OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Rich Bingham
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Jul 09, 2021 11:00 am

"Kid" Fiddlestein was a born performer. In his younger days he would ride a bass viol across the stage like a pogo stick to open the show while playing a few bars of "Stars and Stripes Forever" in pizzicato style. Referring to the instrument as his "Straddle-various", he gave over that performance after the end-pin got stuck in a knot-hole at the Medicine Bow Cauliflower Festival in 1908. After the hard winter of '09-'10 he was never without his trademark Fedora with attached ear-flaps, even in 90 degree summer heat. Kid gloves helped with the ruminations, but KD was allergic.
"Get a horse !"

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jul 14, 2021 3:30 pm

I couldn't even imagine such a thing but judging from the audience reaction and letters received it was quite a spectacle.
Kid.jpg
Rinkling Brothers tried it a couple years later with a Grizzly Bear and an Octobass at the Granit Falls Follies but the flatcar floor gave way. Several in the crowd had to have splinters removed and the Bear went on a rampage complaining of insurance issues.
I doubt that the Fiddlestein performance mentioned will ever be eclipsed.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Jul 14, 2021 6:48 pm

It's said that the goat could really make the cello bellow.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Jul 15, 2021 1:11 am

At the Tuesday meeting, Heinrich showed that last image around and
said this was the inspiration for Kalamity Dick .... remember Kalamity
Dick ? Yeah, this is a story about Kalamity Dick ! Anyway, this was
what inspired Kalamity Dick to invent the seahorse, which, of course,
has been the Chugwater mascot for over a century now.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Jul 15, 2021 9:37 pm

Try as they might KD's staff couldn't teach the seahorses to ride any stringed instrument.
SeeHorse.jpg
Chestnut managed to ride a didgeridoo a quarter of a mile but slipped out of the stirrups.
Cooked with chicory they tasted a bit like aardvark.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Jul 21, 2021 10:02 pm

Wallowing about in a sea of aardvark filth, Zeb Humptulips practiced his always moving
rendition of Stars and Stripes Forever on his slide keyboard, as Clyde Funkbueller pulled
the mobile stage along the chosen route. Townsfolk had warned the aardvarkers that
the tanks were too full, and leaking at the streptum joints. On the morning of 29 Sept.
1919, Tank 47 burst with a force that inundated the Molassas District, as tank after tank
emptied itself through the common drain system. It was a young Vinnie Tarwinkle that
discovered the filth made a delicious dessert topping, and reclamation efforts were
immediately put into action, before the Chugwater tide turned, saving much of the bonanza
from being swept away.

KDFordson1.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Jul 25, 2021 1:21 pm

cat lady.JPG
Found this morning.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Jul 25, 2021 4:04 pm

Why it's Felicia Pantera Catamount, Kalamity Dick's second cousin once removed on his mother's side !

The relationship is rather tenuous, as it goes something like this:
When Felicia's father, Leo Catamount was a young man, he married a widow with a grownup daughter. His widowed father Abner Catamount fell in love with the young lady and married her. In so doing, Leo's stepdaughter became his mother, as she was his father's wife. This also made Abner Leo's son-in-law. Soon, Leo and his wife had a baby girl (who was Felicia). That little baby then became a sister to Abner's wife. She was also was Abner's sister-in-law, and thus, Leo's aunt as well. Then Abner and his young wife had a son and he was Leo's grandchild, as he was his daughter's son. That made Leo's wife his mother's mother, so then Leo was also her grandson. As the husband of his grandmother, he was his own grandpa.

The Catamounts were always noteworthy for being do-it-yourselfers. It's interesting to note that Kalamity Dick was the only one who could keep these relationships straight, but only after a shot or two of Happy Sally and a good night's rest.

Felicia was famous for her perspicacity, and was universally known in the community as "The Sane Cat Lady".
"Get a horse !"

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Jul 25, 2021 6:05 pm

Kalamity Dick referred to that as the Catamount Theory of Relativity. Leo's twin cousin, Valdo, had an electric cat named Ampere.
Valdo.jpg
Careful breeding of various capacitors from the helix mill and parts from an old Stewart Dynamo yielded a facsimile that got along with Felicia's clowder quite well. Sadly, milk tended to interfere with the magnetic flux so the wires were kept short in an effort to keep her from the bowl. Ampere also developed leaking streptum joints and the veterinarian said it was beyond his pay grade.
I recall that Vinnie Tarwinkle had written a sonnet about that too.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jul 25, 2021 7:51 pm

KDshoveling.jpg
KDshoveling.jpg (69.5 KiB) Viewed 20949 times

When the milk came in contact with the aardvark filth, a coagulation
was had, that allowed the Pythagorians to collect it for the Pesculation
Process. Kalamity Dick worked tirelessly through the Nutmeg Incident
period to secure the traversing rods, in order to get a good bond and ensure
spark at the amptrodes. Once made functional, he noticed the pescules
in the bottom of the bowl, and hence the process was thusly named. The
Pythagorians favored the idea and perfected it even further, to a point that
they could produce a sleen (cat) for every 20 minutes of broadcast on the
main channels.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Jul 26, 2021 7:07 pm

I'm glad that was mentioned. Bartholomew reminded me of this photo of one of the secondairy channels.
Channel.jpg
Ultimately the coagulation was controlled to 35 cubic myths with a medium fit. Again, Vinnie Tarwinkle was partially responsible.
Were it not for Felicia's sister-in-law lending her transom oil, it may never have happened.
Rich
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Jul 27, 2021 10:57 am

Careful viewers will note the hovering pump at left. Was this
the result of Felicia's sister-in-law lending her transom oil ?
Transoms were much more common at the time, and keeping
them oiled, important. Hence the high demand.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jul 28, 2021 6:06 pm

