MTFCA Forum

I would like to take this moment to wish all our friends of the tri-burg area a very happy International Palindrome Day! The next one will not occur until December 12, of 2121. If I recall correctly, KD himself studied the effects of palindromes after installing the ring gear in his famous speedster backwards, and discovered it went as fast in reverse as it had previously in forward.

Thanks for remembering Wayne. I have waited.
Richard Boone in ''Have Gun Will Travel'' as I recall.

In the early days of television, local station KVOM broadcast their own spinoff,
called "Have Mushrooms, Will Travel", starring local celebs de gras Juan Wayne,
Montgomery Clipped, and Hugh G. Rexion. All three had served together during
the Nutmeg Incident and had remained friends and collaborators while working
at the Alphabet Mine and later at the Vestibule factory. For his support, KD got
box seats for each performance.

"Wire Larkvonnet Chugwater!" remains a popular exclamation all around
the area.

It became necessary after several vonnets came loose and fell off from not being larkwired.
"Live and Learn" as the Commodore always said.
Rich

Yes, it’s one of those quaint colloquial expressions unique to the area. Another one more commonly heard around Medicine Bow is “Root hog or die” but like “Wire Larkvonnet Chugwater” no one seems to know what it means. ?!? Sebastian was running the phrases through the Institute’s Transmogrilator (yet another KD invention) but what came out of the dump feed printout was “Rippin strippin rotten dang fang zarg barg a ding-dong”. A crew of linguists has been called upon to help with the problem. We hope their cunning may provide some claret.

The latter was often heard from KD when his pinky got pinched in the kastramifoner. It may have been omitted from the list if there were youngsters present.

It was heard even louder if he pinched something else.

If I had a wire for every lark I vonneted, I'd be a corn-swooglin' galoot !

OUCH!

Corn-swooglin' was pretty much necessary back when the corn was full sized. It was difficult to find experienced and hard working galoots who knew what they were doing in later years so the miniature corn we see today became a necessity. Lock-wired or not it wasn't a factor as the mushrooms were most predominant in the Valley at the time.

What a bumper crop!

Ah yes, the Bumper Galoots. Not necessarily Ramblin'. Swooglin' Bumpers takes a different skill set. Kalamity employed both from time to time but mentioned "No matter what you Swoogle never trim the cathell, A dead aardvark never rests".
{Buddy did not appear in any Spadaford films that we know of."

Interesting to see the "Associated Exhibitors" watermark on that photo. Exhibiting
was banned early in Calhoun County .... 1881, I think. This only drove it underground,
and the exhibiting "speakeasies" sprang up everywhere. Law enforcement and local
newspaper tycoon DaJarvos Readmore crusaded against the AE as the source of all
evil and the decline of modern society. It was quite the drama. The Nutmeg Incident
was, in part, a spin off of the conflict, but the issue finally came to a head during the
1932 election.

Exactly! The Nutmeg did spin off of the conflict from not being Larkwired as previously suggested. DaJarvos was a proponent of Lark Washers and Staking but finally convinced by KD and others that wire was American as Mushroom Pie.
The underground exhibitions were dark and damp but an improvement to "picnics under the bridge".
I still have the program from the 43rd Annual one.

Did you know there once was a air show under the bridge in town?

There still is.

Herb’s photo shows Lucius P. Hovershaw at the controls of his “Water Strider”. An early Tri-burg aviation enthusiast, Lucius sought KD’s engineering advice when he set about constructing his craft. A contrarian sort of personality, Hovershaw took issue with nearly all of Dick’s advice and went his own way. The result was a craft that could not fly, but skipped along the surface of the water quite ably. Of course, Lucius maintained he never intended for the machine to fly. Spray and prop-wash made picnicking under the bridge most unpleasant, leading to its decline in popularity.

The Water Strider did become airborne briefly when the tornado of 1910 demolished the skunk works and then followed the river channel. Some of the wreckage ended up miles away. Cuthbert Maddox later utilized part of a wing frame on his ranch to support a dusting bag for controlling lice in his cow herd. Hovershaw was in Ernie’s when the tornado hit, and luckily avoided injury.

