OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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perry kete
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Dec 03, 2021 7:33 am

Because Proffessor Mallard misunderstood his instruction from the gallery owners he thought he was to hold a sloth every Wednesday!

sloth.jpg
Some say it was because he enjoyed his Happy Sally too much
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Dec 03, 2021 11:26 am

Sloths make easy to care for pets. For instance, if you want to have lunch at an establishment that displays a "No Sloths Allowed" sign, you can simply place the creature on the sidewalk, go in, and enjoy your lunch, with every confidence that the sloth will be where you left it when you are ready to leave. In the 1880s, some avant ladies of fashion would wear a live sloth around their shoulders in lieu of a dead fox. Only rarely was any difficulty experienced.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Dec 03, 2021 10:21 pm

Live Sloth Stole magazine covered this extensively in their fall, 1911 issue.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Dec 04, 2021 7:01 pm

To be clear, the chanteuse sloth's are held on a complimentary Wednesday rather that the fourth, fifth or six Wednesdays. Worn as a shawl or wrap could leave some discoloring on bare soldiers.
ctuseSlthh.jpg
The fall issue sold out quickly owing to it's centerfold.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Dec 04, 2021 10:38 pm

Cuthbert, coming from a very traditionally fundamentalist background turned down the opportunity to raise fur-grade sloths on his ranch because he was taught "sloth" was one of the seven deadly sins. Not that he wasn't tempted, mind. The sloth stole trade was extremely lucrative, and Cuthbert confessed his temptation to deny his moral convictions for monetary gain to his faithful old zebra dun mule. The mule, who was allergic to sloths, wisely counseled him that a clear conscience was worth far more than transient pecuniary gain. Call it a case of enlightened self-interest. Of course, Cuthbert took his mule's advice; any true mule man would. Things turned out well, of course. When the sloth stole fad had finally run its course, many sloth producers found themselves facing bankruptcy. How did the mule communicate such involved advice to his master ? The un-initiated deny the telepathy that true mule-men share with their mounts, but it is a very real thing.

This pivotal moment in Cuthbert's career was captured on film accidentally when Rutherford Carpfeldt dropped his Speed Graphic camera while crossing a barbed-wire fence on Cuthbert's ranch to photograph the mating rituals of the black-capped chickadee.

Footnote, Carpfeldt's life ended tragically in similar fashion in the same spot two years later, only that time he was hunting partridges with a 12gauge double-barrell Ithica shotgun. Be safe out there, it's bird season.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Dec 05, 2021 2:19 am

Bird seasoning is a matter of personal taste, even today. In
Cuthbert's day, partaking of the ever popular roadside mushroom
stand led to mushroom gas. Many felt that a good seasoning would
help, but nutmeg proved to be the wrong taste, and the Nutmeg
Incident was the tragic result. Even those with sloth stoles
could not escape a most certain suffering. Hair & Organs Magazine
covered it extensively in their 20 part exposé on chanteuse
temptresses of the Tri-Burg area.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Dec 05, 2021 10:08 am

Thanks for that, Burger. Since you mention the Hair & Organs article on the Tri-burg Chanteuse Temptresses, here is the Carpfeldt photograph that illustrated the article. Early in 1905 the Temptresses organized into a union to redress unscrupulous advances and abuse from dishonest saloon operators. Sad to say that an especially tasteless brouhaha in Medicine Bow precipitated their response. Something to do with Ernie's nutmegs we're told, but Sheriff Dumbrow kept the incident under wraps.

The Carpfeldt photograph was taken on a mushroom field that lay fallow that season at the edge of the Hofblatter moss pond. The costumes were not explained in the article, but hey! everyone has a "thing" about mermaids, non ce pas ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Dec 05, 2021 1:24 pm

The sultry mermaids precipitated many a shipwreck by lolling seductively on the mossy beaches and singing bawdy sea chanties to lonely passing sailors in perfect, 60-part harmony. Eventually, under pressure from Lloyd's, authorities cleared them from the shorline, and most of them took a train east and wound up as singing cigarette girls in various cabarets and speakeasies. A few chose to remain, and managed to lease a large old house up in the hills wherein they established a "young ladies hostelry and guest house". It proved remarkabley successful, and returned a certain enterprising banker his principle in very short order, and a good deal of interest besides.
Last edited by TXGOAT2 on Sun Dec 05, 2021 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Dec 05, 2021 1:27 pm

Despite the many decades popularity of the TV series "Gunsmoke", very few know that Festus was the very first accredited mule whisperer.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Dec 05, 2021 2:41 pm

Your comment aside is well taken, Pat. Although only one photograph on display includes Cuthbert's image, a few visitors to the Institute have remarked on Ken Curtis's passing resemblance to Cuthbert "Mad Dog" Maddox. In fairness, Cuthbert had mastered mule whispering decades before Mr. Curtis wore knee pants. Shy and retiring, Cuthbert would never have rated a footnote to history had it not been for his friendship with Kalamity Dick (Richard Q. Klamitboffer). Certainly he was never well enough known for anyone to remark to Mr. Curtis that he looked like Cuthbert Maddox.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Dec 05, 2021 7:41 pm

Rich 2, Your humbleness for Cuthbert is only exceeded by Cuthbert's
disdain for attention. Truth is, he was quite well known for his yodeling
of Pythagorian hymns. Something he learned as a child, while being mentored
in the goat roping arts by the Pythagorian elders. Duke Fitzellwitz' use of
Cuthbert for all his yodeling arrangements did not happen because of
Cuthbert's goat roping skills ! Industrial Smoke & Welding Fumes Quarterly,
Spring 1919 edition stated "Maddox delivers a warble, more mellow than a
mug of tomato worm paste at sunset, totally captivating his audience". That
is high praise, from a periodical that favored a harsh, staccato delivery.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Dec 07, 2021 8:46 pm

