OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

[Herb Iffrig]

Is this KD's brother?

[Rich Eagle]

It is more likely KDs friend, Thomas Flyer from the Round the World fame. I thought for a moment it could be KD himself, but KD usually wore a beard and glasses. He did cut his hair like that one Spring.
Thanks for asking.
Rich

[Herb Iffrig]

Is this the fellow that worked on the Hoyt-Clagwell?

[TXGOAT2]

That 'ol boy was obviously pretty handy to be able to rig up that nice sidecar outfit for Mama, but his intake air scoop attachment looks to be to small to be very effective.

[Burger in Spokane]

Vert Skurmwell spent the winter of '22 working out a way for Mama
to supervise the potato harvest all up close and personal, after Mama
found Peckeral Loomins in the potatoes the previous year. The loomin
larvae, while adding protein, had a bitter taste that made the harvest
unpalettable to patrons at Ernie's and other area establishments that
served the Skurmwell spuds.

Mama Skurmwell wielded a centrifugal diaphenon, typically used for
wombat grooming, finding it caused the loomins to effeculate, without
harming the potatoes' ventriculum. The day was saved.

[Rich Eagle]

The side car may well have been added to help the Fordson not tipping over. You know how top heavy they are.
Rich

[perry kete]

With the holidays fast approaching the boys at Ernies thought they would stock up now before the rush

[TXGOAT2]

Now THAT'S a HOGSHEAD!

[Herb Iffrig]

Are these the Klammetboffers? It seems they might have been to the Fair and just have gotten off of the Merry-go-Round? I don't know why they didn't write on the pictures back then.

[Rich Eagle]

That is an interesting question, Herb. Cochise and Myrtle Klammetboffer did ride that Merry-go-Round whenever they were in town. Whether that is they or not is not certain at this time. The drug store across the street took photos of the cavaliers and offered them at cost. Names on the back would have been appropriate but was not though of at the time.
The resemblance to Harry Houdini is remarkable, but there again hard to verify.
The vacuum to run the Merry-go-Round was interestingly enough, generated by dropping barrels down the well. Refer to Perry's previous photo.
No cats were drowned, or sparrows injured.
Rich

[Rich P. Bingham]

After Houdini's tragic demise, Cochise opted for a closer haircut as a token of mourning. Failing eyesight in later years earned him the sobriquet "Goggles" Klamitboffer. He couldn't see the humor. Lifelong sweethearts, Myrtle often said she was devoted to Cochise because of his "insouciance". (Pronounced - "in soy sauce")

Cochise never looked it up, and that's a good thing.
KD never acknowledged his relationship to these third cousins twice removed, for reasons he refused to divulge.
.

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[Herb Iffrig]

Oh, I see.

[Rich Eagle]

Yes!!! Here we see him ecstatic at the Libarry after finding copies of "The Adventures of Kalamity Dick". A life-long quest.

[Rich P. Bingham]

One can well understand Cochise's elation. He is holding all four volumes of The Adventures, unabridged, and out of print since the first edition, a modest trial publication of less than 200 copies. Among rare books, The Adventures of Kalamity Dick stands alone. As one can easily discern from the background, Cochise literally tore the place apart to find them.

Easily convicted of felonious vandalism to the Chugwater Public Library, and theft of municipal property, Cochise was sentenced to two years imprisonment in the State Penitentiary at Rawlins. In a fortunate turn of fate, he was able to read all four volumes during his incarceration, the prison library having secured an inter-library loan from the Chugwater Public Library. Some things are just meant to be, I guess.

[Herb Iffrig]

Right now, it is 41 volumes, or is that pages?

[Rich P. Bingham]

Herb, perhaps this discussion thread is easily confused with the rare, out of print 4-volume hard cover books. You'll note "Fact or Fiction ?" is added to this forum title, wherein serious researchers, free-lance as well as Institute staff contribute factual anecdotes about the life, times, and environmental details about that intrepid adventurer, Richard Q. Klamitboffer, aka "Kalamity Dick", aka "KD".