There is a rather lengthy list of successful inventions and inventors that disagreed with KD. Pick up a copy of Masterful Engineering Quarterly Vol. XXI Issue 6 if you can. Dick could contradict in the most inspiring manner. Einstein, Edison and Eddie Klauson dominate the "E" section of the list.
There are many misconceptions, however, about the Hovershaw “Water Strider”. Firstly, it was not intended to be a bridge to punctuation for the Pythagoreans. Lucius P. always said "I have nothing against them but you know how they are." While the fabric was woven from spun mushroom fiber it was not successfully edible. I could go on and on but already have.
That was the tornado that took out Smiley's Laundromat according to Ludwig. Time will tell.
Thanks
Rich

Punctuation for the Pythagorians was a big dance hit for the nation in 1919 and
remained a popular request for all the house bands around the area well past the
war. Other bandleaders wrote spinoff songs that also charted. Doin' the Pythagorian
was a Top 10 hit for 18 weeks, Pythagorian Paw-Paw was another. The cumulative
popularity was credited with ending the Craze of Malaise problem that had settled
over many of the Wednesday evening congregation.

From Sebastian's Aunt Maude's collection; Always in your debt,
Rich

Although he did not consider himself much of a dancer, KD played a big part in
the dance craze, developing some of the earliest forms of what would come to be
known as "hi-fi".

The wonderful device shown above was a KD development inspired by Duke Fitzellwitz’ reverse adaptation of his sousaphone. Tragically for a musician, Duke suffered a severe loss of hearing, but found that by plumbing a stethoscope into his instrument his auditory acuity was not only restored, but heightened many times over. Kalamity Dick used the principle as a two-way device when he invented the audio-Telly-o-tally-o-phone shown above in receiving mode. In broadcast mode, citizens of the Tri-burgs could hear dance bands, weather reports, news and dinner music all over the Chugwater basin. Programs were broadcast on a regular schedule, pre-dating radio by nearly twenty years.

Inscribed on Duke's tombstone was his favorite quote "What did you Say?"
Burger's photo of the apparatus was taken at Prankford Field, where so many of the dances, concerts and social events were hosted. Among them and broadcast over the entanglement were the "LakeStreet Five", a quintet of KD and some close friends. KD could not sing a note but the other four could drowned him out. His twitching to the rhythm was contagious. They entertained for seven of the best seasons until Mumbles lost his voice. Angie Larkvonnet wrote a column about them in the "Daily Doggerel".

Enrico Forté (5th from left) was fairly well known for making some
stuff. Can't remember what, but it was something.

Right you are, Burger. The Lake Street Five were all prominent figures in the Chugwater basin in those days. They interacted in their professional lives and found music a common ground where their creative energies could find relaxation. Left to right we see Harvey Fierstein, blacksmith and wheel-wright whose shops produced the ore wagons that served the alphabet mines. Next to him is Juan Muirrieta, ascetic visionary and naturalist whose philosophies heavily influenced the Uvula League in its formative years. His observations on animal behaviors helped shape some of the unusual livestock hybrids KD developed on the Maddox ranch. Next to Juan, Thomas Uvula Headiston, prominent Tri-burg undertaker and funeral director, nick-named “Mumbles” by the group for his long, meandering sotto-voce eulogies. No mistaking Kalamity Dick ! Next in line and last, of course, is Enrico Forte, well known for revolutionizing walking-stick manufacture by implementing a moving assembly line. He was never seen without an example of his production, and heavily promoted the use of walking sticks. Often meeting with sales resistance, Enrico would give a prospect a sound drubbing with his stick until the subject acquiesced. Early brass-mounted Fortes are sought-after collectors’ items today.

Rich, ... you are a credit to the research community when you bring such concise
detail to light, as you did here. I come away with a deep glow of enlightenment.
Thanks so much !

Thanks for the kind words Burger, but I must give credit where credit is due. I’d be lost without the help of Heinrich, Sebastian and Bartholomew whose intimate knowledge of the Institute’s archives makes it possible to have access to precise references and documents. The board really should raise their hourly wages. It’s tough to make ends meet on thirty cents an hour nowadays.