The roll of Festus on "Gumspoke" was inspired by the writings and campfire stories of Travless Mendensqill. He was foreman of the Maddox Ranch and Cuthbert made unrecouping impressions on him throughout his tenure.
FestCuth.jpg
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It's not surprising that the nearsighted and over nourished might confuse the two. Pamphlets were sent out to viewers to distinguish between the two mulers. The captivated audience was released following bale.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Dec 08, 2021 10:45 am

Institute bulletin:
In response to a query in the main discussion boards, Heinrich is currently researching the wherefore of grass barns that were prevalent on farms in the Basin at one time. Interviews with descendants of the first Littopig family to settle in Chugwater differ from opinions of old-timers who remember Willie Nelsonima's smokehouse on Serendipity Lane. A full report will be posted when Heinrich completes his study.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Dec 09, 2021 10:19 am

I believe the grass smokehouses were legal prior to 1937, when a punitive tax was levied. Smoking continued, of course, but mostly among leaders of "hot jazz" orchestras and the legions of itinerant railway brake rod riders. Organic smoking became nearly extinct during the 1950s with the advent of Butch Wax, the "Flat Top", "Lucky Tiger", and inexpensive store-bought cigarettes in fancy foil-lined packaging. Many popular brands were named after English castles, with one exception being "Lucky Strike", which became the preferred smoke of the rougher set, even as "Lucky Tiger" became the drink of choice among the young ruffians who congregated out behind the incinerator during lunch break. The popularity of smoking went into decline with the introduction of such horrors as "Virginia Slimms" and similar froufrou.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Dec 10, 2021 2:43 pm

Gaining widespread public usage with the rise in popularity
of the mushroom stands, the resultant frequency of foul flatulence
led to the term "smokehouse" being coined, for those creating
quite a cloud. It was not uncommon to hear patrons at the
Terminal Café, and other local haunts saying things like, "Ol' Fred
really has the old smokehouse fired up tonight !", polite company
being what it is. Ernie was known to hand out "smokehouse violations",
cutting off clients for excessive tarnishing of the house ambiance.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Dec 10, 2021 3:11 pm

Much of the problem other than the unpleasant fragrance was the devastation to the walkway at the Café entrance. Treacherous blow holes caused a stumbling hazard and the squalls of dust impaired vision for passing motorcars and pedestrians.
Termina.jpg
An occasional wrangler mount would pass out from the drifting cloud and need to be moved to fresh air. Hair and Organs had a series of articles; "Equus caballus and respiration, why do we care?"
Inside, the plank floor suffered similar problems with splintering.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Dec 10, 2021 4:30 pm

Leland Codswollop, DVM wrote several articles for the Hair &Organs series. His extensive study of the mushroom gas emanations revealed that not all of the mushroom products produced the hazardous miasma which could not only floor a full-grown healthy horse, but also adversely affected motor traffic. Photo below shows two of Dr. Codswollop's equine patients recovering at his veterinary hospital. The horse on the left still obviously suffering from the aftertaste after recovering consciousness.

Codswollop's research revealed it was the mushrooms that came from the south-slope beds which were at fault; irrigated from a sulphur spring and nurtured in a skunk-cabbage compost medium, the results were deadly. Motorcars passing through concentrations of flatulence in the Terminal Cafe's block either stalled, began exhausting thick clouds of black smoke, or spontaneously accelerated to dangerous speeds. Amendments to mushroom culture in the south slope ultimately remedied this unpleasant situation.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Dec 10, 2021 11:10 pm

Codswallop's work has held through the ages. The mushroom moss beds
WERE amended, and the result was a fragrance more akin to sun-baked
roadkill. Most considered this FAR better than before the changes. In spite
of the improvements, the term "smokehouse" still holds in many parts for
that condition of aromatically altering a given area with one's post-digestive
byproduct.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Dec 11, 2021 1:50 pm

I myself have been noticing the sun-baked version of digestive byproduct from recent posts.
Thanks as ever
Rich
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Dec 11, 2021 2:28 pm

That makes sense, as the sun baking industries of the Upper Terrace
are still a going concern. "Chugwater Sun Baked Lamb's Tongues" are a
world famous product of the Upper Terrace. Many say it is on account
of the higher elevation/closer proximity to the sun. Others say it is the
steady stream of traveling orators, who come to partake of the ample
supply of podiums, made locally at KD's Vestibule Factory. Yet another
example of a going concern that has survived to the current day.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Dec 11, 2021 2:42 pm

Research into catalytic underwear was stymied by a lack of available Ozmium....