The four volume account sprung from the fevered brain of Major Amos B. Hooper, an arm-chair adventurer who never left Hoboken, but made a fairly prosperous living in the 1890s penning tales of fantastic daring-do in the Wild West for Beedie's Dime-and-a-half Library.
By the late 1920s, the heyday of the dime novel had passed, and the reading public's attention had turned to aviation and automobile themes. The popularity of the "Motor Boys" series inspired the Major to write his lengthy saga about KD, thinly based on scattered reports of the Robin Hood like mechanical genius who roamed western Wyoming creating fantastic inventions for the benefit of remote farmers and ranchers, as well for the fledgling industries of the Chugwater Basin. Beyond that spare outline, there was nothing factual in Hooper's opus. Worse for Hooper, Beedie's went into receivership and ceased publishing. The Major self-published the four volumes, which accounts for the paucity of existing copies, but without the resources for promotion and distribution, the venture was a failure.

It's rumored that Cuthbert had purchased a set "for old times sake", but as he wasn't much of a reader, the books mostly served to seat the Maddox grandchildren at table height at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Perusing the remains of Cuthbert's estate, only Volume III was found, too stained with turkey gravy to be legible.

[Burger in Spokane]

This brings up the subject of the Calhoun County Stain Works and Kalamity Dick's
vibronation process of reducing broken letters and punctuation from the Alphabet
Mine to produce industrial stains and preservatives for the national market. KD even
diverted some to his vestibule operations south of the border, creating a large regional
demand there, based on the high quality and performance of the stains. Naturally, the
turkey and gravy stains were their most popular tints. Major Bungalow acted as company
manager and hired some of the Basin's top minds to oversee production and distribution.
Heinrich is working up a program to present at next Tuesday's meeting.

[Herb Iffrig]

What time will the meeting be, and where will it be held?

[Burger in Spokane]

The poster board at Ernie's has all the details.

[Burger in Spokane]

It was a pleasure to see some of you at Tuesday's meeting. Heinrich's
presentation on the Calhoun County Stain Works was thorough and
informative. A special treat was the historical rundown of the County's
Cactus Safety Bureau. I was surprised to learn that Cuthbert's brother
Cletus was the department's head and sole employee from 1915 to his
retirement in 1947. Prickly pear have always been an issue for Basin
travelers, and the Bureau did a fine job of improving safety through
regular patrols and emergency field rescues. Their annual course on
cactus safety coincided with the Regatta to ensure convenience of attendance
for locals and visiting revelers alike.

Here we see Cletus aiding a distressed motorist in the era before color
came to the Basin.

[Herb Iffrig]

That looks like a sticky situation!

[TXGOAT2]

He's planning to ferment the cactus and run off some non-tax Mezcal!

[Rich P. Bingham]

Apropos to his misconception that he could brew mezcal from prickly pear (it comes from the agave) Cletus punctured the radiator of that Chevy in several places, causing the driver to be stranded in Dead Valley, a waterless depression 60 miles equidistant from Chugwater, Saddlestring and Silver Plume. How Cletus maintained a position on the Cactus Safety Board for over thirty years is a mystery. His incompetence was egregious. Perhaps he "had something" on the County Commission ?

[Rich Eagle]

Mulching prickly pear to feed to his slaphounds kept Kaleb Van Briggle debt-free during the nutmeg incident.

To my knowledge, he never drove a Chevrolet.
Rich

[Burger in Spokane]

Although more a backscene player than his brother, Cletus was a close
confidant of Ernie, and according to Ernie, Cletus' support and close
association with the Uvula League and other institutions around the basin
kept him in a good place in the hearts of many. He supplied all the cactus
needs for anyone who asked for all those years. Something no others were
willing to do. Kalamity Dick presented him with the Institute's highest honor,
the Nutmeg Award, at his retirement party. Interestingly, Cletus was another
Basin resident with two left feet.

[Herb Iffrig]

Little is known about harvesting the watermelon tree. Some tried to use established methods but were left with sore hands.