If memory serves the redeeming quality of the hovering pump is the coagulating gyrator. This is where the transom oil does it's thaumaturgy.
coagulator.jpg
Note the #3 ogee curve on the left spazm lever. This allows the filker to bleed the oil into the inseam chambers before friction can do any harm. I believe there is a chapter about it in "Learned Pigs and Fireproof Women".
Sebastian has Friday off.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Jul 29, 2021 9:12 am

Not a few common ruffians and aimless street urchins went on to become successful Goldbergian engineers after getting their start as oilers assigned to serve the local Coagulating Gyrator. Some of the less ambitious gyrator oilers went on to make names for themselves as contortionists in various traveling carnival shows. A few, unable to stand up to the demanding work and the frequent lashings doled out by grizzled old shop foremen, took to drink and fell into the dark and violent world of politcs.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Jul 29, 2021 9:17 am

Note that the opposed sparking plugs on the combustion de-fribrillators have no high-tension leads. KD was able to apply Tesla's principles of wireless energy transmission to provide exactly 9,408 volts at 16 ohms resistance at spasmodic intervals. The idea came to him after he observed Finster Worschlagle short out a six volt battery with a monkey wrench. The resulting hydrogen explosion sent him airborne into the telegraph wires overhead.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Thu Jul 29, 2021 11:19 am

THANKS for posting a photo of the "coagulating gyrator" I've been wondering what that item was that has been sitting in the corner of my shop for the past 120 years! I at first thought that it was a Farnsbarkle Motor but your photo provided me with the proper ID. This forum is a great help.
1922 Coupe & 1927 Touring


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Jul 29, 2021 11:24 am

Photo taken from Cyrus Buckwhumper's work album, showing a typical junction
pole for the Calhoun County Telephone Co.. This one was located on the Upper Terrace,
just down the road a patch from Slimey McWoozle's place. Buckwhumper hired
on with C. C. Tel. Co. in 1902, and in his journals he noted several instances of
former oilers falling into the dark and violent world of politics. Also several
mentions of fishing bodies out of their wiry entanglements, after explosions sent
them skyward.

Although no mention was made of it, C.C. Tel. Co. used hovering pumps as
winches to tension the lines and to twist the oil out of the sponge poles. Like
wringing out a washcloth, except when held in place, the sponges hardened into
poles, as seen here. The sponges were, of course, harvested from the moss beds
on upper Chugwater Lake, and we all know that story.

crazydistroring.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Jul 29, 2021 2:18 pm

Rare photo... an early rotary-type party line multiplexer... very clever devices which allowed a 7% reduction in the number of lines needed, but they were subject to phase shift errors, which caused considerable confusion and doomed a few marriages when random portions of certain conversations were mis-routed...


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Jul 30, 2021 1:51 am

Kalamity Dick referred to this as the "flexer-plexer", on account of the
twisted pole technology.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 02, 2021 4:34 pm

It reminds me of the telephone pole out behind Ernie's.
ErniPole.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Aug 02, 2021 5:46 pm

To the right sits a despondent Buddy Ebsen, the morning after he was fired from the traveling tent circus for appearing in costume, but without the requisite red rubber nose.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Aug 02, 2021 6:07 pm

Electric cats had a brief vogue, but they began to fall out of favor during the war years. Owing to a general shortage of dry powdered milk due to most powdered milk being diverted "Over There" to support the troops, many persons attempted to feed their electric cats whole milk, which resulted in some nasty shocks as the over-hydrated cats would sometimes discharge upon coming into casual contact with a person or another pet. Besides the nuisance of having to recharge the cats, many people found the risk of being shocked to be more than they cared to put up with. As families began to acquire radio sets, the interference emitted by the cats precipitated a further decline in their popularity, and now only a very few remain. Recent attempts to promote the cats as mobil device chargers have not been successful.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Aug 03, 2021 1:23 am

Unrelated to the Kalamity Dick story, other than this electric cat sideline,
the wife and I opted for solar powered cats this last time around. Apparently,
all the earlier bugs have been worked out. Here we see one at the recharging
station.

DSC05588.JPG
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Aug 09, 2021 8:28 pm

Modern solar cats are quite safe and very economical to maintain. Internal software makes them self-charging under most conditions and voltage and current levels are maintained at safe levels. While it is still possible to receive a startling shock by coming into contact with a solar cat, there is no danger. However, extremly sensitive electronic circuitry should not be kept near a solar cat unless it is in an anti-static bag or other protective device, since numerically high potential can develop with solar cats, or any cat, in very dry weather.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Aug 10, 2021 1:26 am

Kalamity Dick worked well in dry weather, but preferred the wet bar.
In later years, he developed a working perpetual motion machine that
placed a static cat on an armature shaft, with a slice of buttered bread
affixed to the cat's back, butter facing away. The assembly was them
placed over an expensive rug or carpet, and nature did the rest. Where
the operation failed, was in the short life expectancy of the buttered
bread at higher RPM's. In frustration after many tries, Cuthbert happened
by, and the two went to Ernie's to kick around a solution that never came.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Aug 10, 2021 8:39 am

If those two had been able to obtain Naugahyde, we'd all have self-charging electric cars by now.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Aug 11, 2021 4:09 pm

Philbert Larkvonnet, at left, had the best solution to the rotation dilemma. Magnetizing a horseshoe and dipping it in tabasco sauce removed enough static from the cat to allow a slight gyroscopic effect in the core of the armature. Changing the poles from plus to minus and from minus to plus counteracted the shorter expectancy.
Philbert.jpg
You may recall it was Philbert who went on to managing the custard at the Helix Mill.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Aug 12, 2021 10:27 am

I had heard that same explanation, except that vanadium sauce
was used for the static reduction dipping.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Aug 12, 2021 11:14 am

Cuthbert had a grey gelding named "Lobo" who could walk along atop a single railroad rail. Shoes made the footing slippery and precarious, however. Now a trunk line of the Denver, Chugwater & Saddlestring RR ran on a trestle bridge that spanned the ravine over Mudge Creek between Medicine Bow and the skunk works at Farkle's Mill. Crossing the trestle was a shortcut that could save Cuthbert an hour and a half on his trips into town, so he hit on the idea of magnetizing Lobo's shoes in order to make a safe crossing on the railroad trestle.

