OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:46 am

I look to examples like KD to help me escape the pursuit of the madhatters of
gubmint and business. There will always be heretics of the regime who think
for themselves. But the masses are happily "sold" on product and what to think.

Those aren't mayonnaise stains ....

46woodduck · Post by **46woodduck** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:50 am

On the topic of birds as protection systems, Do hummingbirds offer the same level as parakeets? Would a woodpecker be better?

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 3:57 am

The Pelvis was another problem. Music changed and the devil took over, invading the minds of young people with indecent thoughts. Elderly saw it coming and sounded warning, but to no avail. Rocks and rolls followed, even cuntry music suffered. How could this ever turn out well?

mtntee20 · Post by **mtntee20** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 8:00 am

Not to change the direction of the thread but to add a comment on an earlier part. With the forum problems, I could NOT get this to post when it was appropriate.

Funny Raoul mentioned the James Bond movie. I'll bet you didn't know uncle Rasmus was actually in that movie. Remember the guy the heroine whacked and he fell into the tank of liquid nitrogen? That was uncle Rasmus. His career as a stunt man was very short and lack luster. Don't believe me? Read the credits at the end of the movie. You'll need a magnifying glass to find his name though. It was a very SMALL part. Thanks for the photo of the pinnacle. I didn't realize, or know, that was actually KD's home. Nice place. I expect it was pretty hard to run out to Mickey D's for a quick hamburger. One thing is for sure, all that exercise climbing those stairs was definitely a contributor to KD's long life due to the excellent physical condition he had attained.

I wonder whatever happened to the paddle wheel T?

OOOPS, got to go, my tin foil is slipping off.

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 8:26 am

Have we discussed Kalamity's adventures in South Africa? I hear he was out hunting and had a good day.

He named the place Deer Bear. I think some one modified the name to Debeers or something like that.
That guy got around!

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:07 am

It seems to be a 1925 with 21" wheels Herb. That water buffalo on top would have been a good test of the structure. Yes, Kalamity did go on safari frequently after selling his rights to the Sinfacular Clostofrump. The Thoroglads had cliamed ownership but Dick won out.
Sabastion sent a clip from the movie. Still looking for the liquid nitrogen clip.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:26 am

Investigators had great difficulty figuring out T owners odd behavior. Odd in that it did not meet cultural norms yet the T owners thought they were the norm. A break came when the LG ZTE flip phone was finally equipped with the same sensing devices as computers and the more expensive phones. Investigators could now not only know T owner exact locations, but also listen in on mysterious conversations, things like viton tipped and grose jet.

But the more the investigators learned the less they knew, accumulated knowledge of T owners revealed many unusual patterns. Was it the aroma of Hardee's home made biscuits, or the car just trained to follow the same path like a cow, or perhaps the "made from scratch" factor?

mtntee20 · Post by **mtntee20** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 10:37 am

Rich,

The nitrogen clip would have been in another Bond movie, Gold Finger maybe. It's the one where they blew up the giant "laser" at the end of the movie. You might remember, in that movie, there were scenes of people being dropped into a shark tank by the bad guy? I read, somewhere, that Cuthbert had been the shark wrangler on that movie. I'm not too sure about that as I had also read that Cuthbert did NOT like seafood. I sure wish I could find those documents to make sure of what I'm writing.

Back to the nitrogen clip movie. When the dramatic ending was building, the "laser" was shown rising out of an island. On a nearby pinnacle, there was a radar dish. I believe that pinnacle was KD's home with a computer graphic radar dish superimposed. The movie makers often used the same locations as previous movies due to the known resources and requirements. They just had to use different sets and computer graphics to fool us nincompoops into believing the events happened world wide.

FWIW, I had to stop wearing the colander when my wife made spaghetti and meat balls, then complained about the spaghetti tasting like Brylcreem.

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:02 am

Going back up the posts a bit to answer a question, ... KD had a deep disdain for the need for security,
but was forced to embrace it after repeated break-ins and other skullduggery perpetrated against him by
evildoers to steal his ideas and designs. Birds WERE his primary line of defense, as his drone ideas were
still in their infancy and he lacked enough cowpies to build a wall.

The 23rd of June, 1922 edition of the Fecklersburg Press, page 3, column 9 carries the headline that KD
had perfected the hum-propulsion unit that enabled the hummingbird idea to work. People often overlook
that hummingbirds did not exist before this time. The idea took off like a shot in some areas, but KD's onboard
coms and surveillance system was years from practical development, and the hummingbird population went
feral, breeding outside his oversight, KD losing all control of this advanced security concept. He would later
perfect the mechanical drone WITH accurate detail surveillance capabilities, but it all began with the hummingbird.
The report says he also dabbled with petcocks and peckerwoods.

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:14 am

Terry, I can clear up a little confusion on that shark wrangler question. The Milhouse family were often befriended by Cuthbert Maddox, and they named their first born son Cuthbert Maddox Milhouse after him. As the Bond movies were made many years after Cuthbert (Mad Dog) was in his prime, it is most likely his Milhouse namesake was the shark wrangler on that set. He got his start roping the whales in Medicine Bow Lake for the annual shearing, and early on moved to the coast where he became a salvage diver and undersea explorer. He was under contract to Untied Arteestes as a Hollyweed stunt man for a few years. You are correct that Cuthbert the elder had an aversion to seafood unless it was deep-fried or poached.

