding installation, both with complicated endings and multi-
layered tales of intrigue and shady characters. The original siding was crafted
from hand-spun meringue, attracting the likes of ice cream pirates and cookie
thieves, each taking nibbles and bites until the Tower Authority was forced to
remove the sticky affair for aesthetic reasons. The second attempt involved
Chiffon, as told above. Chiffon was considered the only one capable of accurate
depictions of the back sides, on account of having three eyes. After perfecting
the 5-Ball carburetor, he attracted the attention of Kalamity Dick, who performed
several carboral revisions to Chiffon, better enabling him to present from both
the left and right sides.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Jul 29, 2022 2:17 pm

Yes, monsieur Puvis had a genius for many useful and delightful skills. His foursight regarding the 5-Ball carburetor won him the Legion of Aérien award and free meringue tarts at Arnostek's Berline for the next five years. Had he been able to incorporate a sixth ball there might have been some Gâteau mille crêpes involved.
KDJJack.jpg
He also was a wizard at the Écarté table at Casino de la LarqueVonné.
Not to mention his supporting role in "Man Without Burlap".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Jul 29, 2022 4:55 pm

Just in, Bartholomew thought this might be pertinent. He found it taped to the back of the Whithworth scabinfauber.
5balll.jpg
He said it seemed to scare the wibblers from the scapler tailings.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Jul 29, 2022 6:15 pm

It's plain to see from this humble example that deChiffon was not only a consommé draughtsman, but a genius carburetion theorist. None less than Jacques Mercier applied de Chiffon's principles to his "haute carbureteurs", noting that deChiffon was "tres bien en bal". Aficionados of early French automobiles will doubtless recall the Mercier Rez-sabot models of 1908-11.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Jul 29, 2022 6:24 pm

The down side to his 5 ball design was that he used inflatable balls and it was very hard to get close enough to seal the little inflation tab let alone tie them in a knot
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Jul 29, 2022 6:37 pm

Does that 5 ball have a tickler on it?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Jul 29, 2022 7:42 pm

My Uncle Perrier had one of those Mercier Rez-sabot cars. It had a rumple seat with 8 chevals and and wired wheels. He was not a real French man because he was an English norman. Norman Perrier. I know he put yellow mustard on his coney islands. His wife which he married in the Great War was a former grizzard.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 01, 2022 6:56 pm

I might add it was one of the most remembered Rez-sabots of previous times. Speed aficionados could merely detach the fenders, runningboards and headlights and race the car at the local dirt track and bring home the trophies. The young ladies flocked to the handsome fellow with the Rez-sabot and the wicker fitments for a picnic in the park.
Rez-sabot.jpg
I'm sure any of us with an Uncle Perrier could relate stories about the Mercier late into the night.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Aug 02, 2022 5:30 pm

Uncle Perrier eventually returned to England after being spurned by French immigration officers. He spent his golden years driving about the country lanes in a Humber Super Snipe, collecting hedgehogs which he made into tasty breakfast bangers.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Aug 04, 2022 4:14 pm

With the theme "Wicker is Quicker" spreading like wildfire throughout the racing circuit Jacques could sell them as fast as he could create them. However, with both Uncles Perrier and Lumby leaving the Valley at the same time a void was left in the 5-Ball works and several balls fell through it irregardless of it being smaller than the balls themselves. Osmosis perhaps.
Qwicker.jpg
The result was Smutz' Beartrap soon began garnering the trophies at the track and attracting the young ladies. This eventually tipped the balance in population and the League of Atomizerz put their collective foot down. Had it not been for the 43-Man Squamish tournaments the Nutmeg Incident might have happened several years previous.
All I can say for sure is that the price of swamp grasses declined to a point not seen since before Ernie built the tavern.
Set the Vitthakalai on 32 and put the cat out.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Aug 04, 2022 7:07 pm

Candy is dandy but wicker is quicker.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Thu Aug 04, 2022 8:43 pm

The wicker craze tempted Cuthbert to dam Skunk Creek and flood the upper meadow to grow a crop of swamp grass. Smutz contracted for the whole crop in the spring of '09, but the harvest was ruined by an infestation of auger-nosed rattan weevil, forcing Smutz to weave his car bodies from used baling twine. The resulting products were soft, flabby, but exceedingly comfortable which caused Elford Thwipp to fall asleep at the wheel of his Smutz Beartrap during the Ouray Memorial Regatta on Decorating Day, 1910. The fact that he won the race in spite of being deep in slumber as he crossed the finish line three lengths ahead of the nearest competitor created a scandal that the Wicker Weavers Union found difficult to cope with. Competition from fabric covered Weymann coach bodies sealed their fate. "No rest for the wicker !" Became a watchword.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Aug 04, 2022 9:02 pm