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Dec 11, 2021 5:02 pm

You might think that the lambs would object to losing their tongues but I haven't heard a word from them.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Dec 11, 2021 6:28 pm

At Tuesday's meeting before last, Heinrich detailed out (with
graphs and pie charts) how the decline of ozmium caused the
lambs to go quiet. This was not the first time.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Dec 11, 2021 10:03 pm

Silence of the lambs. We should have known.
Millborn's accident in front of the terminal café required a skin graph and and 2 pie charts.
many cards were received.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Dec 12, 2021 12:38 am

Heinrich graciously offered to do personal pie charts
for all meeting attendees. When I told him my name
was Steve Miller (trying not to draw attention to my
dubious past), this is what he produced:

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More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Dec 12, 2021 12:12 pm

A personal afterburner device was brought to the prototype stage, but the state fire marshall refused to allow production.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Dec 16, 2021 4:55 pm

Fire commissioner, Joefuss Spizzickz would have waved the refusal if not for being otherwise occupied at Ernie's during the inquest. An ardent enthusiast of pie charts himself he would have defended the fabrication and investiture.
Spizzickz.jpg
A previewing of Häxan was held several evenings to determine if was appropriate for local residents. All despite the fact that little Billy Spizzickz played Reginald and much community moss was procured by the producers.
Heinrich claims his copies were confiscated in the early 50s.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Dec 16, 2021 5:53 pm

Fire Commissioner Spizzickz also had a daughter, Marsha. With flaming red hair and a fiery temperament, school mates called her "The Fire Marsha", but not to her face. It was no surprise when she quit the Chugwater Normal School to run off with Excelsior McTinder, a fireman on the Chugwater & East Sassafrass RR. As her dorm mother quipped, "Where there's smoke, there's soot." No one was quite sure what she meant by that.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Dec 16, 2021 5:59 pm

I'm reminded that the ruffians from the South side claimed Mrs. Spizzickz looked like her face caught on fire and they tried to put it out with an axe. I wouldn't repeat it as I always thought she was kind and somewhat attractive but that was how the ruffians were.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Dec 16, 2021 6:13 pm

Richard that should be Ruffians with a capital R I think. We haven't talked about that crowd here yet to my recollecton.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Dec 16, 2021 6:37 pm

Odd you should mention that, Herb. Bartholomew just came up from the Institute's basement with a document showing that the Ruffians, who had operated as a secret society in the Tri-burg Basin for many years, registered a corporate charter with the State of Wyoming in November of 1901. Even more puzzling is Ruffians, Inc. offered public stock at five cents per share, a move which negated the concept of a secret society, but Fenwick Holcomb, nominal chairman of the board explained that members and shareholders alike had pledged to keep their own secrets secret, ergo the Ruffians were still a secret society.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Dec 16, 2021 7:06 pm

The Ruffians' fiendish comments on female physiognomy were probably an early form of "psychological projection". We can only conjecture now, but it is photographically documented that the balance of the Ruffians had a remarkable resemblance to those fellows that Dick Tracy was forever chasing after prior to his Moon Maid infatuation.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Dec 16, 2021 8:09 pm

Here are some of the Southside Ruffians registering a corporate charter. The Holcomb Moon Made van carried the pertaining documents.
Rffinnzz.jpg
Notice the spiffy new fireman's uniforms. Pythagorean Blue I believe.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Dec 17, 2021 12:59 am

Great photo, there ! It shows the rarely seen Carlsbad Ersatz (the one
wearing the hat) in his days before the Mexican Insurrection. Carlsbad
made a large fortune supplying moss to the mushroom growers, that he
mined by moonlight. The idea never caught on south of the border. They
say it was the sombreros and hot mid-day sun. Ersatz went by "Don Octavio
de Flores" whenever he wore a sombrero.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Dec 17, 2021 2:14 am

That makes sense. Isn't that an International truck in the photo?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Dec 17, 2021 11:05 am

A Moon, I should think, if you mean the one next to the orchestra leader. (It's a rare photo that features Wimpy without a hamburger)

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Dec 17, 2021 7:56 pm

The hit tune by Duke Fitzellwitz "Mining by Moonlight" was though to be inspired by Carlsbad. Many of the younger set spooned to it's hypnotic beat.
moonLite.jpg
Not only is the caravanette an International but was previously known to transport those very beefburgers Wimpy enjoyed so much during and after.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Dec 17, 2021 10:02 pm

The moon has always had a curious effect on people and animals. Take the curious case of Hyrum Ladbluster, who showed up one spring at Cuthbert's ranch looking for work. The poor kid was so down and out, Cuthbert, ever soft-hearted, couldn't turn him away, though he didn't know straight up about a cow. What little Hyrum did know, however, was childhood nursery rhymes, which he took to be literally true. One night during a full moon, Hyrum, who was night-herding, happened to see a yearling heifer frolicking and frisking about. She gave a happy bounce, then a leap which from Hyrum's angle of vision made it appear as though she had indeed "jumped over the moon". Aware of rodeo bull riders, Hyrum conceived the notion how fine it would be to ride that cow next time she would jump over the moon. The other ranch hands kidded him along, feeding his naive fancy with "practical" advice and suggestions until he did attempt to straddle the agile bovine. Folks came from miles around to see the attempt, which was well photographed by the bystanders. That it did not go well was amply illustrated from several angles, the one below is displayed in the Institute's "When Pigs Will Fly" collection, perhaps erroneously.