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:28 am

Hummingbird and parakeets.
He was no birdbrain he knew how to work with nature.

mtntee20 · Post by **mtntee20** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:42 pm

Rich,

Ah ha, that makes perfect sense now as I was having a hard time with the dating between then and the Bond movie making.

Is there any truth to the rumors about the the movie Jaws? The story is about how they used some of KD's mechanisms to make the fake shark swim more naturally and it must have been Cuthbert Maddox Milhouse doing the wrangling with that mechanical monster. Too bad both of them weren't around to see the results of their hard work many years before the movie was made.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 6:46 pm

And what goes round comes found, no need to reinvent the wheel, but who'd a thunk it? Was a day when you could take your buggy to the local tavern and get slogged, as long as you could get back in the buggy you were golden, the horse knew the way home. Then along come Ford and DUI's. WTF? But the wheel keeps on turning, autonomous vehicles coming, get sloshed, get in, get home no problem.

HaroldRJr · Post by **HaroldRJr** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:08 pm

I've been following this thread very closely on a daily basis and I believe that I'm beginning to feel the effects of dain bramage!

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:13 pm

Tom, you sound a little grumpy. Have tried a tip of the ol' Happy Sally for that ?

HaroldRJr · Post by **HaroldRJr** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:17 pm

I've been following this thread very closely on a daily basis and I now believe that I am beginning to feel the effects of severe dain bramage!

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:19 pm

Anyone here ever seen a photo of the parakeets grooming the whales while
standing on the whale's backs ? The whales seemed to like it and would float
there on the surface, while the parakeets did their magic, picking parasites
from the thick hair on the whales.

HaroldRJr · Post by **HaroldRJr** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:21 pm

Hmm,....I see that I have managed to retain at least some mental consistency in the fact that I still seem to have a slight tendency toward pubble doasting!

HaroldRJr · Post by **HaroldRJr** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:47 pm

Actually, I always have been just a bit less-dick-sick and that makes it difficult to determine the amount of dain bramage that this thread has caused me as compared to my natural tendency toward lessdicksia!

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:55 pm

Lessdicksics have made a lot of progress in the public eye in recent years through an
activist group called "Untie !" KD was never diagnosed as such, but he did have to deal
with having two left hands. His feet were another matter. I will let Rich explain.

: toes.jpg (13.85 KiB) Viewed 45672 times

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 1:49 am

And how does one know? A major symptom is abnormal waking hours. You can lay in bed, but you can't sleep. Is this your regular schedule? From something in your food? Something in the air, contrails? Breathing dust from brake linings? Vaccinations?

This is not normal and it is not your fault, someone, something, some organization is trying to take control of your life.

Wayne Sheldon · Post by **Wayne Sheldon** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 2:52 am

Always remember. One is not paranoid if some really are out to get one.

Excuse me a moment. I must go check outside.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 7:41 am

Part of it is private industry. They know that T owners are particularly all-knowing due to being gullible. If you tell a T owner that "gullible" is not in the dictionary they will go look it up.

This gullibility equals susceptibility to buying devices to improve their favorite rides mpg and hp. Taking a basic 20 hp engine that gets 15 mpg one can start adding multiple accessories claimed to improve hp by 15% to 20% When you add all the percents you will have a 137.8 hp engine. Dubious your rear can handle it. Or you can add devices advertised to improve mpg by big percentages and, if you include the water injected carburetion system, end up with a car that gets 175 mpg. There was a single carburetor developed that could give you 253 mpg, but the oil companies bought the patent.

Government and private industry working together to dump down the sheeple, getting them r3eady to fleece.

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 9:48 am

Pardon the interruption in this discussion, Heinrich, Sebastian all the researchers at the Institute, and I, too wish all our contributors to the saga of Kalamity Dick a very happy Groundhog Day !!

As reported, Punxatawney Phil did see his shadow. However, as seems to be the case with nearly everything these days, an anti-traditional group is promoting a rival marmot named Pipscattaway Fred who claims he clearly saw the sun today through special night vision goggles fitted with polarizing lenses. The controversy has weather prognosticators unable to deliver an accurate prediction, and we all know how rarely that happens.

In passing, we recall both Dick and "Mad Dog" always looked forward to spring. They sincerely loved daffodils.

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:05 am

Thanks for that breath of fresh air Rich. And happy February to you.
Some of this paranoia and discontent is caused by the Sinfacular Clostofrump itself. The series F had a less tronable spastfeller in the seldwick. Static emissions were approaching the limit. Surge Spiklestine had done all the electrical work. No finer electocutionist but I suspect his dog had chewed on the primary cerkutz. By May the series H was introduced with much improved scauling. Wrapping the stelthoids with disputation tape and seal-coating the castplimater helped some but the improved DC Pragmagnicator is what really made the difference. This may sound like some mindless grumbling but it is important to get the facts out. The B series of coarse never did sell well. Capulators broke, there was a nasty hum it the vanglitory valve, ect. ect. etc. They did however sell several as hedge trimmers. The problem is some of that repraining static still remains in our atomousphere and works on our brains or whatever.
On another note I recall Cuthbert working at the Spillmans. Apparently he notice octainum leaching from the barrels. He took a little to KD for priming the exaspiraror. It could read as high as 28 thtigs on the Zebarth scale. Wouldn't that have been exuberant to know earlier?
"Better Late than Sorry."
Rich

Post by **dlmyers** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:10 am

Since the forum has been fixed I thought I would re-read this entire thread and try to digest all this information and it gave me heart

I've gotta go. My wife's cat just got creamed by a milk truck.