On his first trial of the magnetic horse shoes, when Cuthbert arrived at Ernie's patrons were astounded to watch all the spittoons at the bar slide across the saloon floor and out the front door to the hitching rail where Lobo was tied. Philbert, who was tending bar at the time, quickly apprehended that somehow Cuthbert had magnetized Lobo's shoes. His nimble brain awakened immediately to the possible importance of magnetic Tabasco in solving the static cat dilemma. Of course the rest is history. For those interested, the most amusing account can be found in the book "Fifty Miles From Chugwater; One Mile From Hell" by Philbert's grandniece, Aspidistra Larkvonnet (Helprin-Muffin, 1948).
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Aug 12, 2021 2:45 pm

Amazing!!! The word is that the fishing off that trestle bridge is fantastic. My uncle caught a 32 bl. Pendleton one time from there. Don't let the word get out.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Aug 13, 2021 3:12 pm

Heinrich showed this photo around at the Tuesday night meeting
some time back. It captures the lunch trolley en route to Ernie's.
This raises the question, why did Cuthbert not just load the grey
gelding on the trolley, and skip all the magnetized shoes and trestle
walking nonsense ?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Aug 13, 2021 4:40 pm

Must not be fishing season either... or they used all the water to make Happy Sally
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Aug 13, 2021 11:17 pm

Burger in Spokane wrote:
Fri Aug 13, 2021 3:12 pm
. . . why did Cuthbert not just load the grey
gelding on the trolley, and skip all the magnetized shoes and trestle
walking nonsense ?
Why, you ask ? For one, the Tri-burg Inter-urban Trolley & Railway had strict rules prohibiting pets that could not be carried on a patron's lap. The grey was willing, but Cuthbert wasn't up to supporting a half-ton of horse on his knees. Also, the trolley schedule did not accommodate Cuthbert's habit of arriving at Ernie's shortly after sunup, and returning home long after the saloon closed on the semi-monthly occasions when he would meet KD and other friends to socialize. Finally, it's an established fact that Cuthbert was all about nonsense, perhaps even more so than most of the habitués who frequented Ernie's Saloon.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Aug 14, 2021 1:12 am

Not much has been mentioned about the Nonsense Mine, located high
on the southern flank of Mount Stinkmore. I recall Heinrich mentioning
that Cuthbert's Uncle Dude discovered the prospect before Cuthbert's time,
selling a half interest in the mine to New York mushroom moss investors to
develop the property. The narrow gauge railway going up Stinkmore Gulch
ties in with the Chugwater & Northern at Humptulips Junction, and terminates
at Puzzle, where the tramway brings "buckets" of nonsense ore down to the
loading bins. Uncle Dude originally milled the ore in his kitchen, but as volumes
rose, the Humptulips Mill was built there at Humptulips Jct. Nonsense Industries
run the operation today. But, you all know that.

Uncle Dude with Clyde Funkbunkler and Wormy Schtüle taking a photo break
at the new Humptulips Mill.
Dad@Como.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Aug 14, 2021 9:24 am

These days, government agencies now absorb most of the mine's output, with any residue being exported to Western Europe.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Aug 14, 2021 9:40 pm

Few industries are as immune to outside influences as nonsense. The
demand far outstrips supply for the really high grade stuff. Kalamity
Dick admitted with some embarrassment, that he pioneered a cheap substitute
in the 1920's, feeding low grade nonsense ore to bulls and collecting the
results. He said it was a good idea, in principle. But how it was used became
problematic, from a moral and ethical standpoint. Disirregardlessly, it remains
in high demand, and Nonsense Industries sees no end to their prosperity there
in the Tri-Burg area.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Aug 15, 2021 5:54 pm

KD tried substituting malarkey fibers for the nonsense ore in small portions. Powdered buffoonery kept the friction down but the bulls still balked at it. Cuthbert to the rescue with gramophone and a waltz by Dude Fitzllewitz. It passed as Nonsense if not gold and myrrh.
Regular celebrations were held in that light until the price of Happy Sally increased.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Aug 19, 2021 5:17 pm

Apparently Wormy Schtüle was on the Tri-burg Advisory Council when the Chugwater & Northern establish Humptulips Junction as a non-ferrous refuge.
DaCounsel.jpg
This daguerreotype was executed during the Conestoga dedate.
Neither Kalamity Dick or Cuthbert could attend due to quavers.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Aug 20, 2021 1:05 am

According to the catalogue, Wormy offered advice in a 3-tier program.
The Deluxe package was said to be pretty sketchy, with vagueries that
might lead the user to ruin. On the flip side, Carl Casual took it, and
combined with the complimentary vanadium salts, took 3rd prize at the
1927 event, sponsored by Hair and Organs Magazine.

The Silver package included off-key bagpipe scraping noises and dancing
girls, as well as a 12" tube.

Few had the resources to get the Blue Ribbon package, but it was an
American dream, ... included Indians too.

The Tri-Burg Advisory Council position allowed Wormy to show off his
amazing skills to the public in a pro bono manner, which went a long way
toward building his reputation as a civic minded orator. The faded sign
still stands outside Saddlestring that reads "Schtüle Samples - 25¢".