[Rich P. Bingham]

Caleb VanBriggle was a frugal sort, with a highly developed acumen for profitable ventures. While mulching prickly pear made him a modest but steady income, marketing cactus spines for phonograph needles made him quite wealthy. The crews harvesting the watermelon trees provided most of the raw material gratis. I suppose they were just glad Caleb would take them off their hands.

Caleb eschewed the Chevrolet marque. He felt their radiators were inferior for driving conditions in the Basin.

[Herb Iffrig]

I don't know anything about this other than it was called a wind wagon.

[perry kete]

They would often back the wind wagon into the kitchen at Ernie's and use it to slice bologna.

[Herb Iffrig]

That is a bunch of bologna.

[Kaiser]

Certainly gets rid of tailgaters !

[TXGOAT2]

The unique vehicle was also found to be well-adapted to launching kites on calm days. For a number of years, the Aeolian Society kite meets were redolent with the scent of bologna.

[Herb Iffrig]

At least it wasn't brown Schwieger with Limberger cheese! That only happened on the fifth Wednesdays at Ernie's when his wife was out of town. Man he really liked that stuff! There were a few who said the taste grew on them, but they couldn't get it off.

[Rich P. Bingham]

It was a banner day when Dr. Kenck's mobile dentistry rolled into Chugwater and set up next to Ernie's Saloon. Widely rumored to be a "painless dentist", some clients were understandably a bit more than disappointed to learn the term actually meant that Dr. Kenck felt no pain whatsoever while operating on his dental patients. Fortuitously, generous libations of Happy Sally greatly eased the suffering of most whom he attended to. Of course, Ernie was pleased with the arrangement.

[Rich Eagle]

Yessiree! folks were so happy to see the painless Dentist. Dr. Kenck is seated on the step ladder, while man on left is identified as the dentist's brother Alfred Kenck, or possibly William (Billy) Frank.
Here we see the interior of the mobile clinic. In addition to the anesthetic, brother Alfred had a quiet soothing voice and sang verses of "Black Rider and "Mule Variations" to the patient. In the chair is the late Conrad Lockvonnet from the sluffing mill.
Rich

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

If I may pose a question, so obviously on-topic with the nature and demeanor of this multifaceted tome...

If it takes a chicken and half, a day and a half, to lay an egg and half, how long does it take a rooster, sitting on a glass doorknob, to hatch a grocery store? It's been a real head scratcher of mine for a lot of years, (it may also be the lack of shampoo that's to blame). I have asked my wise old friend Cyrus Thithuphuth many times, but he does not understand English, and I am woefully behind in my understanding of Pidgeon Urdu. So, the mystery endures, unabated... What say you, proud members of the Chugwater Chapter of the King's Tomfoolery Guild, (the CCKTG, to the initiated)?

[Rich P. Bingham]

Jerry, having crossed the pigeons of Urdu with our flock of laying hens, I hope to have an answer for you with the next hatch of day-old chicks. Meantime, please bear with me as the Institute has been flooded with inquiries wondering how/ why Dr. Kenck found himself so far (over 700 mi.) from his base in Helena.

[Rich Eagle]

According to Wisinskie, the good Doctor had an Aunt Perkey who lived in Glendo, Wy. He could visit her on the way to Chugwater and drop off a St. Swithin's day gift. The Chugwater needy were always so amenable that it was a favorite. Of course, the kazoo concerts at Ernie's helped.

[Rich P. Bingham]

Wisinskie is a font of information regarding Glendo history. No doubt his studious habits were molded at an early age by the generous contributions of out of print books Dr. Kenck brought to the Glendo Mobile Library and Pizza Delivery. Photo shows Wisinskie regarding his current reading list for the week of January 5, 1949.

