I'm a complete Moron

[bmklawt]

So, here's the lowdown on my Model T misadventures: I figured I'd dive into the deep end, had Joe bell rebuild the engine. He got it purring like a kitten... well, more like a kitten with a smoker's cough, carburetor problems, that's on me. Then I meticulously pieced together the rest of the car, from the tires up, with the confidence of someone who's seen a YouTube tutorial or two.

Feeling like a seasoned pro, I took my masterpiece out for a spin, it ran well and I drove for 30-40 miles last year I'm just guessing though, never drove a Model T before. Enter Model T driving school at Gilmore car museum. I thought I was the next Henry Ford, but it turns out my engine roars like a Gilmore car while my transmission sound a little louder and my car seems a little more sluggish than theirs, my driving skills... well, let's just say they're a work in progress, taught myself

Fast forward to last Wednesday, when I dusted off the ol' Tin Lizzie for its first joyride of the year. It was a symphony of struggle just to get the darn thing to start, and when it finally did, it ran like a three-legged mule with an attitude problem. Half a mile later, I threw in the towel.

Today, armed with determination and a dash of desperation, I decided to play detective. Checked the coils, timing, carburetor... you name it. Pulled out the spark plugs and found them wearing a coat of black soot that would make a chimney sweep jealous. Cleaned 'em up and confirmed they were sparking like a disco ball on New Year's Eve. Then came the real brain teaser: timing.

According to some web pages I had saved about timing, I needed to set it to "fully retarded." But what I can't remember was whether that meant up, down, left, right, or somewhere in the fifth dimension. Cue a Google search and a sudden epiphany: the spark lever is on the left, not the right, somewhere between driving it last year and this year I've seem to have forgotten that.

In conclusion? Turns out the only thing fully retarded around here is yours truly. Note to self: next time, consult manual before attempting to drive. Turns out the car drive much better when you use the spark and gas levers as Henry intended.

[Charlie B in N.J.]

I did exactly what you did and found the same fur coat on the plugs. Soot. Want to know why? Improper use of the carb/dash adjustment. Soot so thick it wouldn’t start at all. When I cleaned them it ran but poorly and that’s when I really began to dig in and learn. I pulled the needle to make sure it wasn’t broken off. (Something I learned when reading Steinbecks Cannery Row). Got info here and learned how to set it up properly. T’s are strange one of a kind machines. A wagon with a motor. Dozens and dozens of things peculiar to it alone. I think that’s why some, like myself you has spent their lives in the car trade “think they know”. Look at my posted saying. Forget everything you thought you knew. It says it all.

[Steve Jelf]

When all else fails, read the instructions.

[Wayne Sheldon]

Been several years since I had the opportunity. But in the past, when I taught anybody how to drive a model T? The first thing I would tell them is to "forget everything you ever learned about driving after you were five years old. When you were five, you knew mommy or daddy sat behind the wheel, did a few things to start the engine, pushed a pedal or two, moved a lever or two around and the car began moving. At that time they began randomly turning the steering wheel this way and that way, and drove the car."
Go back to that point and pay attention. You are now ready to learn how to drive one of the easiest cars to learn how to drive that ever existed. Remember, it was designed to be driven by people that had never driven any car ever before. For literally millions of people, a model T was the first car they ever drove. They are only confusing when people insist on comparing them to their modern car.

[Wayne Sheldon]

And by the way Bruce K? Everybody makes mistakes getting started with these silly machines. Give yourself a bit of time, practice in relatively safe areas, and you too can become as comfortable behind the wheel of a tin Lizzie as though you were sitting on the sofa watching television.

[EricMac]

Bruce, I'm not far from you, in Battle Creek, Michigan. My dad and I started the very first Modrl T driving classes at Gilmore. If you want a brush up lesson I'd be happy to do it.

[Allan]

Bruce, no moron I have met has the talent to write as you have. To turn your experiences into a most entertaining story takes real skill. Well done.

Allan from down under.

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

Bruce,

Congratulations! You have reached a level of perfection. Most of us are incomplete morons.

Seriously, you're no moron. You're just a beginner! Since none of us grew up the in Model T era we were all beginners at one time. Welcome to the fun!

[Oldav8tor]

The guys who have the most trouble are the ones who refuse to admit they've made mistakes and who never seek advice. As a fellow moron, I can see you don't belong in that group. My one bit of advice is if you haven't found a like-minded group of Model T morons to occasionally associate with and do some socializing, do so. I was pleasantly surprised to find that owning a Model T and participating in the clubs came not only with help when I needed it, but new friends to share the experience with. I can honestly say that I've never known a finer bunch of people. Michigan clubs are associated with the MTFCI so their website can point you in the right direction if you haven't already done so.

[Craig Leach]

Instructions INSTRUCTIONS were men we don't need no instructions we go forth & do if it dosn't work then we refer to the corrections.
They look just like instructions but are not used untill it dosn't work! This is also followed by our favorite woman saying I told you so!!!!
Craig.