Thats only 16.5 hours a day to meet fords standard $5 work day!

Thanks for the identifications of the Quintet. I would have thought they were just some workers from the mill. As it turns out, the Fierstein's lived next to the Frog hatchery and my Aunt Wilma baby sat their youngest two. One evening the bottle rolled under the sofa and when Wilma reached under to retrieve it a whole family of Wallabies followed it out. It turned out that the macropods had been left over from the '22 Railroad Strike. Heinrich is looking for the hole story as we speak.
At any rate the milk had started to turn so she poured it down the privy and fetched some fresh.
Weren't those days the best?
Rich

Few things beat digging in a good, old privy pit !

Does anyone remember hearing about the rope pushing contests that were held at the river, just down stream from the bridge?

Yes Herb, Rope-pushing was the most popular sport in the valley for several years. Fred Stroschlap, Captain, shown in front, led team West Bunglers to victory five years running. His mother worked at the five and dime during that period and won most improved employee also several times.
These contests were so well known that folks traveled miles to see it, particularly from New England where the sport had been banned by the Trigonometrists.
Of particular interest to me is the crew of the Thomas Flyer Race team stopping to indulge on the New Hampshire to Marseille Race in 1910. (Car appears over Fred's head) They did not win but were treated to Mushroom meringue pie ala mode.

Ol' Two-Spoke MaGroo headed up the Mercer race team, but chose to ride a bicycle
ahead of the cars, to scout for imboles and cyathintes. Lack of both is what stopped
the team the year before, somewhere west of Laramie.

The rope pushing contest was the brainchild of Elder Schnüetzhoeckel, escaped German
criminal and mastermind of the Chugwater Water Scandal that rocked Calhoun County
in 1914. The unwitting participants were lured to think they were competing in a great
contest, with valuable cash and prizes. What Schnüetzhoeckel did not reveal was that
the ropes were tied off to the geologic underpinnings of the entire region. The plan was
to lift the area and reverse the watershed. Schnüetzhoeckel then planned to extort the
populace to put it back.

Schnüetzhoeckel grossly overplayed his hand and understanding of physics in several
ways, starting with the pushing of the rope, instead of pulling. The fasteners and connecting
points for the rope were entirely inadequate as well. It was speculated during the trial
that had Schnüetzhoeckel only consulted Kalamity Dick, some of the wrinkles could have
been worked out. Another speculation was Schnüetzhoeckel should have either supplied
ample Happy Sally, OR held the Happy Sally supply for ransom, to reach his end goal. But
KD would never be swayed to the dark side, no matter the level of Happy Sally, and the
rest is just speculation.

Disirregardlessly, the plot never really materialized to the level of Schnüetzhoackel's
threat being taken seriously, and the rope pushing event was just that, .... a high spirited
civic event. Schnüetzhoeckel was convicted on all 17 charges and forced to sit in a sealed
box, pumped full of mushroom gas for three years. He was released 17 October, 1921, and
was run out of town by an angry mob.

Did you know they filmed the movie The Absent Minded Professor around Chugwater? Seen below are some of the extra cars needed just in case there was a mishap.

Somehow that had slipped my mind. Thanks Herb for mentioning it.
Thelma Larkvonnet worked in the studio cafeteria at the time and wrote a column in the Chugwater Daily about the filming.
They also used some of KD's old shirts as costumes in the swashbuckling scenes.
Rich

A lot of accidents were suffered during the filming. Like Man Without Burlap and other
Spaydaford classics, this was all done before the Humptulips Act. Wart Disney had a long
reputation for playing fast and loose with the lives of others, and he only reinforced that
image, using the sling-kaphistulator to make the flight scenes. When Buzz Caldron hit
the ground (seen here), Wart was heard to say "CUT ! .... it's a wrap !" and headed for
the deli table for some peeled grapes.

Officials of the Chugwater Transit & Festering Boil Co. were none too amused that the
lunch trolley, bound for Ernie's, was delayed for two hours, while the hungry passengers
were forced to clear the tracks themselves.

If nothing else the passengers did work up an appetite.