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:12 am

I'm Sorry for your loss Dale. Are you sure it was a milk truck?

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:54 am

Dale, I hope the report on your wife's cat doesn't indicate a fatality. I know in some localities it's a custom for the milkman to treat the neighborhood cats to free samples of cream. If some is spilled on a kitty, the cat is said to have been "creamed". In other cultures, "creme de poosygato" is a delicacy. Not bad if seasoned properly, but I prefer Uncle Cuthbert's recipe for whistlepig stew.

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 11:28 am

Ah, the responsibilities required for pet ownership. The joys and disappointments.
Skippy Spadaford had a rabbit he was quite fond of but often got into Slugs M&Ms.

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 11:42 am

What a charming picture that shows the affectionate bond between man and animal. Perhaps Slug's annoyance at Skippy's pet is partly why he went to the bad? It's said Slug was near-sighted and often failed to distinguish between M&Ms and . . . rabbit pellets. That's Ma Spaydaford at the window. She doted on both her boys. Although she framed all of Slug's wanted posters, it broke her heart to see how low the rewards offered for his arrest were. In fairness, four bits did buy a lot in them days.

Post by **Dallas Landers** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 11:53 am

History has taught us that KD was cheated out of so many money making mechanical things as he never filed for patents. All this talk of creme and milk combined with the Polar Vortex on the news brings to mind a small article in the pull-a-teet dairymans magazine in the mid 1920's. It talked of a motorized devise that with creme and other sweet things in the extreme cold mixed well with this machine would produce icecream with no cranking at all. Funny it was called the Polar Vortex. KD was not upset about not getting credit for the icecream maker ( Polar Vortex) because the challenge was over. Besides the brain freeze hurt. Now the Polar Vortex has a different meaning. I just thought it was a cold snap? We used to just dress for the weather and go on with life. I had no idea that it was life threatening to go outside or as I saw on TWC that the cornia in your eyes could freeze in that weather. I guess blinking your eye is not an option? Hmmm, now wheres my tinfoil hat?

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 12:13 pm

"POLAR VORTEX BLANKETS THE U.S."
I think they would be warm but can't find them on Amazon.
Rabbit pallets ah? I'l have to check.
Rich

46woodduck · Post by **46woodduck** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 12:16 pm

This Polar Vortex thing is causing problems for the defense systems and they are running low on deicer fluid to spray down the Parakeets and Hummingbirds before deployment. Although I have heard reports of Great Snowy Owls being deployed due to their desirable stealth characteristics.

Post by **dlmyers** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 12:43 pm

Rich E. Thank you and pretty sure. What a mess.
Rich B. Whistle pig stew on ground hog day sounds perfect!

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 12:58 pm

Dallas, thank you for the reminder of how many of Kalamity's patentable inventions were stolen from him. With the revelation that it was his interest in the Medicine Bow vestibule factory that provided him a living, we tended to forget this aspect of his endeavors.

To add to the history of the Polar Vortex ice-cream invention, it was Lester Finspackle who "appropriated" Dick's ice-cream invention. Finspackle ran a popsicle stand in Chugwater, and was notorious for adding Happy Sally to his ices, but the neighborhood kids were sure a laid-back bunch so parents were disposed to leave him alone. Finspackle was enamored of a hootchie-kootchie dancer named Paula Vortex who once ran amok in Ernie's bar, busting up the back-bar and smashing bottles before she was thrown bodily out of the saloon. Finspackle whisked her out of town just ahead of an angry mob. He thought it was clever to name the ice-cream machine after her with a play on words. When Paula left him to run off with Dr. Bumstead's Medicine Show, Finspackle was broken-hearted, and selling his patents and machinery to the Better Baby Blanket Botique Co. for a pittance, died penniless and alone in a Saddlestring, WY. flophouse a mere two years later.

The BBBBCo. began making what they called the "Polar Vortex Blanket" as an accessory to the ice-cream machines, but funds for the new product line were frozen when their lending institution found slippery dealings in an audit. It left them out in the cold.

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 1:24 pm

Say what you want about Paula but she did get along with Miss Harry and Hercules. I also kind of liked the way she danced. She treated Dr. Bumstead poorly and got what she deserved in the end if you will. Static emissions may have been her downfall to.
Rich

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 3:31 pm

Not to deviate from the current discussion but I found this in the suitcase. I thought that family members would appreciate it.

Back to your regular channels.
Rich

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 9:04 pm

Let's not overlook KD's income from franchise contracts on over 450 mushroom
stands , built along the highways around Medicine Bow, Fecklersburg, Chugwater
and parts unknown between 1919 and 1929. Contrary to what one might think
about the date, the "bust" in popularity of mushrooms as roadside delights came
not from the Depression, but rather from the terrible indigestion and gas people
suffered as a result of eating them. Many reports say the sickness brought on by
exposure to 2nd hand gas was far worse than that suffered by the consumer.