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Aug 21, 2021 8:07 pm

And tiers of joy they were. KD always preferred the Blue Ribbon package. He took part as best he could in the ceremonial dances. The old injury received at the nutmeg incident gave him some fault but never deturd him.
Package.jpg
The vanadium lint left on the floors was quickly gleaned for not only it's sealing properties but as a stimulant during razzle-dazzle and phonetic pirouette. Locals from the west side found it particularly delightful on Wednesday evenings.
You know how they are. :roll:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Aug 21, 2021 8:11 pm

Everyone knows how they are ! And speaking of ....

Funny how words and meanings change over the years. Wormy was
a trained confectioner from the old country. He did a fairly steady at-
home business for many years, selling handcrafted chocolate and mushroom
candies. His Schtüle Sampler was very popular at holidays, especially
Mother's Day, St. Valentine's Day, and St. Swithen's Day. Today, the name
alone would raise an eyebrow, for sure.

And to think, he did this all while working his day job at the Humptulips
Mill and running the advice business !
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 23, 2021 2:34 pm

Working from home between his other jobs allowed him to feed and water the Bandersnatch as well as prune the Tumtum tree.
Wormy.jpg
The Schtüle Sampler was a favorite of both Faustina Haight and Genevieve Van Vleck. Many were shipped to Tokelau.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Aug 23, 2021 3:06 pm

Some said Wormy's work frock was bit too effeminate, but the fact is, work frock aside, he feared no man, being a master of several Eastern martial disciplines as well as being a chocolatier of rare skill. Such was his confidence that he proudly displayed his life savings in gold bullion in front of the display cases. No ruffian dared touch it!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 24, 2021 10:55 am

The story comes to mind of the Fuller brushman who asked him if he was the "Lady of the House". Wasn't it the Mill street clinic they took him to?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Aug 24, 2021 12:34 pm

It's said that he was left in bad shape by Wormy's "correction", and once the dust had settled, he was gathered up, more or less, and put into a large wicker basket, which was dispatched to the dispensary via a passing wagon, but wound up by mistake at the old Chinese laundry, owing perhaps to the severe "impairment" of the wagon driver, a known Bacchanalian. After a good hot lye soap wash and line dry, nothing was left but his clothing, shoes, pocket watch, and two gold teeth, which were sold off along with his stock of assorted household sundries to defray the expense of a decent burial. Exactly what was buried, and where, is not clear.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 24, 2021 2:32 pm

Very true. The pocket watch is on display currently at the Institute. In all fairness to the impaired Bacchanalian, many drivers made the same mistake as the Dispensary was somewhat obscure to find. And many drivers were impaired.
Dispensary.jpg
Happy Sally was often the excuse.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue Aug 24, 2021 3:33 pm

The local newspaper "The Tri-Burg Gazette" did run a story about the tragic incident when the Fuller brushman's family filed a law suit against the Bacchanalian driver and Wormy to collect for the expenses billed to them by the old Chinese laundry for services rendered and to cover the cost of the wicker basket as well as the cleaning cost of all the settled dust. It was reported that the family was offered a lifetime supply of chocolate and mushroom confections from Wormy and free laundry service for a year but the family was holding out for a stake in the alphabet mine and a case of Happy Sally.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Aug 24, 2021 4:28 pm

How did Ernie do during Prohibition?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Aug 24, 2021 4:29 pm

Did the town even pay attention to it?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 24, 2021 6:10 pm

Ernie sailed through Prohibition much like the Bacchanalian driver and Wormy came through the law suits and rig-a-ma-roll. It all came out in the wash.
Fuller hired two of Wing Hop's sons to sell brushes, the dispensary bought a bigger sign and Tri-Burg Gazette building added 3 new cloakrooms.
Disp2.jpg
The fact that Ernie's at that time was located behind the Dispensary made it difficult for the Feds to find. Kalamity Dick had a lot of influence as his Stringhorse Confabulator was essential for the bureau's fight against the mafioso, family, crime syndicate or as some called it "the Cocoa Sinatra". In addition, Happy Sally was bottled under the name "Loopy Stella" and as a raspberry lemonade. Other influences such as fear of the Spadaford gang, the foul smell from the Helix Mill and the spread of clevis fever were enough excuses for the long arm of the law to stay tucked inside it's nondiscriminatory sleeve. Dick did develop a fear of those Chevrolet four-door sedans though. Bad dreams of the signs falling from them and of coarse those red fan belts.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Aug 28, 2021 10:06 pm

Customers were attracted to the laundry by both the excellent service and by the novel front step, which was sculpted entirely of cheesecake. The infamous wicker basket along with a certain pocket watch remained on display for many years, perhaps as a subtle warning to any who might consider offering offense to Wormy.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Sep 01, 2021 11:11 am

A photo posted in "This Was Trucking" deserves some scholarly discussion here, where detailed facts will be appreciated:

I regret not having the ability to reproduce the image of Geo. Muehlebach's beer truck. In the other thread, Rich E. correctly assumed the load was very likely destined for Ernie's Saloon in Medicine Bow. Mr. Muehlebach began his career early in the pioneer era, hauling beer by the keg into the Tri-burgs. Before roads, all freight and goods were packed in by mule train. George became famous in the basin for his pack strings of twenty or more animals, each packing two small kegs of high quality brew*. This earned him the sobriquet "Mule-back Jack", a corruption of his surname which he vehemently detested.

George never failed to insist upon the correct spelling of his name, as well as its proper Teutonic pronunciation. He became fast friends with both KD and Cuthbert, partly because they were among very few who could actually manage a reasonable approximation of the accent. (Cuthbert only after three mugs of beer, and a plug of tobacco in his cheek.)