The tough, lightweight woven twine bodies shared certain advantages with the woven wickerwork tonneaus, and offered some peculiar advantages of thier own. They were indeed comfortable, and perfectly quiet. Even slamming a door generated only a muted whisper. They never dented or rusted. The bodies were fully washable and line-dryable, and could be starched if the owner wished. A starched body could be ironed and steamed to provide unique and artistic curves, planes, and creases to give a car a distinctly formal appearance, or simply washed and dried, which gave a somewhat more casual and sporty look. The bodies gained a bad reputation among cigar afficiandos and their insurors after errant cigar ashes caused some spectacular rolling conflagrations. The boll weevil disaster in the southern cotton districts put an end to the woven twine era and opened the door for Big Sheet Metal's near-total takeover of the auto body market.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Aug 05, 2022 8:28 am

Over the years demand for wicker cars was so great that a factory was built Chugwater.
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1922 Coupe & 1927 Touring


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Aug 05, 2022 11:31 am

A wickerwork body might be a better idea that it would first appear to be. Besides lightness, it makes for a tough and resiliant structure when properly designed that can offer considerable protection in an accident situation. I believe that hot air balloon baskets are still made of wicker for these reasons.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Aug 07, 2022 3:15 pm

The enchanting phrase "Wicker is quicker" prompted de Chiffon to integrate it into his carburateurs. While the weavings increased air flow dramatically at top speed they did not help the engines at idle or in starting. A pan beneath the units could catch the dribbling's and a pump returned it to the tank but pushing the car to top speed taxed the pit crew to the brink. Doses of Happy Sally helped the fuel mixture and the attitudes of the footmen but in the end the woven vaporamalgamator proved much more trouble than it was worth. Soon Bakelite screen replaced them.
WickerCrb.jpg
KD provided some burlap and adobe carburetors for testing but the Regatta claimed it was conflict of interest with him judging the Persimmon Chiffon Pie contests.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Aug 07, 2022 9:14 pm

Buck Futz grew bakelite above the Upper Terrace for years.
The cone-shaped vines covered the rows of growing frames that
stretched over the hills. The harvesting of bakelite syrup in the
fall was an annual tradition and filled the valley air with the
heavenly scent of asbestos blooms and new tires. The Chugwater
& Northern even laid a spur line up Pispacattiquattimauken Avenue
to service the warehouses, stopping traffic whenever trains ran up
the center of the street.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Aug 07, 2022 11:10 pm

A effective medicinal product was developed containing bakelite syrup, sulphurated molasses, and colloidial bismuth. The blended ingredients were dispensed into vats of hot cod liver oil, which process yielded grape-sized orbs resembling hard candy, except for the flavor. Children would eagerly choose boiled spinach over the "candy" if offered the choice.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 09, 2022 2:04 pm

It seems there is at least one bottle left at the Institute if any current members want to try it. Ask for Sebastian.
Syrup14.jpg
I cannot verify the grape-sized orbs.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Aug 09, 2022 2:16 pm

The boloid form may have been developed to save space in doctors' house call bags. The sight of the bottle being taken from the home medicine chest was enough to cure most schoolboy "Monday morning stomach aches" and get the young scholar eager to be off to class.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Aug 12, 2022 2:52 pm

Many readers have expressed curiosity as to whether the Institute's research and archival efforts extend to subjects other than those which pertain directly or indirectly to the accomplishments and exploits of Kalamity Dick. Specifically, many inquiries have been made regarding Sasquatch, or "Big Foot".

Our answer is an unqualified "maybe". We hope this is helpful:
In the spring of 1909, KD installed a wickerware carburetor and a traction perambulator assist on the single-cylinder Magsworth-Perversely which Sir Nigel Bashcroft, eminent English explorer and adventurer, imported for the purpose of traversing the back country of the American West in search of the legendary creature. Shown in the photograph cranking the Magsworth-Perversely is Newt, Sir Nigel's manservant and constant companion. Sir Nigel at the wheel, elegantly arrayed in the clever disguise which he hoped would enable him to win the elusive creature's trust, facilitating the taking of photographs, as well as procedures to scientifically document the encounter.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Aug 12, 2022 5:30 pm

There has been some guarded talk at the Explorers' Club to the effect that Bigfoot may actually be Mr. Whipple, the onetime mild-mannered spokesman for Charmin (TM) tissue products, who lost his job to a bunch of pink and blue bears and disappeared from the public eye about the time that modern Bigfoot sightings exploded. Why bears? Do pink and blue bears really... well, let's not go there. One wonders if Mr. Whipple may have acquired the very Bigfoot outfit that the early explorers used in their quest. It would explain the consistency over many decades of the numerous Bigfoot sightings, as well as otherwise inexplicable deposits of pink tissue paper found in remote deep woods. (Whipple's brand loyalty survived his employment) Experts admit that the Whipple theory is at least somewhat plausible, while at the same time dismissing suggestions that Bigfoot is actually a Russian immigrant from the Vladivostok area wearing size 34 rubber feet and a raccoon hat and trenchcoat. The question remains, if Whipple is indeed the contemporary Bigfoot, who were the previous Bigfeet? Jimmy Hoffa? A famous aviatrix? Queen Victoria? As far as that goes, where was Johnny Carson during those "lost years"?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 15, 2022 5:24 pm