Hyrum recovered from his injuries, and a long convalescence enabled him to forget his obsession. In later years he became a well respected lepidopterist. The Nightlace Spotted Batwing (plexippus ladblusterii) is named after him.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Dec 18, 2021 10:39 am

That's a tough way to get the plowing done.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Dec 18, 2021 6:20 pm

Also inspired by Carlsbad, Hyrum found searching for the illusive Nightlace Spotted Batwing by moonlight entrancing.
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Often just after midnight flying pigs could be heard flapping their wings and oinking.
Sadly, no songs were written pertaining to that.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Dec 18, 2021 8:10 pm

Those are better than flying monkeys.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Dec 19, 2021 9:07 am

They certainly are. We depend on flying pigs for today's "Lite" bacon, sausage, and pork chops. "Lite" headcheese never gained much acceptance outside of Berkeley.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Dec 19, 2021 3:50 pm

Perhaps for the most part the flying pigs were more preferable considering the bacon, sausage, and pork chops. But the musical talent of a few of the mellifluous practiced airborne primates made mining or lepidoptering decidedly more delectable.
Monkey.jpg
Even these days, the haunting echoes of a crank organ occasionally breaks the moonlit silence of the night deep on the North Slope.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Dec 20, 2021 9:12 am

The flying monkeys carry a similar grinder type box for
making maple surple. Much to the chagrin of those who
have to clean the sticky mess off their windshields in the
mornings.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Dec 20, 2021 9:56 am

I applied to the Institute for more details on airborne primates, flying pigs and nocturnal phenomena in the North Slope area during certain phases of the moon, but Heinrich was less than forthcoming. He informed me neither he nor the rest of the research staff had ". . . bothered to monkey around with such topics." (his words) I suppose with good reason, as KD had an extreme phobic aversion to monkeys after the infamous gorilla suit fiasco in 1918. (Ernie never did apologize, I'm sorry to say.)

Back issues of Hair & Organs were marginally helpful, but revealed nothing that hasn't already been said. I found no mention of murple surple. Dang me !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Dec 20, 2021 1:49 pm

I can't picture Roger Miller in a gorilla suit, but I'd bet he could have gotten a song out if it.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Dec 21, 2021 11:35 am

Pat, I'm sure you're right about that. Funny how entertainment runs in cycles, repeating similar themes after the originals have faded from the popular collective memory. One such was an itinerant singer/songwriter who called himself Roger Goriller, who wrote and sang several songs that became very popular in the Basin: "Archduke of the Right-of-Way", "Cuss Me, Cuss Me, Cuss Me, They oughta Take a Rope and Truss Me !", "Chuck-a-Plug" and "You Can't Ice-skate Over Mud-duck Turds" to name but a few.

As his popularity waned, Roger took to performing in a gorilla suit, which quickly became a fad among bored teenagers, and prompted many false Sasquatch sightings. Alas, things got 'way out of hand during the 1918 debacle, mentioned in a previous post.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Dec 21, 2021 10:51 pm

Heinrich mentioned at last Tuesday's meeting, that he had seen this
thread, and the mention of maple surple. He said he had just recently
come across this photo of the legendary maple surple flood. Kalamity
Dick's 17th production kaphistulator stands nearly completed on the
erection platform, and will soon ship, as the flood subsided and the
sticky goo washed away with punctuation-based solvents. The flood
came about when Willard Clambroth and his team, undermined an
enormous pocket of the goo, punching the Zoro Adit deeper, at the
Alphabet Mine. The Clambroth team was swept away and recovered
at various points along the flow, all the way to Chugwater, a distance
of nineteen miles.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Dec 22, 2021 3:10 pm

Willard's older sister Aspidistra Clambroth was used to murple surple overflows. Likely the mother-lode that Willard unleashed had been leaking for years into Humptulips Creek, just north of Cuthbert's ranch. A true lady, and fastidious beyond belief about her dress and personal hygiene, she trained her horse Steamboat to make wide leaps across the creek in order to avoid the sticky mess. Of course, she could not escape Cuthbert's notice, and he fell madly in love with her, mostly on account of her accomplishments as an equestrienne. Though Cuthbert tried his best to win her favor, she disdained his romantic overtures, the most likely reason being his custom of only bathing annually. The box of murple surple candies he sent was probably a mistake as well. As they say, true love never runs smooth, but that quip may have originated from Kalamity Dick's having named his raceabout "True Love".

The photo: Aspidistra performing at the Saddlestring Fairgrounds on St. Swithin's Day, 1902.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Dec 22, 2021 4:02 pm

I would also like to say Hy to Giene. The Cuthbert/Aspidistra episode, though not widely known, was impetus for the infamous Snakesphere romantic tragedy Romeno and Julieckz.
Stifflewhip Marzzpoth offered this photo of the sticky goo blocking entrance to the Terminal Café on a similar day.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed Dec 22, 2021 9:19 pm

Stifflewhip Marzzpoth,
Now that a name I haven't heard in a while. Was that his nickname or his given name? I never knew what to call him. Stiff or Whip?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Dec 23, 2021 2:40 am

It's not the Stifflewhip Marzzpoth we went to school with Herb. That one was christened "Rampbatter S. Marzzpoth". This one was no relation and was found floating in a safa woven wicker basket in Galoppus Creek out behind the old sponge factory. A note tied around his waist instructed "no starch, warm water". He was adopted by the moss gleaners that happened on him and without further instructions or suggested name he was given Stifflewhip. It was a no-brainer. His twin sister, found months later, was named Snafflewhip on a whim. She, in turn founded the anti Goo-Stick Guild in return for piano lessons. She also loved being known as "Snaff". Nothing whatsoever to do with golemantic theory if anyone asks.
Just received my Jasper notice.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Dec 23, 2021 9:29 am

No surprise. It IS that time of year when Jasper notices go out.
Piano lessons not withstanding.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Dec 23, 2021 3:22 pm

Bartholomew recently found an article in Hair & Organs (Vol. 5 No. 13) on Egbert Goleman's development of the under-water steam engine. A trunk line from the alphabet mines to the moss beds was laid out along Galoppus Creek, where it submerged for fifteen miles. A great advantage, as Galoppus Creek flooded annually, and had washed out previous surface roads. Much of golemantic theory deals with how to keep fish out of the boiler intake.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Dec 23, 2021 5:09 pm