*Interestingly, this gave rise to the term "pony keg".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Wed Sep 01, 2021 11:44 am

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Sep 01, 2021 1:17 pm

Thanks, Rich !! (makes me thirsty ! :lol: )
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Sep 01, 2021 2:05 pm

The crew must have consumed half the stock on board the truck before attempting to descend a long steep grade....

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 01, 2021 3:49 pm

And it was a long way down. Geo. used a number of fine horse drawn and self-propelled conveyances to deliver his liquid refreshments. Electric and steam were put to work as well as the foul smelling and obnoxiously loud gas and oil burning conglomerations.
MueErn.jpg
Seen here guarding the allocation of premium ale is Klambarth Wickenschtyle. Originally born a hybrid amalgam half wizard half brewwhiz he often accompanied the haulage from hither to yon. Long before Kalamity Dick's invention of the Bakelite "Pocket Protector" his coveralls required frequent laundering around the pocket area.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 01, 2021 4:32 pm

Then again, Gilbert "Snagletooth" Larkvonnett drove this White Model 20 intermittently for Muehlebach, Spadaford Custards, and the Helix mill.
MueWht.jpg
His skills negotiating the Devils Tower dugway and the Aladdin Coal Tipple bypass were documented in "Lorries on unassailable Drumlins".
Gilbert graduated two years after KD and his Cousin Maryspank dated Cuthbert during the Nutmeg altercation. No animals were harmed at that time.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Sep 01, 2021 4:59 pm

A side note, KD's bakelite pocket protectors were popular with the workers in the alphabet mines, as their sturdy construction prevented the inadvertent crushing of the canaries miners took with them to signal deadly foul air in the deeper shafts. An adit which followed a rich vein of amalgamated BRRPT ore was particularly hazardous.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 01, 2021 5:24 pm

Undeniably BRRPT was particularly hazardous. Philibert Klascksworth suffered from it's effects even while he drove for Muehlebach during the interim.
Muexxx.jpg
"Mule-back Jack" was generous in giving him treats after the benediction for his suffering. Jack's wife, Milrdemtnt, snag the third and fourth verses before the festivities at the Regatta that same year.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Sep 02, 2021 4:03 pm

Actually, there was a short time during prohibation when the brew was in short supply. Shorty Clemhassler was able to make short trips with a limited load and seldom detected by the authoraties.
Shorty.jpg
The semi-electric vacuum drive juggernaut was all but silent save for the click clock of the natter cogs and occasional fizz-splat from the accumulator. KD was able to muffle some of that with filster wadding from Cuthbert's wellington. Thus the limp later in life.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Sep 03, 2021 10:13 am

The heavy walled kegs suggest Shorty was hauling aardvark powder
on this run. Which, of course, dates the photo to the "Struggles" between
the Caspalonians and the Pythagorians. Much was said about that at
the time.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Sep 03, 2021 10:49 am

Shorty's "Juggernaut" was a remarkable conveyance produced by the Steel Elephant Tractor Co. of Silver Plume. Their "Earthworm Series 50" was popular with Basin mushroom ranchers after accumulator noise was effectively eliminated in the improved model. Absolute silence was necessary in cultivating top-quality mushrooms.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Sep 03, 2021 3:56 pm

A collect call form Marcell prompted me to explain the vacuum drive. Rather than answer the phone, I rexplain it here so the guys down to the neon shop can fully understand it too. By using Kirby & Hoover pumps the flow was redistributed to the vexxing convolutor. Varnickle garofalo adheres well to the coils and helps quiet the pressure pulses thus less disturbance to the mushrooms themselves.
SortyChss.jpg
Shorty was ever involved with the design per se but kept the strudel warm throughout the testing phases.
I suspect more information will come available as it comes available.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Sep 03, 2021 4:44 pm

The big drawback to using the Kirby & Hoover pumps was that you could only drive about 25 feet at a time before you had to move the electric cord to another outlet. Doing so required the hiring another person to run along beside the truck to keep changing the electric cord to the other outlet which added employee costs. But they were however compensated with an addition bottle of Happy Sally. I assume the guys at the neon shop are bright enough to understand the total operating concept.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Sep 03, 2021 6:32 pm

These stubby, pugnacious-looking vehicles look rather awkward to us today, but they served their purpose as well as could be expected in the years prior to the repeal of the onerous Wheelbase Tax, which tax was promoted as a way to pay for wider narrow bridges and padded chair rails in public buildings. In fact, the tax was widely circumvented and served only to shorten turning circles while very nearly ruining the hobbyhorse industry. Following the hard-won repeal, many of the curious vehicles were repurposed as rolling bandstands for small high school marching bands. Festooned with colorful bunting, they pitched and rocked their way down the rutted main streets of that era before eventually giving way to sleeker, more powerful motorized utility and special purpose vehicles, notably the famed Weinermobile and the less well known but equally notable MoxieMobile.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Sep 03, 2021 6:42 pm

"The big drawback to using the Kirby & Hoover pumps was that you could only drive about 25 feet at a time before you had to move the electric cord to another outlet" ..... Resourceful truant officers would sometimes lease out errant schoolboys to draymen to serve as cord jockeys to keep the refreshments moving in a timely manner. A clever boy could make light work of this job by stepping lively and employing skilfull cord-wrangling. Some suggest that Will Rogers got his start as an impressed cord jockey, but the record is silent on the question.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Sep 04, 2021 11:52 am

Notes from last Tuesday's meeting confirm that the silence of the
records was a direct result of adherance to the Mushroom Code, that
required silence for best mushroom growing operations. Growers also
used it as another way to get around the wheelbase tax.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Sep 05, 2021 2:24 pm

The remembrances of moving extension cables are overblown. Shorty after the initial design, a third pump was added. It ran a dynamo which supplied current to the other two pumps. Once started the power was self sustaining. The boots on the cobblestone was disturbing the essential silence noted above.
Kirby & Hoover went on to produce cough drops and ice cream parlors in The Outer Uplands and beyond.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Sep 05, 2021 4:55 pm