Probably of no significance or pertenancy to this part of the discussion is Ernie's cousin Felix. He lived down the road in Brinton and had a trained bear who he disguised as Kalamity Dick from time to time and let him drive his Raceabout. Apparently he was also teaching the bear to speak French. As for the sling-kaphistulator, several of the replacement parts were available from the Original Warshawsky catalog along with the Sinfacular Clostofrump tongs.
Friday is on your green sheet.
Thanks
Rich

That explains this clipping from the July 15, 1920 issue of the Saddlestring Post-Intelligencer:

“At 9:45pm this Saturday evening last, constable Alvin Beezerbump was making his evening rounds when he was surprised to see Mr. Richard Q. Klamitboffer, well known Triburg figure, rifling through the garbage cans behind LoFat’s Chinese Smorgaasbord & Bingo Parlor. The alley was in a dreadful state with litter and garbage spread every which way. Blowing his whistle and commanding Klamitboffer to desist, Constable Beezerbump rushed in to make an arrest when Klamiboffer dropped to his knees and made a speedy retreat on all fours, rounding LoFat’s establishment on the west side. Constable Beezerbump was hard pressed to keep up, and came around the corner of the building just in time to see the miscreant jump into his raceabout and speed away, yelling ‘Au reservoir’ in a most truculent manner. Judge Fripple has issued a bench warrant for Klamitboffer’s arrest on the charge of alleged malignant littering, which is a felony in the state of Wyoming. “

Here is a photo of one of the Klammitboffers out littering: Can you believer they let him get away with it?

A lot of things went on behind the roundhouse and water tank.

Only semi-related, but Heinrich had this photo at the last meeting and was asking
if anyone could identify the 3rd guy. He says it was at the Lo Fat Dance Reunion.

I believe the third mans name is Buttflingpoo. He was one if not the best archer in the county. He could hit a housefly between the eyes at 100 yards.

That makes two now, who say Buttflingpoo (although I think we have the spelling
wrong). Heinrich and Dave from shipping think it looks like Irving Goldstein, Saddlestring
loan consultant in the post-war years.

Heinrich was quick to point out that Irving Goldstein always looked young for his age.
Already the father of two when he took gold at the 1908 Olympics, he went on to win
three non-consecutive Tour de Frants races.

You can see the joy in his face when he recieved his new racer! The only thing he could say was, wheres the tires? Maybe the joy was wearing the racing uniform? His big advantage in racing or not so big was less wind resistance!

True Dallas about the racing uniform. There was less wind resistance, but the sandals were later banned as having an unfair advantage as no one else could find them before the big race.
This was known as the sandal scandal. It upset the racing world that year. The next year it wasn't even mentioned!

And what a career it was. The Peloton provided him with many life long friends like Skyrone Puncturepack shown on this postcard. He and Irving would take turns in each others slipstream to great advantage. Off the track they hosted high-stakes Canasta evenings and became known as Irv and Sky Melder. Accused of marking the cards in the late thirties they made several other friends in the slammer. All turned out to be great riders.

It was said that Irving's low profile tires and direct drive pedal design are what
made him a champion.

The Sandel scandel would later turn racing on its ear. The sandels were incorperated into the pedel design and the rat trap racing pedal was born!

Developed during the" Five Day Squabble" Colonel Sandals invented a similar foot-piece for his riding cannon. Heinrich says it was a patent dispute that caused the discourse. Patent Leather! And all before General Patent.
Private matters led to corporal punishment and a major problem and general nuisance. Very Admirable but still rank.
Rich

Col. Sandals was unwittingly dragged into the Sandal Scandal through public apathy
and ignorance that his only connection to sandals was his name and his work to outfit
special footwear for chickens. Who doesn't remember the old jingle used by Nantucket
Dried Chiclets, "They're chicken kickin' good !" ?

The military has a long tradition of influencing the style of foot gear and apparel: Wellington boots, Raglan sleeves, Ike jackets and the like. Only in recent decades have the gloves developed by Corporal Tunnel come into disfavor. Apparently there are problems ?