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[Rich Eagle]

Glendo was a frequent stop for KD. He retuned some of the local guilderflukes there and also Dr. Samguafen's clavichord. Nephew Nimrod told the story of the moose that tipped over KD's runabout. Gas was leaking from the tank, and it was feared that it would catch fire. Passersby tipped the car back on its wheels but were overcome by the fumes. KD was quick to get some phaal curry in them along with some Happy Sally. They were grateful and it became an anal event known as Moosefest.
If it's not on your calendar, check with the Institute.
Thanks
Rich

[Burger in Spokane]

They were grateful and it became an anal event known as Moosefest.
If it's not on your calendar, check with the Institute.
Thanks
Rich

===============================

This is the first time I have thought to check my calendar for an anal event,
unless, of course, we are referring to the Flatulence Festival ? I do not recall
moose being involved in those, but I could have somehow overlooked it ???

[Rich P. Bingham]

Moosefest brought the best and brightest to Glendo. As anal events go, it was hindmost to none. As village festivals went, other burgs may have made Moosefest the butt of their jokes, but it truly was a well-rounded event. The appearance of Gaspar Larkvonnet astride "Lazarus", his personal moose, was always a highlight of the day. Gaspar was a reclusive type seldom seen in the Tri-Burgs. He made a meager living by hiring Lazarus out as a hat rack in Ernie's Saloon.

[Rich Eagle]

That is worth mentioning, Rich. Thanks.
I do recall Lazarus winning at the Regatta twice, much to the surprise of the out-of-towners.
Also, much of the Huckleberry Upside-Down Cake disappeared at the potluck afterward.

[TXGOAT2]

Brussels Sprout season was often celebrated with "pneumatic" festivals featuring competitive events.
Judges as well as spectators had to gauge the wind carefully, and judges were ever vigilant to weed out would be cheaters who stuffed themselves with boiled ham & cabbage prior to the event. Explosive outcomes, though rare, were hardly unknown.

[Rich P. Bingham]

. . . I have thought to check my calendar for an anal event,
unless, of course, we are referring to the Flatulence Festival ? I do not recall
moose being involved in those, but I could have somehow overlooked it ???

Intrigued by the prospect of researching flatulence festivals in the Basin, Heinrich, Bartholomew and six interns spent most of the Candlemas weekend poring over the Institute's document file. Alas, no references could be found to any such celebration. Apparently the correspondents in KD's era didn't know beans about it, so the issue is left blowing in the wind.

A side note, in 1904, the Tri-Burgs Ungulate Society published a monograph stating emphatically that as moose are ruminants, they do not flatulate. In spite of impressive field research confirming their statements, Elmo VanBriggle, president of the Medicine Bow Flat Earth Consortium roundly denounced the paper. Perhaps it was because he had invested in an apparatus to collect methane from the nether regions of Lazarus the moose when he was engaged at Ernie's. At the time, KD was experimenting with powering his model V-2 flackerspoth with flammable gas.

[TXGOAT2]

The RCMP did some limited research into moose methane as a motor fuel, but the project lost support as large wood gas interests proved to be more adept at buttonholing MPs.

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

The RCMP did some limited research into moose methane as a motor fuel, but the project lost support as large wood gas interests proved to be more adept at buttonholing MPs.

Complications in piping the moose "outlet" to the carburetor inlet have yet to be overcome.

[Rich P. Bingham]

. . . the Tri-Burgs Ungulate Society published a monograph stating emphatically that as moose are ruminants, they do not flatulate.

Right you are, Jerry. As the moose methane "outlet" is the same as the alimentary "intake" the plumbing problem was found to be insurmountable. An additional difficulty was belching moose interfered with radio transmission.

[Burger in Spokane]

Even today, moose gaskets remain beyond modern technology to overcome
operational flex. Kalamity Dick scoffed at the idea in 1919, citing soft tissue
adhesion challenges and an unpredictable movement, combined with the equivilent
torque and forces of a steam locomotive making a sealed plumbing circuit impossible.
All this was featured in his article that year in Warts & Lesions Weekly.

