OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

[Burger in Spokane]

Just upriver from Rocky Reach along the Chugwater, we see the morning train coming
back from an overnight turn in Silver Plume. Speckles Galoot liked to race the train with
his teamed pair of two-legged horses, which must be the reason for this photo. At right
we see the seldom photo-captured private test road Kalamity had built to work out design
ideas in applying the kaphistulator for propulsion purposes. The water-level route and mild
curves allowed speed and inertia rates unavailable anywhere else. The familiar bound "rafts"
of mushroom moss float on the river beyond, awaiting shipment to the mushroom-growing
barns in Woogleston

[Rich Eagle]

Great photo. Another mountain that grew sideways. I think the support pole is a little short to keep it from falling.
The 105 always had a nasty knock in the fouwler joint. I wonder if they ever fixed it.

[Herb Iffrig]

This can't be a horse of a different color since the photo is in black and white. It must relate to leading a horse to water but not being able to make it drink. No that can't be right he doesn't seem to be able to lead the horse anywhere. I wonder what this photo from the arvhives is about. Can anyone help?
Maybe if that is a mule it would explain it more.

[Dallas Landers]

I think the mule is just being an ass. Maybe he is teaching him to sit and he really gets it.

[Rich Eagle]

I wonder if that is Cuthbert's bronco mule. Surely Rich B. would know when this reaches him.

[Rich Bingham]

That is a remarkable picture I never expected to see ! Doubtless, that's Cuthbert's nephew twice removed, Ethelbert Maddox. He was first removed from the Flying Diamond Ranch for ducking work. On roundups, he'd circle back to town, and hole up in Ernie's Saloon until the herd was trailed down Main Street toward the stockyard pens. Then he'd slip in behind the last "drag" rider (no off-color comments, please) and pretend he'd been punching up the strays. After the foreman fired him, Ernie had to remove him from the saloon. When the Wrangling Bros. Circus came to town, Ethelbert hired on, convincing the ringmaster that he had a unique animal act. He borrowed Cuthbert's talented zebra dun mule, as he knew how Cuthbert had trained the mule to do many useful and amusing tricks. Problem was (amply illustrated by this photo) Ethelbert knew nothing about handling equines, much less the Zebra Dun, who personally disliked Ethelbert anyway. By the time of this photo, the unique hash-marks above the mule's fetlocks had faded away with age. The Zebra Dun had stage-fright and would have hated circus life anyway.

When the notion of adding an act to the circus lineup proved to be nothing, the Circus boss (who was a kindhearted soul) allowed Ethelbert to come along for "found" if he would clean up after the elephants. It was rumored Ethelbert died tragically several years later, administering to an impacted bull elephant named "Stumbo". He was caught shoveling behind Stumbo when the dose of five gallons of linseed oil laced with "ex-lax" suddenly reacted. Ethelbert was buried before he could call for help.

[Rich Eagle]

I thought I recognized something there either in the zebra dun mule or the Maddox genes. Perhaps it was just the hat. This was of coarse after the Miss Harry and Hercules days but Picklefield and Suzette were still on the circuit if you know what I mean. I see a bucket of Ambrodance by the cot. Do you suppose.......???

[Burger in Spokane]

Gents, do I need to point out the lack of hind legs on the horse ? This is
one of Speckles Galoot's 2-legged horses mentioned above. Unable to breed
them as 2-leggers, as colts he would dip the non-desired parts in KD's patented
melting solution, until things looked the way he wanted them. Smyrna Burnett,
who ran and owned Burnett's Physical Therapy, Podium Rentals, and Gifts on
Giggity Street, coached Speckles on muscle building to bring these two-leggers
up to speed. In fact, Speckles' two-leggers could handily outrun any unaltered
horse because of the doubled thrust and drag coefficiencies.

[Rich Bingham]

Burger, given the consistent accuracy of your contributions to this history, and the impeccable details you have provided in analyzing the photographs you have posted here, it grieves me to have to point out your minor errors in this case. I hope you don't take offence. That Heinrich entrusted you with the trunk of values in itself says worlds about the quality of your research, a confidence which I heartily endodrse as well.

However, in this case, Rich E. has the right of it in apprehending the Maddox family resemblance. That is unmistakably Ethelbert Maddox, just as it is unmistakable that the animal is a mule, specifically, Cuthbert's celebrated Zebra Dun. The Maddoxes carried their genes in their hats, it's true; a familial trait that proved handy when they were in need of a clean pair of Levi's.

Futher, you are close to the facts in your outline of Speckles Galoot and his experimental breeding of two-legged horses. It is well documented that Kalamity Dick's patented melting solution played a part in Galoot's program, as did Smyrna Burnett's muscle restoration regimens. The major difference is that in developing the breed of two-legged horses, Speckles concentrated not on the forehand, but the hind-quarters, wherein resides most of the strength and motive power of the equine species. Galoot concentrated his efforts on breeding a strain of two-legged horse's asses. Although only rarely employed as draft animals today, thousands of them yet abide, and can be encountered frequently almost everywhere, especially in the more populous coastal areas, such as California . . . for some reason. Perhaps they thrive on smog ??

Rich, again you are correct, the Wrangling Bros. Circus was much too small an outfit to offer employment for the likes of circus legends like Miss Harry and Hercules, but Picklefield and Suzette did indeed travel with them for a season. This was after Ethelbert's tragic demise.

[Burger in Spokane]

Rich, thanks for the kudos, where I get them. Remember, friends, this is an evolving
historical revelation process, and while we do tend to spew forth our discoveries and
observations as FACT, the truth is, all of this is open for input and scrutiny amongst this
august body of inputters and those inclinded toward the scrutineous.

I would ask then, is it possible that the zebra dun of the Maddox clan was ever inducted
into the Galoot program, either as the original zebra dun, or a close facsimile thereof ?
Maybe part time, or as a worm donor ?

Could this be another example of Russian collusion ? Inside analysts have long speculated
that the Uvula League had some hand in meddling. In fact, Council Vice-Chancellor Unar
Gaines was a convicted meddler, likely to meddle again. Sheriff Boy Howdy was under direct
order to keep an eye on him.

[Dallas Landers]

Sheriff Boy Howdy's duty was to put his best man on keeping an eye on Unar Gaines. Officer Dooty had the duty assigned to him by Boy Howdy. Ulnar's bank records were played by Victor looking for ill gotten Gaines. It was sweet music but no meddling was found.
Eventualy Sheriff Boy Howdy's duty was done and he released officer Dooty from his duty to.

[Rich Bingham]

Burger, thanks for your indulgence. Your reminder is well taken, in that the narrative is subject to revision each time new facts are fabricated. Remember, our mission here is to learn more and more about less and less until we can safely say we know everything about nothing. Rich E. reminded me a while back that we reached that point several times in the past, but new old stuff keeps popping up, especially in the form of these wonderful period photographs. Comma photographs have proven too comman to be of any use to us.