An obvious coverup by the usual suspects! Adding the third pump clearly made the system a perpetual motion machine. No doubt the Standard Oil mob moved quickly to suppress it and buy up and conceal all the hardware, and likely circulated the cord story to muddle the record. Attempts to un-muddle early records have not met with wide success. An Edison connection was rumored, but never confirmed. A couple of expeditions to the far North Woods in search of SOCONY's secret bunkers failed to return to civilization, and no trace of the expeditioneers or any of their equipment have ever come to light. Later attempts to discover the whereabouts of the celebrated Dr. Pogue have likewise ended in mystery.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Sep 05, 2021 6:38 pm

The Radio Mystery Theater tried to explain some of those enigmas This radiofacsimile was purported to be the oft vanishing Dr. Pogue. Since the discontinuation of said program, the images themselves have nearly all faded from view.
Pogue.jpg
You may remember it was Edison that developed the stationery worbbly stand for the gilderfluke kafonopth strangler.
The far North Woods were filed with ostrich burrows.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Sep 05, 2021 7:10 pm

Dr. Pogge briefly surfaced in Blackfoot, Idaho before the turn of the century in the guise of an entrepreneur who established an unusually short-lived electroplating concern. Apparently obsessed with developing a "blue chrome" decorative finish, an unusually lengthy run of heavily overcast weather brought on a nervous breakdown. The Doctor disappeared shortly thereafter. Reports filtered back that he was seen wandering in the Veedawoo, although neither KD nor Cuthbert ever mentioned seeing him there.
Perhaps I have the spelling wrong ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Sep 05, 2021 9:03 pm

Mild-mannered Clark Kent's development of the Torch-O-Phone loudspeaker with dragon accessory tweeter was nearing marketability when the advent of television eroded the market for large console radios. It could recreate the thunder of a full symphony orchestra to the last detail while consuming only about a pint of ordinary kerosene per hour. Reports indicate that it was also capable of flawless reproduction of the popular "Hot Jazz" that dominated the airwaves and juke boxes prior to the Arthur Godfrey takover of popular entertainment. Kent was reduced to voicing "Robby The Robot" by the mid 1950s merely to hold on to a cold water flat in the Bronx. Late in his life, he told an interviewer that he, "Never liked canned beans, and the transistor is the work of the devil himself, and you can tell Chatty Cathy I said so!"


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Sep 05, 2021 10:37 pm

The Celebrated Dr. Pogue was none too fond of canned beans either.
Certainly not enough to celebrate them. Stories to that end were
reported in both Hair & Organs Magazine and Varicose & Whitney's
Journal. The 3-pump vacuum drive concept was adapted directly
from the veedawoo tour buses. After the conversion, locals found
the electrical outlets, spaced at every 25 feet along the roads, to be
very convenient for cleaning up the sunshine on the sidewalks. Even
the Celebrated Dr. Pogue approved.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Sep 06, 2021 9:26 am

Toscanini was known to relish a steaming plate of stewed prunes garnished with canned lima beans and batter-fried, julienned egglant. For some reason, the dish never caught on with the public, whose love affair with Hammond Eggs continues depsite the heroic work of Kellog and Post, and regardless of the exposure of "Dr. Hammond" as a fake and a fraud back in '21. It seems Hammond was actually a chicken farmer out of Dyess, Arkansas. Disgraced and sued into bankruptcy, he was banned from both the Red and the Blue networks, and ended up as a dishwasher at the Y Not Eat, a rather shabby eatery along one of the less scenic stretches of U.S. 66 in Arizona frequented by truckers, common ruffians, and assorted drummers.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Sep 06, 2021 10:33 am

Are we to assume that you are suggesting the Celebrated Dr. Pogue's
first name was "Toscanini" ? If so, I never knew. He did have a habit
of wearing a Tosca belt whenever in public. Most photos show him with
one, and matching reverberator. Made him popular with the ladies,
especially up around Saddlestring.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Sep 06, 2021 4:24 pm

It was Earl Q Pogge on South 800 West, Rich. Later continuing with the Veedawoo Evacuation Syndicate. Cuthbert mentioned it in the diary he lost crossing Alces Creek. Water under the bridge and he soon forgot but the evidence was translated after being discovered by Junior Forest Wardens fishing for escudos. Transcbibed copies on their way to the Institute attn: Sebastian.
Arthur Godfrey, not to be confused by the legendairy Godfrey Daniels who made famous the Dangnabbit and the Jeeper's Creeper. Sold simultaneously at Pigmy Wigmy and Varicose & Whitney's were the hottest sellers in West Pammely until the hoola hoop.
Toscanini was slang for canini on the trampoline and often said in a quiet voice as not to wake the vorpal cubs.
The Tuesday meeting is postponed till tomorrow.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Sep 06, 2021 6:36 pm

Wakeful small children were sometimes urged to bed by being told the Toscanini would catch them and carry them away into the night if they didn't. That usually got results, and if not, a child might be told that the Muskegon was at the doorstep and asking for him. The Muskegon was described as a perfect horror, carnivorous, of course, and more hideous than Dorian Gray at his worst. Big Night light may very well have been behind these legendary bugaboos.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Sep 07, 2021 1:12 pm

Heinrich just released this:

The Celebrated Doctor Toscanini Gumbert Pogue, born 12 March, 1890
to Worley Ziptie Pogue and Fifi Zufran Pogue (nee Schnortborgler), in
Silver Plume.

Attended Funkbunkler Academy to the age of 12, then advanced to the
Chugwater Trade School, where he got his degree in wire canoe weaving.