[Rich P. Bingham]

In 1903, a Packard model F was the first automobile to cross the continent from San Francisco to New York without "cheating" by using the railroad rails. Dubious of the promise for transportation which the automobile offered, and bolstered by the uncommon success of his ostrich farm, providing light, efficient and economical "power" for light vehicles, in 1904 Gaylord Cawston set out on his own trans-continental journey from Pasadena, hoping to better the Packard team's 61 day crossing. His route took him through the Tri-burg Basin, where he encountered Cuthbert Maddox in Ernie's Saloon. Ever enchanted by livestock and animals of all kinds, Cuthbert treated Gaylord to a lavish supper followed by many deep draughts of Happy Sally, and the festivities of Ernie's back room - poker, faro games and three-card monte.

By morning light, Mr. Cawston was dismayed to find, in a sadly hung-over condition that he had traded his prize ostrich (named Goliath) to Cuthbert for an aged molly mule (named Sadie). Things went from bad to worse. When he attempted to telegraph home for his missus to ship his second-string stud ostrich (inexplicably named David) an indignant Mrs. Cawston misunderstood the truncated message to mean he had run off with a saloon girl named Molly. Drunk, broke, and with no way out of town, Cawston eventually partnered for a while with Cuthbert who had modest success crossing Goliath with his flock of bronze turkeys. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners were pretty remarkable feasts in the Basin for a few years.

[Herb Iffrig]

What an enlightening bit of local history!

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

The result of the "modest success" of Goliath's pairings with bronze turkeys...

Known as Clotilda, a regular fixture in the Basin, until the fateful cyclone of 1907 swept her(?) away.
It was fashionable in those days to have cyclones. Tornados were unheard of...

[Burger in Spokane]

Buck Futz and Buff Pucker were deeply involved in the basin fixture business,
supplying satisfied customers with drain and faucets, parts and accessories for
over 80 years. KD was often seen in their shop, devising ways to use stock parts
to work in his own projects. Hugo Samron redirected materials to the black
market during the Nutmeg Incident, making a fortune on the backs of less
fortunates. He was later charged, convicted, and spent 15 years at hard labor
cleansing the mushroom beds of the Basin.

[Herb Iffrig]

This might be one of KD's experiments. you can see it has some faucet handles. I really dob't know what it was used for though.

[TXGOAT2]

An automatic washer for honeybees?

[Rich P. Bingham]

Scott, that is a plausible explanation. I sent the image to the Institute where Sebastian will spend the Christmas holidays researching bee-keeping in the Tri-burgs during the period in question. Meanwhile, for speculation, the valve apparatus to the left of the machine is definitely the elastrometer circuit from KD's model EE kaphloposphere. Most interesting !!

[Herb Iffrig]

Was that used on those EE cranks at Ford?

[Rich Eagle]

Yes, Herb. EE on the 40 horsepower and ee on he 20.
The clamwinger separator was an addition that Spanky Freginmokker offered. Eclectic motor originally was used but replaced by vacuum sarcasm.

Spanky, you will recall, only grew whiskers on one side of his face.
ODD!!!
Rich

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

Spanky Freginmokker??

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[Herb Iffrig]

That might be his brother.
I think his beard was on the other side.

[Rich Eagle]

Of course, during the aspirin rebellion, a shave and a haircut were half off. That may be part of the explanation for Spanky's choice.

[Rich P. Bingham]

Indeed, Spanky's inspiration was two-fold. Wanted in four states for various offenses ranging from petty theft to cattle rustling and mail fraud, when Spanky arrived in Saddlestring, he could never be sure if Pinkertons were closing in on him. Availing himself of the "half off" shave and haircut (only 13 cents) he spent a dime on a John Barrymore movie (and had two cents to the good). Noting how Barrymore always presented only his profile to view, Spanky managed to escape detection by law enforcement for over twenty years by confusing detectives with alternate clean-shaven and hirsute profiles. By the time a stiff neck revealed himself to Pinkerton operative Josiah Redbluth in Aunt Millie's Tea Room in 1942, the statute of limitations had run out on his offenses.

[Burger in Spokane]

And this is precisely why the Statue of Limitations was erected at the head
of Pispacattiquattimauken Street the following year.