Stock Indexes of 1926-28 show brokers were clammoring for KD to go public with
his franchise chain, as personal earnings handily exceeded the gross national product
of Urivnia for the same time periods. KD made a small fortune before it all went
bust.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Sat Feb 02, 2019 11:22 pm

Midnight's coming, up and at 'em!

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 2:16 am

Franchise or not Dick found he could hold up automobiles with the mushroom stands although he often said a gun and a mask was just as good. It's true there was no shortage of gas. That may have been part of Paula's katzenjammer too. Interesting you mention '19-'29. I was just thinking of that.
Nearly time for Johnny Carson.
Rich

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 7:59 am

Did someone say Ice cream? Ice cream ice cream! It can make your hairs stand on end.

Which one here might be Kalamity?

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 8:26 am

That love of ice cream is a side effect of being under government mind control influence. Ditto for the allure of Hardee's hot homemade biscuits. The powers-that-be are planning additives to exacerbate the addictive influence, then sell as "organic" ice cram. Beware ice cream or biscuits touted as "home made".

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 11:10 am

Great photo Herb. That certainly says it all doesn't it? Ice cream stands did drowned out Skippy's custom custard parlor in Casper. "Do me a Flavor" I recall.
Coincidentally, there is a fellow asking how to date a Ruckstell. Skippy dated Veda Ruckstell for 9 months when he first moved to Casper. She was delightful and they had wonderful times but the families objected as they had different shoe sizes.
If that picture was taken in Albion it might be Berenice Larkvonnets boy stealing change from under the palisade. He did well in law in later years but got hold of some bad Spam.

46woodduck · Post by **46woodduck** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 1:03 pm

The "organic ice cream" failed to be a success due to a lack in a sufficient number of organs available for the production schedule and a limited number of folks with a taste for liver and kidney ice cream, although for a while they did have a successful trade with the spleen and prostrate milk shakes in Minnesota and North Dakota.

Post by **Dallas Landers** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 1:19 pm

Thats a fact Tom, the kidney's took too long to prepair becaused you had to cook the piss out of them 1st.
Tripe icecream was to be a big hit but most folks didnt have the stomache for it. Rocky Mountian icecream was a ball to eat but only with nuts on top. I cant explain when the cone came along but icecream was never a dish served warm.

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 2:19 pm

Numerous, more "hearty" flavors were tried with ice cream in Kalamity's day ...
wood, sand, liver, biscuit, .... Vendors and makers were slow to pick up on hints
laid down by the buying public. A famous video clip of the time shows Elmer
Fultnoggin at the counter, asking for vanilla. The flavors offered on the behind-
the-counter sign were: horse, vanilla, wood, and liver. The counter guy clearly
tells Elmer that they were out of vanilla.

When you consistently sell out of something, don't most people take the bait
and move in that direction to create more sales ? Yet the folks around Calhoun
County went on trying to sell gas-producing mushrooms and dirt-flavored ice
cream for years before outside forces pushed them out of business. The Fecklersburg
Press called this the "Outsiders Pushing Locals out of Business Scandal".

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 3:07 pm

I kind of miss the confectionery in Liverpool. Crunchy Frog, Rams Bladder Cup and Anthrax Ripple were some of their favorites. I would have tried the Cutthroat Cluster but it was too many calories for me.
Don't forget Pro Bowling tonight.
Rich

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 4:10 pm

A lot of the organic ice cream was mislabeled to the speelcheck of the times, "orgasmic" ice cream was very popular with the wimmenfolk until it was revealed that it allowed the vendor to know what whey were thinking. Mind reading became as popular as mindless reading.

Wayne Sheldon · Post by **Wayne Sheldon** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 5:23 pm

Raoul, von, I have been wanting to say that it is good to have you back! Your presents have been missed.
We often talk about how important it is to learn from history on this forum, and thread. Clearly those in the position of making the really big decisions are not listening. A major grocery market chain I buy most of my daily needs from has for years been nipping at the heals of the largest chain in the nation! Lately, they have been filling more and more of their shelves with "organic", "natural", and "home made" products. It appears that instead of being won of the largest chains in the country, they have lost their way and decided to become the "Briar Patch, a local "health food" store struggling to survive.

I now have to drive across town for many of my most unhealthful products I want.
I guess that way, I have to burn more of that chemically laced gasoline and pollute the air with mind altering side effects.

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 8:16 pm

Another one of the franchises.

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Sun Feb 03, 2019 9:30 pm

Interesting discussion on the roadside stands, mushrooms and ice cream. Thank you all for the wonderful pictures and interesting facts. Bartholomew just brought in a pint of hand-cranked mushroom ice cream from town. We'll have some after dessert. I do hope they remember to switch to mag before the whole batch thaws out.

I just want to hark back to Rich's earlier comments about "dating Ruckstells" and how Skippy Spaydaford dated Veda Ruckstell for a while. There is also a current topic titled "Radiator Heights" which I find curiously interesting, as that was the name of the new, modern housing subdivision where Veda was living at the time she dated Skippy. However, there is no mention at all of Skippy or Veda, nor her custard habit in those other threads. Can they do that ?