The influence of Sir Nigel Bashcroft's Magsworth-Perversely can clearly be seen in the work stand for Kalamity Dick's Glugerflitt Canflaminator shown here. The brass ampliphier could produce an identical mating call to the one heard by Nigel on preceding as well as previous encounters in the outback.
Glugerflitt.jpg
Using double troffsenburries proved to be the secret. RCA Vixberg negotiated for years to buy the patent rights and the rest is history as we used to say over home.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Aug 16, 2022 8:23 am

The Canflaminator proved to be the first practical device for plucking yaks. Yak hair, of course, was the material used to construct the Bigfoot suit used in the expedition. Manual yak plucking was a very hazardous occupation, and frequent maulings had made yak pluckers almost extinct by 1900, and in consequence, yak hair had become quite expensive. The cam-and-follower Canflaminator changed all that. Its hundreds of delicate, leather-lined mechanical fingers could pluck a large yak in a few minutes time, with no drama or waste, and no injury or annoyance to the yak. Woven yak hair enjoyed a brief vogue prior to the outbreak of hostilities on the Continent. By the end of the war, Big Goat interests had so flooded the upholstery fabric markets with cheap "mohair", that genuine yak was never able to regain its market share. The Canflaminator found a new niche in the production process of a popular canned pork product.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Aug 16, 2022 3:03 pm

There is always interesting information on this site.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 16, 2022 6:05 pm

That is the very reason I keep checking in Herb. Too much nonsense of the internet and even the On Topic sites. I know I can always get the Real Scoupe here.
Pat's assessment of the Yak plucking is spot on. They often came round the Canflaminator way before time to pluck as the busyness was so pleasant. Sadly, the Mo's didn't enjoy it at all and had to be persuaded in the most difficultly imaginable ways. Thus the mohair boycott by the Uvula League, the Lollipop Guild and several other orgasmications. I'm not sure why it survived.
As for the Hostilities on the Continent, I'll leave it to Sabastian to tell his opinions on that.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Aug 18, 2022 9:06 am

I can't remember. did Ernie"s suffer any lost business during Prohibition?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Aug 18, 2022 10:22 am

" I can't remember. did Ernie"s suffer any lost business during Prohibition?"

Only on the ground floor. The basement level did a roaring business. The girls upstairs never lacked for refreshment either. An 8" stovepipe that extended from the basement to the roof was
adapted to bring refreshing brew up to the girls. A simple rope and pulley arrangement allowed them to lower a well bucket down the pipe to a keg concealed within a large potbelly stove in the basement.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Aug 19, 2022 5:31 pm

Cleverly, Happy Sally was quickly packaged and sold as paint remover. When Ernie drew up and posted a sign out front saying "We Now Have the New Strippers" it led to large crowds and a lot of confusion.
Salz.jpg
The girls upstairs liked the attention but objected to customers asking them to take off their clothes. Oh sure, some enjoyed it but others thought it unproper even for Ernie's. They began routines hopping the rope and pulley down to the basement causing too much traffic on the stairs.
Fortunately the pickled wolf snouts and sautéed racoon livers distracted much of the floundering the confusion returned to normal.
Much of this had been deleted from the original book.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sat Aug 20, 2022 11:23 am

Oddly enough, Prohibition demonstrated there was a huge, untapped market for "Happy Sally" among tee-totalers who began purchasing "Sally's Paint Remover" in quantities that far out stripped prior demand for the popular tipple. After repeal of the 18th amendment, Sally's Paint Remover continued to be sold in vast quantities. Connoisseurs complain that the metal can package affects the bouquet, however.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Aug 20, 2022 12:28 pm

With the imposition of the odious amendment, it seemed that every family piano in the country needed refinishing. Many wood floors were also observed to need attention. Acres of flooring and forests of woodwork were scheduled for refurbishment and supplies purchased in quantity, with some to spare. "Monkey Tan Floor Finish" was a very popular item. It had a "nose" not unlike Happy Sally, and many a home had every square foot of flooring as well as the porches "done over" with a Happy Sally washdown followed by several coats of Monkey Tan. Some wags claimed that the flurry of stripping and painting were what put "Speedy Alka-Seltzer" over the top.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Aug 24, 2022 4:52 pm

While waiting for the Monkey Tan Finishes to dry at the melody emporium Libawrsky Larkvonnet would stack the apparatuses in various configurations.
Libawrsky2.jpg
Some suggest it was being influenced by the paint remover that gave him extraordinary virtuosity as he had no real musical talent at all.
A recording was made unbeknownst to him and offered on the Columbian label as "Symphony in the Shellac Shack".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Aug 27, 2022 2:15 pm

It's a shame the recording companies did not "discover" him. His rendition of "You Rascal, You" put the Mills Brothers to shame. His take on "Tiger Rag" has no equal, according to survivors.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Aug 29, 2022 11:30 pm

regatta ban.JPG
Did you know That there was a group of musicians at the Regatta?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Tue Aug 30, 2022 4:56 am

Didn't they (the Upasquitic Pudle Jumpers) have a big hit with the ditty 'Row row row your boat'?
I'm sure one of our more knowledgable members 'will chime in' here...
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Aug 30, 2022 9:41 am

Oh my, RUSSIANS!!!!!

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