To address your question about the Zebra Dun, Speckles Galoot was certainly aware of the animal, and vastly interested in the potential his abilities and talents presented; however, being a mule, the Zebra Dun was sterile. This was actually not a bad thing, as it enabled him to assist in a few of the corrective surgeries Dr. Zebulon Krumenacker performed on a number of Galoot's first-generation out-crosses. Unfortunately, the Zebra Dun was not a good prospect as a worm donor either, owing to his penchant for chewing tobacco, a habit Cuthbert shamelessly enabled. He would buy the mule a whole plug of "Cannon Ball" each time they made a trip to town. While tethered at the hitching rail in front of Ernie's Saloon, the mule would spit a wad clear across the board walk in front, squarely hitting the spittoon that was placed just outside the door. It rang like a bell; the mule never missed.

A newspaper article at the time reported the Russian Collision took place at the corner of Fourth and North Front Street when a recently arrived immigrant named Ivan Ripifendroff "T-boned" Unar Gaines' '06 Rambler. Ripifendroff's defense was that he was obeying a prominently displayed traffic sign that read "Wild". Judge Oleander "Banjo-eyes" Bancrisp let him off with a tap on the wrist, no doubt because the judge was a known dyslexic, and Ripifendroff's plea made sense to him. He himself had often misunderstood the "Yield" sign at that intersection. It hardly mattered anyway, as all three belonged to the Uvula League, and you know how they are. Sheriff Howdy and Deputy Dooty remained frustrated in their surveillance efforts, but followed through diligently on the order to keep an eye on the suspects until it was rescinded. This was made infinitely easier when Altmore Fitzellwitz (second cousin to the Sousaphone virtuoso) a traveling salesman purveying glass eyes lost his sample case in Ernie's Saloon.

[Burger in Spokane]

Hinkley Butler lived at the end of the State Highway. A very private man with nice hair and
smooth dance moves, he hides here behind his mailbox to avoid the press. Hinkley owned the
Mountain Fresh Acids & Caustics Co., makers and purveyors of the finest toxins known before
nuclear waste changed the dynamics of the market. We see the plant simmering across a snow-
dusted winter field.
A strong believer in fate, Hinkley's sign to thieves and trespassers simply reads: "Prepare to meet
thy God". Few tried. None were ever heard from again. We might assume they were happier upon
that meeting.

[Rich Bingham]

Burger, is it possible that is the Hinkley Butler who was born Hinkley Buttars in Star Valley, who ran away from home at the age of fifteen, and changed his name to "Butler" because he was so ashamed his parents had named his younger brother "Golden" ? The Buttars ran a dairy farm . . .

[Burger in Spokane]

Hinkley's background is a mystery to me beyond the toxins conglomerate he built
and ran. My focus was on his sign, and his delivery unto the Lord, which the evidence
suggests he performed exceptionally. All this from a shy man with nice hair and
smooth dance moves. Now, there is a combo rarely seen around the Tri-burg area,
even today.

[Herb Iffrig]

Since we have had mention of the circus I would like to share this photo of one of Kalamity's best friends.
Art was a wonderful man though some accused him of being full of hot air.

[Burger in Spokane]

Art was always such a smart dresser. From his stylish stage trunks to the matching
socks, he always cut a dashing profile. His mother was so proud.

=================================

This fantastic image captures a couple of previously discussed topics. The event was the inaugural
trolley lunch run to Ernie's. In front of the trolley we see a large crowd lined up to partake of the
mushroom stand. Admiral Weldon Textile Hoodoo (white trousers) gave a rousing speech to the assembled
crowd about the dilitatious effects of hydrozenine-dipped lawn trout, always a Chugwater favorite in
years to follow.

[Rich Eagle]

It is interesting that Art is wearing a rim flap for a belt.
I remember the Admiral's speech suggesting hydrozenine and vanadium vapor could be substituted for dredge smatter in a pinch. Folks didn't worry so much about cholesterol back then.
Rich

[Rich Bingham]

Art accompanied Kalamity Dick on many of his excursions. A careful, fore-sighted personality, he always made sure he was inflated to 55-60 psi in the event of Kalamity's raceabout getting a flat tire. This was fortunate on more than one occasion, as it saved much time and effort with a hand-pump. In later years, Art experimented with inert gasses, and found that inflating himself with helium enabled him to cover 15 yards in a single stride.

[Burger in Spokane]

Art was a colorful character, indeed. Donning one of hundreds, from his mother's
extensive wig collection, it was said Art was indiscernable from J.Edgar Hoover,
dressed up as Ethel Merman, and could out-Ethel, Ethel herself when it came to
belting out a Broadway show tune.

Art used the readily available mushroom stands as a source for stored PSI. Although
he "wowed" the crowds with his inflation performances, the release of pressure cleared
the area and no one was around when he'd pass the hat. Thus, the reliance on his Ethel
Merman/Hoover performances to keep the lights on.

Rich, your post connects some dots I had not connected before:

1. Was a modified kaphistulator used to vaporize vanadium ?

2. It was Art who coined the term "Black Truck Smatter" when he felt discriminated
against when driving his TT in commuter traffic.

3. You mentioned "in a pinch" .... It is well known Naval history that Admiral Hoodoo
was the fastest rising Naval officer in the fleet. Many came forward after his death to
report he was a pincher, and as all pinchers are, he pinched his way to the top. It was
also reported that he took small bites, and moved with wild abandon. But never at the
same time.

[Rich Eagle]

I'm glad you asked Burger.
1. According to the enchiridion it was the Bi-Strismic Kaphistulator that could kravistate vanadium slag into vapor and then condense it to a thin coherent metal coating. By reversing the polarity it could crack walnuts. The many uses for vanadium vapor were not realized until some years later.

2. Yes, Art was constantly saying "Black Truck Smatter". Often it was out of context. The Docents at the museum pleaded with him to stop and he changed it to "Docent Smatter". This made them even angrier.

3. Admiral Hoodoo had what most abnormalaigists describe as "Perfect Pinch". Acquired from pinching pennies during his fragnominal years, he found it much more rewarding than tickling feet. In today's enlightened order both might be deemed offensive but back in the day it was considered a most welcome compliment. The salt air increased the pleasure dramatically for both Pincher and Pinchee.

A forth question Ernie was often asked is "If the earth is round how come people on the other side don't fall off?"
"That is a common misconception. People are falling off all the time."

In his later years Art Hubell grew tired of being the "Human Bellows". The pressure was getting to him and inflation was killing his savings. He also was putting on the pounds. The doctors pumped his stomach and ties his tubes which was flat out unusual in those times. Finally his blood pressure reached 30X3.5 and his mileage returned to normal.

See you at the slinging match.

Rich

[Rich Eagle]

I guess I should include that one doctor suspected Art's condition stemmed from wearing his cap too tight when he worked for the county as a bridge washer.