That certainly is Berenice Larkvonnet's son Jasper with his hand in the till in the Albion photo. He did become a talented trial lawyer, and was involved in several cases litigating both civil claims and criminal charges in the counterfeit Spam scandle. Intending it to be a dramatic gesture, at one trial he ate an entire can of counterfeit Spam in front of the jury while making his closing argument. That was the day just before he passed away. You don't suppose . . . ??

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 12:59 am

It's 1:00 a.m. Do you know where your T is?

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 1:08 am

A lot of posters outside this thread often get pretty whooped up about the flying saucers
in the sky of old photos. What exactly are we seeing there, hanging on the ice cream stand
photo Herb just posted ? Coincidence ? Or are these gainer sprockets from Kalamity's aero-
dynometer felt reversing unit ? He used a similar wheel on his fragrant mound condensor.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 4:20 am

Delusional leading to belief in the supernatural had been the norm. But there was still some room left for fact. Fact was now whatever was stated in the superlative, everything was the best, or the worst, and there were alternative truths to the truth. The supernatural still had a hold that science couldn't break.The flock was thinned, but strong!

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 8:05 am

Spam wasn't the only problem Kalamity had with a food product.

Here we have one of his acquaintances with some salmon caught at one of the fish ladders he invented.(Sorry I don't have a photo of the fish ladder.)
Things were good until he caught a bad case of salmonella. I hear he tried to self medicate with some Happy Sally, but only Hennessey would work.
I forget the cats name.

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 9:19 am

Ed did love his fish. This is the Fish Ladder over at the other place. The twins liked to go skinny dipping in it.
I think they called the cat Spot, or maybe it was Ed.

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 9:56 am

Dick found fish ladders difficult to carry and too slippery to climb. Ed was six foot tall, and a ditch rider. That required a special saddle. Spot the Cat was a popular pastime. Some fine times at that old house at the headgate, late night parties irrigated the neighbors though. Water we talking about anyhow ?!?

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 12:29 pm

Yes Herb and Rich, I’m not sure I can recall a better summer. Sun glistening on the handrail, the breeze parting the tall cedars. Billy wearing that trench coat and Babs climbing down from the turret with cupcakes for everyone. Ed had come back from the big war with stories of hand to hand combat and gunny sacks full of bottle caps. Little Johnny with that wheel off his tricycle. What faces he used to make.
Thanks for reminding me. It’s going to be a long winter.
Rich

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Mon Feb 04, 2019 9:32 pm

That was the summer of the big storm, when the ocean froze over and we all went ice
skating. We all ate tomatoes off the vine. Jimmy got caught doing that one thing with
that other guy. What a uproar that caused ! Aunt Nell was never the same.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 2:02 am

Castigating the truth as lies, and trumpeting the lies as truth, the susceptible ate it up.

mtntee20 · Post by **mtntee20** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:44 am

Having read a fascinating article in the Kaligadega Times, I came across this photo:

: old-knitting-machine-en.jpg (13.9 KiB) Viewed 45539 times

The story was about an inventor team, referred to only as KD/CM cinc. Who were the inventors of the knitting machine made specifically for one Aunt Lumbianna. I was thinking the time line would fit but I never heard of an Aunt Lumbianna. Did KD and Cutherbert Maddox form a company conditionally incorporated and invent a machine for Uncle Lumby's wife, Lumbianna? I know this is a stretch but the machine was reported to be for making knit socks. That might explain how KD and Cuthbert were able to withstand the howling cold winds of the Wyoming winters. As I said, I would like someone who knows more than I, to corroborate this or tell me; I'm full of wool.

Oh, there was a statement in the article about rabbit fur. I've never heard of jack rabbit fur being used in knitting. But, if KD was involved, anything is possible for this historical report.

Post by **Dallas Landers** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 12:08 pm

The english language is good for mixing stories . No doubt they were the inventors. The niting machine has their haulmarks of engineering all over it. The great lice plague of the early 20th century inspired the nitting machine. I hate to nit pick but I think the spelling may have confused some as well as myself. I do believe the jackrabbit fur was the cause of the nit problem. Nit picking hares here again. This niting story is a bit fuzzy as well as the harey socks.

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 12:45 pm

Well I believe Lumby's first wife Was from Lumbianna. Supplying materials to the Textile industry may just be a fabrication. However This corn stalk de-barker might have been converted for other purposes. I think I see some similarities to something. I have assigned the case to Heinrich and will get back to you.