[Rich Eagle]

I recall hearing of the trips KD and the mob took up Mount Stinkmore at Christmas time. They drove as far as they could, and then snowshoed to where the antelope were prancing and accompanied them on kazoos. The cavlivity was heard for miles into the night. So many recall the fond memories. I can almost hear the avocado crusts breaking.
What today's youngsters are missing.
Rich

[Burger in Spokane]

Heinrich is compiling a list of things that the youth are missing these
days for a future presentation. Anyone wishing to contribute input can
write them down on the chalkboard at Ernie's, the one in the east wing
foyer at the Institute, bring to the Tuesday night meeting for submission,
or write them down here. Staff will collect submissions on the half hour
through St. Swithen's Day. And remember, boys and girls ....

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

Heinrich is compiling a list of things that the youth are missing these
days for a future presentation. Anyone wishing to contribute input can
write them down on the chalkboard at Ernie's ....

Certainly, the joys of tobacco are among the many things of a bygone childhood...

[TXGOAT2]

Buster Brown?

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

Recalling the joys missed by today's younsters, what young girl didn't dream of becoming the Basin's Tea Cup Queen, sponsored by Aunt Millie's Tea Room and the Great Cataract Tea Company? Awarded not only the majestic Tea Cup Queen crown, but also a year's free oil changes at Mert's Filling Station and free tonsil inspection from the dentist, Dr. Kenck. Shown here is Miss Tea Cup Queen 1908, Fannie Lawngrass.

[Rich Eagle]

Indeed, Jerry. It was a highlight in Miss Fannie's string of Miss's and near Miss's. What I find pertinent is the fact that Kalamity Dick was not only one of the judges, but presenter at the celebration.

I am reminded that Aunt Millie rode sidesaddle in some of the Saint Swithin's day parades and twice in the Regatta benediction.
Ed Swainsworth has several photos on the billboard.
Thanks
Rich

[Rich P. Bingham]

Ed graciously loaned us this photo of Aunt Millie aside her favorite horse, Steamboat. Aunt Millie would often head for Ernie's Saloon after closing her tea room at the genteel and lady-like hour of seven in the evening. Belly up to the bar, she would bide her time, nursing a sarsaparilla until the usual rough crowd of teamsters and cow punchers were well in their cups, when she would propose that no one could stay on Steamboat for eight seconds. Having made a show of arriving on Steamboat, side-saddle, no less, there were always takers and side bets. Aunt Millie never lost, Steamboat left them all spinning up there in the air. Her secret ? Steamboat would have thrown her too, if she didn't un-track him each time she mounted. A horse can't buck with its legs crossed.

Photo, Aunt Millie and Steamboat at the height of their powers, c. 1909

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[Burger in Spokane]

While this may be stepping a bit sideways from the current topic,
Aunt Millie's horse reminds me that Heinrich was doing research on
the steam boots that Kalamity Dick developed in the teens. The coal
feed from the pants pockets was ingenious.

[Herb Iffrig]

I thought it was igneous.

[perry kete]

The steam boots were invented so he could hot foot it down to Ernie's for a cold glass of Happy Sally.

[Rich P. Bingham]

Dennis, thank you for that comment. Loyal readers will note that throughout the annals of 'this chronicle, the raison d' etre for Kalamity Dick's noteworthy inventions has gone mostly unmentioned. In this case, he developed the steam boots as a personal indulgence, precisely for the purpose you have identified. Keeping his toes toasty warm in the bitter Wyoming winters was a real plus, however, they were uncomfortably warm in summer, which prompted him to attach cooling fans. Taking inspiration (and an unerring aesthetic sense) from classical mythology, he formed them to resemble birds' wings. A commercial benefit was licensing the image to Goodyear for use in their trademark imprints.

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

A commercial benefit was licensing the image to Goodyear for use in their trademark imprints.

How serendipitous!