That was certainly the case Rich. While Kalamity Dick devoted most of his life to helping the common man and reducing the surplus of Happy Sally in the Valley, he did work on several Top Secret projects for the militia. Seen here is his adaption for the radial UFO detection scizowhackler. As seen in so many old photos the presents of flying objects persisted not only in the Tri-Bergs but through out this great land. As it was discussed in detail on a previous thread on the old forum I will say no more.

Cuthbert Maddox claimed to have received many presents from flying objects that traversed the skies over his ranch through the years. Some were unidentifiable others not so much. I’m referring to the flying objects as well as the presents they left. Kalamity Dick brought the scizowhackler out to the ranch on several occasions but was never lucky enough to have his visits coincide with an object flight. He was, however, successful in having a couple of encounters with Sasquatch, who was actually a close friend of Cuthbert’s. Bartholomew thinks there may be some photographs in the archives proving this, but townspeople in the Tri-burgs never believed anything Cuthbert told them, which is a shame, for if they had, the fiasco that shut down moss production permanently might have been entirely avoided.

In the pre-internet age, people both inside and outside of the Tri-Burg area had to
resort to other means to initiate "encounters" with others. Bigfoot/sasquatch has always
been legend "in the bedroom" and even before the internet, "Squinder" was THE place
where people went to hook up with the elusive Bigfoot singles crowd.

Well it certainly stands to reason the Cuthbert and Sasquatch would get along. Cuthbert’s knack for getting along with animals was well known and perhaps his best accomplishment. Sasquatch's temperament and attitude were very much like some of Cuthbert's closest friends. It is said that the two collaborated on many innovations that remain vital to the Tri-Berg area to this day.

In the days before oil cans, St. Swithens and St. Jakob collaborated on a way to
quiet infants from crying during the mid-day service. St. Jakob was a chemist
before achieving sainthood, and concocted a liniment for this and other rhumatism-
-like maladies.

Ferd Funkbunkler decontructed a jug for analysis in 1912 and found the compound
consisted of the following ingredients (with percentages):

turpentine with traces of camphor (82.407)
ether (10.000), alcohol (5.000)
carbolic acid (2.018),
capsicum (0.400),
and aconite (0.0132),
plus a small amount (unmeasured) of origanum,
“probably employed for scenting purposes.”

Children all over the Tri-Burg area were well known for being quiet (reserved), especially
during times of crying, which carried over into adulthood. As far as Heinrich can ascertain,
neither bigfoot nor Cuthbert were involved, and no sasquatches were harmed during the
filming of that episode.

After adulthood they switched over to Happy Sally.

Anything you wanted to know was available back then for free.

Herb Iffrig wrote: ↑

Mon Feb 24, 2020 8:46 am

After adulthood they switched over to Happy Sally.

=======================================

One will note that the recipe for Happy Sally is near-identical, with the addition of
chloroform in the Happy Sally.

As for free information, .... looks like that service is still being performed here.
What do you want to know ?

Thanks Burger. I was about to say that is how the institute started out right down to the '27 Buick parked across the street. The previous formula doesn't include formaldehyde.
It turned out that Sasquatch was quite the baby sitter but that was kept quiet as it interfered with his normal duties.
Tammy, on the left ,as we face the photo, could fit six hard-boiled eggs in her mouth at one time without sneezing. Try that at home. (with out shells of coarse)

So many worthwhile things have sprung from humble beginnings. Just think ! The Institute began in a small log hut very much like this one! The casual observer would never guess our imposing four-story marble and terra-cotta building, which covers just over a half-acre, grew from such a modest initial effort. Many of you may be interested to know that the massive Institute structure was built around that ‘27 Buick. It can be found in the foyer of the quadrangle entrance on the south side. It still won’t start.

The information would have been available many years earlier but the slow growth of the trees due to drought kept the sign from being installed. The town is still a bit behind the rest of the world. Turns out the information that the Buick was out of gas was delayed also!

I would suspect the vacuum tank.