So true. Mickler's theorem for diverting the fish to a sautéing pot with avocado oil was not practical with mullet and barrelfish. Buildup on the expansion chamber and vibrations at the intercluse caused premature wear and failure. Better left to the peltzman's mate.
Kalamity Dick was quoted many times about the great times skating on Galoppus Creek on even numbered Winters. He had adapted twin motors on the skates that ran on whale oil with a touch of cough syrup. The exhaust was hardly discernible.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Dec 24, 2021 1:24 am

Was this last photo taken of the maple surple flood ? The flume (at left)
still carries liquid punctuation to the mill, where it is congealed with whale's
eye mucus, before being shipped.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Dec 24, 2021 8:20 am

At Christmas the children would anxiously gather by the tracks to lick the sticky goo from the train as it pulled into the staion as an extra holiday treat. During the holidays the train would carry large supplies of holiday goodies like punctuation pudding and mushroom moss moose sandwiches alphabet soup for the youngesters. The engineer would dress up like Garbo to add to the festivities. The big problem with the children licking the sweet sticky goo from the train is that many of them would become stuck to the side of the train and would never be seen again after it pulled out of the station. Rumor has it that as they fell off the train and laid along the tracks that Mr. Fitzwalter would gather them up an take them to the moss mine and force them to harvest the crops. Some believe that Mr. Fitzwalter coated the train on purpose with the sticky goo so he could get free child labor for the mine.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Dec 24, 2021 10:15 am

The bedding firm of Moss, Cambric, and Moss competed with the mine for the sticky indentured waifs. They being adhesive, it was a simple matter to attach them to the rows of ever-busy woofing machines, where they would adhere for weeks at a time, reversing the woofer shuttles through long shifts for the meager reward of a scanty bowl of thin gruel. Many a moss-flocked child actor got his start this way, playing sheep in summer stock productions of "Little Bo Peep".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Dec 24, 2021 12:51 pm

Heinrich has decided to forgo Christmas festivities and continue with his research at the Institute. Topmost on his list this week is to verify just what sort of product Moss, Cambric & Moss was producing with illegal child labor. As you can see from the photo, searching through the Institute's archive section can be a daunting task at times. Heinrich had no time to spare to wave for the cameraman.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Dec 24, 2021 1:24 pm

ATTENTION STEWDENTS! Class assignment: Read and report on all titles in shelves 3-C, 2-D, and 8-Z. Reports due by Friday next. DISMISSED!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Dec 24, 2021 2:15 pm

"Locomotives spawn Loco Motives" can be found next to Dexter's Capillaries on isle XXIV. Chapter 7 is devoted to Darllworth "Casey Jones" Larkvonnet's preoccupation with Garbo. Beloved by the waifs licking sticky goo, he often sang Row Row Row Your Boat while steaming to the moss beds.
Casey.jpg
A tangled gown in the feed-water valve was his undoing. He was completely in a Dither.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Dec 24, 2021 2:42 pm

Excellent follow-up on Engineer Larkvonnet and the murple surple express. Thanks, Rich ! Heinrich just sent new information via paper airplane regarding products made by Moss, Cambric & Moss. It seems repeated applications of murple surple to the sides of the locomotive tender set up to a leather-like consistency which could be peeled off in large sheets at the end of the line after being submerged on the Galoppus Creek run. Weavers at M,C&M applied a backing of 4# cross-weave moss cloth. The material was mostly exported to France, where a fad of leather clothing was all the rage among early motorcyclists. The huge advantage over genuine leather ; the suits would stick to the road surface instantaneously, thus minimizing injuries to the rider from skidding on paved surfaces. Used suits made a tasty dessert when blended with marshmallow moo-say. The photo is from a 1905 issue of the French publication "Le Cycliste Tres Douce"
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Dec 25, 2021 5:58 pm

For sure! I remember Gamma saying what a great shim the Moss, Cambric & Moss catalog made for the old bathtub. Mayhaps some cross-weave moss in the pages.
mcmFoot.jpg
Those Glindengurg propulsocipedes used sintered bearings in the appleshaft. Little wonder?
nice looking lady too.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Dec 25, 2021 8:39 pm

Moss, Cambric &Moss were clever merchandisers. Their catalogue covers always featured well-known figures modeling their creations. Thing is, the celebrities were inferred as the models were simply chosen for their similarity to real persons of note. The catalogue department often hired Cwym Jones, an expatriate Welsh chimney sweep, trading on his resemblance to Kalamity Dick, who by this time had become very well-known in the Basin. KD was annoyed enough by these untoward liberties that on one occasion he accosted Limbert Cambric in Ernie's Saloon, and demanded satisfaction for the insult to his character. Challenged to go fifteen rounds of Two-man Indoor Squamish in Frizzle's Pool Hall the following evening, Cambric, ever the coward, failed to show. Theophilus Moss, his second, conceded, and the company destroyed the entire batch of 1909 spring catalogues. Readers may apprise this photo of Cwym Jones for themselves.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Dec 26, 2021 11:30 pm

Cwym's brother Cooter was the one who built the surple sheds
at the end of Funkbunkler St. Well, actually, it was all of the
Jones brothers. Even Cwym helped set scaffold and steam pipe.
This scene, taken from the Vestibule factory loading docks, shows
the sheds looming over the downward side ot town. Ernie's can
be seen behind the guy with the hat. This scene has hardly changed
in 120 years.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Dec 27, 2021 12:27 pm