[Rich P. Bingham]

Thank you, Jerry, for that unexpectedly fortunate comment. Not that it has much to do with the prior posts, but it's worth noting Serenity D. Piteous was the prominent undertaker in the Basin for many years. Although he seemed to prosper, when asked, " how's business ?" he invariably replied "Dead."

[Rich Eagle]

The steam boots were an easy conversion from the steam prancer made for Cuthbert's zebra dun mule. Shortening the instep and rewiring the frodingalaries, were the only procedures requiring maranging.

As for Mr. Piteous, the rumors about his grades in expectorology proved to be true. Not that he didn't have a fine head of hair.
Rich

[Herb Iffrig]

I had never heard of the Board of Censorship.
What was that all about?

[Rich Eagle]

Several sailing ships made their way from Spadiford Lake to the Regatta each year. If the wind was right, they could navigate up the Skigghower and Lafenheimer rivers. If not, of coarse, they would have to go the other way. Longer but not sorry. The USS Censor was one of them if not the last.

An Overland was rented for the crew to get from the wharf to Ernie's and eventually to the Hotel. As you can see, there was not enough room for all of them in the furnished seating, so Admiral Arpeggio had to sit on the hood. It turns out that Wink Stinwhitteer now owns the Overland and the hood distortion can still be seen if you squint your eyes. Points were deducted at the AACA meet.
But back in the twenties, it was only bowdlerized.
I'm glad the question was asked as Heinrich and the custodian had been arguing about it.
Rich

[Herb Iffrig]

So, was it over land or over water?

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

Several sailing ships made their way from Spadiford Lake to the Regatta each year. If the wind was right, they could navigate up the Skigghower and Lafenheimer rivers. If not, of coarse, they would have to go the other way. Longer but not sorry. The USS Censor was one of them if not the last.

An Overland was rented for the crew to get from the wharf to Ernie's and eventually to the Hotel. As you can see, there was not enough room for all of them in the furnished seating, so Admiral Arpeggio had to sit on the hood. It turns out that Wink Stinwhitteer now owns the Overland and the hood distortion can still be seen if you squint your eyes. Points were deducted at the AACA meet.
But back in the twenties, it was only bowdlerized.
I'm glad the question was asked as Heinrich and the custodian had been arguing about it.
Rich

Rich,

This explains much. However, the answers we have found have only served to raise a whole set of new questions. In some ways we feel that we are as confused as ever, but we think we are confused on a higher level and about more important things. Progress!!!

[Rich P. Bingham]

So, was it over land or over water?

Herb, the Institute's Board of Governors replied with an equivocado "Yes !"
There you have it. (Useful side note : it's currently aquivocado season in Petaluma.)

[Rich Eagle]

As for Herb's question "was it over land or over water?"
The rented car, over land, the ship, over water. The crew, hopefully not overboard.

[Rich P. Bingham]

The aviation age came late to the tri-burgs. While other areas of the country found enthusiastic experimenters dabbling in powered flight shortly after the Wright Bros. made their historic flight, life in the basin flowed along mostly unchanged for thirty years or more. Perhaps this would have changed radically during that period were it not for the fact that Kalamity Dick was uncontrollably afraid of heights.

Undaunted by the general indifference to aviation, Cuthbert's nephew, young Throckmorton Maddox, read about airplanes and flying machines from an early age. When Wiley Post made an unscheduled landing near Chugwater in the spring of 1934, "Throck" presented himself willing and able to make repairs to his aircraft. Appalled that "Throck" arrived for work shirtless and astride his faithful burro "Methuselah", Mr. Post exclaimed "No wild-ass country hick is gonna touch MY plane !". He immediately took off into the prevailing southern breeze for Denver, in spite of a fouled spark plug.

On the long ride home,
Throckmorton consoled himself for the lost chance at a career in aviation by pretending Methuselah's ears were airplane wings. He was a good companion that way.

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

In a last ditch effort to embrace aviation, Throck had Methuselah outfitted for the rocket age. Though high speeds were attained, actual flight did not occur...

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

By the way, does anyone recall the Christmas of 1907, when Kalamity Dick delighted all the young ones of the Tri-Burgs by playing Father Christmas. What joy!