Was this the tank?

i want that tank then i could go on tour with you guys ha,ha. charley

Herb, that is not the Buick’s vacuum tank. Probably an error in Heinrich’s part as he was looking for a photo of a vacuum tank. The item shown above is a vacuum tank. This is the first model Floor Dinosaur which the Institute’s maintenance department developed from KD’s concept drawings. That sloping forward “nose” is the vacuum intake, rotary brooms attach below. The machine was sidelined after the first season. It seems the drive tracks were too hard on the terrazzo floors of the Institute’s museum wing. The scars are still visible. Watch your step.

The rotary sweep vacuum tank was one of KD's best designs ever, and it is truly
the shame of the nation how it was suppressed by the "powers that be". Seen as
a political threat by an entrenched "elite" class, when KD demonstrated how it not
only could make a clean sweep of things, but was capable of draining a swamp as
well. Strange men began to appear and strange things began to happen shortly
after, and for reasons never fully explained, the vacuum tank was retired to the
Institute.

Anyone ?

KD was proud of the Floor Dinosaur. The mechanism worked flawlessly and the name kind of rhymed. It was a great disappointment that it tore up the floor and was not greeted with more approval. As always with his defeats he slunk into the forest and meditated with some HS. Months later he emerged with the concept of Steam powered toilets and was back on top again.

The Floor Dinosaur could have revolutionized janitorial service in the second decade of the last century. Its decommissioning by the Institute’s board of directors was not KD’s fault. As the building was being completed, he designed the Dinosaur with the original blueprints in hand. Architect Ephraim Bench had specified plate steel floors to be covered with industrial grade rubber belting material which would have worked perfectly with the Dinosaur’s drive tracks. The construction firm contracted for the project had an unscrupulous foreman name of Philo Bilgewater who substituted cheap imported Italian marble for the flooring. Claiming cost over-runs, he convinced board chairman Lucius Dumbrow to sign off on the change order. Truly a shame, but then again, we may never have seen the miracle of the steam toilet had the Floor Dinosaur been fully accepted. Truly there’s never a loss without a gain.

The steam toilet was another story of great design, stifled commercially by evildoers
on high. Claiming that the main drive wheels could cause great injury or death on the
steam machine, Slink (the snake) Stinkwater, holder of the "Cold Water" toilet patents,
besmurched both KD and his steam design in the newspapers that he owned, effectively
creating a suspicion amongst a buying public that was never overcome, in spite of the
court testimony and final verdict.

There is so much written here that I had forgotten about.
I just want to say to you all "Tanks for the memories."

As I was told the feared attorny Ephraïm Blisterbum succesfully appealed the patents concerning the steam toilet on the grounds that hot gases are a natural fenomenon associated with bowel movements and as such could not be used to file a patent , and in that way stifled the further development and general acceptance of said invention, thereby cutting off humanity as a whole from a brighter and cleaner future. It was rumoured at the time that Ephraïm Blisterbum had sizable stakes in the toiletpaper industry and as such was not exactly impartial in this case. I wonder if the Venerable Institution might be able to find some evidence of this in its vast records.

The paperwork on that was probably wiped out! Down the drain so to speak? The archives may have something on it. Its amazing what they dig up.

The steam toilet fell from fashion because there was a lack of support from the subscribers.
Here is Billy and Bob the two men in charge of the maintenance. It was found the idea was not practical for use all hours of the day.

An excellent contribution Herb !
That’s William “Fedora” Finklenberg on the left with his spatula, and Robert “Bobolink” Mudrum on the right with his shovel. The pair fired the boilers for steam toilet subscribers in the Chugwater area. It’s of interest to note that while concerns for hygiene and sanitation were Kalamity Dick’s primary motivation in developing the steam toilet, most subscribers were interested in the heat it generated. Practically all installations were in outdoor privies. Besides the legal problems, the advent of indoor plumbing assisted the invention’s plunge into obscurity.

The Park Service has designated one remaining steam toilet deep in Yellowstone’s back country as a national monument, where geothermal features obviate the need for maintaining a boiler system. Unfortunately, few people have availed themselves of a visit to this historic site, as it is only accessible by foot or on horseback. Located some fifty miles from the Bechler Guard Station, few are up to making a hundred mile round trip in one day. Camping is prohibited, as the route lies through prime grizzly bear habitat.