"Hardly changed" at all except for the new Dollar Store. I bought several dollars when I was there last. Funkbunkler St. was originally named for Colonel Funkbunkler who led troops to victory during the Bromella Boot Rebellion. Many did not return. Later it was named for Skippy Funkbunkler. A bronze statue of the Lilacs is still standing in the square.
I often wondered what sort of accent he spoke with and where he got that moroccan shirt.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Dec 27, 2021 1:58 pm

Funkbunkler Street was made known to children all over the globe from the charming, and popular children's book titled, "I Thunk I Seen it on Funkbunkler Street" by Dr. Sucio. Alas, "Dr. Sucio" was the nom de plume of Tremonton Goozler, who has recently fallen into disrepute with right-thinking folks everywhere. It seems he used the alias "Dr. Sucio" for his contributions to Spanish-language issues of the publication "Playful Guy" (El Chamaco Jugueton), all of which were extremely obscene. "Dr. Sucio" translates as "Doctor Dirty". More's the pity, "funkbunkler" has become an expletive used with boring repetitiveness on most Netflix specials. I guess you can't stop progress !

Any road, you can certainly imagine why Basin citizens lovingly maintain the bronze lilac.I bought a couple of dollars once, they turned out to be line-o-type. I may have been cheated.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Dec 27, 2021 2:46 pm

The fumes from the lead pot on the Linotype machine made for editorial variety in old time newspapers.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Dec 27, 2021 8:56 pm

The making of new dollars required the use of vaporized funk, which was
achieved through Kalamity Dick's refined bunklerizing method. Even Institute
scholar Heinrich is baffled by how Kalamity Dick was able to pull this off, using
only unrefined surple and a tray of pelvic exam residue. But the result was
Funkbunkler fuming. The perfect salient for the new dollar making process.
Hair & Organs magazine hinted of it, but wartime restrictions during the Bromella
Boot Rebellion kept the working secrets from ever going to print. Alas, we have
our hair pie lattés, with funkbunkler fume swirls at every coffee stand across the
Basin today, but few know how it is made or what is in it.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Dec 28, 2021 4:04 pm

Chazberth and Herkvail successfully vaporated dollars to donuts using marginal fuming. Also offered at coffee stands when in season. Their notes also have gone missing but several photos survived between credenzas.
Vaporating.jpg
The "Cat in the Sombrero" out sold "Mickey's Broaching Praxis" that year. Little wonder.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Dec 29, 2021 9:54 am

Sombreros are the traditional headwear of native cat species across
the Tri-Burg region. Numerous early settler accounts mention this odd
sight. It is still common to see, even amongst domesticated house cats
all around the area. Kalamity Dick kept many cats around his places of
of work for mouse control. I am kind of surprised that no one has shown
a photo of the wide-brimmed hat wearing sleens lounging about the place.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Dec 29, 2021 10:09 am

It has been suggested that the cats cunningly adopted the headgear of the famous mouse bandit hero, "Speedy Gonzales" in order to attract wandering mice within striking range. Wandering mice, thinking they had encountered the notorious Speedy, the celebrated celebrity mouse, would approach to seek autographs, only to get a dreadul and sometimes fatal surprise when, to their surprise, a live, hungry cat would erupt from beneath the sombrero with weapons deployed. Surviving mice in the region formed a committee to circulate and dispatch a petition to Washington, but received no relief other than a form letter from a minor official thanking them for their support and suggesting that they turn down their thermostats.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Dec 29, 2021 11:15 am

Pat, truly it's a national disgrace how government in Washington has marginalized mice. I understand a senate sub-committee was formed in 1948 to look into this, but without any significant results for the rodent community.

I sincerely hope contributors to this forum can supply photographs of sleens in sombreros, so it is with reservations I apologize for digressing, but this item is just too interesting to pass by:

Here we have Judkins Larkvonnet operating his uni-tractor, which he developed from plans drafted by Kalamity Dick. Judkins' motive was to be able to traverse the massive moss acreages to regulate irrigation ditches without resorting to hip-waders. Larkvonnet soon discovered why K. D. never left the drawing board with the concept, but that's all water over the weary-rick. Judkins returned to his job of ditch rider for the Pythagorean Syndicate, and retired with full honors and a toilet-paper cluster in 1943.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Dec 29, 2021 2:02 pm

A lack of secure and stable cargo space probably doomed the Unitractor's commercial adoption. In later years, NASA expressed some interest in further developing the device for deployment as a Mars rover, but Elon wouldn't hear of it, and insisted that tunneling was the proper way to explore the Red Planet. His Self-driving Tunneling Machine has yet to advance beyond early, grant-funded development, in part due to objections put forward by the Mars For Martians Society, who have objected strongly to the tunneling idea, insisting that no on-the-record consultation with Martian landowners has been conducted, and therefore the idea must be laid aside pending proper legal arrangments and the development of appropriate cultural guidelines by experts. Jimmy Carter has offered to monitor and referee such consultations, should they occur, and extended a most cordial invitation to all parties to hold meetings at his Georgia estate.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Dec 29, 2021 7:17 pm

At 7 to 9 RPMs the churning action brought on severe spells of the heebie-jeebies leaving Judkins in a dither. KD suggested attaching a metronome to the aft rigger but by then they were out of stock.
Interesting how steering could be accomplished by leaning into the terns.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Dec 29, 2021 7:51 pm

It's a curious fact that many gulls and terns would settle on the moss fields. Judkins developed his steering technique by leaning into them. This made for rather erratic paths through the moss. The gulls objected to this sort of treatment but the terns stood it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Dec 29, 2021 8:45 pm