I believe it was the gift of a kite that lit in Throckmorton, the burning desire to fly.

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[Rich Eagle]

I remember the Christmas that he tried to hire one rather than buy it. He was outside Ernie's "hirin' a kite".

[Burger in Spokane]

Fitting mules and hosses with the aforementioned steam boots allowed
said critters to achieve record speed and distance coverages in the months
when snow and ice made passage treacherous. Buckner Fanning led a team
to rescued Fanny Yoder, trapped by snowslides at the University of Plunjo's
research station on Mt. Stinkmore in 1911. The steam boots made an otherwise
impossible mission a success. The full story was presented in the spring edition
of Warts & Lesions magazine that following year.

[Rich Eagle]

Heinrich lent me his copy. I also enjoyed the article on knuckle thwacking. Who would have known?
Rich

[Rich P. Bingham]

Rich, you're lucky your request for Heinrich's copy of that number of Warts & Lesions came at an opportune moment. He was embarrassed to admit he's been using the back issues of that periodical to start the Institute's rather outdated coal furnace. That accounts for the crumpled page. His defense was nothing pertinent to Kalamity Dick was ever published in the magazine's 34 year run. How wrong, indeed he was !

The board is considering a curtailment in his stipend for this egregious lapse of judgment.

[Burger in Spokane]

This is one of those times where friends helping friends saves
the day. Carl Casual called Eileen Fox about the archive kept
by Buck Futz' great step-uncle Ferd, and turns out the entire
collection was up for donation and will be delivered to The
Institute at the next Tuesday nights meeting. Ferd's archive also
includes every issue ever printed of Horrific Steam Wounds.

[Herb Iffrig]

Looks like he is going to take the dogs out for a spin.
I wish I knew more.

[Burger in Spokane]

In the spring of 1941, Kalamity Dick had been pursuaded to record
with Duke Fitzelwitz under the name "Kalamity Dogs". Cuthbert supplied
a couple pups that were trained up by Ernie's grandson Egbert Wetspot.
Egbert had attained the position of head trainer with the Saddlestring
Circus, and through the winter was laid off, due to the snow. Here we
see Egbert with the growing pups on part of the training regimen. They
had already acclimated to the stage outfits and running with the cart was
to create better sustain for the backing vocals when they went in to the
studio. The spinner is none other than Swinella Fulpants. She and Egbert
were sweethearts and spent as much time together as possible when the
circus was not traveling.

[Rich Eagle]

I might add that Swinella added greatly to the recording with her fine playing of the base wheel. Egbert allowed her to do that occasionally.
Rich

[Burger in Spokane]

Swinella was yet another Basin resident blessed with two left feet.
She put the anomaly to good use in being able to operate the treadle
at 3/8's speed while working in 4/4 time. For six consecutive seasons
she led the Chugwater Wombat's punting squad in points earned while
under the influence. Of course, being the youngest child of Calhoun
County legend Grunda Fulpants, and heir to the Uvula League throne,
great things were always expected of the young Swinella.

[Jerry VanOoteghem]

Well, you know the old saying, "From whom two left feet are given, much is expected."

[Rich Eagle]

Expectations were a-plenty. She often hitchhiked to the dances in Hulett. A fellow with two right feet was there and made a great dance partner.
The left-handed pickle jar always was a topic of conversation.
Rich

[Rich P. Bingham]

It's probably worthy of mention at this point that KD mentored Egbert's literary aspirations, encouraging him to complete his attempt at writing the great American novel. His early training in the saloon, emptying and polishing spittoons for Uncle Ernie provided the authentic background for his magnum opus, "Great Expectorations".

[Rich Eagle]

It is. Newton just faxed this over. It is Egbert aspirating one of his books. Barry Larkvonnet assisting.

Man could that Egbert polishing a spittoon! That was before Brasso as I recall.

[Rich Eagle]

Kalamity Dick developed equipment that not only aspirated books but polished spittoons. Of course, this was in later years.