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 2:58 pm

It's been difficult to pin down an exact timeline tracing Kalamity Dick's peregrinations through the intermountain west during the early times. We do know with fair inaccuracy almost exactly when he partnered up with Cuthbert (Mad Dog) Maddox after Dick saved Cuthbert's life, but the extent of their travels together and their collaboration on any number of inventions is still a closed book. Though they went their separate ways after a spell, their paths crossed repeatedly through the years. Unless Heinrich can provide us with solid evidence of formal legal agreements and company records, it is my opinion the friends collaborated on many "one-off" inventions and improvements to existing items, for the benefit of the folks they met in their travels, but never formed an actual company for that purpose. In this case, it does appear the machine is a basic cornstalk de-barker which has been modified for a two-fold purpose: to knit corn silk, and pick nits. The presence of a kaphistulator sprocket and the routing of the drive chains have Kalamity's fingerprints all over it, but it was probably Cuthbert who beat them into position, most likely with the 20# double-jack that was his favorite tool for fine work. It may account for old photos showing Dick with both thumbs bandaged, but he never had a harsh word to say about Cuthbert. (at least in the presence of ladies)

As for Aunt Lumbianna, the socks she knitted from corn silk became very popular during the plague of louse infestation. Rather than wash them, many opted simply to buy a new pair and smoke the old ones. Much cheaper than pipe tobacco. I can't wait to learn what Heinrich finds out from his current researches.

Happy Groundhog Day #4 . . . am I repeating myself ??

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 4:53 pm

Thanks Rich. I appreciate these clarifications. For those with questions Heinrich has prepared this graph:

Post by **Dallas Landers** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 5:09 pm

Thanks Richard, that is clear as mud to me. I had to look twice because I thought you posted a wiring diagram for my wifes 06 Tahoe. I could see it on this phone if I blow it up! But phones are expensive. Be sure to thank Heinrich for all his work on this .

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 5:19 pm

Heinrich worked on this all afternoon without a break. He will appreciate the thank-you. If you blow it up on your phone stand back a little.
"Paste makes waste"
Rich

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 5:44 pm

Rich, please thank Heinrich for me. He did a fine job, and the time was certainly well spent. That graph/time line looks to me as if it has covered all the bases and provides a clear answer to so many questions which have bothered me a lot, such as, when, exactly was the first sale at Walmart after the War of 1812 ?

For those wanting a detailed look at Heinrich's graph, I recommend 17grains of FFF black powder to blow it up on a 17" computer monitor. To blow it up on your phone, first put it in a seal-a-meal bag.

Note to Dallas: the graph works fine as a wiring diagram for your wife's '06 Tahoe. Just replace the name badges to read "Chugwater" and use "Binford Stroschlap" as the battery's positive terminal. Everything else will fall into place as you check the light bulbs.

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 9:25 pm

Not to forget last years discussion I have found a photo of some of Tallenes relatives.

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 9:27 pm

These are the lanky quintuplets.

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 9:53 pm

These are the prototype uniforms created to combat the nit epidemic. "M" designates the
shaving of all body hair and bleaching of all orifices. The left "T" indicates if the wearer likes
mushrooms, while the right "T" indicates that the wearer has two left hands.

Heinrich is researching what other letters not shown in this photo indicate. So far, it appears
"O" indicates the wearer can swallow an orange, whole.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:50 pm

The five guys in the picture have their shorts pulled up appropriately, but it is a sloptical conclusion. It is the device behind them that they are hiding.

46woodduck · Post by **46woodduck** » Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:13 am

Yup.......some things are obscured by deliberate manipulation.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Wed Feb 06, 2019 6:52 am

Equine in nature? But it is not in the wild. Another example of the meaning of opaque being unclear.

mtntee20 · Post by **mtntee20** » Wed Feb 06, 2019 7:35 am

As an expert on this photo, the object behind them is a horse. While it is an ambidextral horse, meaning it can be used either long ways or sideways, it is covered in cow hide. The soft shoes the boys are wearing are for making their toes look pointed when they are doing their "thing". If you look, you'll see "straps" on their hands. The proper nomenclature is/are; palm straps. They were to protect their delicate hands from the ravages of the rings, bars, and pommels of their sport.

Many might think these boys were gymnasts but in actuality, they were indoor pig wrestlers. Cuthbert invented the sport but it never really gained any hamularity. Many called it the drunken bacon spectacle since the Happy Sally often flowed like water at the few events that were ever held. One of the problems was finding a venue that would allow the swine indoors and the clean up, thereof, afterwards.

Too bad the sport didn't grow as Mad Dog would have liked. He had copyrighted an Olympic jersey design he was hoping to make a bundle selling.

All's well that ends with Happy Sally.

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Wed Feb 06, 2019 8:46 am

Ah yes those sporting days from way back when.
My research hasn't shown anything connecting Kalamity to the sport of Auto Polo, but I can hardly imagine him not participating in it, as well as he liked Squamish.
Here is an unverified photo, not too clear. Richard can you zoom in n it?

46woodduck · Post by **46woodduck** » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:45 am

It has been rumored that KD's friend Howie "Weird Howard" Fatsnaggle was involved in the development of Auto Polo, but advocated using steam tractors instead of cars, though since he was lost in a boiler explosion at the match in Cornswaggle, Kansas there is no documentation to back up that theory.

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:05 pm

Thomas, I'm glad you brought this up. "Weird Howard" was indeed another of Kalamity's friends. He was actually a rather conservative and sedate personality in spite of the sobriquet he went by, I guess weirdness is in the eye of the beholder ? The game he proposed using steam tractors was actually "Steam Tractor Croquet", more apropos to the slow, lumbering rate of the traction engines. So as not to waste time and fuel, the rules of the game required the steam tractors to be hitched to 17-bottom gang plows. In this manner, an entire section of Kansas wheat ground could be made ready for planting in an afternoon of leisurely and enjoyable competition.