[Burger in Spokane]

Art's twin brother Earl was also known around town for his character antics. Both gents
took a liking to the trunks you see Art in, in the photo above. Earl, wishing to gain the
attention of the ladies, took to Jack LaLane-ing himself around the beach at Chugwater
Cove, but getting no takers. Seeing local heartthrob, "hunk", and he-man Hugh G. Rexion
regularly "makin' it with the gals", Earl approached Hugh and asked him was his secret was.
Hugh reportedly told Earl to put a potato in his trunks. Earl promptly found a sizable Idaho
spud and posited it where he felt it most natural and headed for the beach.

The results were worse than before. Rather than look at Earl with disinterest, the women
looked at him with scorn and left the area. Confused, it took Earl a few days to find Hugh
to ask him what he was doing wrong. Looking Earl up and down, Hugh replied simply: "The
potato goes in the front".

Sadly for Earl, the image was one he could never overcome, and he remained single and
something of a comical character until he died at the ripe old age of 98 of acute left-turn
syndrome.

[Rich Eagle]

Yes, I wear those trunks a lot myself.
Growing up in Idaho we learn much more about potatoes than we need to. Our humble home is nestled between 2 potato orchards to this day.
Kalamity Dick spent several years in Idaho and found that spraying vanadium chloride on the trees yielded a harder potato that he could machine into Model T differential thrust washers. They almost lasted as long as the babbitt ones but he could fry the shavings to treat the other machinists. The used oil could be thickened with parakeet beaks and used to lubricate the gears.
Dick never needed to use them as Hugh and Earl did as many of the local ladies could attest to.
It always amazed me how many left turns a 98 year old could make.
Rich Au Gratin

[Rich Bingham]

Wearing trunks has always been a sartorial challenge. Some larger, heavy-set types have been known to look "sporty" wearing a steamer trunk with the drawers removed, but most who adopt the style prefer small foot-lockers that fit closer to the body. Besides, removing one's drawers is still pretty much frowned upon even in today's permissive society.

To stay on topic, initially, Kalamity Dick's experiments with vanadium chloride were meant to control Colorado potato beetle infestations in the potato orchards. The harder, machineable potato was a fortunate side effect which opened a broader market for culls. Not only did the compound effectively control crop pests, it was found that the dead beetles were also hardened to Brinell 3. By bending the wing-sheath upwards 90 degrees, dead beetles made a readily available replacement for broken common sense fasteners at no cost to the farmer.

[Rich Eagle]

It certainly was the "Common Sense" thing to do. It had a 2 pronged effect that was fastenateing. Most studs who processed the beetles in the washer could button up their work in a snap and spend the day at the beach to play lift-the dot or impress the girls.
They say no man is an eyelet but these guys in their trunks seamed to recover top dollar fun.
As Murphy's law would have it a canvasing of the area resulted in buttoning up of the frolicking and they cancelled the Senior Prong and it was curtains for all of them.

[Rich Eagle]

Heinrich believes this may be Art, Earl and Hugh after work on that Tuesday. Can anyone remember which would be Art and which would be Earl? My guess is that Hugh is the fellow at right as he wouldn't have been a twin. Without trunks or potatoes we can't be sure.

"Strike Me Pink" is playing at the Rex starting Wednesday if anyone wants to catch Ethel Merman.
Rich

[Rich Bingham]

If Heinrich says those are the Hubbel twins and Hugh G. Rexion after work on that Tuesday, that's good enough for me. You can clearly see the resemblance between each twin, that's ample corroboration in itself. Another detail revealed by this fine photograph is the little-known fact that the Hubbel twins were champion "three legged race" competitors. Notice how they are standing. They practiced "three-legging" at work all day every day, and it became second nature for them to walk in time together wherever they went.

[Burger in Spokane]

Rich,

That whole 3-legged thing began because they were the mildest of Siamese twins,
attached at the heel. In those days, even a mild case involved complicated surgery
to separate the pair. The Hubbell boys were finally separated, not by surgical procedure,
but by a rather freak railroad accident, involving a drunk man of the cloth, a lizard,
and a shorthandled "marital aid" with a whistle. Both recovered spendidly, and did
better than anyone ever expected, especially in light of the near total loss of flocul
fluid from both.

[Rich Eagle]

That was a common practice for a short time with the longer handle. Personal preference I suppose. Sometimes a bell was used rather than the whistle.
Folks keep stopping me on the street asking about the zebra dun mule. Perhaps this is Cuthberts' or Ethelbert's shown here giving the nephews a ride.

[Rich Bingham]

Another wonderful photo that fills in many details of the Kalamity Dick Saga. Clearly visible to the left of the picture is Dick's raceabout. The animal is a Sicilian Donkey, and the gentleman assisting the little girl is none other than Aldo Vanucci, once known in his native Italy as "Il Furbaccione", or, "The Fox". He played numerous practical jokes on the official Carabinieri, nothing actually malicious or criminal, but he so embarrassed the Italian constabulary they vowed to lock him up on sight. He had a close call evading them one time, and managed to slip into Vatican City undetected. Pope Leo XIII proclaimed it was a miracle Aldo had evaded the Swiss Guard, and promptly gave him his blessing, granting him asylum on the condition that he would emigrate to the USA immediately if not sooner. Aldo arrived in New York Harbor aboard a cattle boat shipping a load of donkeys destined to work the Carissa Mine in South Pass CIty. We might guess that Aldo very likely acquired the donkey he named "Lucretia" (Lulu for short) by working one of the clever stratagems he was famous for on the drovers who were charged with shipping the herd to Wyoming. In any case, they never missed Lulu, and Aldo was home free.

Once stateside, Aldo headed west, and took up prospecting for mineral deposits. He became the picture-book image of the old west "sourdough", packing through the lonely wastes of the desert west hopeful of "striking it rich". The donkey in the picture is his faithful companion "Lucretia". Kalamity Dick grubstaked Aldo on several occasions, and their partnership was successful when Aldo struck a rich vein of vanadium just out of Saddle String. Sharing patent royalties for the number of wonderful vanadium compounds Kalamity Dick formulated set them both up with a modest income for the rest of their lives. Aldo was a kindly soul who loved children. Clearly this happy encounter at Chugwater shows that while Aldo could be patient enough to monkey around like that, he respected Lulu too much ever to make an ass of her.

[Rich Eagle]

So it appears to be a monkey and not one of the nephews?
Rich

[Rich Bingham]

Yes, that's right. While the monkey in the picture bears some resemblance to Kalamity's nephew Hennessy, it's plain to see the monkey is not wearing trunks, something Uncle Dick and the nephews' folks would never have permitted the boys to do. As photos in previoius posts attest, Hennessy out-grew the full body hair, and turned out to be a fine broth of a lad in his teens. For more about Hennessy's "broth" see the previous year's posts about his foray into the whisky business. Hi Ho ! Sebastian just reminded me it's time for the Chugwater vs. Saddle String squamish tournament.

