ABBOTT: Driving a Model T Ford is simple, Lou. You just have to remember the names of the controls. You can drive a manual transmission, right?
COSTELLO: No problem, Abbott—I learned how to drive on a stick. So okay, where's the stick?
ABBOTT: Well, there IS no stick. You put your left foot to the floor and you’re in first.
COSTELLO: With my left foot.
ABBOTT: Right.
COSTELLO: No, you said “left.”
ABBOTT: That’s right: left.
COSTELLO: Well, which IS it?
ABBOTT: Which is what?
COSTELLO: Which is first?
ABBOTT: Your left foot.
COSTELLO: My LEFT foot.
ABBOTT: Right.
COSTELLO: Right?
ABBOTT: No, left.
COSTELLO: Left.
ABBOTT: Right. And when you lift your foot, you’re in second.
COSTELLO: So, there’s no stick?
ABBOTT: No stick.
COSTELLO: Okay, what about the clutch?
ABBOTT: The clutch is the pedal on the left.
COSTELLO: Good, at least THAT'S normal.
ABBOTT: The gear-shift is the clutch.
COSTELLO: What? Let me understand this; the gear-shift is the CLUTCH?
ABBOTT: Except for reverse.
COSTELLO: And where’s THAT?
ABBOTT: Middle pedal.
COSTELLO: So the brake is really reverse.
ABBOTT: I guess you could say that.
COSTELLO: I just DID say dat!
ABBOTT: Right.
COSTELLO: WHAT’S right?
ABBOTT: Right is the brake.
COSTELLO: But shouldn’t that be the gas pedal?
ABBOTT: Well, that pedal actually makes the car stop.
COSTELLO: WHAT? You say the gas pedal makes it STOP? Well, if the gas pedal makes it stop, then what's that pedal in the middle?
ABBOTT: Reverse. Oh, and to put it in neutral, you pull the lever back to the middle.
COSTELLO: Okay—Well, at least that's normal—WAIT A MINUTE, ABBOTT! I thought you said there WAS no stick!
ABBOTT: Well, the stick is the brake.
COSTELLO: Hold it! You just said the brake was the gas pedal!—Then where's the gas pedal?
ABBOTT: That’s lever on the right side of the steering column.
COSTELLO: Oh! The gear shift!
ABBOTT: You shift gears with the left pedal.
COSTELLO: Yeah, the left pedal is the clutch.
ABBOTT: Right.
COSTELLO: What?—But you said the right pedal is the brake.
ABBOTT: Right.
COSTELLO: Okay!
ABBOTT: And when you want to shift into high, you push the big lever on the floor all the way forward.
COSTELLO: But you said that was the brake, Abbott.
IN UNISON: Right.