Back to the aforementioned louse infestation that was possibly initiated through handling jack rabbits, owing to the isolation of those early-day communities, Dr. Philburne Graves, guest lecturer at Scratchankle College in East Overboot mis-read a headline reporting the popularity of polo played with automobiles as "Auto Polio Sweeps the Nation". Greatly alarmed, Graves promptly set about developing a vaccine culture suspended in rabbit blood. A louse epidemic soon swept through the great numbers of jackrabbits Graves had trapped and caged for production of the vaccine. It wasn't long before the error of his supposition was pointed out to him, and he simply turned all them lousy jackrabbits loose, but by then the damage had already been done.

Post by **Dallas Landers** » Wed Feb 06, 2019 5:38 pm

Rich, that makes sense to me now. The reason the north has no jackrabbits is from this lousy fiasco. The only way to rid the hare of nits was to shave them. The entire population migrated south as their hare coat was gone. They never came north again, so no jackrabbits in Indiana. Its a real shame because those long legs and large feet were good in deep snow. One side effect of warmer climates was they no longer grew the antlers. Some have been preserved for generations to see what once was.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:18 pm

He couldn't believe he read all this thread. He decided he needed a brain transplant. Then he changed his mind.

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:36 pm

Kalamity was widely acclaimed for perfecting the brain washer, able to cleanse the
brain of all wretchedness and things we wish we could un-see. You know the ones ....
Rich shared a photo of this machine with me years ago at the Mushroom Roundup. That
was the year they shaved all the jackrabbits.

46woodduck · Post by **46woodduck** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 1:17 am

Unfortunately some of the Jackrabbits got nicked in the process and so was created the saying "shave and a hare cut".

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 5:51 am

Another thing we know about Kalamity Dick was that he was insane about his boats as the picture shows. He rented space at Maddox Bay on the Chugwater. A charter member at the Yacht Club he often tended the snack bar. We learned he wasn’t fond of fishing but tuning his skiff to go fast kept him young.
The Saint Swithin’s Day Regatta drew hundreds from Eddyville to Humboldt. Dick often took 3 out of 6 in his class. Local media and businesses supported the races as it tripled their business for the holiday. Competitors argued the night before at the clubs party and some were too hung-over to race the next day. Dick was referred to as “Commodore” Richard at times. One year the extra horsepower sheared off his rudder and he steered across the finish line using a violin.

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:34 am

Chugwater.
I wonder where that name came from?
Was it a phrase in relation to having a chaser after some Happy Sally, or was there a Mexican restaurant in town?
So much history to uncover!
It's almost like The Curse of Oak Island!

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 9:37 am

Thing's were going well until Hogan's goat arrived and said, "Alternative facts are aversion of the truth."

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 11:28 am

Hogan's talking goat was quite the attraction to ALL the civic "doin's" that went on around
Calhoun County. Hogan was unpredictable, as to when and where he'd show up, but if he
did, the goat was there. The goat could also deal cards, which was always a crowd pleaser,
and played well into the Gambling Association's various promotions around the county. Funny
thing about both these talents, was that Hogan did not train the goat. The goat just did these
things naturally, since a kid. Hogan, a man whose looks were none too inviting, had a daughter
with Grunda Fulpants, a woman with enormous and attractive ankles, but was otherwise not very
good looking. As a result, things did not go well, and their progeny was hardly distinguishable
from Hogan's goat. The poor child had a beard to rival Abe Lincoln's by the age of six and generally
smelled bad too. But the girl could cook, and sell the hell out of mushrooms down at the stand
along the Fecklersburg highway. As most will remember, Grunda organized the Uvula League,
whose primary purpose was to promote proper pronunciation of the letter "I" in public speaking.
They played a big part in both the pre AND post-race festivities around the Chugwater Regatta,
even after the big scandal.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 11:37 am

Problem being that everything about Hogan's Goat was FUBAR.

Rich Bingham · Post by **Rich Bingham** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 3:38 pm

Herb, funny you should ask about the origin of the name "Chugwater". Actually, it's all true. First off, there's a buffalo jump nearby on Chug Springs. The Kiowa, Arapaho and Cheyenne who variously roamed the area first coined the word "chug" to mean the sound the buffalo made when driven off the chalk cliff. Later on,when a saloon was built there on the site of a camping spot frequented by the military traveling the Fort Russel - Fort Laramie trail, it was customary to "chug water" after downing a shot of Happy Sally. And yes, eventually there was a Mexican restaurant/cantina in town called "El Sapo Verde" which became very popular. Locals made it a custom to hold large, rowdy birthday parties there. Everyone in the place would sing "Sapo verde tu you!" at the top of their lungs to celebrate a birthday.

It was an unfortunate misunderstanding when Hogan's Goat went all-in at a poker game in the back room of "El Sapo Verde", losing to the restaurant's owner, Reynaldo Metiche. Hogan spent days looking for his goat, stopping there to eat lunch, all the while praising the excellent "birria" and "tacos de lengua" Reynaldo was serving up. I guess it was poetic justice that a talking goat would end up in a taco dish. Things might have been different had Metiche lost the poker hand to Hogan's goat. Goats may eat tin cans, but I don't believe they're carnivorous.