[Burger in Spokane]

Another from the trunk of values ....

A late shot of Kalamity's "big ditch" viaduct that carried water across 12 Mile Gulch to
irrigate the Upper Terrace. Built purposely with a high and large arch to not impede
ongoing kaphistulator testing, the transfer capacity of the overhead canal was rated at
281.9 million sental-per-minute on the Colvin scale. With reversed polarity and 21 monad
reduction, could carry as many as 41 conversations simultaneously.

With the advent of KD's granular elevation symmetry technology, the big ditch and all
relative plumbing were obsolete with 5 years.

Dr. Klaus Untervaagar's kids kick stones at the arch's base as a traditional rite of nomamclarism
for Chugwater children. Smedley Doolittle, Supt. of District 1 is there to ensure all is done
in compliance with code 9.

[Wayne Sheldon]

Viaduck!? Why not a chicken? Ya gotta Ford the river? You gotta Ford, whataya need a duck for?

Forget it! A bunch of workmen are coming over tonight and there will be a BIG pipe there in the morning!

[Rich Eagle]

And that's the small one. The larger being on Jefferson Street. Actually, Wayne, Chico was going to help with the BIG pipe but couldn't remember the password.
Most of the Colvin scale had been washed off by overflow which illiminated the need fore reversing the polarity but it was still a lot of fun. Hydrologists from as far away as Benkelman came for opening day.
Thanks for finding the photo. We had thought it was lost.
Rich

[Rich Eagle]

Heinrich says this is the one on Jefferson.

[Rich Bingham]

Yes, that's the Jefferson Street viaduck all right. Interestingly, this photo shows the right-hand drive Ford old man Colvin picked up on the border in a sheriff's sale when a bootlegger from Milk River was arrested in Sweet Grass. I was told he just parked the car and left it when he wore out the reverse band. No one knows what became of the four cases of contraband Happy Sally that were in the car, but old man Colvin always seemed to have a smile on his face.

[Rich Eagle]

I may have 1 case left in the cellar. If so we will have to arrange a party.
Old man Colvin said he'd give his right arm to be ambidextrous.
Rich

[Herb Iffrig]

electrical device.JPG (37.75 KiB) Viewed 31124 times

I just don't know what this is all about. It seems that they used too much glue on the basck and the writing is obliterated

[Burger in Spokane]

That is an example of a mid-design (16 point) magneto pestulated groove modulator.
Note the leverage/control pulley. Early design units began with 8 points, while those
made at the zenith of development carried 56 in a spiral spectrograph. Early units were
impressive. Using qualitative pairs in transposition every 8th contact in the final designs,
KD's lab men could lift anything from a lima bean to a locomotive using only the Urgon
transference energy at the end of the nozzle tip.

Are those not the Brothers Walker, Hiram and Johnny ? Both got their start with KD at
the vestibule factory and were trusted associates in his intellectual pool.

[Wayne Sheldon]

SWORDFISH!

[Herb Iffrig]

Burger here is another of the Walkers:

silly walks.jpg (41.57 KiB) Viewed 31105 times

I wonder if they are related?

[Burger in Spokane]

Oh boy, ... am I excited over this find ! Heinrich came by in his surrey and a discussion
ensued about terminal probosity. This led to a little digging in the trunk of values, where
we turned up this gem .... KD's personal metabolic inference transducer !

Although he built several for dignitaries and other captains of industry, this is where much
of his research and "proving grounds" testing began and ended. Heinrich says the archives
hold large volumes of records of how this machine was built, including the use of it without
vanadium vapor annealed parts, to extract and produce the vanadium vapor that he used to
then anneal the parts !

That *might* be Kalamity standing at the base of the main wheel, although Joachim Finklestein
was a close associate on the project, and the two did present much alike.

[Rich Eagle]

Yes, the annealing was important but quickly wore out trousers at that joint. It is difficult to enlarge the photo enough to be sure without tweezers.
Also, thank you Herb for the Walker pictures. I owe the Ministry dues for '72 and '74.
And thanks Wayne for the password. Mary had been supplying them but you know how she is.
Rich

[Rich Eagle]

Sebastian found this in a second box marked "Joachim" but we can't be sure.
Did you see the Black Hole in the Chugwater Daily?

[Rich Bingham]

No question that is Kalamity, and from perusing other photos, most likely Joachim Finklestein standing with him at the base of the big bull gear. That gear drove the "steel elephant" recupulator that was installed on site at the vanadium mine to recycle raw ore. Recall that Dick partnered with Aldo Vanucci on the vanadium claim. I'm quite sure that's Aldo standing at the base of the metabolic inference transducer in the previous photo.

Joachim chose to construct the transducer right at the vanadium mine as it saved many steps.

[Burger in Spokane]

Not long after the Grasshopper Plague left the Upper Terrace in a terrible state of affairs,
Kalamity Dick's cousin Vunknard Spuzzum established the shouting tower in the block just
east of the evacuation shells. For a small fee, Vunknard or his associates would broadcast
any sort of message from the tower for all to hear. Expecting to make a fortune passing along
messages of good will, help, and generally positive tidings, the darker side of Chugwater
proved to be the source of fortune, paying large and paying often to cast aspersions, spread
rumor, and besmurch friends and enemies alike.

Vunknard's bedeviled nature and flowery grasp of vocabulary became a daily spectacle for
townsfolk and tourists alike. In the summer of '14, he cat-called Bickford Chump a "high falootin'
lop-eared galoot" before a crowded street of passersby. The press never let it go.

KDtower.jpg (68.33 KiB) Viewed 31407 times

[Herb Iffrig]

Burger it is funny you should mention the grasshopper plague. Just yesterday I came across this photo from the height of the incident:

Do you suppose Kala,ity's experiments had anything to do with it?

[Rich Bingham]

Ah, the short-lived halcyon days before electronic communications. I suppose that's been the nature of "social media" since the beginning ? Interestingly, Bickford Chump sued Spuzzum for slander. The August 4, 1915 issue of the "Chugwater Register" reported the proceedings. A jury unanimously denied Chump's claims, as Spuzzum's able defense proved that Chump was, indeed, a "high falootin' lop-eared galoot". The judge ordered Chump to pay Spuzzum's attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous case.

[Rich Eagle]

Here is Urleen Untervaagar testifying at that trial. In appreciation Vunknard invited her and the entire jury over for an after trial feast of satayed grasshopper under Isinglass. It is quite good with basil.