Disillusioned by politics and underworld syndicate involvement within the
wire canoe crafting trade, Pogue applied for, and was accepted to the
Humptulips Junction Medical Academy, where he graduated Magnesium
cum Lawn in 1918.

Heinrich states that he will release more on this, as time allows.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Sep 07, 2021 3:01 pm

The wire canoe's principle virtue was that it was self-bailing. Pogue had one or two prototypes, and at least one was briefly on public display. As many as 4 or five vessels were completed. Scoffers were quick to gather and point out that the vessels would surely leak, to which Pogue replied, "Well, I guess so, and the water will leak right back out the same way it gets in! No more nasty bilge water! Few were convinced, and those few were soon disillusioned, though Pogue's specific claims were unassailable. No repeat sales were ever realized.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Sep 07, 2021 4:16 pm

Pogue was never in it for the money. He was an artist at heart, and the wire
craft was what he was all about. The prototypes were, in fact, to help offset
costs with some sales. But his passion was the craft of building and racing the
canoes he made, both above and below the surface. The lake bottom track at
Lake Chugwater has the big statue in the pits, in his dedication.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Sep 07, 2021 6:42 pm

A four man wire canoe with quadruple oarlocks might prove useful for scraping away pesky zebra mussel deposits, if four pearl divers could be found who were willing to crew it.....

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Wed Sep 08, 2021 4:25 pm

Never knew the Hon. doctor Pogue was the inventor of bailing wire, you learn something every other day, today was one of em
When in trouble, do not fear, blame the second engineer ! 8-)
Leo van Stirum, Netherlands
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 08, 2021 6:05 pm

There were those detractors that had called Kalamity Dick an Oarlock. Perhaps a sorcerer of industry or a wizard of mechanical design, yes, even a diviner of contraptions but never an occultist or Oarlock. Such allegations were the result of envy or jealousy from those less intuitive or creative. The green-eyed monsters from across the velodrome perhaps. Cuthbert swore to track down those allegators and horsewhip them within an inch of their scaffolds but Dick just laughed and said "Don't bother". He couldn't waste his concentrations on gossip or scandalmong.
"We are but what we do or what it looks like we did or even seems we have done. That is what the real patrons will remember of us."
Then he blue out the lantern and fell asleep.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Sep 09, 2021 9:26 am

Around the Tri-Burg area, the word did not have the meaning that
it did in other areas. Duty and Honor were a big deal to Calhoun
Countians, and oars simply did not need to be locked in place to
be secure.The Cornwall project was 16 years in completing, and
nary an oar was every reported misplaced or missing. It was a different
story, down where all the onions are grown.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Sep 09, 2021 10:58 am

Oarlocks can certainly present a hazard to pantaloons, but they are far more benign than an infestation of Morlocks, who burrow deep into the soil where they set up huge kitchens wherein they stew pale Britons lured down from above by elevator music, and serve them cafeteria-style. Unfortunately, patrons who dine in must endure that same elevator music.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Sep 09, 2021 1:30 pm

Yes, the music was somewhat irritating but the frog chowder and gnocchi were to die for.
Mkitchin.jpg
On a good night Arlo, the taller attendant, could be coaxed to sing and overpower the melody. "Crossroads Blues" was a favorite while "Honeysuckle Rose" was pleasant even if off key.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Sep 13, 2021 12:30 am

That photo reminds me of the LaFleur sisters, that lived in that 50's
housing development down the hill below Mrs. Miller's farm. Wanda
was always a big Rabon fan, and an avid study of the Nutmeg Incident
years. If memory serves, she is Heinrich's Aunt, twice removed, on his
sister's side. Her grandfather was none other than the Celebrated Dr. Pogue.
The LaFleur sisters were expert cord slingers, in the days when the trucks
ran on the Hoover & Kirby pump system.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Sep 13, 2021 3:37 am

Speaking of such, Heinrich's Uncle washed dishes at the Beanery below the offices.
LnP.jpg
Dr. Pogue offered a free meal if the treatments failed.
The whippersnappers often watched the Saint Swithin's Day parade from the upper windows and threw leftovers at the clowns.
Duke Fitzlewittz could be heard on the gramophone next door.
I only wish I could go back to those entrancing days.
;) :roll: :o :x
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Sep 13, 2021 11:12 am

That was a rough neighborhood as evidenced by the metal gratings over the windows. A curious bit of trivia, originally the street was named "Porkland Av. " after the beanery, but city fathers changed it, objecting to the lack of refinement. During Prohibition, the "hot soup day and night" sign became a code suggestion for patrons opting to break Volsted Act regulations. Depending on one's connections, a serving might be a Thermos bottle of chicken noodle, tomato cream, or occasionally, bathtub gin. No one dared complain, and it made the soup kitchen especially profitable.

The photograph also reveals a couple of hobo marks, alongside the chalk graffiti drawn by street urchins. The other sisters objected, but tramps "on the bum" knew that Lettie LeFleur could be depended upon to provide a bowl of soup for a hobo down on his luck.
"Get a horse !"

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Sep 13, 2021 4:23 pm

Bilford Stnotzworth and Eddie McHeadrub often stopped for the "hot soup" after their shift at the Helix Mill. Posed here maintaining the up-scaled Hoover & Kirby pumps.
Pumppz.jpg
Lettie had bought the old Hupmobile from Bilford to scurry back and forth to and from work. It ran well but one of the rear spring shackles had popped loose and snagged Mrs. Fernstone's cats from time to time. That added to the "rough neighborhood" ill-fame.
Evidence of dried tomato cream still remains if you look carefully.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Sep 13, 2021 7:43 pm

Few people know that the tubular confabulator ducts and the underslung tramworth rockers were designed by Kalamity Dick. After 1919 KD was a regular at the soup kitchen. When requesting chicken noodle, an inadvertent nervous tic (result of his allergy to horses) was construed by the Le Fleur sisters as a sly wink. This always resulted in a flask of boot-leg Happy Sally, which suited the erudite inventor just as well.