This was the third one located on Maple Street just North of the Pilgrim Recycler. Bob Mudrum had a cockatoo up until the derailment.

Juvenile poop jokes and puns aside, the innovation and work that went into the
steam system was substantial, and it was a crying shame that bad people were able
to bring hardship and failure to good people doing good things. Making jokes of it
for cheap laughs only furthers the injustice. We can do better than that, people !

Well said, Burger. We all should take to heart your admonition, which is precisely in the spirit of the high standards the Uvula League worked tirelessly to support. That the organization fell apart when its last president, Daphne Turkle, ran off to be a pole dancer is no reflection on the high ideals the League supported throughout eighty years of its existence. Remember, KD himself was an honorary member, and even attended a couple of meetings when Ernie’s was closed for spring cleaning.

Think good thoughts !

I think I found a photo of Ernie when he was spring cleaning one year.
Yowie zowie! He should have looked under the bar more often!

That ain't Ernie, but it looks like any one of those dogs he let run hither and yon
about the place, waking up one of the "overnighters" out on the sunning porch, where
he kept the wicker furniture. Interesting side note: It was Manning Banning that
provided all the wicker to Ernie's place. Banning owned the cannery down on the
pier and his fleet of moss boats brought treasures from all over the world to Chugwater.
Manning worked a "pretty sweet deal" with Ernie for the wicker, which he imported
from Lesbia.

Now there's a lounge lizzard if i ever did see one !

What's this?

Herb, the party on the left looks oddly familiar. I’ve asked Benedict and Lothar, our two newest interns, to search the Teddy Roosevelt files for corroboration. Meanwhile, I’d like to return to the previous image to supply a bit of detail:

Many people do not know of Kalamity Dick’s experiments in paranormal study. For a short time, he had a device which could provide real time 3-D images of one’s dreams. The photo shows Amos Tuckett, regular bar-fly in Ernie’s Saloon, and Medicine Bow’s official town drunk, who volunteered for Kalamity’s first experiment with the “dreamulatir”. Alas for poor Amos, he was verging on delerium tremens at the time, and the apparition of the lizard creature affected him in the worst way. KD saw the dreamulatir as a potentially hazardous influence, realizing that in so far as people were not dealing well with actual reality, they were simply not at all ready to deal with virtual reality. He scrapped the machine and burned his notes. It’s only in the last few years we see how he was proved correct in that assessment.

As for the virtual lizard, it scurried off to the safety of a wicker chesterfield and remained in Ernie’s thereafter, giving some credence to rumors that the bar was haunted. Beer nuts began to disappear mysteriously after the experiment.

You bring up a most interesting subject, Rich !

Why have we walked this deep into Tri-Burg history and the conversation has yet to
touch upon the giant beer nut harvests ?

It is because no one has mentioned the Beer Nuts. This was a fraternal order of men (Some members a shown here) It seems that the minute book of the very last meeting was lost for some reason, which could have been the sale on LaBatts at Ernie's one late night. Or the sign that said "Free Beer Tomorrow" which I think is off camera in this photo. There was a riot the next day when Ernie said they would have to come back the next day.

You have it half-right, Rich. The Fraternal Order of Beer Nuts was formed on 24 April, 1881,
amongst the beer nut orchardists and harvesters. The Upper Terrace was covered in these
orchards and extended in a patchwork of groves all the way to Silver Plume. Saddlestring
and Fecklersburg also had large tracts in production. The Beer Nut Depot and Warehouse,
combined with the operations of the Beer Nut Fluming Co. also employed many and nearly
all were members of the F.O.B.N., which had an annual float in the Chugwater Regatta parade.
Surely Heinrich has photos.

This is one of the floats from an unknown year.
My guess it is an early entry as the crowd watching is very thin.