[Burger in Spokane]

As would be expected, Chugwater prude, and self-appointed Director of Decency,
Murleen Milquetoast spun around to show an over-animated look of shock and disgust
to the courtroom over the proceedings going on. Murleen had no middle ground peers
in the greater Calhoun County area. She was loved or hated, but no one fell between
the two poles. That was, until Hugh G. Rexion gave her a wanting gaze. Her entire life
of pent up womanly desires burst forth in a flood that would make a stone blush. Things
were never the same around town after that

[Burger in Spokane]

It was a well-known secret that Carmine (the Weasel) Bagliacci was behind Emelio
Frontiani's Awning outfit, that operated out of the back of the Fecklersburg Telephone
Co. building on Pispacattiquattimauken Street. Bagliacci's crew kept a tight racket on
Calhoun County gambling for over a century, as well as the distribution of fresh vegetables
and adult incontinence supplies. The latter two rackets kept Bagliacci in positive favor
with the locals, largely keeping his men out of legal trouble, in spite of the few moral
crusaders that routinely demanded police round them all up. Frontiani seemed an honest
sort, delivering high quality product and excellent service, at reasonable prices. The old
roadster pickup is still seen all over the Tri-burg area on business calls.

KDawnings.jpg (94 KiB) Viewed 30948 times

[Rich Bingham]

Bagliacci was not only behind Frontini's awning enterprise but on top of it. "The Weasel" took rooms above the awning business, where many of the clandestine "High-Steaks"poker games took place. That impressive bow window was useful for lookouts in case the cops showed to bust up the action.

"High Steaks" indeed; Carmine served up a superlative Porterhouse at a time when all Fecklersburg eateries were on the ground floor. They were a little pricey too, but with a $40. buy-in for the game, the gamblers didn't seem to mind.

Side note to make it relevant to the KD saga, Kalamity himself never played poker. He really didn't understand the game, believing it was about the cards. He lost any interest he may have had after Cuthbert got skinned one time by Bagliacci's card sharps and had to leave the awning works wearing a barrel.

[Burger in Spokane]

Both Mila Sidethorpe and Mamie Timarooni wrote in the Calhoun County Historical
register (1943 edition) that Carmine Bagliacci, in spite of any nefarious doings, was
held in pretty high regard, on account of his excellent fresh vegetables and ready
supply of special needs adult undergarments. They opined that any "dance" done
between the Bagliacci gang and law enforcement was purely for show. Even tribal
elders on the Moon Dove Reservation were on friendly terms, and business was good.

[Herb Iffrig]

This was found in the attic in an Old Judge Coffee can.
I think it is an early photo of the Barrow gang, but I could be wrong. Can anyone identify the people?

[Burger in Spokane]

Looks like early work on a milk mine. High grade milk ore was found readily in
the upper Chugwater basin.

[Rich Eagle]

It could be the Fineous Barrow family. He invented the push barrow and applied for a patent only to find the Chinese had been using them for centuries with wheels. They were Mud Rakers from the old country and provided controversial topics for the whole county to ponder. Highly spiritual people they didn't admit to being related to the famous outlaws but many suspected they were. Melba (at my left as I look at the photo) often sewed the undergarments mentioned in the previous assessment.
The Chugwater Buffalos easily beat the Bears Friday night.
Rich

[Burger in Spokane]

Fineous' push barrow was pretty standard in design - no strategic advantage - but the
curious use of rotating squares and rectangle shapes, instead of the obvious ROUND wheel
as a means of moving the craft across the ground, mystified many observers for years.
He eventually got closer to the circular shape with a 5-point star, but never really did
figure out the advantage of a centrally axled full radius.

In either case, he did implement the milk can in his mining operations and success was
had, in spite of the controversial topics that raged around the clan.

[Rich Bingham]

Many who laughed at the "square wheels" Phineas Barrow employed on his "finious barrows" never realized how ingenious the transport method actually was. When cream was separated from the pure milk-ore, the "finious barrows" were loaded with cans containing cream. Hauled down the hillside, jolting all the way on the irregular shaped wheels, the cream was churned into butter. By the time the cans arrived in town fresh from the mine, crowds of anxious house-wives would gather to purchase butter by the pound, earning the Barrows a tidy profit with little labor involved.

As with so many mining operations, when the rich vein of milk played out early in the Depression, the Barrow clan gradually went broke, and were forced to move on. A common story during those hard times.

[Rich Eagle]

Like making lemons out of lemonade right?
Speaking of the Barrows this photo cropped up. We surmise it is Laydeen and Sprinkles returning from the Regatta. Spike had gnawed on one of the Constables boots and he became irritated with the trio. The Harley twin could outrun his Dodge but not his wrath. Fineous was given a long lecture the next day but couldn't be mad for long at the girls. They seemed to get away with everything that crossed their collective minds.

[Burger in Spokane]

The Barrow girls were a thorn in the side of Murleen Milquetoast for years.
Their lack of modesty and blatant exploitation of their "secret weapons" to
melt the minds of stern men drove Murleen mad.

-------------------------------------

Carl Casual was the son of Ned and Nellie Casual. Ned was the son of Isaiah
and Sh'Nequa Casual. Three generations of lamplighters and trimmers in both
Fecklersburg and Chugwater. Carl is seen here trimming the carbon of an arc
light on Wonkler Street, behind the main mushroom storage shed in Chugwater.

Carl was anything but casual about the grooming and appearance of the enormous
dog he used to pull his cart around. Most folks never knew it wasn't a horse.

[Herb Iffrig]

Is that one of those UFO's.
It looks like an early one before they used dilithium crystals.

[Rich Bingham]

That is a wonderful photograph. Burger, many thanks for the vignette on the Casual family. I had no idea three generations of expert lamp-lighters and wick trimmers was their family heritage. Looking deeper, the Fecklersburg Times (Jan. 10, 1900) carried an article on Carl. Many did not know he was an avid harness racer. He regularly beat the field at the Medicine Bow track, and none suspected his entry was a dog. The fact that he posted the animal's name regularly on the race docket as "Fido" proved he had no intention to defraud, but when race officials found out Fido was not a horse, he was banned from participating. Carl's defense was that they never asked him if Fido was a dog. After the truth came out, some curious folks began to ask Carl why did he bridle his dog with blinders ? Pondering this, Carl decided to eliminate them, which worked well for a time, but he was later injured when Fido suddenly turned the lamp-service gig upside down to chase a squirrel that had run in front of the wheels. He put the blinders back on.

Herb, I believe this picture is from the era when dilithium crystals were used as a flux in glass formulated to make the lamp globes. Its other properties were unknown until after 1915.

[Burger in Spokane]

The Casuals were, and remain, and interesting bunch. Carl's sons also carried on the
tradition of streetlighting work, before technology made their jobs obsolete. They went
on to do a lot of dolphin polishing and wildebeast waxing. Some things never fall out
of favor.