His friend Cuthbert was far less subtle when visiting the beanery. His order to the waitresses was usually phrased thus: "Reckon I'd like a thermos of yer best soup, and I don't want no noodles, nor kin I abide anything made with tomaters. Last I got here was kinda thin, but shore had stickin' power on an empty stomach if'n you know what I mean ?" Cuthbert never failed to procure a regular supply of Happy Sally, and the LeFleur sisters were more than happy to oblige.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Sep 13, 2021 9:44 pm

The massive pumps were capable of hurling a full grown hornswoggle a good half mile. Flying hornswoggles were a factor in delaying air mail service to the area, though a few daring barstormers were able to dodge them and drop leaflets touting the virtues of the Selden automobile and certain patent medicines of dubious efficacy. Regardless of the aerial drama, sales of such stuff remained scanty. A few hornswoggle craters remain in the form of modest ponds which produce toads in season. The pumps were eventually phased out, and the barrage of hornswoggles abated. The sales of saratoga fries slumped, never to recover.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 15, 2021 12:35 pm

Flying hornswoggles were a necessary evil. Their fine wool coat was excellent packing around the fackral glands of the high pressure pump. Try as the custodians may, some just got sucked through the airistomiclar vents, passed the smatter coils and out the stack.
Pumpz7.jpg
Surviving ones were given free range behind the Maddox Ranch and what we now call a spa was establish for their pleasure. Those not pulling through often ended up in the "Pythagorean Surprise" at the Terminal Café.
Wednesday nights if memory serves.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Sep 16, 2021 8:31 am

With all of the research done around town it would seam that I would have heard of this place. Was it out in the country? Was it a large organization
batchlor hall.JPG
? Did Kalamity belong?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Sep 16, 2021 9:05 am

Batchlor Hall summer retreat, on the summit of Mt. Stinkmore. Chugwater
Normal College only had three fraternity bodies operating on campus at the
time. The Batchlors built this retreat hall over one of the Alphabet Mine's
airshafts to the surface as both a means of getaway for summer studies, but
also the convenience of access. By way of the taking the C&N mixed train to
the mine, then could then ride the mine's underground system to the airshaft,
where they then employed the old spiral lift that Kalamity Dick built for the place
while he was attending there. Many students did summer shift work at the mine
to cover tuition costs, and this also proved immensly convenient to work and study
so close, without the need to travel the Chugwater road after hours. Highwaymen
were still a problem .
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Sep 16, 2021 7:34 pm

The Hall was warm and comfy most of the year. The boys maintained a couple of retired Helix Mill buses to drive to Twin Elbows for dances with the finishing school girls.
Bchlorr.jpg
The older bus tended to pop out of second gear descending Mt. Stinkmore. No amount of double clutching or Siamese prayer could coax it back into any gear. With the tired, worn brakes it was all Fendleson could do to keep it on the road. All hands leaned out on the left running board when they encountered the "corkscrew bridge" near the apex.
No lives were lost but many an old man scares his grandchildren with the stories.
Fendleson is shown at right holding his hat. I believe the pocket watch is an Elgin.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:19 pm

The Batchlor's were traditional hat holders since the earliest days.
Batchlor legend has it that Wampole Uterbang and his brother Festivus
started the practice, based on a gentlemen's bet in 1247 A.D., while
attending to the Temple sheep flock in Lesbia. The Batchlor fraternity
picked up the tradition during the Airing of the Grievances in the late
18th Century, and has been Batchlor practice ever since. The Pythagorians
hold a similar tradition, and built a global hatmaking industry in support
of it that continues to this day. This common bond and friendly rivalry is
the basis of the "Big Game", played each year between the Batchlors and
the Pythagorians every St. Swithen's Day. Check for updates in the lower
right corner of your radio screen for the latest.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Sep 18, 2021 5:16 pm

According to the compendium, troupe "Heedless" took the garland in the third round at Stinkmore Peak the year after the lemon drop fracas.
Holderz.jpg
Snuffy had been accused of double brimming but the Le Fleur sisters claimed it was simply an illusion. Fumes from the inglenook had made one referee light headed and incoherently asking for more formaldehyde.
What could they do? There were six of them.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Sep 18, 2021 7:09 pm

Secretly funded by the Pythagorian syndicate, under the guise of room-
-clearing flatulence, the LaFleur sisters were oft found claiming contrary
witness to a large number Tri-Burg area events of social controversy. Like
everpresent mafia witnesses to mob crime trials, the LaFleurs were always
willing spokespersons "for the cause", claiming firsthand knowledge, when in
fact, they could be proven to be nowhere near the scene at the time. The
Pythagorian connection, and use of organic room-clearing methods were both
a smokescreen and a legal maneuver, to obfuscate whatever matter was then
in the spotlight for organizations (like the Batchlors), or individuals supported
by the Pythagorians. Much has already been talked about here, regarding the
mushroom moss "industry" in the Chugwater basin.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Sep 25, 2021 2:23 pm

"Kinda Fonda Wanda" was a big hit for Duke Fitzellwitz in the cold months
after the Nutmeg Incident. Wanda, of course, was the elder LaFleur sister,
for which Duke had a strong yen. Wanda was the inspriation for a number of
Duke's songs, including "Are You Gonna Eat That ?", and "I'll Bet That Hurts".
The two never were romantically inclined, as Wanda's association with the
Pythagorians forbade it. Instead, she poured herself into the sisterhood of
business. A major contribution to the effort was perfecting Mama LaFleur's
recipe for Flimflam Sauce, which we all know and love today. Who here doesn't
keep a bottle at the ready ?
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