The hood-like structure within the machine's center and behind the operator was probably a prototype tern-collecting device. Experts have suggested as much, and have further suggested that the machine, once in motion, was intentionally leaned toward flocks of terns by the operator with the aim of veering among the birds and gathering some considerable number of them within the confines of the machine. There is a theory held by a small, but widley-respected school of aeronautical experts that, a sufficent number of terns having been collected, the machine ought to have been capable of becoming airborne. How the machine would have been controlled once in flight is not at all clear, but it has been pointed out that, given the demonstrated fact that one man can control 20 recalcitrant mules in a single hitch and apply them to the task of dragging a heavy freight wagon through hostile desert country, one sufficently skilled man ought to be able to control several times that number of mere birds, since birds are a good deal more inclined to fly than any number of mules are inclined to pull a wagon.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Dec 31, 2021 2:18 pm

Indeed, terns took their turns and the turns took their terns. KD had provided for possible air-born activity by adding a Hancock 3-stage governor in series with the windmill. "All work is done in a workman like manner" as the prospectus noted.
ternzz2.jpg
Ellis Van Bockell applauded the combination as revolutionary and groundbreaking.
The original certificate has been nearly rehabulated after the mustard spill.
The confraternity offers it's sinsere apologies.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Billy Vrana » Fri Dec 31, 2021 11:22 pm

Wasn't it Ellis Van D Bockell?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Jan 01, 2022 12:54 am

For those so inclined to history and celebrity trailings, Judkins Larkvonnet Jr.
took the stage name "Marty Feldman", having quite a career in film and comedy.
Kim Carnivore had a large hit with her song "Marty Feldman Eyes".

"All the boys think she's a guy, she's got Marty Feldman Eyes ..... "

I am sure you all sang along when it came on the radio. I know I did.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Jan 01, 2022 9:24 am

Well, when I was a kid you couldn't get nothing on the radio here (North Zulch) but Ernest Tubb. We was poor and never could afford enough peanut butter and saltine crackers to sing like Ernest did.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Jan 01, 2022 12:36 pm

Yes Billy, Ellis Van D Bockell. The D was silent. Thanks for pointing that out.
The Feldman name was well known throughout the Valley for it's connection with catching butterflies by moonlight. Some of them were referred to as "Bug Eyes".
I can't say enough about Ernest Tubb. WXYZ if I recall. His Mother and Heinrich's Grandmother were room mates at the sorority. I believed Zelda introduced Nadene to Grizzwald and the rest is history as they say.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sat Jan 01, 2022 1:51 pm

Ernest Tubb came from a large family many who are famous. I'm sure many of you know his parents Wash Tubb and Bath Tubb. He had a younger brother Rinse Tubb and a fat uncle known as Rub-A-Dub Tubb. His sister Galavinized Tubb was found to frequent hardware stores all around Chugwater.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Jan 01, 2022 2:29 pm

Chugwater was almost named "Tubwater", on account of the Tubbs
family. But consensus prevailed, and the pastime surrounding Ernie's
Saloon and Happy Sally won the day.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Jan 01, 2022 10:11 pm

It goes without saying that it's easier to toss the baby out with the Chugwater rather than the Tubwater.
Let's not forget the Tubbs Snowshoe. KD made his rounds near and far tinkering and repairing all manner of contrivances on his Tubbs shoes. (est. 1906)
Thousands of miles in the frigid winters without a blowout. The same was not true of the Raceabout when it became the quicker way to cut across the drifts. He became known as "Racket Track Kalamitboffer" in those days. He was right up there with Dirty Snowball Fitzgerald and Snowplow McDaniels.
Tubbs.jpg
Many a youngster would not go to sleep without a story about one of them.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Jan 02, 2022 9:44 am

Snowplow McDaniels was often mistaken for Kalamity Dick at a distance, as he also affected a top hat. That occurred most often on trails leading to Ernie's Saloon. Snowplow was a firm believer in ". . . takin' a wee dram o' nectar to ward off th' cold." as he liked to say. Most folks said he didn't look Irish, but Snowplow McDaniels never took offense. He always had a pocket full of sassafras cough-drops for the small children who followed him around.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Jan 02, 2022 7:32 pm

He wasn't alone. KD's heritage was often in question as he didn't look Kolmogorovian to many.
McDaniels.jpg
Aldo Van Pinksberg's sketch illustrates McDaniel's skill piloting the Husckavna Snowdozer. Following the direction of the cheroot smoke he could dowse his way safely around hidden obstacles. He seldom made an error except for that well known collision with the maritimus.
Surviving parts are under Funk and Wangle's storage cellar.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Jan 03, 2022 12:07 pm

Many who held terminal degrees in the sciences as well as prominent professional engineers outside the Tri-burgs dismissed or entirely overlooked KD's massive achievements as a polymath. Perhaps it was owing to regional bias, or the fact that he so often found inspiration in a remote environment and adopted simplistic observations by rustics like Cuthbert Maddox and the Larkvonnet family, to name a few. Early on, KD (who was allergic to equines) conceived the self-driving car by observing how convenient it was for Cuthbert to rely entirely upon the good judgment of his favorite saddle horse, Steamboat, to get him safely home after an evening of "socializing" at Ernie's Saloon. (see photo)

Utilizing the full gamut of higher mathematics and kolmogorovian equations, KD theorized on the problems of a self-driving car for many long months before coming to the conclusion that well-trained horses already provided for such necessity; he then turned his attention toward compounding allergy remedies. It remains to be seen whether those who are currently laboring to perfect a self-driving car will accomplish it. Practically none of them are kolmogorovians.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Jan 04, 2022 9:24 am