(?) Maybe I should check my facts with Heinrich.

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 6:51 pm

They must be caniverous

Herb Iffrig · Post by **Herb Iffrig** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 7:21 pm

This one is called "Taking the kids for a ride"

Do we know who it is?

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 7:24 pm

Herb Iffrig wrote: ↑
Thu Feb 07, 2019 6:51 pm
They must be caniverous

CAN't argue that. Just kidding...

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 7:34 pm

I don't remember the name of the guy in the picture, but he made quite a name for himself. He was employed at a large shipyard and everyday when he left he pushed a wheelbarrow load of sawdust. Gate Security went through the sawdust every day checking for contraband, but it was only sawdust he was taking. I don't know what he did with all that sawdust, but he was always at the flea market on the weekends selling wheelbarrows. I tried to explain this to Hogan, but his goat kept butting in.

Post by **Dallas Landers** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 7:47 pm

Rich, I guess we know what got Hogans goat. By the way the goat was named William aka Billy the Kid in his younger days. Ewe can take it for what its worth but I woulnt bet any doe on it. Sometimes history gets rammed through.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Thu Feb 07, 2019 9:35 pm

When asked how he liked the CANtelope the goat replied, "Not baaaaaaaad." HOgan always said if you cantelope you gotta get married. "Naaaaaaaaaaah", the goat seemed to disagree. It was embarrassing when they went they were invited to Aunt Mildred's for dinner. Hogan asked her young son what they were having for dinner and he replied, "Goat, MaMa told her friend Emma we were having the old goat for dinner." The goat went over to the mantle and started eating the clock. It was a time consuming meal.

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Fri Feb 08, 2019 5:43 am

Hogan was quite ahead of his time. Once he picked up a book on anti-gravity and he couldn't put it down.

More on his goat:

hogan's goat

The most effed up thing known to man (often said by older people) Something that is so screwed up it is not even understandable.
Wow, Jim and Tom really blew that presentation.

Yah they were all effed up like hogan's goat!
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define. ... 27s%20goat

hogan's goat

In 1855 a European goat farmer by the name of Hoek Hogan raised a particularly disgusting goat. This goat quickly became famous for being the most horrific smelling and ugly creature to wander the fields. It is legend that his scent could be detected from over a kilometer away (.6217 miles).

To compare something to hogan's goat is considered a great insult.
"Timmy hasn't bathed in a week. He smells like Hogan's goat"
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define. ... 27s%20goat

So Hogan and is goat became synonymous for something totally FUBAR. I haven't heard the expression in years, but I knew some elderly gentlemen who used it often back in the day.

Post by **Rich Eagle** » Fri Feb 08, 2019 7:35 am

I'm glad you could clear the on that Tom.
I thought perhaps Herb's photo was the barrow gang.
Herb asked about Auto-Polo. This might be KD's venture into it.

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Fri Feb 08, 2019 10:49 am

Apparently, we have overlapping historical mythology going on here. Hoek Hogan
was the Dutch guy and fellow gay wrestler during Chunk Norris' time in the business.
The Calhoun County Hogan was also Dutch, but his full name was Fulk Ulysses Hogan.
Fulk came to the area after traveling the Silk Road across Asia in (what else ?), the
Model TT flatbed he bought in Peking. It was on this trip that he picked up both the
goat AND a camel, and the legendary fungi that started the roadside mushroom boom
across the entire tri-state area. His association with KD on the franchising of these
stands is well known in all-knowing circles.

Fulk's daughter was named Wutda Fulk Hogan. The camel's name was Irving.

Kaiser · Post by **Kaiser** » Fri Feb 08, 2019 12:16 pm

I believe this is Fulk Hogan on the left with his associate KD, with the TT he purloined in Peking (hence the pagoda style roof, a design feature later unlawfully claimed by Mercedes-Benz)
A goat and a camel would fit comfortably in the car, while providing the nessecary heat while traveling the steppes of Outer Mongolia

Post by **Tom Hicks** » Fri Feb 08, 2019 8:27 pm

From the picture it looks like they ran into some trouble in the far East. But it looks more like damage by Japanese warriors who would cut off legs. I had a a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Samurais it for you if you want.

And the creature on the guys shoulder sure doesn't look like a Panda.

Are you certain it was Peking?

Raoul von S. · Post by **Raoul von S.** » Fri Feb 08, 2019 9:28 pm

Records show the order was placed with Finklestein's Finer Ford Leasing and Sales, on Wombat
street, in Upper Pispacataquautimawken, for delivery in Peking. Fulk then traveled by prairie
schooner to the coast, catching a pre-arranged job upon the skiff that would take him to China.
The TT was waiting for him there. A quick operations and maintenance walk through with dealer
staff, and Fulk was heading west for Europe.

While in Tibet, Fulk met a man, claiming to be Kalamity Dick, who had taken up in a monestary,
posing as a monk. But the doppleganger's cover was blown when he revealed his distillery for home
made Happy Sally. The imposter then confided the contact for the real Kalamity, which began the
association over the mushroom stands. I believe Rich still retains family photos of Fulk's TT, as it
was modified to cross the Atlantic to get back home.