-----------------------------

In 1939, Samuel L. Bronkowitz was Mayor of Saddle String. He had worked hard to
bring about a public consensus that the use of toilet paper and tooth brushing were social
positives, and should be partaken of on a regular basis. However, Samuel's brother Ivar's
crusade to sell burlap underwear cast a long shadow over Samuel's efforts. In spite of
this, Samuel's idea for baths and haircuts proved a big success and the waiting bench at
Bill Sander's place was often full.

[Herb Iffrig]

It seems that this photo too was unidentified!

[Burger in Spokane]

Clearly no Marine Corps weapons training for the gent on the left: finger IN the trigger
loop and weapon pointed directly at the other guy's gun .... "this is my weapon, this is
my gun .... "

Mount Fecklersburg was a popular backdrop for portrait photos of wranglers that came
into the area to range the new hybrid strain of sheep/cow developed by Unar Metz, an
1890's immigrant to the Upper Chugwater. The Metz name is still all over the pickle orcharding
business that covers much of the area to this day, and a large shipper on the Chugwater &
Northern along the Silverton Branch above Rocky Reach. If memory serves, the Metz Corporation
(Metzco) has their fingers in the parakeet feather/chaps industry too. The birds are naturally
drawn to the pickle orchards and Metz advertising proudly tells the world that their parakeets
are all wild caught, free range birds.

[Herb Iffrig]

I remember hearing a song about that.
It was called Free Bird I think.
Funny how things tie in, isn't it?

[Burger in Spokane]

In a gesture of gratitude toward Ernie for all his help and support through the years,
Kalamity Dick spent a bit of time developing a photo surveillance system to help Ernie
keep riff-raff out of the tavern and perhaps identify hooligans, pests, and estwhile n'er-
do-wells that DID manage to get past the proverbial "gates".

In a dark chapter of Calhoun County history, on April 21, 1911, Edgar P. Woozlenuts
burst into the Thurston Wallace Chapter of the Ladies Home Society and proceded to
metriculate before an assembled membership meeting. In the chaos of shock and horror
that ensued, Woozlenuts was able to escape in his motorcar without incident. But KD's
security system was in place and operational, and captured the perpetrator on film. Film
that brought a swift conviction when Woozlenuts was apprehended in the bog, south of
Saddle String the following morning. Here we see the crowd pouring out of the afore-
mentioned building, as Woozlenuts speeds off toward Fecklersburg. Note the position
of the vehicle top, to block all view by would-be witnesses.

[Burger in Spokane]

It seems that cabin fever has broken around the forum and those more easily distracted
have been pulled away from the vital research and historical narrative going on here.

Both Sebastian and Heinrich took advantge of the turning weather to get away from the
Institute. They happened by the shop here in the late afternoon and we enjoyed a few
ciders and dug through the trunk again. This wonderful image shows KD's very first civic
project, the trolley line that connected the various burgs along the Chugwater. A young
and beard-free Kalamity Dick stands with Fester Norgan at the reigns of Car No.3, as an
also young Edgar P. Woozlenuts hauls bricks of gypsum cheese to the smelter for refining.
Heinrich said that the round trip from Chugwater to the end of the line at Pispacattiquattimauken
and back took 17 hours, and cost 5¢. The year was 1889 and Ognir Finnigan's rail fence was
just a year old. The 1871-built telegraph would be rebuilt the following spring.

KDtrolley.jpg (144.14 KiB) Viewed 30720 times

[Wayne Sheldon]

Well, I am pleased that at least one of the loonigraphicers is still hard at work with the important stuff!
It is also good to see the trolley on its track. I know from personal experience that when one's trolley jumps the track, it can be a very confusing time.
Wasn't it Sebastian that laid five tracks crosswise to the mainline and kicked the mule in the ass to set a new Chugwater record for distance jumping?

Leave those glass insulators on the pole!

[Rich Eagle]

Lionel Norgan, Fester's Nephew, actually did most of the wiring for previously mentioned surveillance system. The footage was later used as the inspiration for the Movie "Man without Burlap" directed by Skippy Spadaford in his Hollywood days. The story of a rabbit and a boy who loved him turns violent when the when vanadium is discovered in Cheyenne. Several stuntmen were nearly killed in the velocipede sequence. The film was banned in France for obvious reasons. Laydeen, Sprinkles and Ethel Merman did the musical numbers including 62. A book was written also but quickly burned after publishing. Rumor has it there were actually two.

Tell the boys their vacation was cancelled by the home office.
Rich

[Rich Bingham]

Sebastian claims the surviving copy of "Man Without Burlap" is part of the Institute's archives, but neither he nor Alfred have been able to locate it yet. It's tragic that Edgar Woozlenuts turned to a life of shameful metriculation. He was such a promising lad. Skippy Spadaford certainly had a checkered career. At least until he learned how to play chess. "Man Without Burlap" was a box-office failure which left him in financial straits for the rest of his life. Harold Lloyd once recognized the former director pan-handling on the Santa Monica Pier, and asked him why he was dressed so shabbily. Always the humorist, Skippy replied he was wearing his strait-jacket.

[Rich Eagle]

Perhaps trying to cut corners and film "Man Without Burlap" on 24mm film was part of the problem. Producer Hugo Witouttme had left in a Huff during final cutting and things turned ugly. Mary Creamhower quit after the drawing room scene and Melony Larkvonnet replaced her.
Meanwhile, the Huff broke a camshaft and Hugo was attacked again by waterpump salesmen. While unfortunate this did inspire two more films later that same year.
Not to mention the buttermilk.
Rich

[Rich Bingham]

That promotional still provides interesting insight into the filming of "Man Without Burlap". Obviously this was taken during the filming of the drawing room scene, showing Mary Creamhower and the leading man Skippy chose to star in the picture, an unknown actor named Douglas Behrflancks whom he chose because of his uncanny resemblance to Skippy's outlaw uncle Slug Spadaford. However, Behrflancks' career went nowhere, owing to the confusion of his surname with that of a famous matinee idol of the time. Producer Hugo Witoutme bailed on the project as soon as he found out the distribution agreement with Keystone was moot, owing to Skippy Spadaford's blunder in filming on 24mm. It is interesting to note that Kalamity Dick invested a small sum in the movie mostly to support Melony Larkvonnet's film debut. KD was related to the Larkvonnets. Though he lost his investment, Dick hardly noticed; by that time, his improvements to the kaphistulator were bringing in modest royalties, although he never patented them.

Witoutme gained prominence and great success as a producer after surviving the infamous water-pump incident, the two films he produced shortly afterwards did well and were very popular. Students of early films are familiar with the barrell scene in "Niagara Ford" and the tripod scene in "Don't Throw Out the Clabber". Buttermilk sales tripled nationwide when the latter film was relesed. Mary Creamhower starred in both pictures, and Witoutme sold the Huff for scrap in 1921.

[Herb Iffrig]

As you can see this was discovered in the archives. What a wonderful insight into the times. Is this the Chugwater beer saloon?