Cuthbert presented a similar pose in the winner's circle, after
winning the Chugwater Cup in 1921, 1928, and again in 1934.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Jan 04, 2022 11:35 pm

You made me think of this guy again:
Kid Sheleen.JPG

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jan 05, 2022 1:42 am

That certainly brings back memories. The "Mrs. Lilie Haultmeyer Dressmaking" poster was right out of Chugwater. Gloria Larkvonnet, Emilia Volkenpucker and her aunt Lemoneive all had clothes made by Lilie. Some of the finest moss-woven linens and brocades went into that exquisite apparel. Even royalty from Pathagonia crossed the sea to have habiliments from her emporium made.
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So who is the dude on the Palomino?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Wed Jan 05, 2022 7:34 am

So who is the dude on the Palomino?
I remember the movie "Catbaloo" staring Lee Marvin , it was funny. Made in 1965
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Jan 05, 2022 10:27 am

Palomino? Not a palomino, a grey. The rider in relaxed pose is none other than Kid Shelleen !! Oh, how we could go on about the wild adventures "The Kid", Kalamity Dick and "Mad Dog" Maddox lived in those early days when Slug Spadaford and his gang of cutthroats were terrorizing the Basin . . .

Interesting you should mention that latter-day movie, Perry. It was a total fabrication, slandering the memory of Kid Shelleen by portraying him as a helpless alcoholic. As for Catharine Ballou, she was Mrs. Haultmayer's apprentice. Once when Slug's desperadoes went thundering past the dress shop, she came out on the board walk as The Kid and his riders approached, and shouted "They went thataway !" And pointed down the road.

Here's a photo of Hyperion, Kid Shelleen's noble mount, pastured on Cuthbert's ranch.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jan 05, 2022 1:03 pm

I expected to get called on the palomino. I appreciate those fine animals from a distance and don't retain what I learn about them. Much like folks who aren't intimately familiar with the Gilderfluke or confabulator, I can't speak intelligently about them. Herb's bromine-anion print did capture the essence of a restful day on the backstreet.
The fictional version while glamourizing the inebriated glory of the gunslinger did stray from the hard working life of the real deal. One phrase that was retained word for word was the quote "...folks sayin' Hiya Kid, how ya doin' Kid, come on in and have a picture of milk and some gingerbread. Or come up on the poach and cool your heals a while, it's hot outside. Because nobody don't make no fun of a friend of Kid Shelleen's." How often had he said that.
And what friends he and Kalamity Dick were. Heated crochet matches at midnight, flexing tournaments down at the narrows and Old Maid in the back room at Ernie's will never be unappreciated.
A spectacular bouffant skirt gown made by Mrs. Haultmayer and Catharine is often modeled by Heinrich during the clown day fashion parade.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Jan 05, 2022 4:05 pm

Rich Eagle wrote:
Wed Jan 05, 2022 1:03 pm
". . . nobody don't make no fun of a friend of Kid Shelleen's."
How very true that was. Kid Shelleen was very well liked everywhere he went, and respected as well. The fact that he was lightening-quick with a six-gun, a deadly accurate marksman and had killed 37 men, one for each of his 21 years, was not a factor in his popularity. Folks loved him for his sunny disposition, generosity and winning ways. That no one made fun of his friends was especially important to Cuthbert, whose odd personality often made him the butt of many jokes in the Tri-burg region. As KD would often quip, "Do the math !"
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jan 05, 2022 6:15 pm

Reportedly Kid Shelleen was not only respected and admired but sought out for his interest in beekeeping and scarf scrubbing. Two hobbies he had in common with the infamous "Soda Pop Kid" shown here with Sanford Kettle just hours before he slipped and disappeared in the MUCK.
SallyPopp.jpg
The latter Kid had carved so many notches in his revolver grips that he could use them to comb his marmot's back fur.
After the gunfighting craze had wither into the past scarf scrubbing took over the main streets and great jollification was made until the Pythagoreans organized it.
Sanford Kettle, by the way, left a volume of unfinished chores with friends that were donated to the Institute but have not yet been sorted. It probably will come up at a Tuesday meeting.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Jan 05, 2022 9:23 pm

The Soda Pop Kid's real name was Dustbin Halflinger. His sobriquet was in jeopardy as hanging around with Sanford Kettle, he developed an enthusiastic liking for Happy Sally. Overindulgence may have contributed to his unfortunate slip into the muck. His marmot wasted away, partly from grief, partly from a lack of regular grooming. Sad.

The Pythagoreans had developed an item they called the "fun sponge". Somehow, it seemed to influence every event they organized or sponsored.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed Jan 05, 2022 11:49 pm

This one is titled 'Too much"

attachment=0]Too much.JPG[/attachment]
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Jan 06, 2022 1:25 am

Tree farkling remains a popular pastime all across the Tri-Burg region.
Father Cornswoggle took the oft-times looked-down-upon activity to one
of respect and aspiration. Since 1921, The Calhoun County team has
taken the State title eighty-seven times, in team and singles events.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Jan 07, 2022 4:35 pm

Tree farkling encountered an uphill battle in the early days. The Calhoun County Society of Upright Arborists labored long and hard to grow slender, tall trees entirely devoid of the sinuous curving branches that make tree farkling both challenging and pleasurable for participants and spectators alike. Photo shows CCSUA members patrolling an avenue of trees for errant branches.
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