So they all jumped on the proverbial bandwagon

When the Model T was introduced in the fall of 1908, Tri-burg entrepreneur Amos Aloyisius Abercrombie correctly assessed the desperate need early motorists had for roadside assistance, and outfitted a wagon filled with tires, tubes and spare parts. Pulled by a team of sturdy Percherons, he was thus equipped to make emergency repairs as well as to pull hapless automobiles out of mud, sand and snow when mired down. His favorite replacement part was the band linings he fabricated from an experimental friction material KD had developed and named “kevinite” after Kevin Donnybrook (more about that later). Local wags started calling his enterprise “the band wagon” which is just as well, as it saved Abercrombie from legal hassles that definitely would have arose over the right to use “Triple A” as a trademark.

Speaking of the Uvula League, KD's attendance and the floats brought to mind this photo of them in the Chugwater Regatta parade. It appears to be that very same year. A chance to discuss the agenda over tea as the procession wound it's way through Chugwater. As the tea had been strengthened with a bit of Happy Sally Laideen had fallen off the wagon, so to speak, a block before this portrait was snapped.The jarring ride on hard rubber did loosen the handle from the teapot but KD re-braised it with some acetylene from the light tank. You will notice the large building at left in the background. That is the Hall of Mushroomania and Clearing House for Bogs and Sandwiches. The Pythagorean Flag waves proudly on Wednesdays in spite of the Trypanophobia.

Kalamity Dick so often appears to have a warm "glow" to his face in these photos.
Was it just his general charm and demeanor ? Or perhaps the Happy Sally ? I am
sure he was overjoyed at the flying of the Pythagorian flag. That always meant a
lot fo him, on account of his working with frustrum cones during the "troubles".

Kalamity Dick was an enigma with a top hat. The warm celestial glow of his expression (much like Buddha’s) no doubt came from the inner calm he derived from deep thought and helping people. There is nothing in the record to verify the rumor that the recipe for Happy Sally was based on an ancient Hindu potion smuggled out of Tibet in 1834.

the truck is a late teens f.w.d. mine is just like it but mine has iron spoke wheels.charley

One of those helping people that Rich mentions was Ernesto del Toejam, who
keys in perfectly at this point of the narrative, as the truck in question was actually
a knock-off of the FWD and was built by Toejam as the Funkbunkler Wombat Dirigible.
It was identical to the commonly known FWD, except it ran on the oils derived from
warts, corns, bunions, and callouses. Toejam built 371 trucks before being bought
out by General Motors, in their bid to quash his new fuel technology.

Haven't we all been bought out by General Motors at one time or another for developing a fuel from some pesky source? It's just another injustice to those of us with creative minds and a need for propulsion.
The radiant glow on KD's face certainly may have come from his charm and demeanor or his inner calm. It might have been his halo bleeding out from under the top hat or even the phosphoric cyanide in the doctored tea reflecting lower-energy photons from the Helios. The hypnotic nature he possessed is sometimes captured by the lensman while undetected in real life.
As for the Funkbunkler Wombat Dirigible, some were assembled right in the FWD factory undetected. Interestingly it had a 3-cycle motor. The exhaust cycle was replaced by osmosis.

Interestingly, Oswald Moses was a saddle tramp who partnered with Cuthbert “Mad Dog” Maddox for a short while in the early days. He was exceptionally noted for a complete lack of emissions in spite of the fact his diet consisted exclusively of beans and bacon. The anomaly of his alimentary tract intrigued Kalamity Dick, who spent several days studying Moses during the time he was pondering the development of the three-cycle internal combustion engine. Thus, “Oz” Moses unwittingly became the inspiration for the Funkbunkler engine patents. As usual, KD took no credit, and by 1912, the Tri-burg moss field debacle had driven the price of beans and pork rinds too high to be competitive as an alternative fuel source.

Good point and interesting, Rich.
Osmosis was also a line in "Man without Burlap" by Fidel DeeDee. It was written "I is Moses" but delivered with a Pythagorean dialect.
Oswald was a great horseman as noted by this photograph at an earlier age.

And all this time I thought Kalamity Dick contributed his emissions to his grandchildren pulling his finger!

Slightly related, ... Oswald Moses' grand-nephew just released another new album.
He'll be doing a meet-n-greet with fans at Bixby's 5-and-dime all next week, during
the Regatta warm ups and rehearsals. You will recall Boon Shong from his summers
with Aunt Claire.