[Rich Bingham]

I believe that's Pops Springerle's place, midway between Chugwater and Saddle String on Twelvemile Road. That looks like Pop himself with his foot on the tire of that car, beside him, his youngest daughter, Aspidistra. Pop took to brewing beer after he failed at farming, finding it was much cheaper to buy barley than raise it himself. He was apprenticed to a brewer in his native Schlocknosen, Bavaria as a small boy, but emigrated to the USA rather than be conscripted into the army. His "beer saloon" was a modest success only because it was the only watering hole between Chugwater and Saddle String. Most folks agreed his beer was awful stuff, but it had a potent alcohol content, so no one complained. He was conscious of the failings of his product, and endeavored to improve, but gave up after sending a batch for analysis. When the lab report came back, it read : "Your horse has diabetes."

[Burger in Spokane]

Let us not forget to connect the dots of Pop Springerle's life narrative. Brewer's apprenctice,
immigrant, farmer, brewer and saloon keeper, and all the time, fan of obscure movies. It was
the Man Without Burlap film that inspired the next step in Pop's life. Pop converted the beer
house into a tailoring shop, selling undergarments and lingerie made entirely of burlap, under
the catchy name "Southern Comfort". The location half way between Chugwater and Saddlestring
proved an ideal marketing position, as tourists. locals, and businessfolk often found the distance
a perfect opportunity for travel respite, and with Pop's impeccable workmanship and quality of
product, he sold his goods like hotcakes. Schlocknosen Castle, built on the first terrace of Mount
Fecklersburg, and named after his home town back in Bavaria, is still a huge tourist attraction in
Calhoun County.

[Rich Eagle]

Another shot of Pops Springerle just after the dedication. He did actually sell the hotcakes too only under a different name.

Back to the interview with Hennessy, on page four he mentions Kalamity Dick mowing the yard on 8th street. To amuse the nephews he would push the mower with one hand a pinch his nose with the other mimicking a Cornet. Duke Fitzellwitz tunes were his favorite. All the time wearing a beanie with a propeller on top. Nadine Shelleen in her 90s appreciated him doing her lawn too but frowned on the propeller. Just one more glance at his humorous side.

[Burger in Spokane]

After the second silver panic, a general economic malaise set in all across Calhoun and
adjacent counties. While Kalamity Dick was financially secure, due to product lines and
royalties, his paying research base WAS affected, and effectively dried up until the milk
mine boom and mushroom stand craze got things hopping again. For a few years, Heinrich
reports, KD took a room in the south tower of the Institute and walked into town each day
to do work and experiments in the basement at Ernie's .... and perhaps take in a flask of
Happy Sally.

Ungvald Strapinio captured this image of KD crossing the street, after walking the path
through the woods from the Institute, on his way to Ernie's on a crisp late October day in
1924. By the summer of 1926, the sap gatherers had overcome the carbunkle outbreak.
This period of quietude in KD's life is when he perfected the twin-cycle thrust turbine that
took the kaphistulator to its design zenith.

[Rich Eagle]

It's good to see that photo. The carbunkle outbreak was all the worse for not having the serum on hand. The gatherers union had been warned sporadically through both seasons with no effect.
Sebastian's Uncle found this poster behind the broom closet. He said it was there all the time but nobody has questioned it prior.

[Burger in Spokane]

It is always such a pleasant thing to see these old posters and remember when ....

I still remember quite clearly the first time I saw Man Without Burlap, and seeing
those posters in the lobby of the Funk-Knuckles Theatre in Fecklersburg. Creepy
Uncle Chester took a group of us kids down there for the 25¢ Saturday afternoon
matinee, on the backs of his tube goats. He said it strengthened them for endurance
racing during the big tube goat roundup, held in conjunction with the Chugwater
Regatta each year. He still holds the record for most wins, in all classes.

[Rich Eagle]

We saw it originally on our Atwater-Kent Radio. The studio provided a booklet with Van Pinksgurg sketches and even some color renderings. A bell would go off from time to time to let you know when to turn the page. Mel Blanc did some of the voice-overs for Leland Zip who couldn't speak.
The big tube goat roundup scene as pictured was deleted from the radio version for clarity issues. It sounded like Canadian geese being strangled and even in those days there were limits.
As for the big tube goat roundup at the Chugwater Regatta the boating portion was almost canceled two consecutive years for lack of interest. That is how exciting Chester made it. Is it true he melted down some of the trophies for cuff links?
Creepy or not.
Rich

[Rich Bingham]

What a treat to see the movie poster. I believe Aldo VanPinksburg did the illustrations for the poster too. I also got to "see" Man Without Burlap on the radio. The film was never released in Idaho, none of the theaters were set up for 24mm. I was about five, sitting on Uncle Lumby's lap. It wasn't much fun, Uncle Lumby was deaf as a stone and never turned the first page.

[Rich Eagle]

It's a shame 24mm didn't do better. You could fit 3 reels in the glove-box of a Greyhound so distribution was wide open. Binford Stroschlap made conversion sprockets to fit standard projectors. Kodiak had to cut hundreds of miles of it down to 8mm in the end.
As it turned out Uncle Lumby wasn't really deaf. It was an act he put on to ignore his third wife but once he started he couldn't break character. He did have his principles.

[Rich Bingham]

So that's how he always got to the table first at mealtimes !! It explains a lot.

[Rich Eagle]

Yes, he was a man of many talents.

The only other one of Skippy's 24mm features that they could find over to the institute was this one.

A story of a man who cheated death by sucking the life out of Bi-strismick travel clocks while crossing different time zones. Many were offended by the misuse of the word "Ballad" as there was no music or poetry with it. Then there was the rumor it had been written for Jack Benny.
Don't read the following if you plan to see it. The title character lives to be 152 years old by this method. He eventually forgets virtually everything including his formula for cheating death. In a dramatic special effects climax he decays into a periwinkle skeleton.

[Burger in Spokane]

Funny how popular clock sucking became after this movie came out.

[Herb Iffrig]

Now onto a more serious subject, here we have to of the guys from down at the Lodge preparing to embark on a journey:

Just like what the cat said when it had it's tail cut off "It won't be long now" and they will be on their way to the Grand Lodge Convention.
Did anyone here how that went? I here there was a big disturbance during the meeting.

[Rich Eagle]

We don't often see Henry Ford in his Lodge chapeau. Thursday was his pinochle night and he seldom attended. Shown here with the longer hood is the special 5-cylinder car he furnished for the Convention trip. Most were sworn to secrecy about the meeting in question but the boys at the institute are working overtime on it. Pops Springerle seems to be the other.
Keep me posted.
Rich

[Herb Iffrig]

Rich do you mean like the guys shown here, down by the post office?

If that is Happy Sally in the bottle they might be falling on their Keyesters very soon!

[Rich Eagle]

The taller fellow does look a little like Sebastian. He's taking his daintily from a bottle while the others drink from the barrel. I see their Liquor store is still looking for a part-time clerk/cashier. The "Spuds" were fierce rivals of the Chugwater "Buffalo's" They were tied 8 to 27 in the last game. The post office ended two miles from town after the collision.
Thanks
Rich

[Burger in Spokane]

Those 4 men are the guys who hauled the giant bundled "rafts" of mushroom moss from
the harvest beds on Lake Catchawhopper, down the Chugwater, to the growing barns in
Woogleston. While none were related, they were known for decades as the Pecker Brothers.
Peter (seated, center) seemed to run the show, but "brothers" Pooter, Gooter, and Stubby
were all equals, and popular in sport, business, and with the ladies. Bringing in the moss
ensured a steady flow of mushrooms, and the stands only grew in popularity, both with the
locals and a growing tourist trade. The money generated by the work of these four was felt
by much of the population in the Chugwater basin, and they were grateful for it.

This amazing photo shows the floating moss rafts out on the lake, ready for shipment, but
also captures the mushroom stand owned by Groot Swillsipper and his sweetheart Gertrude.
Gert, as she was called in polite company, was a woman of wide stature at the posterior. It
was said by many that Gert could clear a room with the smallest of freeps, forever earning
her the nickname "dynamite". The mushroom gas issue was no laughing matter in Calhoun
County. It was big business, as seen by the roadside camping options all around Swillsippers'
stand. "Camping" was the polite way of suggesting to indulgers that perhaps sleeping outdoors
was a better option than anything else.

KDlake.jpg (100.9 KiB) Viewed 30376 times

[Rich Eagle]

There actually was a 5th Brother named Zeppo. Actually he was the only brother to the other four. He isn't in Herb's photo as he was inside getting a clean mug. Groot loved to tell the story to customers of how he met Gert. She had climbed a mushroom tree to retrieve her cat and got entangled in the branches. It took two ladders and a rim jack to get her back to safe ground. No report on the cat.
Rich

[Rich Bingham]

Peter, Pooter, Gooter, Stubby and Zeppo were born and raised in Wisconsin. The five brothers were close and worked well together. When they headed west to Wyoming, their combined homestead claims amounted to over a section, and they established a township which they named "West Consin" to honor their origins. With the mushroom boom, West Consin grew into a sizeable village, but the postal department refused to establish a post office there, claiming the name caused too much confusion.

Befuddled over this setback, the brothers decided that Zeppo should be postmaster, but the other four would decide on what to rename the community. Pooter quipped that Zeppo would just be sitting on his "keister" while the other four did the real work, a point of view that delighted the other three brothers, and the rest is history. The Pecker Bros. were known to be poor at spelling.

[Rich Eagle]

Right you are Rich. This is a rare photo of the Keyester post office or perhaps some of the mushroom seed storage bins. I remember when travelers would ask Zeppo which way to Chugwater he would always reply "Either Way" and then walk off.

[Burger in Spokane]

April 12th, 1924, at 2107hrs, the quiet and towering sentinel of the Finkleton Range, Mount
Fecklersburg, erupted with such a force that the top 17th of the mountain was blown into
oblivion and for the next 3 months dumped an estimated 700 million tons of ash across the
entire continent and beyond. Residents woke up the next morning to scenes like this, as
the noontime lunch trolley to Ernie's was forced to drop its spreader bars to clear the line.
Jooball Profaloté was operating the old No.28 on the F Line that day. The Profalotés emigrated
from Lesbia in 1871, and the entire clan proved a hardworking and civic-minded lot. Their success
in the milk mines and mushroom gas business is legend. Jooball operated a popular racket of
running Happy Sally out to eager buyers along the line.

KDtrolley2.jpg (140.98 KiB) Viewed 30293 times

[Rich Eagle]

Of course the story Gert liked to tell best was the roller skate incident. Pooter had just backed the TT uphill to the porch to load a puncheon and six kegs of Portabellas. He left the lorry running with the brake set to help Stubby load them. On his way to the door he noticed Peter had left the rake in the yard. As he picked it up Stubby popped the front door open with a keg on each shoulder. He didn’t realize Zeppo’s young daughter had left a skate on the porch which sent him and the kegs flying. Hearing a scream Pooter dropped the rake and rushed to help but one of the kegs caught his shin and sent him tumbling. The other keg rolled harmlessly into the back of the truck except for bumping the backboard hard enough to loose the ratchet holding the brake lever. Also running to help was Gooter coming from the back yard but as the rake was left with the prongs up the handle came flying just left of center in the forehead.
This chaos had awakened Peter and he was running down the stairs putting his pants on. Still buttoning while racing through the door he bashed Stubby who was just trying to sit up. The TT was picking up speed downhill straight for the outhouse where Zeppo was catching up on some Sears-Roebuck time. Peter ran after the truck while Stubby yelled “Get Down! Get Down Zeppo!” Zeppo did not get down without knowing a good reason and surely would have been killed but for a stray tricycle left near the privy by another Un-Brother’s toddler. The Ford’s inclination changed a bit as the front wheel demolished the velocipede. Zeppo opened the lavatory door with trousers down just in time to catch the second barrel which had not continued with the TT. It took him back to his seat and the door re-shut itself.
All seemed peaceful and quiet for a good five minutes except for the soft hoof-steps of the piggys escaping their pen next to the outhouse where the runaway conveyance had removed part of the fence. The water dribbling from the radiator settled the dust somewhat. A soft voice from the next farm could be heard saying “Oh, It’s just the Pecker Brothers again”. Peter reaching the earth-closet door knocked with no answer. Grooter moaned a little as he came to.

Later a child was very surprised to her response “Has anybody seen my roller-skate?” as many of us have been over the years.

[Rich Bingham]

I'm certainly glad Gert chose to document the rollerskate incident. It explains a lot. The Pecker brothers never found their pigs. Seven Poland-China sows and a Hampshire cross gilt escaped their piggery that eventful day, no one was sure where they had gone. Within a year, over at Medicine Bow, Cuthbert Maddox was troubled to find feral hogs had been uprooting a patch of alfalfa on the upper ranch. He went out with a rifle on several occasions, but never saw any hogs. Four years later, the Pecker brothers were on a party at Ernie's Saloon when a traveling salesman requested the piano player for "The Beer Barrel Polka". When Pooter objected, the salesman threw a punch at him. Pooter ducked, but Gooter who was right behind him suffered a broken nose. The ensuing fisticuffs generated the worst riot in Medicine Bow history. Constable Rathborg was forced to deputize the entire membership of the International Brotherhood of Mushroom Pickers to restore order. Pork sausage remained unavailable in Chugwater for many years.

[Burger in Spokane]

Wow, guys ... there is a lot more to the Pecker brothers' story than I ever realized. I am
really greatful to be connected to this fountain of facts, no matter how obscure or made-up
-on-the-spot. It's always good to have the facts.